Rob - I think you ultimately need to get yourself to a place where you realize that not hating this person is in YOUR (and your kids) best interest - your decision not to hate this person is not for this person's benefit. Odds are that your kids are already being hurt by this persons actions, and to the extent that a hateful mindset drives actions/attitudes of anger in your life, they are the recipients of more collateral damage. Also, I've found that for me, harboring resentment poisons my own quality of life in other spheres. Choosing not to hate is not about letting a person off the hook who deserves to be treated poorly based on their actions/attitudes. Rather, it's being mature enough to recognize that returning hate with hate does more damage to you and your kids than simply letting go.