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White people


faster_than_you

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"Being white means to engage in a day in, day out struggle to prove that you are smarter than other white people. By the time they reach college, most white people are confronted with the fact that they may not be as smart as they imagined."

 

 

Of course this does not include the cc.com junkie!

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Jesus Christ Almighty. I'd love to watch the faces of quite a few posters on this site as they work their way through that list.

 

#62. Knowing What's Best for Poor People.

 

"White people spend a lot of time of worrying about poor people. It takes up a pretty significant portion of their day.

 

They feel guilty and sad that poor people shop at Wal*Mart instead of Whole Foods, that they vote Republican instead of Democratic, that they go to Community College/get a job instead of studying art at a University.

 

It is a poorly guarded secret that, deep down, white people believe if given money and education that all poor people would be EXACTLY like them. In fact, the only reason that poor people make the choices they do is because they have not been given the means to make the right choices and care about the right things.

 

A great way to make white people feel good is to tell them about situations where poor people changed how they were doing things because they were given the ‘whiter’ option. “Back in my old town, people used to shop at Wal*Mart and then this non-profit organization came in and set up a special farmers co-op so that we could buy more local produce, and within two weeks the Wal*Mart shut down and we elected our first Democratic representative in 40 years.” White people will first ask which non-profit and are they hiring? After that, they will be filled with euphoria and will invite you to more parties to tell this story to their friends, so that they can feel great.

 

But it is ESSENTIAL that you reassert that poor people do not make decisions based on free will. That news could crush white people and their hope for the future." :lmao:

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Jesus Christ Almighty. I'd love to watch the faces of quite a few posters on this site as they work their way through that list.

 

What, like, you've got a better self deprecating sense of humor than the rest of us? :rolleyes:

 

At least one of you.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I really like one of the recent entries

 

#94 Free Healthcare

 

In spite of having access to the best health insurance and fanciest hospitals, white people are passionate about the idea of socialized medicine. So much so that they have memorized statistics and examples of how for-profit medicine has destroyed the United States.

 

But before you can exploit this information for personal gain, it’s important that you understand why white people are so in love with free health care.

 

The first and most obvious reason is “they have it Europe.” White people love all things European, this especially true of things that are unavailable in the United States (Rare Beers, Absinthe, legal marijuana, prostitution, soccer). The fact that it’s available in Canada isn’t really that impressive, but it does contribute to their willingness to threaten to move there.

 

These desires were only heightened in 2007 when Michael Moore released “Sicko,” a documentary that contrasts the health care industry in the United States with that of Canada, France and Cuba. As a general rule of thumb, white people are always extra passionate about issues that have been the subject of a Moore documentary. As a test, ask them about 9/11, Gun Control, or Health Care and then say “where did you get that information?” You will not be surprised at the results.

 

But the secret reason why all white people love socialized medicine is that they all love the idea of receiving health care without having a full-time job. This would allow them to work as a freelance designer/consultant/copywriter/photographer/blogger, open their own bookstore, stay at home with their kids, or be a part of an Internet start-up without having to worry about a benefits package. Though many of them would never follow this path, they appreciate having the option. [sound familiar?]

 

If you need to impress a white person, merely mention how you got hurt on a recent trip Canada/England/Sweden and though you were a foreigner you received excellent and free health care. They will be very impressed and likely tell you about how powerful drug and health care lobbies are destroying everything.

 

Though their passion for national health care runs deep, it is important to remember that white people are most in favor of it when they are healthy. They love the idea of everyone have equal access to the resources that will keep them alive, that is until they have to wait in line for an MRI.

 

This is very similar to the way that white people express their support for public schools when they don’t have children.

 

 

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thought of a few others while enjoying a cordon blue sandwhich at gustavs the other day w/ tvash, where there was ample evidence of the following:

 

white people also like:

 

vests - down, fleece, whatever. white people really like keeping thier titties hot and their arms cold. ...which is strange, given that they have enough money to afford sleeves...

 

children - goddammit, white people love nothing more than more little white people. white people are constantly talking about their kids. they even use white terms to describe their children, like "beautiful little snowflakes." white people love children so much they get depressed when they can't make any and spend fortunes instead on trying to fix their latte-damaged reproduction systems instead of having endless consequence-free sex.

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