Climbing before Marriage

[111]

So I got married this weekend. (yea, luck/poor me blah blah blah). I always hear about the wedding bells being the death toll for free time. Any tips for being able to keep marriage from interfering with climbing? (She doesn't climb much at all and kids aren't in the plan for quite a while)

[denalidave]

As long as you don't have kids you should still be able to get some climbing in (assuming lovely new bride is not the all possessive type). Once you have kids it may be a few years till you get to climb much at all. I know you will hear the exception to this rule but I think if you marry a non climber your odds of getting out often go down a lot once kids enter the scene. For that matter, you won't have time for much of anything, let alone climbing once the yougins hatch. Just my 2 cents.

 

Congrats... Marriage is a contract, you'd better read it before you sign it!

[KaskadskyjKozak]

 

If climbing is part of your life, don't feel like you should not continue to do it. Just make up for the weekends when you are gone by doing more when you are home.

[selkirk]

Mrs. Selkirk and I got married about 1 month before we started taking the Mounties Basic Climbing course My climbing tapered a bit when we got a house (f-in yard I do like the fresh raspberries though ) and has lately tapered more due to climbing partner drift.

In general, if she's cool, she's cool though. Congrats!

[Tokogirl]

I suggest making an effort to plan your climbing trips so that they may coincide with some of her weekend or trip plans. Then your both having fun and will be able to bring more to the relationship.

[RuMR]

111, you are fokked...just shoot yerself

[tvashtarkatena]

Shoot her and get after it.

[minx]

but not until you get a hefty life insurance policy on her.

 

 

[John Frieh]

Sell you stuff now while you can still get a few bucks for it

 

[dt_3pin]

111, you are fokked

 

Don't worry, the fucking will end shortly. . . 8D

[KaskadskyjKozak]

111, you are fokked

 

Don't worry, the fucking will end shortly. . . 8D

 

and forget about clucking

[rob]

I don't know why you would expect your climbing to slow down because you got married. Surely you didn't marry someone who's going to tell you what you can and can't do with your own time?

 

It's not like you have kids. She's your wife, not your mama

[chucK]

I think you may be making a false assumption there Rob. That is, that everyone is on the same page in terms of the existence of (and quantity of) "your own time".

 

I have almost totally failed at this marriage/climbing thing, so I guess I can't give you a surefire solution, but I would suggest that you attempt to manage yourself, that is, don't go climbing every possible moment where it seems you could justify jetting out. Also don't make your wife be the limiter, as in, if you feel like it's getting a bit excessive, don't ask your wife to say OK. That puts her in a hard spot of either getting less of she wants (more time with you) or being perceived as a bitch/nag.

 

Though it may be different for others, in my experience, making up for it when I get back has not been a successful strategy, and being headstrong about what I get to do with MY time has backfired horribly.

[Winter]

So I'm married to a climber, so maybe this advice won't help much, but her climbing goals are MUCH different then mine, so we still struggle with similar issues.

 

Find a joint activity that you two can engage in together - one that you feel almost as passionate about as climbing. Spend a bunch of time with her in that setting and work out a schedule for you to also spend a bunch of time climbing. She'll feel like she gets quality time and will probably get sick of you anyway and want you out of the house so she can talk about you behind your back with her girlfriends.

[minx]

wow chuck gets it. that's the only decent relationship advice ever posted on cc.com

 

don't make your wife ask you not to go so much. cool women don't want to do that. contrary to popular believe, we don't want to nag you or have to ask you to spend some time hanging out w/us. we'd like to think that you'd do that b/c we are worth spending time with.

 

i have seriously learned to hate skiing b/c of this.

 

BUT if she really really really enjoys belaying and handing you cold beers later then by all means climb as much you want

[Rad]

I can easily think of a dozen husbands and dads on this site who still climb. I have a wife and 3 kids (0.1, 3, and 4.5) and probably climb more now than I ever have, though overnight alpine trips are harder to justify. There is hope for you yet.

 

If your marriage is based on a relationship with solid trust, respect, consideration, and communication you should be ok. If not, you're in for trouble regardless of whether climbing is part of the picture.

 

Finally, don't be someone who says "I can't FIND the time", or "I don't HAVE time to do X, Y, or Z". What these people are really saying is that they don't MAKE time or CHOOSE TO SPEND their time doing X, Y, or Z.

 

"The bed that you make is the one that you will lie in" Dire Straits

 

 

[KaskadskyjKozak]

I can easily think of a dozen husbands and dads on this site who still climb. I have a wife and 3 kids (0.1, 3, and 4.5) and probably climb more now than I ever have, though overnight alpine trips are harder to justify. There is hope for you yet.

 

If your marriage is based on a relationship with solid trust, respect, consideration, and communication you should be ok. If not, you're in for trouble regardless of whether climbing is part of the picture.

 

Finally, don't be someone who says "I can't FIND the time", or "I don't HAVE time to do X, Y, or Z". What these people are really saying is that they don't MAKE time or CHOOSE TO SPEND their time doing X, Y, or Z.

 

"The bed that you make is the one that you will lie in" Dire Straits

 

 

 

[tvashtarkatena]

Experts on successful relationship, such as those at MSNBC, recommend encouraging her to develop her own interest, such as cooking, cleaning, and tantric technique, and home brewing. Similarly, you might think about developing interests of your own that allow you to be home. After the honey moon period is over, which can be as little as several days, she doesn't want to be with you so much as she just wants to know what you're not doing. So go ahead and rebuild that '68 Impala, breed those exotic constrictors, and learn to play those drums. Who knows? You might find that time spent pursuing your at-home interests might translate to more time you're encouraged to spend away.

[minx]

so true, quite often i find that i want my husband out of the house as much as possible. its much less annoying that way.

[tvashtarkatena]

Men knew the score in dear old dad's day. Look at their hobbies: taxidermy, cigar smoking, poker. Their wives ALWAYS wanted them gone.

 

Who came up with the crazy ass idea that married couples should actually spend time together?

[RuMR]

wow chuck gets it. that's the only decent relationship advice ever posted on cc.com

 

don't make your wife ask you not to go so much. cool women don't want to do that. contrary to popular believe, we don't want to nag you or have to ask you to spend some time hanging out w/us. we'd like to think that you'd do that b/c we are worth spending time with.

 

i have seriously learned to hate skiing b/c of this.

 

insert a big

[minx]

sheesh rumr what did i say to get the

 

you're just jealous b/c i don't think you're the guru of marital advice. that and you're pissy b/c you ski now.

[RuMR]

don't insult me...i don't ski at all...

 

I can't believe you when you say someone's passion for sumpin' makes you wind up hating it...lemme guess, the poor sap prolly never skiied until after you got married and because its all new and shiny got waaaay into it....yeah, right, sure, you betcha...

[minx]

yup that's it. b/c i don't understand nuthin about having a passion for something. how much time a spouse needs is all relatively. about once a week or so is plenty

[RuMR]

i guess what i'm struggling with is that a.) you (generically speaking) were attracted to a person for certain reasons, etc. b.) this person likely was consistent in his or her's activity requirements BEFORE he or she met you c.) so what changed? Did you just ignore certain obvious and visible facts hoping that he would change???

 

some do (like myself, but i can guarantee you that i miss it something fierce) but most don't...maybe some mitigation, but the desire is always there...fortunately for me, my bod's falling apart so no biggie...