Bad First Dates

[RuMR]

And you never have to open a car door for them... might have to lift to get them over the stile, though.

 

now my effing back is just killin' me!

[Dru]

baaa'd first date

[specialed]

And they don't know how to use answering machines.

[Thinker]

Here's something I wrote a few years back (1/2001) for a climbers' email listserve I subscribe to. The "first date" referenced was bad for the next day's trip, but VERY good in other ways...

 

And since this IS a climbers' bb it involves a climb...one with one of my favoite alpine climbing mentors....the names have been shortened to protect the guilty.

 

******************

 

It all started at Stone Gardens last Wednesday night where the insatiable P was looking for some fodder to sacrifice to the rock and ice gods on the weekend. The talk of the Tatoosh Range and it’s highest point, Unicorn Peak, soon had me whipped up into a fervor that I couldn’t resist. We agreed to meet at 7:00 am at P’s, there was talk of G and C coming along, but as it turned out, they were savvy enough to feign sickness and slept in. D and S stepped in to fill the gap.

 

9:30 am arrival at Mt. Rainier Nat’l Park, the ranger at the gate said the gate at Longmire should be opening around 11:00, so much for an early start from the parking lot. Lounging in the café at Longmire had it’s benefits, though. It allowed P to catch up with about 10 people at 4 different tables that he hadn’t seen in years, the biscuits and gravy weren’t bad either.

 

10:30 a mass exodus from the café indicated to us that the gate had opened and the race was on. S’s AWD minivan was a champ on the slick roads, passing all sorts of Scandinavian autos along the way. At the Narada Falls parking lot we donned our gear and set off up the BIG hill. I’ll have to admit, I was dragging a bit the last hour.....at first I thought it was just a result of eating and relaxing a bit too much over the holidays, but it soon dawned on me that it was a bit more than that.....memories the previous night’s date kept coming back to me.....the dinner date that turned into a marathon.....how DID I end up in the Little Red Hen at last call, downing shots of tequila and two-stepping with that gal on a first date?!?!? I was certainly glad that we opted for Castle Peak instead of Unicorn, thus shortening the approach and the pain of operating on 3 hours of sleep significantly.

 

Anyway, we all reached the saddle near Castle Peak and joined the powder party there, at least 6 inches of fresh powder, and more kept falling all day. D and S shed their skins and disappeared over the edge of the ridge. I sat for awhile taking in the view, apricot bars, and the hoots and hollers of the skiers.

 

A little while later P and I started the traverse over to Castle Peak, not entirely certain it was possible to climb. After a little kick stepping we were at the base of a nice near-vertical pitch of snow and ice covered rock, few things have looked more appealing in my life. P made short work of the 50 or 60 feet of scrambling, dropped me a skinny little rope for a belay, and soon we were near the top. The only thing between the summit and us was about 100 feet of a snow-covered, knife-edged ridge with a few tiny dead trees. We opted to go for it.

 

Now normally I enjoy a little exposure on a nice summer day when my rock shoes stick like glue to volcanic rock and my fingers aren’t numb with cold. Those snow covered holds, icy gloves, uncertain footing, and abysmal drops gave me an adrenaline rush greater than I’ve had in quite awhile (unless you count the date the night before, but that’s another story). I’m still not sure there was really rock underneath the snow we were stepping on. A quick handshake on the summit, a couple of howls to our friends, back across the ridge, a short rap, and the slog through near whiteout conditions back to the saddle to rejoin the powder junkies.

 

D and S appeared shortly out of the fog and declared they were finished for the day. We made it back to the parking lot without headlamps (barely) and headed off to Seattle to the sounds of D chanting “POW-POW, POW-POW”.

 

I’m also pleased to report that P’s knee doesn’t seem to be slowing him down any, nor has it dampened his cavalier spirit, so don’t hesitate to drag him out and wear him down some.

 

Also, for a little inspiration, I’ll include a quote someone forwarded to me recently. I’ve got no idea who uttered it, but I like it:

 

"Relationships are harder to deal with than climbing;

you can't just slam a bolt in their forehead and

bail."

 

I prefer the imagery of an ice axe instead of a bolt, but that's just me.

