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Dwayner

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Everything posted by Dwayner

  1. McKinley Tent

    I've gotta a big 'ole expedition tent that REI used to sell back in the '70's. It's called a McKinley and it's big enough to stand up in and have a barn-dance. (sleeps 4 and their gear!) Actually it's a McKinley 2..more deluxe. Nope, it ain't for sale...yet..but I'm looking for a rainfly for it, and maybe another center pole. If any of you cool cats have such, let's talk. I'd like to rehabilitate this mountaineering classic and put it to use this winter. thanks. - Dwayner
  2. Hey! It's happy hour! Did you get your fill of pseudo-nachos, scrawny chicken wings "o'fire" and some of them machine-sliced spongy carrot sticks with "ranch dip"? (tastes mo like sheep dip, but that's another story). Here, make a little more room on your plate for a few extra cocktail weenies in BBQ sauce. The bartender seems extra-service-oriented tonight and I'm going to give him a couple extra quarters when were all through drinkin' and snackin'! Would that be about "closin' time?". No doubt! Now that I've got y'all in the mood.......and speakin of weenies, cocktail or otherwise.....I've been reading the various comments about drillin' and boltin'; boltin' and drillin'. And that, mixed with Pope's dirty mouth, I got to be thinking. Especially with this Girl- Repellent discussion. Could all of this drilling be a compensation, frustration or conquest thing? I ain't no psychoanalyst but this whole, or should I say "hole" thing about drills and holes might have some deeper meaning. You drill your hole, itself a provocative act, and then you fill it, and then you secure or celebrate your conquest by adding a hangar. Very primal. Maybe we can cure these sport-climbers by giving them gift-certificates to the Deja-Vu or Hooters. Perhaps this could be just the thing to get them to put down they're rock-rapin' machines and enjoy the crags on their (the crags) own terms. Just an idea, that's all. Alright!! Our man behind the bar is refillin' the little bowl full of Chex party mix with them cool square pretzel things. Righteous! And while you're at it, another pitcher, please, guv'na, and a toast to all of you, both Trad-Monkeys and Sport-Dweebs! (although especially to you Trad-monkeys!) May the Lou be with You! - Dwayner [This message has been edited by Dwayner (edited 06-07-2001).]
  3. This week's Alpine Buddy [#2]

    A week ago, we had the opportunity to extend a big mountain high-five to our excellent pal, Matt P., who exemplifies effortless coolness. And in the spirit of the Year of Big Lou, I am pleased to announce this week's Alpine Buddy of the Week. (I am now pulling a slip of paper out of a ratty old stuff sack.) The Alpine Buddy is..............................ERIK! Congratulations, young man. You were nominated and have been selected not only for your excellent climbing skills and dedication, but also for your thoughtful and honorable efforts to continually evolve in good directions. I don't know you that well but I've read a lot of your posts, and we've shared a number of beers together, and I think this week's selection is very deserving. Thanks for the inspiration, my alpine brother, and we'll see you at the crags, if not at the pub nights.
  4. Giant Shrimp in Laundry Room!

