allthumbs

Two kids playing in a lane found a donkey who had died with a hard on. Being the mischievous kind of boys, they cut off the donkey's dick and began brandishing it in the air. Just thena police officer on his bicycle came up the lane, and the boysnot wanting to be caught with it tossed it over the wall of theNunnery. Sister Agnes and Sister Mary taking their afternoon strollfound the dick in the bushes. "Oh sweet Lord!" says Sister Agnes. "What's wrong?" asks Sister Mary. "You've gone as white as a sheet." "It's those dirty protestant bastards," Sister Agnes replies."They have murdered Father O'Toole!"

[ 03-12-2002: Message edited by: trask ]

quote: Originally posted by taz: hey trask, like my new autosig yea, it's really YOU.

This works for me. http://www.makersmark.com/

whatever, taz. you da man. [ 03-12-2002: Message edited by: trask ]

Speaking of beer: Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

quote: Originally posted by Jman: Same with shooting people. Heh Jman, I was trying to be nice and agree with you. Why not get off the anti-gun soapbox and get on with something else. I'm not going to debate gun issues or laws with you on this forum. If you would like to take it further, PM me for my phone number and we can talk. Otherwise, let's drop it, okay?

I won't argue with any of that. Well, except one point. Start retesting at age 60, not every year. I mean it, my mother at 76 should not be driving. She still does it though...someone should yank her lics. I think it's up to the DMV to take the incompetent's lics. Not trying to be a Boy Scout here, but I usually try to let at least one guy merge out of a gas station or restaurant for no other reason than it's the right thing to do. You'd be surprised how contageous that is.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it, don't piss them away on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? A: Thicker gravy.

Like I said, y'all do what you want. I'm defending myself.

Haven't done a Redbull, but I just snorted some cannabinol and have a bit of a buzz goin'.

Borbon, you gnarly bastard. Looks like the lobotomy didn't take. Nice to have your bad self back.

Heh Dan - Nice to see someone else getting the shit for a change isn't it? You should read the shit I took for mentioning that I would defend myself with my gun, in my own car with some maniac at my door, rather than being a dumbassed pussy victim.

Lots of tough guys here. Good

quote: Originally posted by Jman: You should've done like my wife does: jump out of the car and stomp up to their window cussing them out. Scared the snot out of one dude. (mind you she's only about 5'4" and about 125 lbs.) It was pretty funny to watch, though. Yea right...great idea. Anyone pulls the window confrontation on me and they'll be lookin' down the barrell of my .45 I shit you not

Sounds as though you're dividing the ranks. Why bother begging? Show, or don't show. What's the difference? The women just want to have it their way at Ballard. Let em.

I love cc.com so much wit, and twit, and aspiring authors so much banter and bullshit and jabberwockie I am Mick Jagger -- the voices tell me so

Nice post Dru aka Mr. Fartypants. Fart-fighting underwear invented An inventor from Colorado has created the world's first fart-proof underwear. Buck Weimer says his airtight knickers have a replaceable charcoal filter to remove bad gas before it escapes. The undies, called Under-Ease, are on sale over the internet. Buck, from Pueblo, said he thought up his invention after his wife 'let go a bomb' in bed one night. Buck, 62, and Arlene, 57, suffer from Crohn's disease, an inflammatory bowel syndrome. In both men and women's styles, the underwear, made from a soft, airtight, nylon-type fabric, is designed for people with chronic flatulence. Elastic is sewn around the waist and both legs. The removable filter - which looks similar to the shoulder pads placed in women's clothing - is made of charcoal sandwiched between two layers of Australian sheep's wool. Buck says the charcoal filter isn't too bulky but could capture the bad-smelling gas and allow the non-smelling gas - hydrogen and oxygen - to pass through. It was developed from gas masks worn by coal miners, reports the Denver Post. They come as boxer shorts for men and panties for women and sell for $24.95 (£18). Replacement filters cost about £7. They are sold with the motto: "Wear them for the ones you love." The Weimars say flatulence is still a touchy subject for most people. Almost every sale has come via their site.

I've followed this mildly amusing thread for awhile now, and have this to say: I'm going to the local watering hole to get drunk and hopefully find a piece of ass that dosen't scope out the route to my house, will willingly play the slobber blues on my meat whistle, and get the hell out before the neighbors wake up tomorrow morning. Wish me luck boys...I'm carrying the torch for all married men in America. Ziggy Zoggy, Zigggy Zoggy oi oi oi

A truly religious experience - ...texas flood

I have to agree with Matt on this one. Picking on the less fortunate is rather lame. Of course we're taling about "Moron" here. It's pretty much what I'd expect from him. On a lighter note, here's my hero...

Sparky is mean. Sparky is possessed. Sparky is the devil.

No shit Verle. Those are two of the ugliest goddamn sacks I've seen lately. The bimbo ain't much to write home about either. Can you say Stidex? I've personally always preferred a blond with an attitude.

[ 03-10-2002: Message edited by: trask ]