allthumbs

A bad attitude or unsettled mind will destroy focus, guaranteeing failure regardless of training and preparation. - Mark F. Twight, "Extreme Alpinism"

An Irish wife was having a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards, she slipped over and did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband. 'Paddy! Paddy!' she yelled.Paddy came running in. 'Paddy I've suctioned myself to the floor,' she said. 'Ohhh nooo! Paddy said and tried to pull her up. 'You're just too heavy, love. I'll go across the road and get Shamus.' Paddy comes back with Shamus and they both tried to pull her up. 'Nope, I can't do it,' Shamus said, 'Let's try plan C.' 'Plan C?' exclaimed Paddy. 'What's that?' 'I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we will break the tiles under her.' 'Oh okay,' Paddy said. 'While you're doing that I'll stay here and play with her tits.' 'Play with her tits?' Shamus said. 'Why would you do that? This is hardly the time.' Paddy replied, 'Well, I figure if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive to replace.'

You know really, having another full screan window available in a heartbeat click away is a good idea. Not bad bug, guess we won't have to squash you today afterall.

Buckwheat & Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla, "How do you spell 'dumb'?" Darla says, "D-u-m-b, dumb." The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence." She says, "Buckwheat is dumb." The teacher says, "Now spell 'stupid'." Darla says, "S-t-u-p-i-d, stupid." The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence." Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid." Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says, "Buckwheat, spell dictate." Buckwheat stands and says, "D-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate." The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence." "I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"

Have you spied Sven and Lena yet?

I have no opinion about you at all chuck. If you want to use your name, go for it. I don't. I also try not to divulge info. such as DL, SS#, Phone #, etc... I just try to keep my business private. I don't buy shit online or use credit cards either. I've been ripped off with an atm card before. All I'm saying is I picked trask as an avatar and have stuck with it through thick and thin. I've said some real flamatory shit here, and haven't hid behind another avatar to do it, so as not to besmirch "trask". (that make sense?) Chuck, I know you don't like me, and that's fine. I've explained (in detail, I might add) my feelings on this. I'm done explaining. Have a great Saturday. trask

I'm not stupid. This is the internet. I won't post my real name, but "trask" is the avatar I've always used, and will continue to be the one and only. I don't become..."billy bob numb nuts" or "cheetah" or some shit for one post (to flame someone) then return back to trask. Forget I even mentioned this shit. I don't care anymore. trask is trask...that's the way it is sucka. P.S. I'm not trying to imply that people that use their real names like Ralph, Ed, Trixie, whatever are stupid for doing so. I don't, and wouldn't; a personal, private choice. [ 03-16-2002: Message edited by: trask ]

Chicken bone in throat A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town out in the South. She orders the chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Buford Buck's 2 country boys in the next booth notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over, and then Buck starts licking his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out she launches the groceries all over the place dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck "You're right that hind-lick maneuver works like a charm."

As I said before, I started out anonymous and shielded behind my avatar. I've been around long enough now that I'd like to do a pub club or something with you guys but I'm afraid I'll be taken out back and either killed or raped...depending on the assailant. So starting Monday, trask will not necessarily quit spraying, but instead will try to be less caustic and gross. You see, I have only One (1) avatar and don't hide behind multiple ones so that no one can put a face to the avatar. I think that's chicken shit. If you want to say something, let everyone know who you are. That makes you pretty accountable for the shit you say. That's all. P.S. For any smart guy that may flame me for saying this, I say, "Up Yours".

quote: Originally posted by oo9: Hey Anus, have you seen you priest lately? I can't believe I ate it all... the chili, the pizza, the beer, the Jack Daniel's, the Dave's Insanity™ hot sauce, the Sterno...

quote: Originally posted by Heinouscling: Trask, I miss your mommy -Heinous

quote: Originally posted by philfort: Must... combat... thread... creep... what's that white slimy shit on there? Is that spooge?

