PLACENTA STEW: ANOTHER HELPING
Dear Cecil:
Sorry, but you've been scooped on the placenta story. The use of placenta in cosmetics was featured in the Chicago Tribune in a 1980 article entitled "Beauty May Be Only Placenta Deep." The writer interviewed the owner of RITA Organics, a company in Crystal Lake, Illinois, that makes freeze-dried extract from human placenta. They get the frozen organs individually wrapped, packed 40 to a box. The final product sells for $3,500 to $5,500 per pound. --Tom Lubomski, Chicago
Cecil replies:
The Straight Dope never gets scooped, Tom. However, we freely concede that the daily newspapers can provide a useful supplement to our work. The Tribune reported that RITA once upon a time purchased frozen placentas from hospitals (the going rate was 50 to 75 cents each), which it thawed, sliced, and filtered. The end product was a white powder that RITA sold to cosmetics companies. Products containing placenta supposedly accounted for 5 percent of all protein-based beauty aids. I've learned RITA has since gotten out of the business, but the Merieux Institute of Lyons, France, may still be at it.
In other placenta news, I have received a Stern Warning to Youth from Richard Reich, MD, of Madison, Wisconsin. Reich warns that placentophagia--that's placenta eating for you rustics--can help spread AIDS and hepatitis. Cecil therefore solemnly advises his readers, next time they're invited to a placenta party, to thoroughly inspect mother and child for signs of transmissible disease. As for Dr. Reich--come on, doc, let's chill. The stuff kept you alive for nine months, didn't it?
Finally, David English of Somerville, Massachusetts, has thoughtfully sent me a copy of the script for a censored Saturday Night Live skit featuring--you'd better sit down for this--Placenta Helper. "Placenta Helper lets you stretch your placenta into a tasty casserole," it sez here. "Like Placenta Romanoff--a zesty blend of cheeses makes for the zingy sauce that Russian czars commanded at palace feasts," etc. The last line was supposed to have been a voice-over from Don Pardo: "Placenta Helper--make a rare occasion, a rare occasion." Very tasteful. Why it got cut we'll never know.
PLACENTA RECIPES!
To the Teeming Millions:
A friend has sent me recipes from the summer 1983 issue of Mothering magazine for the following mouth-watering dishes: placenta cocktail (1/4 raw placenta, 8 ounces of V-8 juice, 2 ice cubes, 1/2 carrot, blend for 10 seconds at high speed), placenta lasagna, placenta spaghetti sauce, placenta stew, and placenta pizza. The last one will definitely stop conversation at your next Super Bowl party, and since you're not likely to be able to order it from Domino's, here's what you have to do:
"Grind placenta. Saute in 2T olive oil w/4 garlic cloves, then add 1/4 tsp. fennel, 1/4 tsp. pepper, 1/4 tsp. paprika, 1/4 tsp. salt, 1/2 tsp. onion, minced, 1/2 tsp. oregano, 1/4 tsp. thyme and 1/4 cup wine. Allow to stand 30 min., then use with your favorite homemade pizza recipe. It's a fine placenta sausage topping!"
Be sure to let me know how it comes out.
