John Frieh Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 My tale of woe: 7:30 on Saturday the 6th found me lying in bed awake, debating whether I should go to PDX to look for a place to live (sidenote: anyone looking for a roommate in PDX? I have 35+ cams and am willing to share) or put it off until Tuesday and sleep in. It was at this particular moment that a loud (emphasis on the word loud) crash literally jumped me out of bed. The source of this noise you ask? Upon inspection of my living room, I found that an elderly woman had decided to park her late 90’s Chevy sedan there. Not just the front of her car, mind you, but the whole car (i.e. all four tires on the carpet). The front of the car had come to a stop against the house frame that separates my room from the living room. While inspecting her parking job, I found I could see my brother Tim standing in our front yard (as at this point I no longer had a living room wall blocking my view) calling the police. In my Patagonia boxers (I mention this only because I think the lady was actually more embarrassed about seeing me in my boxers than parking her car in our living room), I jumped over her car and the various pieces of what remained of my furniture, the living room wall, etc to get to her and make sure she was okay (which thankfully she was). In the process, I managed to cut the shit out of my left hand and foot on the glass that once constituted a rather large glass window. It was at this point of securing this prime parking location (lets be honest, indoor parking is always preferred), she decided for whatever reason that it wasn’t to her liking, and restarted her car to back out. She literally stopped talking to me through her window, looked over her shoulder and out through the hole in the wall and waited for Tim (who was in the front yard still on the phone) to get out of the way so she could back up. I have screamed loudly a few times in my life (ice climbing lead falls on spectres come to mind), but not as loud as I did at her to please shut her car off. She reluctantly complied and was kind enough to allow me to open her door and get her out. I escorted her to the front door of our house, which I opened but then closed, as I realized the monstrous hole in the wall next to the front door was just, if not more, adequate to walk her out through. Following our relocation to the front yard and getting the lady some water and what remained of my lazy boy to sit on, I opted to discuss the recent house renovation with my brother who had just finished calling the police. He told me that while standing on our front porch, he heard a car revving its engine across the street. This of course captured his attention, and he turned to watch as a late 90’s Chevy sedan started to speed down the street. The Chevy proceeded to jump the curb into the yard of the senior citizens center (which is across the street from my house), travel through a hedge, cut a fat brodie in the yard, bank back left and head straight for him. Before it reached the house and Tim (who was still standing on the front porch at this moment), it drove through the end of a Nissan truck that was parked on the street in front of my house. The Chevy had enough force that it spun the truck up into our yard (a distance of several feet) and out of the way of the Chevy. The Chevy, after proceeding through the Nissan, traveled into and through my brick flowerbed, followed by my living room wall and into the living room where I found it. Based on my understanding of physics (and let’s be honest, I don’t recall any problems in quantum mechanics that involved Chevy’s in a 3d box, so I could very well be wrong) had the Nissan or the flowerbed not be present, I hypothesize the car would have proceeded through another wall into either my room and/or the bathroom and quite possible into the back room. Just a theory though. But back to Tim’s story: young Tim, about the time the Nissan was spinning through the air in his direction closely followed behind by the speeding Chevy, quickly reached the conclusion that the front porch was probably not the best vantage point at this particular moment and jumped clear (complete with an army roll landing in the grass). Side note: If this isn’t an argument against waking and baking, I don’t know what is (Can you see the headline? Young boy killed as he was too stoned to realize he should get out of the way of oncoming car). Which brings us back to where I was spurred out of bed to find the car parked in my living room. Anyways, Corvallis Police was nice enough to come and take an accident report; Tim was disappointed that of the officers who responded, none of them were the one that gave him a MIP earlier in the year. Listening to the elderly lady give her report, she somehow mistook her accelerator for the brake and drive (it was an automatic) for reverse. Don’t you just hate it when this happens? I know I do. A tow truck driver came and moved first the Nissan and then the Chevy. I had the joy of calling my landlord and telling him I no longer had a living room wall. After a copious amount of cussing, he was nice enough to come and clean up the mess (and one it was) and install a temporary living room wall consisting of plywood and screws. If you thought I lived in the ghetto house before, you should see it now… my plywood castle. I have a feeling the plywood won’t be as insulative as the old wall and my house will be a little colder. Oh well… alpine training I guess. The landlord did give me permission to paint a window on the plywood. Regretfully, as I am a science major, painting isn’t one of my fortes, so if someone would be interested in painting me a window, mural, tag, etc., drop me a line. I have always believed in supporting the arts. Shout outs and mad props going out to: *My landlord for fixing my wall fast and giving me permission to paint. *The elderly ladies insurance company who will be replacing all my furniture as well as those 2 pairs of ice tools, portaledge, and bibler tent that were so damaged in the accident you couldn’t find any trace of them in the debris. And I had a flat screen too. I swear! No love for: *My upstairs neighbor who upon hearing the noise and feeling the house shake decided that Tim and I were (and I quote!) “only wrestling” and went back to sleep. *The AARP for their continued success at lobbying congress to not require elderly people to retake driving tests every few years. Lessons learned: *In hindsight, living across the street from a senior citizen facility might not have been the best choice. *Don’t park your car on the street (no it wasn’t my Nissan). *If something crazy happens (see above story), its probably means it’s dead week. At least it wasn’t finals week I guess. I know you all want pictures, and yes I took many (I thinking I might already have my Xmas card photo for the year!), but at the time I had slide film loaded, so it will take a few days before I get the roll back. I promise I’ll post them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thelawgoddess Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 a most EXCELLENT tale!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snoboy Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Best. Trip. Report. Ever. Wow, glad you are OK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
