Dr_Flash_Amazing

Cripes! They woulda overshot the route by a good 900 inches!

Getting over the nearly incapacitating and completely irrational fear of falling and learning to actually focus on the climbing instead. Although the fear still grips occasionally these days, it can usually be shaken off in short order. Years of stagnation came to an end in short order after clearing this retarded mental hurdle. Second to that breakthrough was endurance training. Fuckin' A, if you can just hang on for a little longer, you'll get them anchors, by gumbo. And good strategy! Woefully underused and underappreciated is the art of systematically sussing moves and comitting them to memory, finding and remembering subtle beta, giving yourself cues, and rehearsing the whole route (clips, rests, chalking, and clipping the anchors) in your head as many times as necessary. When it all flows perfectly in your head, there's a good chance it'll all flow on the rock when it counts. Plus standing around miming moves and muttering to yourself over and over makes people worry about you and stay away.

Far be it from the humble Dr. Flash Amazing to dispute the encyclopaedic Dru Sprayshaw's grasp of the fax, however, if DFA's memory can this once be trusted, he would dare say the ascent in question was indeed sans chalk, but not sans shoes. Oui, ou non?

The above reminds DFA of the below (from Alk3's classic 'Bleeder'): it's one thing that I never said, "I'm truly happy in my heart and in my head" a lonely liver suspended in liquid one thing that I never did was smile, missing a case, lacking a lid"

Systems training is something the Euros (Germans, if the Doc' recalls correctly) came up with, whereby you have a short climbing wall (think bouldering height) with a variety of matched grips at regular intervals up the wall (i.e. pairs of identical holds for right and left hands), and some footholds in specific places at regular intervals. So, say you might have sets of edges all the way up, sets of slopers, sets of pinches, sets of jugs, etc., and some decent footholds placed for toeing straight on, and for backstepping, etc., this being your "systems wall". This way, you can target specific movements or grips very effectively. You can tailor it so you're in awkward positions with your feet to build up some core strength, you can work lockoffs on crappy edges, or whatever. The idea is that you have more or less a grid of varied holds, identical for each hand, so you can get focused, balanced training. It's much less injurious than the campus board, but is apparently quite good at whipping that ass into shape. At the PRG, the systems wall is up front, by the cubbies, between the 45 and the little toprope area near the big garage door, where those big square holds with multiple grips on them are. Those are called "systems tiles", and they give you the variety of holds on one handy chunk of polyester resin, with a couple different pockets, edges, slopers, and sidepulls/gastons. Systemsness, in the shell of a nut. Schpiel on systems training from Franklin Climbing website.

Looks like you lads oughta start hunting an animal with fewer legs. It's poacher poaching season!

Whachoo talkin'bout, Trask? Since the weather got cooler, DFA's been bringin' out the flag daily. Something about that nylon blend they use pretty much beats every other commercially available firestarting medium. These colors might not run, but they burn beautifully!

It's like you know exactly what DFA is thinking or something ... strange, that.

What the hell was that thing on top of the "PLAB" sign? Some type of animal carcass pieces? Also: Texplorer is a sicko endurance junkie. You don't go running up Misery Ridge, for goodness sakes! Bailed Saturday and missed the Main Event, alas.

Not likely. Most folks don't have their sunglasses on in the gym, and are thus usually blinded by the blizzard of flash bulbs going off when DFA and the Amazing Entourage enter. If you've ever experienced sudden blindness followed by a heady euphoria coupled with feelings of inadequacy, you may have been in the presence of the one known as Dr. Flash Amazing. Ciao!

Might try doing some work on the systems wall at the local rock gym, too, if they have one. Few trips up the pinches a few times a week will get your gription workin'.

No problem. Dunno about the job opening situation. Might check their website and see if they've got any info there.

www.theterrorstate.com New A-F comin' out 10/21 and it's gonna rock your pants. Comin' to the Crystal B-Room in November, too.

