assmonkey

That's fucking killer. I'm going to make my mom join the Army. - a s s m * n k e y

http://entertainment.tv.yahoo.com//entnews/wwn/20040413/108186840004.html Tuesday April 13, 2004 A woman who yearned to have a bottom as luscious and rounded as the rear end of pop star Jennifer Lopez has found her dreams blasted to smithereens -- after her butt implants exploded! Candy Jones- Davies, 22, vows to sue the hospital where surgeons allegedly pumped the implants so full of curve-creating air, they both blew sky-high -- right on the operating table. And she says a surgical nurse has agreed to testify in her attempt to collect $17.5 million for medical expenses, lost future wages and emotional pain and suffering. "She told me they had just put in the implants, when one of the surgeons -- she's not sure which one, but she knows what he said -- started saying, 'Well, if she wants J.Lo's butt, let's give it to her.' And they pumped more air into the implants. Then another one said, 'Come on, that's nothing, let's go for it.' And they just kept pushing the limit until it all just exploded." Jones-Davies, a receptionist from Pretoria, South Africa, says that before the butt blast, she was on the verge of signing a modeling contract with the talent agency where she works. "They told me if I got butt implants to look like J.Lo, I could be one of their top girls," she says. Instead, Jones-Davies not only suffered second- and third-degree burns to both cheeks, but because of tissue loss her behind is even smaller and flatter than before the surgery. "I'm flat as a board," says Jones-Davies. "No one's going to sign a fashion model who looks like an 80-year-old man from the back. "I'm lucky to have a job at all -- I can't sit for more than 20 minutes at a time before my backside gets numb and I get stabbing pains down my legs. I'm just lucky they let me take a lot of breaks at work, or this ugly can would be getting me canned." A hospital spokeswoman says Davies-Jones' doctors were using a new inflatable implant that adjusts to a custom-fitted size. She says the hospital may file a defective- product complaint against the manufacturer. She adds that Jones-Davies "must also bear some responsibility" for the fanny fiasco. "She told our doctors at the initial consultation that she wanted to 'out-J.Lo J.Lo' -- her exact words, I'm told," says the spokeswoman. "And with all due respect, she had a long way to go to even begin to have the firm, well-rounded proportions of Miss Lopez. If our doctors failed, it was in trying too hard to serve their patient. "And," she adds, "our surgeons' quick response actually minimized the damage to Miss Jones-Davies, who would have no bottom at all if not for their knowledge and skill." Davies-Jones angrily rejects that claim. "I might have said something like that, but they are doctors, and they should know how far to go before it gets dangerous," she says. "And I didn't think they'd pump me up so much I'd pop like a balloon at a kid's birthday party." - a s s m n k e y

"We'll bet that most folks are blissfully unaware that the new Denver, Colorado airport is part of a New World Order Masonic-sponsored Concentration Camp!" http://www.masonicinfo.com/denver.htm And http://www.anomalies-unlimited.com/Denver_Airport.html Discuss. - a s s m n k e y

Seattle Fabrics. They can special order too. http://www.seattlefabrics.com/ - a s s m * n k e y

This is my favorite fucking bumper sticker OF ALL TIME: It fucking CRACKS MY ASS UP EVERY GODDAMN TIME I SEE IT. BWAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! MAGIC IS A FOOT.

This one is pretty easy to explain: Aliens with remote giant wave making machines. They aliens are still pissed about Princess Diana. - a s s m n k e y

Lance is a crazy animal. That's the coolest shit on the news today. - a s s m n k e y

V2, tops. Big fucking deal. - a s s m n k e y

Ok, wow, HOLY CRAP! Kudos to all. It's this kind of thing that's going to make the PNW a destination living area for adrenaline junkies (yeah, yeah, it already is, but still). You guys have produced a high-quality magazine. I would pay money to receive a print version. I urge you to consider doing a high-quality print version ($30, $45 a copy? I bet people would be willing to pay it: I would). The Harder article alone is worth that. Thanks guys! - a s s m * n k e y

I'd pay $5 to see pictures of him nailing Jane Fonda. - a s s m n k e y

Mr. Monkey? Is my dad here? No, just typing one-handed while I eat my lunch. Back to the grind now..... wt! wt! - a s s m * n k e y

You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. I'll get you a toe by this afternoon--with nail polish. - a s s m * n k e y

The wife and I made a movie this weekend. - a s s m n k e y

Bjork?

Or

Tori fucking Anus?

You suck. Hey, whoa, WHOA! Let's not make this all personal and shit. I mean this is the Internet, we have standards to adhere too. I don't want to bring this website down several notches and resort to name calling. Let's keep this civil and stick to the issues of contention here. Regardless of the fact that she is from Sweden, or whatever, Bjork sucks ass. She's only surpassed in horrible girl music suckiness by Tori fuckin' Anus. And if you disagree with me, you are liberal moonbat chick music lovin' fucktard shitpantses. - a s s m n k e y

I'm like fat and shit. - a s s m n k e y

I thought this thread was going to be about "Fingers of Steel." - a s s m * n k e y

Stinky ass mother-fuckers. - a s s m * n k e y

Bjork sucks. - a s s m n k e y

I bought a used road bike last week. My roadie buddy shows up to school me for a ride ("Yah, sure, I'll go, if'n you don't mind my fat geriatric ass slowing you down"). He arrives in tight black spandex shorts. I'm like, OK, that's cool, I can do that. I change out of my pIz mt. bike shorts into my long-shelved 8-panel spandex bike shorts. 45 minutes later we're at the top of Queene Anne at the busy intersection by the Starbucks, going through the four way stop. Group of kids in an SUV looks at us. One of them points at us and yells at the top of his lungs: "SNAAAAAKE!" I thought it was fucking hilarious. My buddy pretended like he didn't hear anything. I wore my baggie shorts the next night. - a s s m n k e y

Thought this might be of interest to folks on this board, especially in light of the WCC kick-off meeting tomorrow. Came across the "FrenchmanCouleeClimbers" Yahoo! group. BTW, if this is duplicate info, let me know and I will remove the post. I checked, and didn't see other related posts. - a s s m * n k e y

I'm tired of fenderfour getting all the , I want one too. - a s s m * n k e y

I just dropped lunch. Been eating a lot of pasta lately (and a sixer last night), so it was a little thin. There was a sense of urgency as I entered the head, so the sense of relief that followed added to the overall pleasure of the experience. I give today's BM 7/10 asses: - a s s m * n k e y