Dr_Flash_Amazing

Lacking a "round of applause" emoticon (or "Graemlin" as you alpos are intent on calling them), Dr. Flash Amazing presents you with one pocket-sized snafflehound, in recognition of your valiant translation of DFA's |-|4><><0|2 writings. You have done your nation proud, son. Snaffness: And now, the band will lead us in a rousing round of 'Baby Got Back'. Good night, and God bless.

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Dru, you are truly the most hilarious internet denizen with whom the Doctor has ever crossed paths. A0 is neither.

The summit of Monkey Face at Smith Rock State Park can be reached via the enjoyable 5.7 A0 (or is a bolt ladder A1?) Pioneer Route. At approximately 300 feet in height, it is one of Oregon's most noble summits. It is pretty fun, though, especially if you're a sport climber.

The shiz went away! But DFA knows that "Haxxor" is internet geek-speak for "hacker." See also "fuxor" for "fucker" and "suxor" for "sucker."

Forget it. It's one of them chipmunks or a similar type of mountain weasel who chews holes in your brand new pack when you're camping up at the base of Snow Creek Wall and eats your trail mix. Li'l bastards. [ 08-07-2002, 03:29 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

quote: Originally posted by erik: hahahaha i just looked on the rei website and the bibler i-tent is listed as a backpacking/hiking tent. http://www.rei.com/online/store/Search?storeId=8000&seq=61&query=*&cat=4500029 no wonder bone epiced!!! Oh, yeah, the Bibler I-Tent is a classic hiking tent. With only two poles and a single skimpy layer of fabric between you and oblivion, one would never, ever want to go into the mountains with one.

Try either taking it to a different REI store or calling REI's customer service department. A Sierra Designs Tiros should not have the tent poles be snappin'. That is fully bunk.

The best defense against minivans is to register at The New York Times Online? Sounds like a fairly dubious strategy, sir.

Sycophant bootlicker.

Cripes! Do they actually do that? (Hopefully that doesn't get filed with the stupid things you've heard.)

Which reminds the Doctor of the time he was lurking with some hardpersons over near Churning at Smith, and the group's attention was drawn to a pair over at the Peanut. They were toproping one of the 5.8's, and the belayer, rather than standing in one place and taking in rope, had the brilliant, groundbreaking idea to simply lock off the device and walk backwards in a plumb line down the hill, thus reeling in the rope. DFA recalls the moron being subsequently mobbed by disbelieving onlookers, and thoroughly chastised for being a threat to public safety and Smith's trail system.

DFA thinks that must make you the smartest; opposites attracting and so forth. Clearly such a stunning collection of stupid encounters brands you as a fantastic genius!

Bugger off, you tosser.

The mid 90's, a young Dr. Flash Amazing on spring break takes a trip to Red Rocks with a few chums. While checking out the Sandy Corridor at the Sandstone Quarry pullout, we encounter several gumbuses attempting to lead a mixed-pro route. They have a few draws and one large Stopper (#12 or so). They are unable to place the piece due to it being several sizes too large, and one of DFA's group finishes the route for them, saving them certain death. We encounter them later, apparently done toproping a route. Two of them are at the anchor, and they elect to rappel race back to the ground. This entails one moron on each half of the rope, rapping at top speed trying to beat the other to the ground. Apparently they are unaware of what will happen when one person finishes rapping while the other gets hung up halfway up the pitch. Upon arriving at the ground at fortunately (?) about the same time, meathead one looks over and asks loudly, "wanna give it a rip?" That quote lived on for years in memory of those fellows' fantastic stupidity.

quote: Originally posted by Dru: Bonus to anyne who tells me what the original headline said! "Pope Tells Youth Trad Climbing is Hella Evil" [ 08-07-2002, 10:24 AM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

Dr. Flash Amazing knows this "Darius Azin" only in name, and has never met the man, thus he cannot help you. Lo siento mucho, hombre. Bueno suerte.

quote: Originally posted by trask: this place is going sporto? fuck, what a bummer. Balls! Sportism is the way of the future (much like kickboxing, for those John Cusack fans keeping score at home)! Even lauded mountaineer and adventurer Reinhold Messner was recently seen hangdogging limestone at Ceuse, clad in Prana shorts and La Sportiva slippers, hollering for crux beta. Submit, damn you!

You blasphemous heathen infidels had best learn to behave. The iron fist delivers a firm, disciplinary spanking to the unbelieving. Dr. Flash Amazing ate crag.com for breakfast, and is in the midst of polishing of smithrock.com. Don't think your little e-alpine playground here is safe from AmazingCo., Inc.'s nefarious tentacles. Now, who would like to pay homage to the bolt, the quickdraw, and the Gri-Gri?

quote: Originally posted by trask: I'm not a snob, I hate everybody. Hey, dammit! DFA lives by that line (or at least variations thereupon). He was even going to try for a vanity license plate reading "H8 EVR1." Perhaps one day, when he has money to squander on such trivialities. [ 08-06-2002, 04:19 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

Funny thing; DFA too respects those of you who go out, freeze balls (or comparable girl-parts), and run it out on barely-frozen-together choss while wearing a pack. But he'll stick with the relaxing atmosphere of Smith, and the endless sequence puzzling and hang doggery of sport climbing.

trask - Nothing else to do. And it's not the alpineness DFA hates, it's the snobness, alpo. tex - Dr. Flash Amazing will never submit to your twisted worldview. Sportism all the way! [ 08-06-2002, 03:54 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

Mr. Tex, Dr. Flash Amazing's cockiness, as you see it, is a product of his alpine-snob surroundings, and is wholly reflexive. He doesn't fancy himself or his sportness any better than anyone else, but when some frostbitten lout starts spraying about sport climbing's inferiority or about dumb sportos, DFA is compelled to respond in kind. Plus it's kinda fun stirring up some shit now and again. Yours in cragging, Dr. Flash Amazing

Huh? Crack Babies is a fun route, you're right! A little epoxy here and there, but it's like Red Rocks climbing! Oh, oops. That'd be in response to Trask, there. [ 08-06-2002, 03:28 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

Ah, well. Bring in the B-52s, then (although they haven't had a hit song in years--HA HAAAAAA!!!).