Half past five, I'm in the pub Six o'clock it's home for grub Eight o'clock its back to the bar Fuck the walk, I'll take my car (Knock it back, I'll have another one, rinkin' and drivin' is so much fun. Knock it back I'll have another one, drinkin' and drivin' is so much fun) You, me, and the time to roam Don't forget the highway code Keep your head on, keep your cool Must avoid the right phone pole (Knock it back, I'll have another one, rinkin' and drivin' is so much fun. Knock it back I'll have another one, drinkin' and drivin' is so much fun) In the motor, off you go Not too fast and not too slow See a spot and take your pick Out of the car door to be sick. (Knock it back, I'll have another one, rinkin' and drivin' is so much fun. Knock it back I'll have another one, drinkin' and drivin' is so much fun) OI OI OI!

Tex-o, They've got a deal goin' right now; if you sign up before November, you get the current rate, which is definitely a good deal, 'cause it will go up a bit. And they're also giving extra free months, too. Right now it's 13 months for the price of 12 (you gotta do the year commitment thing), up until November. Best hurry on in there, or you're gonna be kicking yourself when the dues go up to like fiddy a month at the new joint. Love, Dr. Flash Amazing

You're more than welcome to borrow Dr. Flash Amazing's bicycle. Just needs some air in the tires and you're set.

bon aniversaire c-c! bon aniversaire c-c! graemlins are jaune comme pee pee, bon aniversaire c-c! Lo siento mucho por el Frawnch muy malo. Aaaaaiiiiiiiii! Y muchos maaaaaaas!

"I say don't drink and drive you might spill your drink before you get behind the wheel just stop and think you can take your chances but there's so much to lose another bumpy road and so much wasted booze! I'm not so worried 'bout how many I kill I'm much more concerned with how much beer I spill!"

Best rock climbing in Portland is at Smith Rock, best beer's at the Bridgeport Alehouse or Brewery. Everything else is irrelevant.

Thanks. Just the kind of thing DFA was hoping to avoid, as "unrelenting edges with a crux of one-finger pockets" sounds gnarly enough without worrying about holds busting off. Pass.

Yeah, and, uh, if you could get a good comfortable chair for the autograph table, that would be great. One of them Herman Miller Aeron chairs would suffice. Because the usual cheap metal folding job? Not cutting it for DFA. Also, do you think you had enough of the Official Dr. Flash Amazing Chain Reaction Beta Sequence posters printed up? Those are usually a big seller, and you'll be kicking yourself if you run out early. And Chockstone said they'd have a couple hundred copies of 'Dr. Flash Amazing's How To Be a Motherfuckin' Superstar Crag Champion' shipped over ASAP, but they haven't arrived yet, and DFA is getting peeved. But you know how them publishing fools is. Still waiting on that check, too. D'you think you can have it with on Friday? A Doctor's gotta eat too, ya know.

Please God, no "jams"! There's nothing worse than a bunch of hippies who think they have an iota of musical skill banging out a bunch of discordant, arhythmic caterwauling for hours on end. Just because you have a drum does not mean you have rhythm, and just 'cause you have a guitar or the like doesn't mean you play it well enough to make anyone else want to hear it. Kapish? Unqualified guitar slingers will have their instruments dispatched a-la Animal House.

Is this shit kicking off Friday night or Saturday? It's possible that Dr. Flash Amazing will be in the vicinity, and the good DFA needs to know whether to bring earplugs or not. Also, no one's bringing any guitars or, like, bongo drums or nothing, right? Lord, but that shit gets obnox'.

Hello, friends! Do any of you hard sending freaks have any beta on 5 Easy Pieces? Poor DFA can't recall if it's .13a or b or c or what, let alone the grades of the individual pitches (aside from the first, which is what, .12a or b?). Do ya need two ropes to get down? Izzit runout and chossy? Anything you got would be mucho appreciated. And while we're on the topic of longer sport climbs on Picnic Lunch Wall, has anyone done Highway 97 in its entirety? The last pitch looks fuckin' righteous. Yeah, well, thanks, and have a nice day. Oh, and dial-up sucks. Hurrah.

Toxic, Tragic Plight, Overboard, Heresy, Bloodshot, Blue Lite Spesh, Up For Slabs ... some good 11s. All the 10s at Smithy are suck, and Glassgowkiss is right; all the really good shit starts at 5.12. Get out and punish yourself and get strong!