Carrying weapons in the woods

[billcoe]

Are any of you folks hiking around in the woods carrying a weapon after being stalked by a Mountain Lion or a bear?

 

Or just carrying them preemptively in case you might be?

[olyclimber]

I carry a tazer.

[shortstow]

depends on what I am doing, where I am going, and how long I am doing it.

Edited November 27, 2007 by shortstow

[tvashtarkatena]

The only thing I've been stalked by is a porcupine.

 

I now carry fewer hallucinogens.

[Dechristo]

Why?

 

Was its speech particularly offensive?

[TREETOAD]

I am sure I have been stalked by mushrooms, and once a slug followed me all day

[ketch]

I rarely carry weapons. But, I have discovered that I was being stalked by a mountain lion on two differant occasions, both of which I was solo and a long way from anywhere. I decided to carry my ice axe in hand all the way to the trail head.

[Hugh Conway]

I carry a trouser snake.

[kevbone]

I never have carried a weapon, but would not be opposed to it when going on overnight hikes in the bush.

[ken4ord]

If you are really that scared that you contemplate bringing a weapon into the woods, then you should stay at home where it is safe where there is little risk that you will encounter a mountain lion or bear.

[Dechristo]

sporto

[olyclimber]

what is this dark sarcasm in the classroom

[olyclimber]

dude

[pink]

 

i always carry one of these and i never get stalked.

[ivan]

can you think of a terrestrial predator that would dare fuck w/ my taun-taun?

[Dechristo]

what is this dark sarcasm in the classroom

 

The question at hand specified "the woods", not "The Wall", you bucket of monkey spunk.

[Dechristo]

can you think of a terrestrial predator that would dare fuck w/ my taun-taun?

[rmncwrtr]

I carry a tazer.

 

Be careful with that thing, Porter!

 

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket taser for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt pocket/purse- sized taser.

 

The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on an assailant. The idea is to allow my wife -- who would never consider a gun --adequa te time to retreat to safety. WAY TOO COOL!!

 

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded in two triple-a batteries and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed.

 

But then I read (yes, 'read') that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs and I'd know it was working.

 

Awesome!!! (Actually, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave).

 

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

 

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

 

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

 

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

 

So, I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "don't do it," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it.

 

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%!@*!!!

 

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, and body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. You should know, if you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, that there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.

 

SON-OF-A-... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected what little wits I had left, sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novo cain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

 

I'm still looking for my testicles!! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.

 

Still in shock, Earl

 

 

[Fairweather]

The gun isn't for bears or cats, it's for the trail head prowler yahoo - who, likely, also has a gun.

Edited November 27, 2007 by Fairweather

[Dechristo]

 

 

I'm still looking for my testicles!!

 

 

They'll be found wedged alongside the chair's seat cushion and mistaken for a couple of old, damaged, malted milk balls.

[ivan]

can you think of a terrestrial predator that would dare fuck w/ my taun-taun?

ah yes, me and me tauntaun have always had a soft-spot for coke-heads-in-2-pieces...

 

ah, return of the jedi princess - when i knew puberty was finally settling in!

[builder206]

I am armed almost all the time, in or out of the woods. Something that might need killing can pop up anywhere.

[G-spotter]

"This knife isn't for the four legged animals - it's for the two legged ones." - Troy Hurtubuise.

[bstach]

"This knife isn't for the four legged animals - it's for the two legged ones." - Troy Hurtubuise.

 

I thought of the exact same quote when i read this thread...Project Grizzly is the funniest documentary ever.

[mtn_mouse]

I am armed almost all the time, in or out of the woods. Something that might need killing can pop up anywhere.

 

As an upstanding member of the rodent population, I think I speak for all that less guns results in less plinking, thus healthier rodent populations.