While on the topic of  RUDEness, this thread could easily go a couple of directions: 
  
 RUDE:  
  
You're so fat: 
  
1) They push you through the Eisenhower Tunnel to clean it. 
2) You have an endorsement contract for lamp oil. 
3) You're lover shows you a flower and then fucks the wet spot. 
  
Or... 
  
Some rude acts are: 
  
1) Fart loudly in a public setting then blame vociferously and with feigned disgust the person standing next to you. 
2) Make loud gagging and wretching noises in a restaurant. 
3) Run into a crowded public Men's Room (such as in a movie theater) fighting your way to the urinal while struggling with your zipper and vocalizing despair that you're about to piss your pants.  As you elbow your way to gain access to a urinal, your stream begins, prematurely, with force arching across the floor to concentrate for a moment on a sandaled foot. 
4) Wet a finger deep in your ass-crack then wipe it on the upper lip of any handy stooge.