quote: Originally posted by roger johnson: I don't care what that web site says, I am almost positive that Ron Gardener and Kent Morell of the WAILERS in Tacoma wrote LOUIE-LOUIE. Paul Revere and the Raiders did't record it until '63. I have a Wailers recording from '61 with it. For what it is worth...it is worth what you paid for it- nothing. Welcome to LOUIE LOUIE.NET, the internet edition of the LOUIE REPORT. The LOUIE REPORT is a publication that tracks progress of the upcoming documentary entitled "THE MEANING OF LOUIE," produced and directed by Eric Predoehl. This documentary will be the an extensive review of the song "LOUIE LOUIE," and all things LOUIE. Produced with the complete approval of Richard Berry, the man who wrote this legendary melody, this documentary will study the history of the song, and all the people whose lives were changed in some form by the song. Many years in the making, this project will be a comprehensive study of one of the most recognizable songs on the planet, from the story of Richard Berry; the Northwest rock scene in the early 1960's featuring The Wailers, Little Bill & the Blue Notes, the Frantics, and Dave Lewis Combo; leading to the massive success of The Kingsmen; the controversial F.B.I. investigations surrounding the questionable lyrics; the unique career of Paul Revere & the Raiders; the college party connection re-popularized by the movie ANIMAL HOUSE; and all the various musicians that were influenced by this song for better or worse. This documentary will also discuss the nature of populist politics, music censorship, song writing, commercialization, and so much more. This ever-evolving website will provide a unique link for appreciators of fine music with production details, music trivia, and ideas about other places you might enjoy.

Wow Heinus, rock on dude. Incoherent tangents are your best friend. Is this because of that time when you shit an entire waffle iron out of your ass after shooting heroin at that Vegas brothel? Was that the only time you truly missed your mommy?

I think the reason it's all over is most of us are bored at work, addicted to this and other sites, stuck inside more often than not, unhappy with our personal lives to some degree and just plain ready to blow chunks.

ALFRED JARRY(1873 - 1907) UBU ROIOU LES POLONAIS (1896) Table des matières

Postmodernism as 'Pataphysics Institutionalized by Douglas Puchowski

Freud Rules!!!

WAAAH! AND HE'S GOTTA HAVE A DICK THAT'S A MONSTER!! WAAAAAAAAH!... That's me!! That's me! ooh! ... oooohh, youvoluptouns Manhattan Island clit.. Take me... I'm yours, youhole... Fulfill my... wildest... dreams!.... Ooooh! Anything for you, my most seductive, seclusive... pop star ofa man... picture this if you can: bead jobs! knotted nylons! bamboocanes! three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Youngfighting in the dressing-room of the Fillmore East! Why, 'nenchilada wrapped with pickle sauce shook up and down in between adonkey's legs until he can't it stand anymore! All this and more,Howie! Including! an electric coolde pony harness, with fuelinjection... fuel injection... fuel injection...

You see, there seems to be some kind of a communication problem, honey... because I... I am a lonely guy from outta town, y'know an'... an' I want some ACTION... what I'm talkin' about is, I wanna... a-a-steaming... succulent... ever-widening, gooey, drippy, runny kind of a hole with a... with... how shall I put this... what say we hop in the trunk of your Gremlin AN' GET OUR ROCKS OFF...

Lemme tell you 'bout the Mud Shark...The origins of the Mud Shark are as follows: There's a motel inSeattle, Washington called the Edgewater Inn. The Edgewater Inn'sbuilt on a pier.. so that means that when you look out your windowyou don't see any dirt -- it's got a bay or something out in yourbackyard,,, And to make it even more interesting, in the lobby ofthe aforementioned motel there's a bait and tackle shop where theresidents can go down whenever they want to, and rent a fishing poleand some preserved minnows and schlep back up to their rooms, openthe window, stick their little pole outside and within a few minutesactually catch a fish of some sort that they can bring into theirmotel room and do whatever they want with it... you know what Imean? Now in this bay there's quite a variety of ah... fish! Notonly do they have mud sharks up there, they got little octopussesthat you can catch. And all these denizens of the deep can come inreal handy... Let's say you were a travelling Rock and Roll bandcalled the Vanilla Fudge. Let's say one night you checked into theEdgewater Inn Motel with a 8mm movie camera, enough money to rent apole, and just to make it more interesting -- a succulent young lady(Mnaaaah!) with a taste for the bizarre... My mind drifts back to ameeting, a chance meeting in the Chicago O'Hare Airport where themembers of the Vanilla Fudge told Don Preston about a home moviethey made at the Edgewater Inn with a Mud Shark. I'm gonna tell you,this dance, the Mud Shark, is sweeping the ocean!... OutYou go outSo far outYou do the Mud Shark. baby ... etc

quote: Originally posted by Dru:

