ivan

thank christ you finally wrote dis pat, so i don't have to do any goddamn work but insert my own inane observations and photo-phucks having probably only a third of the total years of our more esteemed northern team, josh and i of course completed fewer peaks - actually i was the official summiteer for the team, doing what peaks we did while he worked the soul-stealing box - we did spire peak, old guard and la cunt and woulda done formidable if it wasn't for us running out of nearly every-high-powered substance known to civilized man that had been keeping us propped up and away from writing coquetish insanities into our matching pink little pony diaries - when the shit hit the fan, we went from yank-my-yang lakes all the way to seattle on the last day - i chainsmoked broncos, whatever the hell they were, the whole way home i'd like to thank my sponsors for the mega-transect, little debbie and high times magazine, for their substantial contributions to the health and well-being of the "athlete-warrior-poets" involved our highlights were: - the mother-teresa humping snaffle-phuck that ate my trekking pole straps at spire col -pile driving my unhelmeted skull into a rock horn just below the summit of old guard, leaving a half inch of blood, hair and flesh on the stone and sending blood coarsing down my face while finishing the last few feet up (i especially like how, upon reaching civilization a while later, this scaberous wound combined w/ my seared red flesh, stank clothes and gibberous nature to render me indistinguishable from the ubiqitious homo redneckus methaddictus typical in the greater marblemount-me area) - bald eagle flying around the buttress just south of white cock lakes -navy jets roaring through the mountains just off the deck, including 200 feet over our camp near la cunt pass -crushing b52 sized flies and feeding them to the ants -smoking damn near 3 packs by the time we finally escaped downey and bastard creeks -rapping off of red ledges down to kool-aid lakes -frozen lake battleship ball -and finally, olympic women's beach-volleyball, for providing me with plenty of material to keep me feeling "anxious" all trip as good as the bastard creek trail gets - 22 after 4 on just another typical monday impending weather tuesday night at spire col me in the gloaming of tuesday night wind-wracked glacier peak by the penultimate waxing of the moon looking down on josh from near spire pt summit, northern part of the traverse (white-cock) off in the distance so much to shoot, so little time some friendly ants helping my kills crawl into their justly-fresh graves the marmots are fucking evolving out there folks - this one laid bare the basic tenets of national-socialism for me while opening my beer w/ his plenty opposable thumb tvash and don bow down before the alter we consecrated around our final cigarette where they dumped all the 'cid left over after woodstock slog'n'past the south-cascade glacier - note the mp3 which is no doubt playing morphine's "rope on fire" for one of the 733 or so times i listened to it this trip tvash-inspired time-wasting above la cunt - lichen on quartz? downclimbing the margins of the middle cascade glacier the rotten-ass snowslabs of the redledges

joshk went the whole time w/o an axe, despite having one on his back, which made my nervous as phuck on several occasions

jesus vs gandhi?

aww! how cute, you brought yer girlfriend

Pink soloing little wing back in the day! also, from the appearance of his hands'n'hair, his total coke-whore dayz too

there's no permit to do the pt - doing it in nice weather is preferred of course (though storms produce much kewler pix) so ya, august is pretty much a good month to go - josh and i enjoyed going against the flow, s to n, so we got to expereince the whole cross section of ptarmigan-types, from uberlight-johhny-speed-racers to gregory-denali-girlfriend-toting-phat-phucks - we encountered almost 20 folks in 5 days

fuck that traverse

"mount them! and make incisions in their hides that their hot blood might spin in english eyes!"

dude, didn't you, like, learn that in high school and stuff?

i would imagine for a very small number of celerious mutants

exactly what I was thinkin' it's kinda hard to take bad pix on this traverse

naw, weren't my arrows, but those seem to show up every few years anyhow - better than that arrow that got scratched into the rock a few years back (can't remember where it was now though?)

to be truly the best of tr's, you must first master the fine art of balancing blatant crassness w/ hyperbolic horseshit either that or take some decent fucking pictures shots of chicks doing handstands on the summit is another certain path to sucess

nice! both the mtn and route sure look different now that all these summer months have passed!

dude, i thought seagal just knew how to kick asses, not write w/ such profound deep-thinking-insides-wordy-stuff

forgot to mention the apache helicopter that flew over w/ a blackhawk 'round noon - looked to be fully loaded w/ a vast array of death-dealing devices too! guess some muthafuka in washougal aint' down w/ the program?

Trip: Der Beacon-wand - - Shotguns n' Shenanigans Date: 8/8/2008 Trip Report: took a former student out for his first multi-pitch climb 2day - very proud of him - he did the se corner to the land o'the'li'l'people, all the raps down, that tr thang next to jills thrill, plus the 1st pitch of dod's jam - shouldn't have pushed him to do cruising at the end of the day (why not throw face, crack and slab routes at him all in one day, i thought, on this his 2nd time climbing outdoors? )- ended up running up the corner alone at the end of the day to retrieve a lost nalgene - we raced to see who could get to the top first after i finished the slab pitch Gear Notes: the usual Approach Notes: the second moon

nice - so you're doing the corner sans rope now too? i assume you're wife's being left out on the loop? on that last uprising pitch, just below where there's that boulder slung w/ the purple tat - goddamn that's a grungy pitch soloing sIcKnEsS sorry to jack yer thread ken

took my former student levi out for his first multi-pitch experience - did the corner to land of the little people, rapped down, top roped that climb to the left of jill's thrill, then took him up dod's jam's first pitch, then made the mistake of trying to get him up cruising - he couldn't do it, so i lowered off to clean the pitch, then soloed up the rest of the corner to retrieve me nalgene i left at the ledge - finished off on uprising, which is looking pretty direct on it's upper pitch now - almost aced meself cleaning a dead tree when it started to pitch off a big block think i even got some pictures of me soloing

jesus! all these recent accidents are making our sport look unsafe, eh? condolences to those of you who knew her sounds like they were unroped when the fall happened? reckon it was on the lower part of the climb then?

fucking holden-area and the goddamn lutheran flies n' mozzies!!!

mike, if you'd seen him on the hill, you definetly shoulda asked him if he summited

shoulda mentioned ken i'm doing hte ptarmigan traverse till next friday - oughta be available the following monday or so though and would really like to do a long beacon aid/hard-free climb - i don't recall, do you have a portaledge?

moof - know you're an aid freak - dude, you gotta go do ground zero now that i've cleaned it (see my tr)! i won't be back till next weekend though

nice! but not the hair!!! hey, are you close to beacon now or what? was thinking of you 2day as i spent hte day at the big b