    Look! An unbelievable, yet true, story from the Pacific Northwest, courtesy of Strange Magazine!!!! Giant Shrimp in the Laundry Room Transcription of tape recorded phone message: "Hi. My name is Virginia Staples and in 1948 I lived in Bremerton, Washington. The apartment where I lived had a gigantically huge basement. There were huge holes in the walls and the apartment house manager used to tell me that it was rumored there was a passage to the water. The huge apartment houses were so close together and they all had basements and they were old buildings. There was a washer and a washtub and a clothesline. And on this particular day I had gotten my clothes all hung up but I kept feeling someone was staring at me or looking at me. And it was such a creepy feeling I finally turned around and looked towards the back of the basement and froze. I was so scared I can still feel it. I couldn't move. In one of the huge holes in the basement there stood this thing. [she breaks down here.] Oh, it was horrible! I stand five foot tall and this creature was as tall as I was. It had a bright orange colored body and little spidery thin legs and antennae on its head that kept moving back and in and out. [Crying now.] That thing started towards me. I backed out of the basement and got up to my apartment and I packed all my things and moved. I was so scared. I moved over to Seattle to my cousin's. I went to an aquarium to see if I could see anything that looked like what it was, and the only thing that I could find that looked anything like it was this little tiny shrimp. But it just doesn't make sense. I had horrible nightmares for years. I finally got up enough nerve a couple of years ago to go back to revisit Bremerton. But the Navy has enlarged so much and the apartment house on Denny Street has been torn down. Really nobody would really believe this, but as God is my witness it really happened. " Originally published in Strange 6. Stoke up the Bar-B!!!
  5. Ahoy, Spray-meisters. I just read Professor Adam's historical tale with its sad report of diminishing worthless blabber on this site of late. My name was cited as one who had previously contributed a lot about nothing but has since cut back. So was my "buddy", "pope". I suspect that all the nasty crap of the last couple of months is enough to beat the humor out of many folks but one way of fighting back is not letting the jackass spoilers of the world kill our joy. So, I'm taking the initiate of reinstituting one of the classics of cc.com spray, "pope's confessional". "pope" himself has been informed that I am doing this; he won't get off his lazy butt to do it himself but I'm sure he'll be reading and responding to your wanton tales of drilling evil bolts, borrowing your girlfriend's jog bra to wear sport-climbing, or crapping on your own sleeping bag. (more on that later.) So, here follows the original invitation to confess. Now make yourself feel better and let's hear about your latest guilt trip. The confessional is now open. - Dwayner "GOOD SUNDAY MORNING. SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU? DID YOU STEP ON A PITON WHEN YOUR BUDDIES WEREN'T LOOKING? WHEN YOU RELATED YOUR LATEST FREE CLIMBING ACCOMPLISHMENT TO THE BOYS IN THE BAR, DID YOU OMIT THE PART ABOUT SNEAKING A REST FROM THAT FIXED SLING? DID YOU REHEARSE THE HELL OUT OF THAT BOULDER PROBLEM, ONLY TO LATER CLIMB IT IN FRONT OF STRANGERS WHO HAD NO IDEA HOW YOU COULD BE SO SMOOTH? HAVE YOU BEEN THINKING UNCLEAN THOUGHTS ABOUT KATIE BROWN? WERE YOU TEMPTED TO PINCH YOUR PARTNER'S LYCRA-CLAD BUTT AT THE BELAY STATION? DID YOU TALK YOUR GIRLFRIEND INTO LEADING YOU UP THAT SPOOKY PITCH THEY HAVEN'T RETRO-BOLTED YET?"
  6. Cliff Notes for Climbers

    Ahoy Fellow Ascent-Monkeys: It's summer and the mountains are waiting so in the interest of saving some time and money reading a bunch of mountaineering literature, I suggest we submit some short, to the point reviews; "Cliff Notes", so to speak, of some choice volumes. For example: Heinrich Harrer, "The White Spider": Ice-axe wielding crypto-Nazi climbs big scary mountain. Joe Simpson, "Touching the Void": Climber cuts rope and partner falls in crevasse. Partner climbs out." Lou Whittaker, "Memoirs of a Mountain Guide": Hi, I'm Big Lou...Look at me....over here, a little to your left....No, I'm not that Everest guy but I look just like him...Hey! where you going? Pat Ament, "High Endeavors": I write very well and other people agree. I am also very sensitive. Just ask me. I realize lots of people love these books, so it be just my opinion. - Dwayner, looking for a fun topic. P.S. You know that chick in "The Crying Game"?....It's really a dude!!!
  7. YOU MUST OBEY THE ALPINE KITTY!

