Soon after I started drinking off the keg straight from the tap, terrible things started happening all around. Right next to me a huge reptile was gnawing on a woman's neck, the forest floor was a blood soaked sponge - impossible to walk on it, no footing at all. "Get the crampons, Mike," I whispered. "Otherwise, we'll never get out of here alive. You notice those lizards don't have any trouble moving around in this muck - that's because they have claws on their feet."
Mike paused, listening for an instant, then suddenly began running toward the car. "You cocksuckers!" he screamed over his shoulder. "We'll be back!"
By the time we got the Camry back on the highway he was able to talk. "Jesus Christ! How did we get mixed up with that gang of psychotic bigots? Let's get the fuck out of this canyon. Those scumbags were trying to kill us!"