Dwayner

It's going to be at the Re-Bar on Thursday night. Pitchers half price for those who dance with their arms way over their heads.

It's going to be at the Re-Bar on Thursday night. Pitchers half price for those who dance with their arms way over their heads.

Will-Dude! Why does he need to fulfill your personal minimal requirements before you stop the school yard bullying? There are loads of people on this cc.com who climb NOTHING and there are loads of people who have climbed more than many of us combined. Come on, man! - Dwayner

It's been very trendy for people to ridicule Dan Larson. I know he got off to a very bad start (lots of hostility initially) and that's when the whole "Dan Larson sucks" thing began but that was a year ago. Over the last several months, he's adopted a welcome sense of humor in spite of the relentless abuse. Sooner or later, this sense of humor is going to wear thin. I think the guy has tried to be nice yet it's becoming a running gag that "Dan Larson Sucks"! People repeat this slogan relentlessly and unprovoked because they find it amusing to themselves. (How many of you do this because it has become a cliché?) Consider for a moment Dan's feelings before you pee on him again. I've never met the guy, and I didn't care for him at first, but I think it's way out of control. And Dan Larson is probably his real name (and not a phony internet name) so when you're taunting him like schoolchildren, you're hurting a real individual. Dan came clean about some of his personal problems quite a while ago. I think he's actually come a long way with a more positive attitude and with his mountaineering experience as well. I'm just saying, maybe you should give Dan a break, he's been pretty nice, rarely attacks anyone anymore, and is becoming a real alpinist. So here's a high-five to Dan Larson. - Dwayner P.S. And guess what...Mt. Rainier is a beautiful mountain and I wish I had the energy to climb it 100 times. P.P.S. Dan...be bigger than all of this and don't resort to making threats, it DOES NOT HELP!

This ain't schoolyard bullying. I am/was his professor. Nacho is a wayward youth in serious need of guidance. He, himself, will admit this. - Dwayner

Nacho! How self-centered! You aren't even old enough to drink, nonetheless climb at Index. Get back to the library and start filling out your readmission papers.

Weather is supposed to be NO GOOD this weekend! There's apparently an indoor climbing party in the works. This is what I've heard about it: Big Climbing Party May 4th

The Car Rocket thing? It's an Urban Legend: Check out these comments as posted on The Urban Legends Reference Page (http://www.snopes2.com/) Claim: The remains of a smoldering JATO-assisted Chevrolet Impala were found embedded in the side of a cliff in the Arizona desert. Status: False. Origins: Of all the crazy Internet stories, this has to be the one fellas love the most. There's something about cars and solid rocket fuel engines that draws them to this tale like happy moths to an unforgiving flame. Maybe it's the Wile E. Coyote-ness of it all, the "so real you can almost touch it" mental image of a smoldering wreck sticking out of a cliff face. Perhaps it's the vicarious enjoyment of a Tim Allen-ish "More Power!" fantasy carried to its fatal yet hilarious conclusion. Or maybe it's a simple matter of cars and the men who love them, the eternal love affair. Whatever. The boys love it, and that's all that matters. This tale of vehicular velocity ferocity has been popular among servicemen since the late 1970s. In those early word-of-mouth versions, the JATO was taken from a cargo plane or out of a warehouse on base, thereby answering a key question left up in the air in later versions: Where did the intrepid lad obtain the engine? The story is even older than that. One of our readers says he heard it in 1961 or 1962. In that version, two JATO units mounted as "lakers" (exhaust pipes) on a 1940 Ford were fired on Bayshore freeway while trying to outrun the California Highway Patrol. The car was last seen going end over end across San Francisco bay. Another reader heard it in 1964 while stationed at Fort Huachuca, Arizona. In that version, the unmanned JATO'd car went airborne and smashed into a tree, destroying both car and plant. The version we now know and love (complete with puzzled police and the smoldering wreck of what's left of a car impacted into the face of a cliff), began making the cyberspatial rounds in 1990. In 1992 the incident was said to have happened in New Mexico, with the car being a Plymouth Road Runner. By 1994 the car had transformed itself into a Chevrolet Impala, but now the accident's venue was California. (See how these things mutate over time?) 1995 saw this legend just about take over the Internet as it was flashed from e-mail to e-mail as "this year's Darwin Award winner." It's this version which is still in circulation today, the car frozen in time as a Chevy Impala, the location given as somewhere in Arizona. A spokesman of the Arizona Department of Public Safety stated in a 1996 newspaper article the JATO story wasn't true though they continued to get asked about it. "We get a call on that about every 90 days,'' said Dave Myers. ''It keeps us on the map.'' There are two fatal problems with the JATO story. First, anybody who understood the extreme forces involved well enough to attach a JATO unit to a car so that it would keep the car going in a straight line (rather than immediately spinning around) would not do it in the first place. Second, the Arizona Highway Patrol has a phone number. A call to them will confirm they've both heard the story and no, it's not true. Sorry, fellas. Though the legend of the smoldering Chevy smashed into a cliff face is pure fabrication, JATO engines have been mounted on cars on a couple of occasions. As reported in Motor Trend in 1957, Dodge took a brand-new car out to El Mirage dry lake bed in California, removed the gas tank, and mounted a JATO unit in its place. (The intent was to test the car's brakes and to film the event for TV commercials.) The car went 140 mph.

