Dwayner

[ 02-25-2002: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

O.K. So this ain't exactly Kate Moss's, but it's close enough, I suppose: Celebrity Starfish

Hey Lou fans!I just found some stuff about His Lou-ness on the Internet! Keep reading...the best part is about the $28 summit climb. "Background on Lou WhittakerMountaineering legend Lou Whittaker quotes a passage by Helen Keller that he has memorized: "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." Whittaker was born Feb., 10, 1929, in Seattle's Green Lake neighborhood. Taking on challenges and risk runs in the family. Whittaker's twin brother Jim was the first American to summit Mount Everest. The inseparable twins first reached the summit of Mount Rainier in 1945, at age 16. Lou and Jim Whittaker took over Mt. Rainier's climbing guide service in 1952.Their first clients paid just $28 for a guided summit attempt. Nowadays, climbers who sign on for a summit attempt guided by Lou Whittaker's Rainier Mountaineering, Inc. pay $700 for a chance to make it to the top. Lou's philosophy is simple: "When it comes down to dying, I want to know what it is like to have really lived." And Dwayner say...they take what....about 20+ people up to Muir each day during the summer?...you do the math.

Hikerwa: nobody gonna come unless them girls say theys gonna show up.

Supermodels love climbers. I used to date supermodels exclusively, but then I got tired of the eccentricities...expensive dinners offered to "the facilities" minutes after consumption, the constant preening, the mood-swings, the phonecalls at 3 AM, etc. I've recently run across a news item that yet again reinforces why climbers should NOT date supermodels: "Kate's stolen anus: Art is arse." British artists Jake and Dinos Chapman are reported to have had a break-in at their East London studio. Missing from the studio are a number of close up medical-style photos of famous models' anuses, among them Kate Moss's. The pictures were taken were taken with permission of the models and were to form the basis of a new artwork. Anyone being offered a large photo of the Moss ringpiece should phone the police." Hey! I just got another great auction idea for raising money for the access fund!!!!

These guys speak the truth! I just blasted out there and spent over 80 bucks on some great stuff. They're all stamped "salvage" on the bottom but they's looked fine to me! Big old coffee table book on the history of Mt. Blanc, autobiography of Chris Bonnington, biography of Hermann Buhl, Messner's book on the 8,000 meter peaks, Fred Beckey's McKinley book,some guide books, AND IF YOU'RE LUCKY...YOU MIGHT EVEN FIND A COPY OF BIG LOU'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY, FOR ONLY $7! A BARGAIN AT 10 TIMES THAT PRICE! - Dwayner

That bobsled/skeleton/luge stuff is cool, but nonetheless, Lance Armstrong makes all of those guys, and most climbers, look like a bunch of weenies!

Lambone: "dude" is a part of my Southern California cultural roots. I shudder to think of the origins of your linguistic potty training.

Hey, there, sparky...brother erik...that's way over the top!!! now you put me in the position of having to defend my climbing buddy who I just took down a notch...How the heck did you come up with "oh my god pope is a c#@k chugger too!!!!" from my use of the time-worn expression, "Are you on drugs?".? dude...that's way out of line. pope...I don't knows what's gotten into this feller...a former alpine buddy of the week...but erik...gee whiz! That's a real stretch, my friend! OY!!! - your pal, Dwayner

pope: are you on drugs???? "Donna" just called me from Colorado this morning. This is the run-down, folks....pope and "Donna Top-Step" had this fling just a few years ago...back when pope was still living in his parents basement. It was my bad for introducing the two..(By the way, Donna ain't her real name - I've known her for years and all though we've had our ups and downs [no pun intended], we're still good friends and she evens stays at my house when she's in town). Anyway, she's a superb alpinist and they did some pretty wild climbs together but the final straw was this Alaska trip they went on together during which she stormed off angry after pope apparently crapped on his own sleeping bag. I have seen a few photos from this generally very disfunctional trip and have heard both sides of the story plus a few choice anecdotes from other parties in the area. pope is still pretty embarrassed about the whole thing and continues to distance himself from the ugly truth. Donna used to post on here but she was given a lot of abuse and told me a couple of months ago that she can't log on. Anyway, nice bluff, pope...and trying to make a connection between Ginger...oops!..I mean "Donna" and RURP is a far stretch. I've never met RURP, but he ain't no Donna Top-Step! - Dwayner

Hikerwa...and the rest of me...ask yourself this....WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR DWAYNER TODAY? yum breakfast!