    Hey Groovy Guys, Groovy Gals: Just in case you haven't had "the experience" recently, take a good look! Check me out! I'm a cool cat!!! P.S. big mistake wasn't it! You must now obey the Alpine Kitty. Check your watch...where have you been the last half-hour?...you can't remember can you? Now check your pockets...where did that receipt for a couch dance at the Deja Vu come from...look at the date and time...it was 15 minutes ago. Smell your shirt...it reeks of stripper perfume...now go check the mileage in the car...you've been somewhere recently and the engine is still kinda warm...and there are hamburger wrappers and cat box litter on the floor on the passenger's side...face it: the Alpine Kitty took control of your life for half an hour and you got in your car, ordered some burgers from the Big Mac, made a lightning quick trip to "the Vu" for a little party on your lap, and then ran out to return to this very computer.You should be so lucky that you lost only thirty minutes...last week, the Alpine Kitty sent me on a mission that must have taken me half a day, including loads of alcohol, "chimichangas", and a fistful of phone numbers and business cards. When I finally snapped out of it, I was seated in front of the computer as I am now, with my pants on backwards, scratch marks on my back and a black eye. ....Beware the Alpine Kitty.Also, a bag full of my climbing gear was found 2 pitches up on City Park at Index. The Kitty is powerful!- Dwayner
  8. Trad Climbers Land The Babes!

    Hey Sporto's! When you're done picking the pea-gravel out of your pants from the gym floor where you've been sequence-miming that special "project", consider for a moment the following truism: TRAD CLIMBERS LAND THE BABES! Consider the following evidence: Why? Because we got better stories to tell, we look better because we're aerobically healthy, and our lungs aren't full of chalk so we don't sound like we been smokin' three packs a day for the last twenty years. Uh huh.....!!!! Yes, that is me on the left. (with the red hair). - Dwayner, who knows.
  9. clean aid climbs bolted to create sport climbs

    MattP says: "you are going to get arrested for disturbing the peace or something like that." Is that "legaleze"?
  10. clean aid climbs bolted to create sport climbs

    MattP says: "Even on a public sidewalk, the first ammendment does not allow someone to stand on a street corner and deliberately insult passers-by." What constitution from what country are you reading, pal???? The same one that allows people to go on a PUBLIC forum and spew like this (just a few posts above), courtesy of "Sphinx", which makes pope's smart-alecky and often clever commentary look like a Sunday sermon: "Yeah, fuck you too, douchebag. Oh, wait, you don't count. You spend all your time in German strip clubs and desert sandstorms. You rock. But everybody else blows dogs for quarters because they momma turned them down."
  11. Matp, Pope I'll start it off!

    You are absolutely WRONG. There is no plan, nor intention, nor conspiracy to sabotage any discussion. I welcome and encourage all discussions on the subject and insist on my right to contribute my viewpoints, whether YOU and your pals like them or not. Does cc.com do any climbing "community" public relations favors with its constant vulgarity and threatening and inane posts? It's a fact, eh? Read my comments above. If you fancy yourself a mind-reader or a psychoanalyst, keep your day job. - Dwayner
  12. Matp, Pope I'll start it off!

    Dana's Arch Numbah 10
  13. Matp, Pope I'll start it off!

    I thought you were going to bed? "Good luck"....explanation/meaning: I hope things go well for you in life, whatever you choose to do. "dude"......explanation: derivation: from my California homeland. "guy", "man", "individual" "Good luck, dude".....no need to read anything in to it other than Dwayner's best wishes to you.
  14. Matp, Pope I'll start it off!

    "Thanks for the quick and condescending reply, Dwayner." You're welcome! It seems that you were in need of a little history lesson plus some exposure to a perspective with which you might not have been familiar. " I'm not going to waste anymore time arguing here, after all, I'm young, so I must be brainwashed, misinformed, drug-addled, and not worthy of comment." Your words, not mine. That kind of attitude won't take you far but I assume you are just joking. Good luck, dude! - Dwayner
  15. Matp, Pope I'll start it off!