Dru's amusing riddle: Question: "what is the difference between an alpine guide and a large pizza? Answer: A pizza can feed a family of 4. Dru's amusing riddle deconstructed: A riddle can be defined as: "a question stated so as to exercise one's ingenuity in answering it or discovering its meaning." In the posting by Dru, we find a classic example of such with its obligatory two-part format. First a question is posed. The use of the word "what" is not uncommon in the genre along with other familiar interrogatives including "who", "why", "how", etc. Interestingly, Dru could have posed the question, "How is an alpine guide different from a pizza?" yet he chose to use "why", a subtle stylistic choice with implications impinging on the riddle's metric rythym. The use of "why" adds much to a more colloquial and informal introduction to the posed quandry, thus establishing a tone of humorous anticipation on the part of the listener/responder. The surprising and seemingly irreconcilable juxtaposition of the two nouns, "pizza" and "alpine guide" immediately provoke two responses: amusement and curiosity. The contrast between the two elements of comparasion (one, a food item, the other a person employed in a specific occupation)is the essense of Part One: The Question. One can postulate that much of the value of the riddle can be found in the intermission between the presentation of the The Question and its Resolution, the listener/responder mulling over the various improbable solutions. When presented orally, the riddle provides room for the teller to pause, respond negatively to incorrect "answers" including the use of gestures (e.g finger-wagging, head-nodding)and verbal rebukes and taunts (e.g. "no...!", "nope", "not what I had in mind", etc.) Such auxillary elements add much to the riddling experience which are unfortunately lost when viewed in writing. When presented orally, the teller exercises control over the timing of the revelation with the opportunity to enhance anticipation. The solution to the question, however, becomes immediately available to a reader and the experience is by nature foreshortened. With Part 2, the Revelation, we are finally informed of the solution to the puzzle. In this case, the qualities of a pizza (typically large, and of sufficient quantity to feed several people)are compared to the economic weaknesses inherent in a specific occupation presented here as alpine guiding. The humor within the solution requires a specific knowledge or inkling of the low salaries obtained by individuals employed in such a profession. Word play evolves around the use of the word "feeding" used differentially in the two contrasting componants. One, the pizza, is capable of feeding, that is supplying with food, a family of 4 while a mountain guide by the nature of his low salary, is not. The listener finds amusement that two seemingly divergent concepts ("pizza" and "alpine guide") result in a true statement or one that is commonly believed to be true. Either way, the solution tends to reinforce the notion that alpine guides are poorly paid, while the efficacy of the pizza is likely rarely questioned. The particular redaction of this riddle form here presented would likely be lost upon one not knowledgeable of either concept, yet the structure of this riddle allows for transferability to other situations and audiences. For example: Question: "What's the difference between a 6 ft. long hogey sandwich and a professional snowboarder?" Answer: "A 6 ft. long hogey sandwich can feed a family of 4." In summary, Dru has presented us with an opportunity to break the monotony of our work day by sharing joking behavior, choosing the form of a riddle to amuse, inform and allowing us to laugh somewhat at ourselves. None of that, however, applies to all of that crap I wrote above. - Dwayner P.S. That are lots of folks out there (for example, English literature, anthropology) who got doctorates for spewing out pages and pages of such verbal and ultimately meaningless charades! [ 05-03-2002, 12:10 PM: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

No chortling, but "sayjay" touched it and "v" rode it for a while.