Yah, Vegetable Dude! I've got this big room full of computers here and I'm logged onto about 20 of them right now. In fact, not only am I pope and Dwayner, I'm also Erik, Alpine K, Uncle Tricky, Matt, MattP, Icegirl,and Vegetable Belay plus many of your other favorites. It's kind of fun being a lonely guy, where I can have all of these imaginary friends, swap beta with myself and get into spray wars when I'm in a bad mood. You been to them pub clubs? All them other people were professional actors. I employ so it looks as if I know a bunch of cool cats.

Yeeee!!! Jammies! A few questions... What time is the pillow fight? Can we play truth or dare up in the climbing section? Can we gossip about boys and practice kissing? (for example, "By the way, pope, I think Hemlock likes you....tee hee hee, giggle, giggle, giggle). I don't really sleep in pajamas; I wear this saucy little two-piece number I ordered out of a Victoria's Secret catalog. Can I wear that? Just askin' questions so as to plan my evening! ahoy! Dwayner P.S. make it 45% off and I'll call all my friends...both of them.

Hikerwa: I'm too shy to call into your talk-show, but could you ask this Simonson-guy a few questions? "Why is your nickname "Simo"? Who the hell came up with that one?" "Do you date supermodels?" Here's an Opra-esque question he might enjoy answering: "If you could be any piece of rock pro, would you be a #7 hex, a #9 stopper, or one of them itty-bitty little #0 R.P.'s? Why?" "Do you know Big Lou?" And as for you, imorris, where did you get that picture of my girlfriend training for the Ice Capades?

Question: what does the flaming torch of the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City and last night's Club Pub gathering in Seattle have in common?Answer: the word "spectacular"!Once again, a veritable Who's Who of climbing was present last night. I was surprised to be greeted by the pop of flashbulbs as I entered the venue...the European climbing paparazzi were in full force and were removed by the managers in short order. (Unfortunately, Alpine K's driver, personal chef, and masseuse were all tossed out with the reporters. "They're used to it," he said, and continued drinking.) So many people showed up that THE TABLES HAD TO BE ACTUALLY REARRANGED!!! Matt P was already there when I arrived...effortlessly cool, signing autographs for droves of fans of all ages. I finally intervened with a stern: "Hello!!! Uh, Private Par-tay!!!" That seemed to do the trick. Speaking of tricks, Uncle Tricky was there and tricked us all by being virtually unrecognizable. Apparently the Amish expelled him from the commune and he's now clean-shaven, and was being checked out by both the barflys and sportclimbers on the troll. Lookin' good, babe, but have you thought of the long-term effects it's going to have on your ZZ-TOP tribute band? At one point, the bar manager came up to us with a big stack of papers..."enough", he yelled. "I'm out of FAX paper and I'm turning the machine off!" It was basically a fistful of telegrams: Royal Robbins said he might show up late but don't count on it. Warren Harding wished us the best of luck for a fun-filled evening. Doug Scott's plane was late so he probably wasn't going to make it. etc. Clint Eastwood and George Kennedy,etc. Gaston Rebuffat would have been there, but he's dead. Ed Hillary called MattP on his cell phone and asked if we liked Uncle Tricky's new look. "Yes we do", we all yelled in unison. We got a FAX from Argentina from a "Mister Andrew Warhol" but we think it was a fake. Did I mention that Erik from Tacoma was there and his friend John? And Dr. Jay, looking suave in his Bangkok-purchased silken medical pajamas...Dave, Matt, and a dozen other celebrities too numerous to name were also present... Was it a Sausage Ranch, you ask? HECK NO! The lovely and talented Allison appeared, dressed to stun...and she did. There was another young lady there (Victoria?) who didn't talk to me so I didn't give her the dozen fresh roses I brought for her...that's the breaks...I gave them to an anonymous girl at the 7-11 on the way home in exchange for a Slurpee. There was a lot of grumbling and mumbling about Icegirl. She had chosen the location of this gathering (with its crappy parking) yet was nowhere to be seen. She finally arrived around 10 PM, and it was well worth the wait. This delightful young alpinist should change her internet name from "Icegirl" to "Cutegirl"! Yowsa! She charmed the socks off of several of us. Then again, that's pretty easy to do when you're sitting next to Alpine K.There was lots of beer....torn up and thrown beer coasters, and a variety of entertaining party-like antics. Beta was swapped, modified and swapped again. Party fouls? Here's a big tip from the pro's: Festive social gatherings are no place to discuss climbing ethics, especially if you have deeply held beliefs...but several made the mistake of asking me, and they received "the rant". The effect of my animated conversation was that of a "Baby Ruth in a swimming pool", to quote one of those present, and it wasn't long before I was isolated...alone near the end of the table, just me and Al the Rainier-climbing airline pilot, and we had a good "we don'ts cares what nobodies says" conversation. The party raged until 12:30...and if you weren't there, ten years from now, we'll be hearing the old Woodstock effect:Number of people at last night's Pub Club: 25Number of people claiming to have "been there" at last night's Pub Club: 2,500. - Dwayner