The Dong with the Luminous Nose. When awful darkness and silence reignOver the great Gromboolian plain, Through the long, long wintry nights;--When the angry breakers roarthey beat on the rocky shore;-- When Storm-clouds brood on the towering heightsOf the Hills of the Chankly Bore:-- Then, through the vast and gloomy dark,There moves what seems a fiery spark, A lonely spark with silvery rays Piercing the coal-black night,-- A Meteor strange and bright:--Hither and thither the vision strays, A single lurid light. Slowly it wanders,--pauses,--creeeps,--Anon it sparkles,--flashes and leaps;And ever as onward it gleaming goesA light on the Bong-tree stems it throws.And those who watch at that midnight hourFrom Hall or Terrace, or lofty Tower,Cry, as the wild light passes along,-- 'The Dong!--the Dong! 'The wandering Dong through the forest goes! 'The Dong! the Dong! 'The Dong with a luminous Nose!' Long years ago The Dong was happy and gay,Till he fell in love with a Jumbly Girl Who came to those shores one day,For the Jumblies came in a sieve, they did,--Landing at eve near the Zemmery Fidd Where the Oblong Oysters grow, And the rocks are smooth and gray.And all the woods and the valleys rangWith the Chorus they daily and nightly sang,-- 'Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue And they went to sea in a sieve.' Happily, happily passed those days! While the cheerful Jumblies staid; They danced in circlets all night long, To the plaintive pipe of the lively Dong, In moonlight, shine, or shade.For day and night he was always thereBy the side of the Jumbly Girl so fair,With her sky-blue hands, and her sea-green hair.Till the morning came of that hateful dayWhen the Jumblies sailed in their sieve away,And the Dong was left on the cruel shoreGazing--gazing for evermore,--Ever keeping his weary eyes onThat pea-green sail on the far horizon,--Singing the Jumbly Chorus stillAs he sate all day on the grassy hill,-- 'Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue And they went to sea in a sieve.' But when the sun was low in the West, The Dong arose and said;----'What little sense I once possessed 'Has quite gone out of my head!'--And since that day he wanders stillBy lake or forest, marsh and hill,Singing--'O somewhere, in valley or plain'Might I find my Jumbly Girl again!'For ever I'll seek by lake and shore'Till I find my Jumbly Girl once more!' Playing a pipe with silvery squeaks, Since then his Jumbly Girl he seeks, And because by night he could not see, He gathered the bark of the Twangum Tree On the flowery plain that grows. And he wove him a wondrous Nose,-- A Nose as strange as a Nose could be!Of vast proportions and painted red,And tied with cords to the back of his head. --In a hollow rounded space it ended With a luminous Lamp within suspended, All fenced about With a bandage stout To prevent the wind from blowing it out;-- And with holes all round to send the light, In gleaming rays on the dismal night. And now each night, and all night long,Over those plains still roams the Dong;And above the wall of the Chimp and SnipeYou may hear the sqeak of his plaintive pipeWhile ever he seeks, but seeks in vainTo meet with his Jumbly Girl again;Lonely and wild--all night he goes,--The Dong with a luminous Nose!And all who watch at the midnight hour,From Hall or Terrace, or lofty Tower,Cry, as they trace the Meteor bright,Moving along through the dreary night,-- 'This is the hour when forth he goes, 'The Dong with a luminous Nose! 'Yonder--over the plain he goes, 'He goes! 'He goes; 'The Dong with a luminous Nose!' [ 03-15-2002: Message edited by: trask ]

'Twas brillig, and the slithy tovesDid gyre and gimble in the wabe;All mimsy were the borogoves,And the mome raths outgrabe. "Beware the Jabberwock, my son!The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!Beware the Jubjub bird, and shunThe frumious Bandersnatch!" He took his vorpal sword in hand:Long time the manxome foe he sought--So rested he by the Tumtum tree,And stood awhile in thought. And, as in uffish thought he stood,The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,And burbled as it came! One two! One two! And through and throughThe vorpal blade went snicker-snack!He left it dead, and with its headHe went galumphing back. "And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?Come to my arms, my beamish boy!O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"He chortled in his joy. 'Twas brillig, and the slithy tovesDid gyre and gimble in the wabe;All mimsy were the borogoves,And the mome raths outgrabe. Lewis Carrol [ 03-15-2002: Message edited by: trask ]

Now why would that interest me? I think you're making a pass at me. Help!!!