    I would like to add some commentary to cracked's response to pope. Cracked: "Look, Smith would never be a trad climbing destination. A few locals would climb there, but on the tuff at least, all the routes would quickly be climbed." Nonsense. I was climbing at Smith 15 years before you were even born and it was a great place with lots of fine and challenging routes visited by plenty of non-Oregonians. I remember when a certain local rock star began rap-bolting the place and it was extremely controversial.....turns out, it was part of the beginning of the sport-climbing phenom. which few would probably predict would take off with such abandon. If presented the choice, I would rather have NO climbers climb at Smith, trad or sport, if I had to choose between allowing the sport-bolting or leaving it relatively pristine. I could care less if any climber knows about Smith. This once somewhat quiet area now resembles a circus sideshow at the Dihedrals area on any decent weekend. Guess what the big attraction is?????? It ain't the cracks! Cracked: "So if a crag of choss doesn't get climbed on by you trad masters, how does it hurt to drill some holes and let other people enjoy the area? Doesn't change a thing as far as you're concerned." Smith Rocks is not "choss". Neither is/was Vantage. These are beautiful areas that have been desecrated by people for their own entertainment with little respect for its natural beauty or the notion that one should leave as little trace of one's visit as possible. Cracked: "So far, you've bitched about the people who bolt climbs. So why are you bitching about the people who climb those routes? What have they done that's so heinous, compared to your noble activities?" Climbing these routes endorses the practice. Cracked"I tell you to gain perspective only because you've lost it. The younger generation isn't 'lost', so quit your whining." You seem to speak about things on which you are not very well informed of the perspectives, but I am sure you are learning.
  16. MattP. say: "The "free speech" argument is just plain silly. Dwayner is the one who is not allowing others to make their points and, on balance, "free speech rights" would be promoted by keeping him out of these discussions unless he can find a different approach to the subject. Look back at my post that started this current debate. I did not advocate that he be permanently banned but I said I MIGHT advocate a temporary suspension. a) How have I prevented ANYONE from posting their viewpoints? Am I some sort of cosmic puppeteer that somehow can prevent people from expressing their viewpoints or who can make others read or more importantly, respond to my posts? Do you not believe in the concept of free choice, that is, your option to ignore anything or everything I might post? A hypothetical scenario: READER is checking out the latest in the NEW ROCK CLIMBING FORUM, hoping to find some sort of sanitized, anethical commentary about what's HOT on the rocks. He sees a post listed under the name Dwayner, someone whose comments he finds routinely obnoxious. "Hmmmm...." he muses. {Moment of choice} I must respond to this as I have no choice. This topic will be hijacked because others with perhaps even less self-control will be unable to refrain (and some might even be exposed to heresy!) Besides, I think Dwayner's full of nonsense and his repetitive, bolt-obsessed commentary gets on my nerves in a way that the incessant vulgarity and threats on this site do not. He might have a message but his style of delivery stinks.....it's not the way I would present it! He has the right to deliver his message but only on MY terms." or, perhaps...."it looks like another boring rant by Dwayner......pass!" [end of hypothetical, imaginary scenario] Do you really think that I am somehow so dang powerful that I can keep others from expressing their views as some would like to suppress mine? Or that I somehow make them respond to my posts? b) there will be no temporary suspension of "Dwayner" from this site. Should the SITE OWNERS be so compelled, I will insist that it be permanent....I don't need your condescending "he needs a time out for reflection" baloney. Alternatively, there is a good chance I will, myself, terminate my own participation on my own and those who can't tolerate unpopular or abrasive viewpoints can enjoy their cc.com experience EVEN MORE!!!! P.S. Do you really not understand the connection between bolts and access issues such as the closing down of climbing areas? Are you appalled that the subject of bolting (an obviously very controversial topic) might find it's way into a ROCK CLIMBING forum? Does it really surprise you that there are people with passionate viewpoints on the subject? And NO, you don't have to respond to any of the above, it's just something for you to think about. And if you do respond, "Dwayner" didn't MAKE you do it.
  17. Glassgow: "Since you never answered my question about YOUR climbing ability, I think you're just blowing smoke on this issue. remember words- action= zilch " I'm sure I don't climb as well as you, cowboy. I guess you win!
  18. SHOULD DWAYNER BE BANNED? (temporarily)