Hey Hikerwa! Can you ask him if he knows Big Lou? ciao, babe! - Dwayner

It's another Club Pub night...and it promises to be the largest gathering of climbing excellence yet assembled in the western United States. Do not let this occasion drift into yet another Sausagefest. Allison and Icegirl will be there so you won't be alone with a bunch of dudes. And how about you, JULES??? Holly Climber...c'mon....the rest of you....Free beer??? Nickerson Street Saloon, 318 Nickerson Street, SeattleTel: (206) 284-8819 c. 7:30 PM

Will be correct. "It's from Tinseltown Rebellion" and that poem should speak truth to all of you. Some of you are feeling a little uncomfortable with what Franky Z. has to say about it all, eh??? So how about that prize I promised???? THERE AIN'T NO PRIZE, SUKKA! That's my own pathetic version of spray. - Dwayner

Alright, I've had a few now... NOW IT'S POETRY TIME!!! And a prize for whoever can figure out what the hell this is: "THE BLUE LIGHT"Your ethosYour pathosYour PorthosYour AramisYour Brut CologneYou're writing homeYou are hopelessYour hopelessnessIs rising around you, rising around youYou like itIt gives you something to doIn the day timeHey buddy, you need a hobbyYou are tired of moving forwardYou think of the futureAnd secretly you piddle your pantsThe puddle of piddleWhich used to be littleIs rising around you, rising around youYou like itIt gives you something to doIn the night time Oh well, you travel to barsYou also go to Winchell's DoughnutsAnd hang out with the Highway PatrolSometimes you'll go to a pizza placeYou go to Shakey's to get thatAmerican kind of pizzaThat has the ugly, waxey, fake yellowKind of cheese on the top...Maybe you'll go to Straw Hat Pizza,To get all those artificial ingredientsThat never belonged on a pizza in the first place(But the white people really like it...)Oh well, you'll go anyplace, you'll do anythingOh you'll give me your underpantsI hope these aren't yours, buddy...They're very nice, thoughYou go to Santa Monica Boulevard,You go to the Blue ParrotNo problem, you'll go anyplaceYou'll do anythingJust so you can hang out with the othersThe others just like youAfraid of the future(Death Valley Days straight ahead)The future is scary(Yes it sure is)Well, the puddle is risingIt smells like the oceanA body of water to isolate EnglandAnd also ResedaThe oil in patchesAll over Atlantis, AtlantisYou remember AtlantisDonovan, the guy with the brocade coatUsed to sing to you about AtlantisYou loved it, you were so involved thenThat's back in the days when you used toSmoke a bananaYou would scrape the stuff off the middleYou would bake itYou would smoke itYou even thought you was getting ripped from itNo problemWoop! Atlantis, they could really get down thereThe plankton, the krillThe giant underwater pyramid, the squid decorExcuse me, ToddThe big ol' giant underwater doorThe dome, the bubbles, the blue lightLight, light, light, lightLight, light, light, lightBlue light blue lightThe seepage, the sewage, the rubbers, the napkinsYour ethos, your Porthos,Your flag pole, your port holeYour languageYou're frightenedThe futureYour lang...You can't even speak your own fucking languageYou can't read it anymoreYou can't write it anymoreYour languageThe future of your languageYour meat loafDon't let your meat loafHeh, heh, hehYour Micro-NanetteHehYour BrutCologne Give Dwayner another one.... thanks!

