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Best practical jokes????

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A few years ago I attended a meeting in our office in which my running partner (an attorney) was noticeably absent. When asked where he was, I was told he was 'out sick'. Remembering that we had just ran the day before I expressed consternation that he was ill. Someone else piped up and said he wouldn't be running for a while 'cause he was getting a vasectomy (he already had 5 kids).

 

I went back to my office after the meeting and wrote a fake medical study titled "HEALTH RISKS OF VASECTOMY IN SEXUALLY ACTIVE MEN: A 30-YEAR CLINICAL, POPULATION-BASED STUDY", photocopied it a few times on New England Journal of Medicine masthead to give it a weathered appearance and left it on his desk with a note saying I had heard he underwent 'the cure' and thought he might be interested in this article I came across while doing some research. I never mentioned it again myself.

 

One of the other attorneys in on the joke went up to "Joe" and said, "Hey, did you read that study Rob found? I was thinking of having a vasectomy but some of those complications sound scary." Joe brushed it off but the seed was planted. By the end of the day the suspense was killing him and he called his urologist who had never heard of the study and asked Joe to fax him a copy. Joe got a call back from his doctor who let him know he had been had.

 

The 'study' was later published--at the recommendation of Joe's doctor--in The Journal of Irreproducible Results (a now-defunct publication).

 

Let me know if you'd like to see a copy.

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OK I will start. It is not climbing related but here goes.

My little brother (23) was using the garbage disposal and he dropped a spoon down while loading it. I was standing next to him and had just loaded up a blender on the counter with cocktail fixins. As he stuck his hand into it to retrieve the spoon I fired up the blender, never saw that boy move so fast in my life.

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Damn, rbw. . . I was thinking replies to this would be quick little jokes, like rolling up a chocolate PowerBar into a turd shape and leaving it somewhere. Props for the hard work and time involved bigdrink.gif

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Well, since you mentioned turd. . .

 

Another time, one of our managing partners, a grumpy old bastard, came up to me super pissed and still in his running clothes drenched in sweat. He asked me if I had brought my dog into the office over the weekend to which I replied no, I had not. He stormed off leaving me wondering why the hell he asked me that.

 

Well, it turns out that there was dogshit in the mens shower.

 

He called our buildings security and asked for the security log for the weekend to determine who had brought the offending canine into the building. In the meantime, curiously I peered into the shower and there it was: a glistening pile of dog shit.

 

Made out of plastic. The clever jokester who had left it there had sprinkled water on it to make it more 'life-like'.

 

God that was funny.

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In the interest of increasing general misery, in middle school I put an open carton of chocolate milk in an empty locker and threw a combo lock on the locker. Week 3 was a rough one...

 

The same trick can be done by shredding an apple into the grating on the locker. The fly population is a sight to behold!

 

Ah, youth!

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One of my favorites is when a passenger falls asleep in the car, to drive towards the shoulder and hit wake-up bumps and scream out loud. It usually wakes them pretty damn quick, just make sure you know how to perform CPR.

 

On the old adjustable bic lighters we use to pop the metal tab off and crank the fuel way up so that the flame is about foot high. Then place the tab back in place. When they light it usually scares the shit out of them or burns their hair.

 

Another good one is to make the gas igniting sound (whooooffff!) when some one is trying to light the stove.

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When the driver is doing some tight manuevering near obstacles, you can slam your arm into the door to make a loud thunk.

 

 

Back in high school I worked at this restaurant. The guys in the restaraunt next door liked to taunt my buddy the dishwasher. They lured him out into the back alley with a promise of food or something, and enlisted the bread delivery guy to lock the door behind my friend once he was out the door. Then the next door guys pelted him mercilessly with eggs, and he couldn't get away.

 

So anyway, he was beaten and depressed, and wanted to go home, but I convinced him we needed to get even by starting to fill up this huge chowder pot. When more choice ingredients kept going in: greasy chowder, old food from the bus tubs, assorted veggies, tabasco, etc.., my buddy brightened up.

 

We climbed up on the roof, and were going to wait until someone came out the back door. This gas-station attendant nearby saw us and must have figured out what we were planning (he probably witnessed the egg pelting) and started throwing rocks at the back door. Sure enough, someone came out to see what the racket was and we doused him. The first wave splashed in front of him, but the next covered him. Apparently when he went home to change he found a tomato in his underwear.

 

Ah...high school.

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At party - fill empty beer bottle with urine and wait till the "beer moocher" puts down his near-empty bottle next to yours and then picks up your full one and takes a swig. evils3d.gif

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Another good one is to make the gas igniting sound (whooooffff!) when some one is trying to light the stove.

 

You did that to me once you focker!

 

the_finger.gif

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At highschool keggars in Montana (drinking age was 18 then)we used to stand at the keg and fill peoples' pitchers so we could check for a stamp. We always picked out one or two groups to pour a bit of 151 into each pitcher. They always got happier and passed out first. That was cool science.

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Back in high school, I had a (second) horn hooked up to produce the sound of a speeding vehicle coming to a screeching halt. It was always great fun to race up to occupied crosswalks and lay on that horn. evils3d.gif

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When I was in middle school, a friend of mine 's brother got a bicycle for Christmas, and my friend was jealous.