A Deconstruction of A Scot’s Tale (submitted above on page 5 and posted 05-02-2002 10:09 AM by Son of Caveman) or Why I Am Not A Professor of English Literature. The Epic of Inverness, or A Scots Tale, is an example of a literary/oral genre found worldwide. The Protagonist in the form of the hapless Driver, is going about his business in the role of Everyman, with few expectations other than completing his journey successfully. Apart from our thoughts about the man’s purpose in driving to Inverness, or his activities once he arrives, there is nothing remarkable to the beginning of the story. The fact that he is driving through hills, though, likely anticipates the “uneven road” ahead and provides our first indication of forthcoming tension. It is important to note that the Antagonist in the story steps into view out of the mists and into the middle of the road. Like many of life’s troubles, he seemingly appears spontaneously, startling, and out of nowhere to upset the very core of our daily normalcy. The metaphor of the “redheaded Scotsmen” that unexpectedly plagues our lives at times, embodies all that is unexpected; he is very large and dressed in clothes that are inappropriate for the weather and the rakish angle of his cap is no artifact of embellishment: it is a detail that makes many readers/listeners immediately uncomfortable. A beautiful siren-like blond is seen in the company of the giant although we are left to wonder about who she might be and her relationship is to the red-headed brute. The Scottish Giant issues orders and refers to The Driver informally as “Jimmy”. The unsuspecting reader/listener might now surmise that we finally have some clues to the relationship between The Driver and Giant; some sort of name familiarity such as a friend, family member, neighbor or perhaps co-worker. Ultimately, the details our not provided, thus suggesting that the Scotsman represents a kind of the most unexpected form of surprise: a familiar voice in an unexpected package arriving in an unanticipated scenario. The request of The Giant is unwelcome and causes The Driver to stammer (“But....”) Threatened, The Driver feels he has no option but to comply to The Giant’s sordid demands which as is usual in this genre, is repeated three times and then reiterated once last time for emphasis. The tension in the story is maintained throughout. What does The Giant want? How do these acts fulfill this want? The nature of the act, its repetition and the presence of the silent female witness nearby all add to our discomfort. The Driver finally has reached his physical and emotional limits and requests death at the hands of the Giant rather than submit to further acts of utter humiliation. The Giant responds and we are finally treated to at statement that solves many of our questions and brings an end to this trying mystery/epic. ''All right laddie. NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to Inverness?'' We now learn that it was The Giant’s wish to relieve The Driver of potential sexual desire before allowing his beloved daughter to “accept” a [uninvited] ride with The Driver. The Giant’s acceptance of The Driver was conditional and forceful and we are left to decide for ourselves as to his moral credibility. The familiar relationship between The Giant and The Driver continues to leave one to speculate, the name “laddie” now being substituted for “Jimmy”. The emphasis upon the word “now” (as exemplified by the use of capitals in the text, or a loud and prolonged pronunciation when presented orally) provides us with a well-appreciated sense of relief. The Driver’s life is spared, he will continue on his way, though somewhat traumatized. The story stops all too soon. He will travel with a mysterious and beautiful woman whose personal qualities, for better or worse, will know doubt be made known as the journey continues. The abruptness of the story represents all of our personal journeys as we face life’s travails and continue into the future with its myriad of twists and turns and unforeseen circumstances. In a sense, each and everyone of is The Driver, occasionally and unexpectedly forced confront the unexpected and to abuse ourselves for reasons nowhere immediately apparent. We are, ultimately, Pud-Pounders.

I showed the lovely "v" and the charming "sayjay" my hog. - Dwayner

Max: This whole thing started as a response to Lambone's crass characterization of myself as a "middle age f@#ker" (which despite its vulgarity, was probably made in jest.) The fact remains, a good number of new climbers (of whatever age) are not being taught the range of ethical issues. They might start, for example, in a gym and end up at a sport-bolted crag in short order, and what is seen there is perceived as how it is and should be done. Bolting, as the most visible issue, is loaded with ethical baggage which I seriously doubt is reviewed and considered. It's true: I don't seek Lambone's personal approval or anybody else's, but I do care about the rocks and mountains and will continue to spew forth my opinions whether anyone likes them or not. Perhaps I will sway a few.

Lambone... come over here and give me a hug...

Hey Lambone: I don't "demand" respect and I really don't care if you value my opinions. I'm only interested in sharing ideas, some of which reflect values which I find are worthwhile and are being lost by and to the present younger generation of climbers. Take them or leave them as you please. - Mr. Aloha P.S. I'm spinnin'!

Those bar-guys are bluffing. Wednesday, not tuesday, is their busiest night which is when they have the trivia contests. I know this because I am a regular barfly there. If a few people show up and grab a bigger table around 6 or so, it shouldn't be a big problem. And you can even sit outside if you want. The college kids will eventually show up after dinner sometime, lured by the cheap drinks and word of the presence of Erik, Dwayner and Alpine K. (But if the rumor gets out that the effortlessly-cool MattP will be there, we definitely will have a crowd control problem. so hush-hush on the "Attmay EePay is in the Ousehay". [ 04-30-2002, 04:27 PM: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

Don't know exactly what or who the KTK is so I assume I'm not a member. You'll have to take that up with Lambone who used the term. Keep laughin, Alpine K. and maybe I'll see you tonight in the City of Destiny.