[olyclimber]

So was "P" a sheep? Was he a German Mutton Merino or a Barbados Blackbelly?

[Kraken]

Not a date, but actually this happened this last 4th of July weekend.

 

I flew down from AK on Friday at 5 AM. Went to my lake property that evening after catching up on sleep. Picked up my friend and her friend at the ferry and drove to the lake.

 

We all got drunk that night, me and my friends and the girls. I ended up sleeping with the girl that night. It was SO loud, literally headboard banging against the wall, screaming sex, I thought the cops were going to come.

 

Sounds great right?

 

Next night she turned nuts and her ex boyfriend starts calling my cabin. Next thing I know she drank ALL my alcohol, not sharing with friends or me even. Then she gets toasted, pukes in my car. Still remains psycho. I kept the snake in the cage the rest of the weekend.

 

Bitch!

 

Sounds like you were shagging a bear. But, then, it is Alaska after all....

 

no it was really good sex and she was really hot, just didn't find out until later on that she was one of those quiet nutjobs.

 

You do have to watch out for those Alaskan bears though, there's plenty of them

[Kraken]

...and this was in Washington, not Alaska...not that it matters.

[sk]

i refuse to read this thred. you all are scaring me *crys*

[snoboy]

You're going to lose your "TUFFGIRL" status...

[Dechristo]

If you want to avoid the "Bad First Date" syndrome, sidle-up to the prospective date with a faint smile and the subtle and smooth delivery of this line:

 

"I want to shinny up your legs like a native boy lookin' for coconuts."

[E-rock]

Just admit that you broke it on purpose so your victims, I mean "dates," can't escape.

 

When your car stinks as much like ass as mine does, you need every edge you can muster.

[tomtom]

If you want to avoid the "Bad First Date" syndrome, sidle-up to the prospective date with a faint smile and the subtle and smooth delivery of this line:

 

"I want to shinny up your legs like a native boy lookin' for coconuts."

 

And what if you find them?

[archenemy]

If you want to avoid the "Bad First Date" syndrome, sidle-up to the prospective date with a faint smile and the subtle and smooth delivery of this line:

 

"I want to shinny up your legs like a native boy lookin' for coconuts."

 

And what if you find them?

 

I get the milk from them.

[Dechristo]

If you want to avoid the "Bad First Date" syndrome, sidle-up to the prospective date with a faint smile and the subtle and smooth delivery of this line:

 

"I want to shinny up your legs like a native boy lookin' for coconuts."

 

And what if you find them?

 

I get the milk from them.

"You put da lime in da coconut and drink it all up..."

[Off_White]

Okay Dechristo, I'm going to have to revise your age estimate up a decade due to that little musical nugget.

[Dechristo]

Yeah... I'm really eighteen and a half years old.

[sobo]

And Dru's age estimate gets bumped at least 30 years for this little ditty over here at the bottom of the page.

[Dru]

I was quoting the Bill Laswell/Bootsy Collins cover.

[Mr._Natural]

Okay Dechristo, I'm going to have to revise your age estimate up a decade due to that little musical nugget.

 

that tune was featured in Resevoir Dogs, which is every male twenty somethings' second favorite movie.

[Dechristo]

I was quoting the Bill Laswell/Bootsy Collins cover.

Thought you got it from the Ethel Merman cover of the Axis: Bold As Love album.

[sobo]

I was quoting the Bill Laswell/Bootsy Collins cover.

Thought you got it from the Ethel Merman cover of the Axis: Bold As Love album.

 

Yah, that's what I thought, too. But I was thinking that Edith Piaf did that cover.

[Off_White]

Okay Dechristo, I'm going to have to revise your age estimate up a decade due to that little musical nugget.

 

that tune was featured in Resevoir Dogs, which is every male twenty somethings' second favorite movie.

 

Guess that bumps up my age estimate more than a few decades, I liked the movie but can't remember shit.

[Dechristo]

...that tune was featured in Resevoir Dogs

...I liked the movie but can't remember shit.

Oldtimers Disease settlin' in.

[selkirk]

nah, it's just the ADD that goes with being a climber.

[Off_White]

Post of the day!