Dr_Flash_Amazing

Shit, bro, don't overdo it there.

See, if our idiot president made better use of his misuse of the NSA, our nation would be a better place. Here's to more constructive constitutional violations in 2006!

Bah! Stick with UPS. DFA tried DHL once, and they were late because of some snow. Hardly worth saving like a dollar on shipping for that kind of disservice.

1. Aggro Monkey

What about Ye Olde-Schoole Alpine Piton Crafte? Pure as a load of spindrift in your knickers!

You'll note that you don't hear many reports of cutting-edge climbers complaining that they couldn't send a route because they were too short/tall/whatever. Could be part of why they are climbing 10x harder than the rest of us could ever hope to?

Pope: the only person on Earth who still has his wool knickers in a twist about that newfangled sports climber Warren Harding bolting up El Cap. How often do you have to re-hobnail your mountain boots, old chap?

1. Dave Graham has sent like every 5.14 in the world, and has been mopping up .14+ projects in Europe with such regularity as to make the accomplishments seem blase. 2. There are, what, fewer than 5 5.15s that have actually been confirmed by other climbers? There's hardly a good pool to draw from for consensus, not to mention more than a handful of climbers capable of sending the grade. 3. You are a Canadian alpinist. Discuss.

[quoteI'm sure it's happened, but the one time I was nailed from behind, it was a snowboarder. They think that running the fall line is "in control" until some object is in front of them, at which time, they discover the truth. DFA has been run into by or nearly run into by skiers plenty of times. Your sample group of one incident is rather small for drawing conclusions about an entire user group, isn't it, science man? The fact is that stupid, careless, ignorant people are out there snow-sliding on all types of planks. Perpetuating the 20-odd-year-old myth that snowboarders are out of control is fucking retarded.

Unless you're a gaper and you are the one who is out of control? Also, it's a proven fact that no skier has ever run into a snowboarder. Ever.

"NEVER TOSS A DWARF!"

1. Booze 2. Wimmin 3. Fuckin' shit up

Dr. Flash Amazing has been holding it down with the spray (if you want to denigrate the Doctor's flawless textual gems with that term) since nigh on the two-triple-aught. An' if the good Doctor may say so, most o' you young bucks ain't learned a damn thing nor got a whit smarter since the git-go.

Tihs theard si teh fcuking siht. Fro relas, oy.

What about gay-cowboy semen?

Huhwhat? Huey Lewis and the News are hardcore? Woooooord...

They have a ten-foot lead wall? Oh, the sickness...

A classic! That route should be renamed "Gumby-spanker!" Too many asses in the dirt and frustrated parties shuffling off to something less in-yer-face to count.

How about anecdotal evidence? Years climbing: 13 and change Bolts fallen, hung, and repeatedly yarded on: too numerous to count Bolt failures experienced or witnessed: zero Bolt failures heard of: a handful, in Thailand, due to now well-publicized corrosion Obviously, ancient alpine bolts might be a different story, but if it has a buttonhead on it, you can reasonably guess it's less bomber than a Rawl 5-piece.

D'oh! "Bouldery" has nothing to do with putting in pro, you yutzes; it's all about the fiercetude of the climbatorial movementations. All-out huckin', slappin', and crankin' all qualify for boulderosity. Repent, ye fools.

"Dearest Hello Kitty Diary, Sunday: a sunny day, I sing a song of sewn slings and salivate over squid science, spray away the day, and nap in my sunny spot with a mega bucket of mountain books and Hello Kitty blanket. A romp to the cafe on the way to the Icefields Parkway, I'll climb my thing someday, but I left my aiders at home today, so I'll practice my knots on the guardrail by the roadside; butterfly, bowline, clove hitch, ring bend. Oh, my, how the day goes by, and I return to the spraystation for another thousandpostings, then a can of sardines and bedtime with Hello Kitty sheets. Dreams of icy tools and haulbaggery, hopes of squid news. Luv, Druey" Nice, isn't it?

That's what I figure. Sad, really. Don't think Rock and Ice isn't just as eager to give you the screw; they're a shameless homophonic anagram of "randy cock!" And Climbing? "Big'n milk?" God only knows what that's supposed to mean, but it's unquestionably ominous.

So, does claiming membership in such a non-organized "group" constitute a crime these days, or does one actually have to break the law? What if you call yourself a terrorist but never kill anyone or blow anything up? Free trip to Romania on Air CIA?

The Islamo-fascist terrorists at Alpinist (almost an anagram of "Islam pit," you'll notice) are clearly screwing you, and possibly your girlfriend, too, probably because they know you're in the service and they hate America. Call in an air strike of poop tubes and dirty polypro!