allthumbs Posted February 7, 2003 Share Posted February 7, 2003 Anybody have any? Here's two I like: "Sitting and wishing won't change your fate -- The Lord provides the fishing but you have to dig the bait." "Look at the funbags on that hosehound" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erik Posted February 7, 2003 Share Posted February 7, 2003 "as long as i have a face, you will always have a place to sit" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobBob Posted February 7, 2003 Share Posted February 7, 2003 "Thank God for the French---they're always there when they need us!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allison Posted February 7, 2003 Share Posted February 7, 2003 "That wasn't so easy, now was it?" "Not only am I exceptionally good-looking, I am also very modest!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glacierdog Posted February 7, 2003 Share Posted February 7, 2003 My dad is a good ol fashioned redneck. I've got a million. "It's raining like a cow peeing on a flat rock." "Shit fire and save the matches." "Colder than a well diggers butt." "Useless as tits on a boar hog." "I poked some fun at her and she took me seriously." (he told me that one on my birthday.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allthumbs Posted February 7, 2003 Author Share Posted February 7, 2003 It's straighter than a honeymoon dick. She's tighter than a bull's ass in fly time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted February 7, 2003 Share Posted February 7, 2003 Quotes from the work of one of my favorite authors: "Nudity, however, is better portrayed by actuality than simulation. Such has been our experience." "Consider the human mind! It is capable of amazing feats when used properly. Conversely, without exercise it atrophies to a lump of grey-yellow fat." Definition of "art": I suspect that the word was invented by second-rate intelligences to describe the incomprehensible activities of their betters. "This is not enough. I despise foul baboons like yourself who insult one, then think to smirk themselves free of the consequences." * Proselytism: Why foist the beliefs of an obscure Arabian tribe upon a people with highly developed traditions of their own? "Banish Evil from the world? Nonsense! Encourage it, foster it, sponsor it. The world owes Evil a debt beyond imagination. Think! Without greed ambition falters. Without vanity art becomes idle musing. Without cruelty benevolence lapses to passivity. Superstition has shamed man into self-reliance and, without stupidity, where would be the savour of superior understanding?" "The person who, let us say, expects generosity from a bank, efficient flexibility from a government agency, open-mindedness from a religious institution will be disappointed. In each purview the notions represent immorality. The poor fool might as quickly discover love among the mantises." "While we are alive we should sit among colored lights and taste good wines, and discuss our adventures in far places; when we are dead, the opportunity is past." "Work and fatigue are well-known cures for restlessness!" "The tune is recognizable, though many times I have heard it played correctly." "Sex is something a sensible man doesn't want to read about, any more than a hungry man likes a cookbook." "Freedom, privileges, options must constantly be exercised, even at the risk of inconvenience. Otherwise they fall into desuetude and become unfashionable, unorthodox - finally irregulationary. Sometimes the person who insists upon his prerogatives seems shrill and contentious; but actually he performs a service to us all. Freedom naturally should never become license; but regulation should never become restriction." "No reason we can't have a stupid god" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RuMR Posted February 7, 2003 Share Posted February 7, 2003 my dad's: " Goddamn, this is harder than shoving a wet noodle up a wildcat's ass" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gregm Posted February 7, 2003 Share Posted February 7, 2003 Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. - Dennis Wholey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COL._Von_Spanker Posted February 7, 2003 Share Posted February 7, 2003 "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted February 7, 2003 Share Posted February 7, 2003 "A person who conceals his curiosity has knowledge thrust upon him, so I have learned." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Flash_Amazing Posted February 7, 2003 Share Posted February 7, 2003 "Ting-a-ling, you son of a bitch!" - KV, Jr. via Kilgore Trout Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sexual_chocolate Posted February 8, 2003 Share Posted February 8, 2003 A horehound grows in winter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Off_White Posted February 8, 2003 Share Posted February 8, 2003 I know you think you understand what you thought I said, but I'm not sure that what you heard is not what I meant. Do you not want me to not tickle you? Remember: its opposites day! Make a wish! (when someone farts) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Figger_Eight Posted February 8, 2003 Share Posted February 8, 2003 "If my dog were as ugly as you are, I'd shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allthumbs Posted February 8, 2003 Author Share Posted February 8, 2003 if I wanted to hear from a shit like you, i would have farted Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Figger_Eight Posted February 8, 2003 Share Posted February 8, 2003 "You couldn't pour sand out of a boot even if I put the instructions on the heel." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iain Posted February 8, 2003 Share Posted February 8, 2003 "Lake Erie died for your sins." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sk Posted February 8, 2003 Share Posted February 8, 2003 " you have more money than you have sense" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iain Posted February 8, 2003 Share Posted February 8, 2003 The power to destroy a planet is insignificant when compared to the power of the Force. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sexual_chocolate Posted February 8, 2003 Share Posted February 8, 2003 If I spelt like you, they'd half to shoote me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iain Posted February 8, 2003 Share Posted February 8, 2003 If you're carrying a torch, put it down. The Olympics are over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iain Posted February 8, 2003 Share Posted February 8, 2003 As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself." Metermaids eat their young. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott_J Posted February 8, 2003 Share Posted February 8, 2003 She's hotter than a June bride in a feather bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott_J Posted February 8, 2003 Share Posted February 8, 2003 Brain child in the promised land. There goes a mental midget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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