He rolled a fresh cat-turd in the litter, hoping his brother would mistake it for an Almond Roca. He didn't.

 

One time in Seattle, I bought an eighth of parsley for $35.

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Excerpt from a TR of climbing the Weaver's Needle in Arizona:

It wasn’t long before I realized that Phil and Rik were some ways behind me. I got lost in the quite air of impending dusk. Occasional birds rustled through the brush and the area took on a distinctly forlorn atmosphere. A bend in the trail appeared through the brush. It was a dry wash crossing. On the uphill side was a garage- sized boulder. Deciding to wait for the others, I climbed up on the boulder to escape the stifling nature of the brush-lined trail. I looked out toward the Superstitions and marvelled at the beauty. Soon I heard voices. Now I’m not normally such a nasty sort, but as those guys approached, I couldn’t help but lie in wait. At the point they dropped into the low part of the bend, I jumped onto the top of the boulder and let out a blood-curdling shriek. Rik immediately froze into a rendition of Meunch’s "The Scream". To this day all I can remember is a blur and what I like to think is a puff of dust as Phil bolted out of the wash and out of site. It took several minutes before I was able to crawl off the boulder. I wiped the tears from my eyes and bushwacked around the boulder and back to the trail. Rik and Phil kept going and it was a while before I caught up with them. After a time it was pretty much agreed that wasn’t too funny. Rik and Phil mostly.

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When I was eight some friends of my Dad's got into a practical joke war. The culmination resulted in one guy putting a half pound of frozen shrimp the each of the hubcaps in other guys car (took him about 3 weeks to figure out where the smell was coming from). The retaliation was two live chickens and six rolls of tiolet paper in the first guy's car (I remember he got a mild concussion when he opened the hatchback to see what the heck was going on inside his car). After that they pretty much called a truce.

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CrazyJZ was once the victim of a practical joke perpitrated my myself and TFM (That Fucking Mallot. He doesn't post here but reads sometimes)

 

TFM and I decided it would be fun to convince CJZ that I had a brain tumor. So on an April fools day at Index I slowly started acting more and more incoherent; while TFM told CJZ in hushed tones that he'd been talking to my parents and that they told him that I had a brain tumor and had about 6 months to live. Ultimately we ended up climbing the regular route at Rattletale wall with me complaining about a masive headache and passing out at the belay while TFM taunted me by yelling, "Quit fucking whining timmy tumor and lead your pitch."

 

This is one of the only times I've seen CJZ shocked and speachless. yellaf.gif

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Inadvertent practical joke...

 

During high school, I worked at my Uncle's office after school. My cousin, who was about 10 years older than me, worked there too as a graphic artist. We had multiple phone lines in the office. It was just me and my cousin in the office so I decided to have some phone fun. I called in on the main line, and when my cousin would answer, I'd do the typical Saturday Night Live "landshark" response. Of course, my cousin would know it's me and hang up. So I dial up again, doing a very bad imitation of some famous guy. He'd hang up. I must've done this about a dozen times, with him answering the phone each time. I mean... he had to - it was a business line and it was during business hours!

 

So... the main line rings right after I get done doing a really bad imitation of Ronald Reagan. I shout over the wall, "THAT'S NOT ME!" to which my cousin replied "YEAH... RIGHT." and proceeds to pick up the phone, listen for a minute, and then suddenly say "OH FUCK OFF, WILL YA?" and slams down the receiver.

 

Just as he was slamming down the receiver, I peer from around the door opening and he sees me. When he sees me he turns ghost white, then starts laughing hysterically. He says, "I just told Booth Gardner to fuck off!" [Note to youngins' and outofstaters... Garder was Governor of WA in the early 80s.]

 

My uncle worked with the Democratic campaigns back then, and it wasn't unimaginable that Booth would be calling for him. About a minute after my cousin hung up, the phone rang again. He wouldn't answer it, and made ME pick it up. As I tried to sound my most professional, a very hesitant voice on the other end asked for my Uncle. Yup... it was Booth Gardner alright. I took a message, hung up, and laughed with my cousin for about 30 minutes straight.

 

We still laugh about it to this day.

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These are hilarious! Keep 'em coming.

 

MisterE, I'm not sure drug scams count as "practical jokes," though they can be funny sometimes. One time my roommate and I were leaving a bar in downtown Minneapolis when a guy comes up to us and asks us if we want to buy some acid. He shows us the "acid," which is a piece of cardboard, the kind that they use for the back covers of spiral-bound notebooks, upon which someone's meticulously drawn dozens of little squares with a ballpoint pen. In each square the artist has drawn a musical note. I tell my roommate "I don't think that's acid," but he's drunk and psyched to score some drugs, so he gives the guy $35. The "dealer" throws in an eighth of pot to seal the deal. Needless to say, the "acid" is just cardboard.

 

But the pot, surprisingly, is pot!

 

The thing that makes me laugh the most is imagining the guy drawing all those little boxes and musical notes on the cardboard, thinking "man, the person who gives me $35 for this is a real sucker!"

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"My room mate" and "my friend" are very useful phrases when discussing times that we have been had. wink.gif

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