Dang, offwidthclimber....I consumed my sixer of Mickey's around breakfast time...that would have been about 3 hours ago...let me check to sees what I's got...I've got some port...that ain't bad in small doses...here it goes! Yes! OK, and here's some cheap table wine...let me find a long straw...OK, I'm ready now...all we're missing is the spray, but I suppose we got 25 topics of that already. But here's to ya, offwidthclimber!!

Come on, Caveman. Show up. I'll let you buy me a beer. Seriously, man, I hope you'll make an appearance. I'd have a drinking contest with you but I already know that you'd win. ahoy! - Dwayner and 100 beautiful young ladies.

Mr. Lambert/Lambone or whatever: I'm really disappointed. Crude discourse such as: "Your such a fuckin hypocrite pope. All you do is talk shit on this site...", in my opinion, is way out of line. Yesterday it was raining and after bailing from Index, me and pope gave your gym a call. (Some other guy named Matt answered and said you weren't in). We were looking forward to finally meeting you and sharing a few laughs. After reading the above, I'm not disappointed and I'm not particularly interested. Good luck! - Dwayner And by the way....that kind of language doesn't cut it in the real world, so I hope you know when to shut it off.

Argument with Caveman? What argument with Caveman? The first time I met him, the guy accidentally drank my beer when I went left to visit the restroom but I got over that long ago! If you be speaking about the pub club tug-o-wars; that was something that needed to be sorted out. I'm not convinced it has yet because Caveman himself has been trying to arrange a nice venue on his turf repeatedly and his turn is probably well overdue. How about some drinkin' in Caveman-land next week? And Cave-dude: you got a whole room full of buddies when you show up. - your drinkin' pal, Dddddddwwwayner

And thanks JayB and Max, for your thoughtful and often witty comments. No need to "kill" the discussion. It has a life of its own and will come and go as the opportunity arises, but rarely in such a civil manner (unfortunately). - Dwayner

Brother Max: My comments aren't necessarily age-specific and I stick by them. There are also a lot of "older" people just beginning to climb who are equally clueless to the issues. I believe it is a fact that the majority of new participants in "climbing" these days are getting their education in gyms and sport areas. It's very attractive as the learning curve is very short and the social opportunities are many. I don't care how old or young anyone is, the concerns remain. And if the "youngsters" get a lot of the blame, it might be because they command the majority of the attention in the mag's, etc. Ultimately, I don't care how you climb...you can hang on pro all you want, if you choose, and I can have my own opinion on style, but when it comes to permanently altering the rock, or leaving your garbage on Everest, I believe there are some issues worthy of consideration. As far as I'm concerned, the clean climbing revolution continues, although in need of revival, and you are as welcome as anyone to help spread the word. - Comrade Dwayner Cheers, mate! By the way..."young fart", as far as "lecturing" is concerned...you and others of all ages could learn alot from people who have been around a bit...some of my heroes and mentors are in their seventies and eighties and offer insights I would probably not gather from someone else without the life experience. It's up to you to listen, question and evaluate, and to adopt, alter or dismiss. And sorry, I'm afraid that I can't take credit for the original "bolt-clipping pussy" quote.