To_The_Top Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Sheet, that was a good story! Can't wait for the pics! Nice TR! TTT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terminal_Gravity Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Indeed...One of my all time favorite TR's Thanks - s Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sk Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE THAT IS THE 3RD BEST EPIC I HAVE EVER READ ON THIS SITE glad you and yer bro are okay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashw_justin Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 *The AARP for their continued success at lobbying congress to not require elderly people to retake driving tests every few years. Yet another example of life imitating South Park. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chucK Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 too bad about your Bibler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Frieh Posted March 7, 2004 Author Share Posted March 7, 2004 Just in case you couldn't tell I was joking about the bibler, ice tools, etc. The only real shit that was smashed was my furniture, but being a student you can guess how expensive it was. My landlord and I were joking about all the things I had "damaged beyond recognition" that we hoped to put on the insurance claim... who knows... maybe I will get a new tent and a flat screen out of this... mmm bibler. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 get someone else's non working power drill smash with sledge hammer and insert in wreckage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpinfox Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Yeah, you can buy a bunch a' busted shit on Ebay! Maybe you could find some broken faberge eggs or some other expensive shizzle. "Um, yeah... so my faberge egg collection is, like, totally smashed dude. That's $45,000 you owe me. 3 year climbing road trip here I come!!! ... Oh, did I say that last part out loud?" Insurance fraud Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terminal_Gravity Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE THAT IS THE 3RD BEST EPIC I HAVE EVER READ ON THIS SITE glad you and yer bro are okay Okay, Muffster....what are the first two???? ' since you have the rated. - TG Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blake Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Glad you are safe, hope your hand and foot recover soon. That is some very good writing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iain Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 I thought the lesson to be learned here is to not live in Corvallis. Did the CPD fine the lady for illegal parking and a noise violation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Frieh Posted March 8, 2004 Author Share Posted March 8, 2004 They wrote her a ticket for something stupid like failure to stay in ones' lane or some shit. Honestly, I feel like she has enough to worry about (insurance rates) that she doesn’t need a ticket on top of it. The only good thing about the ticket is that it requires her too retake a driving test to get her license reinstated (which I agree is a good thing). I'll be honest; I wasn't paying too much attention to the proceedings as I was distracted by seeing my upstairs neighbor in her p.j.'s (its morning wood... I swear! Speaking of which, has there been a thread that discussed morning horsecock/the existence of? Hmmm… ) I should mention that I should have pictures sometime Tuesday night/Wednesday for all to enjoy. And in other news, I spent a portion of the day perfecting my one foot/one hand climbing technique in the gym. I have never achieved a pump so great on a 5.6 before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
murraysovereign Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Any pics of the upstairs neighbour? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bug Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 You need a roll-cage on your bed. Do post your neighbors pics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catbirdseat Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Reminds me of the story of an Issaquah family who have had three cars wrecked by out of control drivers in three separate incidents. In only one of them was the car actually on the street. In the other two the driver crossed their lawn to nail the parked car on the driveway. I think the best solution is a good rockery with huge boulders. Let 'em drive into the proverbial immovable object and see how they like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sk Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE THAT IS THE 3RD BEST EPIC I HAVE EVER READ ON THIS SITE glad you and yer bro are okay Okay, Muffster....what are the first two???? ' since you have the rated. - TG Funny you ask beer god, becuase you are involved in both. Your trip ans subsequent internal struggles onrainer when you got lost and your GPS froze, and you and tex on yokum last year. in that order. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmokeShow Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Dude, remember that old guy that mowed a bunch of people down in Santa Monica last year. Same story... thought he was hitting the brake. F'ing people ground up under the car and shit. Sick. Glad you didn't get wasted bro. Move out of the ghetto ASAP. I know somebody in PDX that may be looking for a roommate. PM me if you need some info. And I have one last question. Were you wearing boxers this whole time? Maybe the old lady got wigged out by 'ol willy and that's why she was trying to jam it in reverse and bug out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blake Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE THAT IS THE 3RD BEST EPIC I HAVE EVER READ ON THIS SITE glad you and yer bro are okay Okay, Muffster....what are the first two???? ' since you have the rated. - TG Funny you ask beer god, becuase you are involved in both. Your trip ans subsequent internal struggles onrainer when you got lost and your GPS froze, and you and tex on yokum last year. in that order. Now I got to dig these up and read them, they are, afterall, #1 and #2 all time TRs. I couldn't find them in search though.. you remember thread names ro any other details>? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sk Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 keep in mind thease are all time EPICS TG on ranier he was lost in a white out conditions, and the yokum one is in oregon cascades, posted by TG and there may be one by tex from last fall of 2002 I think. i will hunt arround and see if I can find them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glacierdog Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 There's on for the books! Can't wait to see the pics! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minx Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 could you add my rack to your insurance claim? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisT Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 I predict that the woman will prob lose her license. My dad lost his for far less. Great tale nontheless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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