    Go ahead...censor him you wild and wacky, free-thinkin' members of the climbing "community"!
  19. MattP....absurd! I don't need your enforced time-out...it will change nothing. You want me banned because you find me "juvenile" (look at 80% of this site), etc.? Take it up with jon and timmy. What don't you understand about the relationship between climbing area being closed with 400 bolts being removed....and the practice that contributes to the problem. Is it really a big mystery? If it's access you're concerned about....you guys need to do the self-reflection to see how your behavior might contribute to "the Man's" suspicions. If you can convince the powers that those sport-climbs are legitimate....than do it. Although they might get a different side of the story from other of folks.
  20. I am COMPLETELY surprised to read such a comment from you. I am not grandstanding a) I don't need nor require the personal approval of or attention from anyone on this site. I have viewpoints that I feel are worthy of expressing to the so-called climbing "community" whether or not you find them repetitive or unattractive. b) my viewpoints might be considered radical by some...so what.....should they be censored? You know the drill.....see the name "Dwayner".....read the post or skip it. Are you one to censor viewpoints that are otherwise unpopular with you or some of the loud-mouths on this site? Read through this whole topic and look at some of the other stuff!!! I heard that people get banned from this site for making threats of violence and such.....never heard of one being kicked off for legitimate climbing-related viewpoints!
  21. This issue Is NOT about bolting?????? Burning tires in caves is inappropriate....dumping your garbage in caves in inappropriate....leaving grafitti is inappropriate and so are FOUR HUNDRED BOLTS. Many of you like to blame "THE MAN", but look how you behave. Some of you feel that it is O.K. to leave a string of permanent anchors anyplace you feel it might be entertaining. And look at how some of you people communicate with each other. (This topic is a fine example.) You want to be little "ain't we wacky", foul-mouthed social anarchists but few are going to pay attention because the people who make the decisions generally don't listen to this kind of spew. You bad-mouthed Beck because he's the one talking to "the MAN" and you don't feel that he might adequately represent your views (and which view??) What are you doing? Climbers are the root cause of a lot of this closure business. Consider that possibility instead of attributing it all to beer-bottle breaking teenagers, etc. Where are the restraints? Not many and people are noticing. And by the way.....I am by no means alone in my views. There are lots of us. Lucky I have other priorities or I might pursue my cause more vigorously. And Petey....you claim that you understand my views, but you don't. I am not against all bolts, but I believe they should have VERY LIMITED application. In my view, any climb that is completely bolt-dependent is illegitimate. And I'm not interested in "debating" with you. I find you at least as boring as you find me. Erik: The clean-climbing revolution of your buddy Y. Chouinard and friends was just that...a revolution...and tragically a somewhat failed one. It WILL come back because its message (whether it originated from the '70's, 3,000 B.C. or yesterday) was sound.....the state of rock climbing today, in my opinion, has not evolved...but DEVOLVED.
  22. This guy is a "moderator"???? P.S. You don't know me, so don't act like you can speak for my actions ("oh wait do you do so [climb] now?") and motivations ("jealous tirades"). And by the way, I'm not making excuses for the pitons. They were a problem too....most of that went away with the clean-climbing revolution until it was seemingly forgotten. So pal....you get a clue.
  23. "Ahhh...the forest service pulled over 400 bolts from cave and permanently shut it to climbing...i think you probably can't even walk up there now??? 'twas a great climbing area...oh well... " A taste of the future for those whose climbing habits are utterly bolt-dependent.
  24. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DWAYNER!

    Thanks for the gifts, dude, but it ain't my burfday. Those giant-size chalk-buckets will make fine holders for big 'ole 64-ounce Mickey's. I will donate the shoes to a museum with exhibits featuring anatomical freaks minus the laces which I'll use on my E.B.'s. The neighbor's dog will enjoy sleeping on that over-priced folding mattress. Richard Simmons? I sent him packing weeks ago but if you're lucky he'll show up at your "Rope-Up" with the latest advice for "taking", "sending" and "ticking".
  25. Quote for the Day

    angry old rich man. He's a major founding figure of modern climbing. Show some respect. Angry? I would be too, (in fact I am) if I witnessed a golden revolution (clean climbing) devolve into a world where climbs solely dependent upon bolts (sport climbing) has become acceptable. Rich? Got a problem with money, Sparky? He earned it.
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