ivan

meth

congrats on being alive - life'll still seem awful tedious at times - hope you've gotten good n' drunk a couple of times already!

the details... dead chilluns off deustche

...dont' let your fingers dangle in the water... ...i spent 15 years on a life-raft and now i've got somethign to say!

Climb: Mt Hood-Der Kindermord-Wand Date of Climb: 5/13/2006 Trip Report: recently i've been feeling like a little puss in a skirt since, since i last climbed, sky's like fucking climbed everything and skied it whilst eating a goddamn popsicle - therefore this past day i quietly stacked the corpses of my entire family in the basement like cord wood and slipped off to try to Be Totally Fucking Hardcore as well - unhelpful in this endeavor was the fact that every single potential-partner i contacted was already full-on committed to the process of lubbing-up their randy johnsons for conjugating unholy matrimony w/ their mamas tomorrow. ah well, a sky-aspirant easily morphs to the solo-trip... headed up the north side of hood w/ the hope of not seeing a damn soul - decided i'd tolerate at least one person when i smelled the smoke of a wood fire near the tilly-jane cabin at 2 a.m. - what the hell is it about the smell of a camp fire that makes you just wanna don a goalie-mask and just get intimate w/ your machete? alas i had to continue shivering slowly uphill... knew it was gonna be a warm day but hoped to do a north face route anyhow if only i could, like my hero-role-model, be not a torpid pud-fuck and get to the gullies before sun-up - failed miserably. as the heat began to build decided to just head for the taint-region betwixt the cooper spur and the left gully of the north face - since i've never heard an un-stupid name for this area i've attached my own - if you don't like this you should avail thyself of thy second amendment rights and rid The Clan of your unholy presence For The Common Good. Any WW1 history buff oughta agree this is a fine moniker (hitler too, for that matter) - it's no place for children. if you are one of those sad people who read such reports for actual kernels of information then suppose i oughta share that now - the tj trail is mostly snow covered currently - rock hard ice in the wee hours but horrendous slop in the afternoon. the elliot glacier is still mostly covered, thogh the shrund guarding the n face gullies looks like a big pain in the ass now - who cares? there was tons of shit pouring down it after 8 a.m. today so i was glad i steered left of them. the shrund on the sunshine route also looks now as if it can only be passed on the far right. a fine day in the sun - haven't slept much this past week so decided to catch up at tie-in rock on the way down - discovered my gore-tex in fact is workign when used it as a pillow and woke up to discover a lake of my own salivia quietly undulating to the universal frequency of love i'm out of beer now so i gotta end this weak diatribe - i'll have to try harder next time (did at least manage a standing glissade of The Spur)- i currently feel very unworthy of my most patient master, though in his honor i did have a tall boy of pabst while sitting aroudn the parking lot judging my fellow alpinist's taste in polypro - WEAK! JESUS! uh...hmmm... Gear Notes: lots of goo Approach Notes: The Middle Way

perhaps rob's crime is the total lack of the appropriate emoticons n' exclamation marks interspersed w/ the interogative?!? that said, if dude's name turns out to be dan, or if the entire tour included a canine, i wanna be first in line to call bullshit

there are no birds this year - accordign to jim they've all been abducted by the CIA and fitted w/ special cameras and transcievers up their wazzos, then shipped to the pakistan/afghan border to search for The Big Guy - and if those greenpeace folks have shit to say about it it's just more evidence of How They Hate US For Our Freedom

i don't think there'd be 'nuff room on the boat for the amount of i'd require to fight off the seasickness

like stomping ants though - there will always be more and in the end they will feast on your bones

corvallisclimb - southside enforc'a!

g'damn - makes me wanna actually learn how to fawk'n ski! a complete hood tour and still plenty o'time int he day left for a proper hate-fuck at home...

wow - mikey had himself a nice friendly informative post there - this new girlfriend thing must be taking all the vitrol out of his flame-engine

who gives a shit where your body is when you're dead? i'm thinking let gravity have it's due is plan enough

satin's fir pussies! velvet - now there's a man's fabric...

who doesn't wnat to be the first kid on their block to get a confirmed kill though?

best route on hood for the money/effort - better than the sandy imho a very fun route to solo too as you note - going w/ a partner lets you be a bit more crazy though

dunno - this guy would be better no?

you forgot - "any harm you may or may not suffer from my near continous use of recreational drugs is likewise your own damn problem"

i would think it even more difficult to survive the fuzz who would undoubtedly be hot to destroy you - so jealous they would be at the degree to which yer ballz outweighed their's

yeah bitches!

i've never been to the top of rainier and not felt lie canned shit - but that's the joy of alpine style! sea level to 14000 in 24 hrs is just tough - b-17 pilots musta just hated life

raise yer hand if ye too had a drunken cinco de mayo fueled brawl w/ yer famly last night damn sneaky mexicans - we'd should invade them and steal half their shit...

i'll go 'price's right' style on yer ass and lay my stake to 1 week 1 day

never had to wait to climb sky chimney or white velvet - both excellent moderate trad routes - fact i've only seen 2 or 3 parties ever climb those - a great vantage point to gawk at the horror-fuck-fest in the main area

dude - dru so hates you...