Since Mr. Lambone fully expects me to attempt to have the last word, I won't disappoint him. A history lesson: I am not a member of Warren Harding's generation. He was more than 30 years older than me. I started climbing as a teenager in 1973 and the big talk then was of a new ethic known as "Clean Climbing", which in many ways was a response to the bolting and piton bashing antics of Harding and others. Basically, it is the climbing equivalent of the backpackers' mottos: Pack it in, pack it out; leave little or no trace. This very often translates into limiting bolt and piton use as much as possible. This is something I advocate not just because that's what I was taught, but because I believe that it is the correct way to address the environment. This concept is the basis for much of my view. - Dwayner

I've been away for a few days so I've just read some of the stuff from last week and came across this charming comment from Lamebone: "and just for the record, dwayner ain't the old fucker that I once thought he was...just the middle aged fucker..." And just when I was starting to like the guy... Two comments. "just for the record": 1) Grow up, Lamebone. 2) Very "mature" choice of words. - Dwayner P.S. Self-assessment time: you ever wonder why people think you're a jackass?

Dudes: I'm surprised that there isn't more talk of top-roping. Virtually everything at Vantage can be top roped (except maybe a couple of them free-standing "Feathers".) Such an approach would have saved that place from becoming the bolted atrocity that it is. Also, them old scary routes...if you add additional bolts to "make it safer", than you destroy the character of the route. By that justification, you might argue that bolts every three feet are perhaps safer than bolts every four feet. Often bolts are used to "dumb-down" routes for the unskilled masses....sad, sad situation.

Pictures of the damage: Earthquake Pics

pope’s garage (A poem and song by f.z.,dwayner and pope) It wasn't very large There was just enough room to cram the wall In the corner over by the Dodge It was a plywood jobber With resin knobbers And a sporty little pad That was a moldy old mattress that he stole from his dad And a bag for dippin in With a poster on the wall of Katie and Lynn We could climb in pope’s Garage His mama was screamin' His dad was mad We was climbin' the same old route In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would Climb it all night long It was all we knew, 'n' easy too So we wouldn't get it wrong All we did was grab those holds like... Hey! Down in pope's Garage We didn't have no dope or LSD But a coupla quartsa beer And that mattress on da floor So you wouldn’t bust your rear And the same old route goin' up and down Became a big wall symphony We would climb it again 'n' again 'n' again 'Cause it felt like Everest to me ONE MORE TIME! We could climb in pope's garage His mama was screamin', "GET DOWN FROM THERE!!" We was climbin’ the same old route In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would Climb it all night long It was all we knew, and easy too So we wouldn't get it wrong Even if we wore a pack We thought we was pretty good We talked about doin’ the Eiger 'N' we figured that we should 'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye From the girls in the neighborhood They'd all come over 'n' look around So we told them we climbed Rainier We could climb on the roof and point it out 'N' showed them some of our gear Got plastic “Goretex suits” 'N' leather “alpine” boots 'N' some signs on the back of the car That said Edelrid ropes and Power Bar Well the years was rollin' by, yeah Sporty climbers and retro bolts Had caught the public eye, yeah Snotty boys with lipstick on Was really flyin' high, yeah 'N' then they got those rock gym things 'N' comps came along 'N' all of a sudden I thought the time Had come for that old song: We used to climb in pope’s garage And if I am not wrong You will soon be climbin' to...

Uhhhh....I don't know if I should go...."Blight" said that he would laugh at me, and all of his friends would laugh at me...and that I wasn't welcome...and that they planned to laugh at me anyway.... so I guess you'll have to hike those soiled pampers out on your own...cuz theys gonna laugh at me... Maybe I'll wear a disguise. I know a guy with a Santa costume I can borrow so with a bulging trash bag over my shoulder, everyone will think I'm just makin' some late deliveries! - Dwayne P.S. Ever consider that them diapers at the base of the wall are debris from the Mountaineers practicing aid-climbing? I think such activities might leave the average Mountie... well....scared!

Enough already re: This Evening's Pube Club. DWAYNER DECIDES...IT'S THE ALKI! Now get on with your lives! Sorry for the strong-arm tactics but it's time to be decisive. Icegirlie: We know you'll be there. Carpool it with some of your HOT friends! - Dwayner

Enough already re: The Evening's Pube Club. DWAYNER DECIDES...IT'S THE ALKI! Now get on with your lives! Snow Lovely: I'm afraid I've had to overrule my unnatural fascination and go with the best option for the masses: cheap beer and burgers are an even more basic instinct. I hope you'll show up anyway! (And though apparently smoke-free, which I think is a big plus, that Alysium place sounds like a drag. (Speaking of "drag", what's up at the Re-Bar tonight, pope?) - Dwayner P.S. Phooey on you punks who called me a "big, whiney boo-hoo baby" the first time the venue fight happened. It's now a weekly occurance!