Dwayner

Someone ought to teach the guy on the left how to wipe his....uh, never mind.

You bored, Trask? good....let me introduce you to a friend of mine....she goes by the name, "Amber".

I just got this message from Amber who apparently is jealous of Icegirl: "Dwayner! Is this how you treat me after I bought you all of those Hawaiian shirts and sent Mexican food to your house last night and called to see how you were doing 30 times yesterday and left lovely messages on your answering machine. And I've been up all night knitting you some cool climbing socks and waiting by the phone and then I read this "Sorry I missed you, Icegirlie" crap! That's it! This time I'm going to beat you at your own cruel game....I'm going to ask the judge to give me my own restraining order to stop me from being so kind and generous to you. Got any questions??? Call me. Anytime. I'm waiting. You're going to call me, aren't you Dwayner? Pleeeeeeeease? What would like me to send you for lunch? - Love, Amber"

Baby-shakin' punk! I don't feel sorry for him. So what if he's a big-shot climber. He's an ignorant baby-shaker. I feel sorry for the poor kid and his mom. - Dwayner

I know what this picture is all about. Icegirl is wondering where Dwayner is and SayJay is comforting her by saying stuff like, "don't worry, gurl, he's probably on-board Air Force One with the President" or "he just got paged by Henry Kissinger" or "he's probably just late...you know how Bill Gates' parties go on, and on, and on..." Sorry Icegirl but all that SayJay said above was basically true....actually Kissinger and Bill Gates were partying on the President's plane with me and we didn't get back until way late. And here's photographic proof: A scene from the party. That's Hank and the back of Bill's head. I took the picture: I would have called the pub-club venue but the fight over its location was still in force when I left. The rumor is that you went home in tears. So I gotcha somethin' to cheer you up! Here! Have some Mickey's and I'll catch you at the next Pube Club!!! aloha! - Dwayner

trad climbing forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! alpine climbing forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! alpine ice climbing forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and mountaineering forever too!

Answer is obvious, Young Grasshopper: brick and concrete are artificial, just like them gyms. Let me clarify a few things: a) I think sport-climbing is weak and I think bolts should be used sparingly at best. b) I did study Ninjitsu and yes, Frank Dux and Soke Hatsumi could indeed kick ALL of our butts.

"Listen here, you bad boys! Dwayner knows what he's talking about. So go sit in a quiet place for a little while and learn to accept that. By the way, you guys are looking kind of skinny.....here, have some cake." Love, Rabbi Schlomo

Dwayner studied Dux Ryu Ninjitsu for a few years. We trained with traditional weapons and other devices and they served remarkably well for learning how to improvise with everyday objects. Modern ninjitsu would swap out traditional tabi boots with modern footwear such as rock or approach shoes for its climbing purposes. Some people like them grappling hooks but I would prefer to climb a solid drain pipe myself. Traditional hand claws: Traditional foot spikes: "the hook": Frank Dux, and this guy here too, could kick ALL of our butts. (Haven't seen either of them climb, though).

Dwayner wins.

Dru-dude say: "the rox would be awfully crowded oncertain routes, if everyone was still climbing henry barber style with no friends, no chalk, and barefoot. think of the lineups on martian diagonal!" Wrong, man. There would be a lot fewer people climbing. With acceptance of sport-climbing tactics, climbing has been dumb-downed so the wider masses can participate. Along with incessant magazine-hype and stores like REI who aim to get as many people interested to sell as much gear as possible. Get rid of the sport-climbs at Smith and Vantage and these places would be relatively quiet on a nice weekend.

Bro. Eric say: "so what is one to do in the case of dana's arch then?? a natural line that is/was being eatin up by pitons. what is a leader to do either free or aid?" Either way, climb it clean. Get out them tiny r.p.'s and such if need be. On the other hand, the damage has already been done twice....by pitons and bolts, so until someone removes the bolts, I suppose they are there for one's clipping pleasure if one so chooses. "and do you advocate the halting in the advancement in the ability of free climbers???" If "advancement" is bolt dependent, I don't see it as "advancement". Nor do I consider pink point/red point, lavender point or whatever "advancement".

"Listen here, you guys! Knock it off with the God-bashing. Here, have some cake. And furthermore, Jesus was a nice Jewish feller and he had a tough side to him too! Go out and get some fresh air." - Love, Rabbi Schlomo

Bro. Cracked: Nice attempt at relativistic obfuscation. You and Allison could have a nice chat. "If you clip bolts, then don't say they shouldn't be there because you are using them." Dude....that's a hypocrisy claim. My point is that they should be rare, as should rusty old fixed pins and alpine chalk. I resent the fact that I drive a gasoline powered car. I use it, but I don't like it and I look forward to the future when they will be phased out as they are recognized as being environmentally dubious. In the case of climbing, I can advocate "clean climbing", that is, leaving the rock and mountains in as nice a condition as possible for the ones to come. A lot of people don't want to hear the message because it denigrates their beloved bolt-dependent sport climbing. Too bad. The fewer bolts the better. Since few respect the rants of phony-named posters on an internet chat-room, sometime I'll have to dig up some tasty published opinions about bolts by the likes of Royal Robbins, Rheinhold Messner and Doug Scott. carry on, mister.

Brother Distel say: "Bolting is always going to happen, yes it's bad in some places, but would there be any 5.14+ routes or very steep overhanging routes without them? " Do we really "need" many of those bolt-dependent routes? Why not top-rope them or leave them alone? Anyway, most of those climbs are done by sport-rules, that is, unlimited hang-dogging and rehearsals are allowed. So, given enough time and focus (and some strength training) you, too, can be a 5.14 climber. (It might take you 10 months or practice instead of the ten days of a sponsored professional sporto who does nothing else but train for climbing.) That's a different issue but I thought I throw that in. "Arguing about it seems pretty lame." Nothing lame about it. It's like leaving garbage at a campsite, except the bolts are essentially permanent. It's a serious issue for many people. Leave as few traces of your being there as possible. "Every climber at one point or another uses them, so unless you've never clipped a bolt in your life, why keep complaining?" Having clipped bolts doesn't eliminate anyone from participating in the debate. This ain't about personal hypocrisy or saintliness. Much of it has to do with an environmental ethic. If you are aware of the issues, then you will understand the complaints, whether you agree with them or not.

Allison says: "I am once again hearing the anti-bolt brigade talking out both sides of their mouth. Let me ask you this:In your opinion, is ALL bolting bad, or is OVERbolting bad?" Your use of the term "talking out both sides of their mouths" demonstrates that you don't fully understand the issues. It is a very complicated issue. And black and white conclusions probably won't solve the issue. "All bolting bad? Overbolting bad?" Let me make it simple. Bolts, if they are to be placed at all, should be placed sparingly, with each placement being an ethical decision. I see a great lack of this consideration today. What does the relative term "sparingly" mean? That is a problem. I'll say this: if I were the land managers of Smith Rocks and Vantage, I would ban bolts all together. They have been abused. And at Vantage, they are essentially unneccesary where most routes can be top-roped. In a place like that, I would prefer permanent top-rope anchors on top of the crags as a crude compromise to replacing the grid-bolting on the crags below. One of the biggest problems I have with sport-climbing is that it is bolt-dependent, and there is a seemingly lack of concern or even awareness that there are "issues" regarding bolting. "Is it acceptable to bolt a line that does not go free? What about bolts at the rap stations?" I don't know what you're talking about in the first case, but the rap stations require a case by case assessment, as does each and every bolt. I, personally, for example, would leave the bolted rap stations on El-Cap because realistically they save numerous lives. On the other hand, if they were taken away, perhaps more of the unprepared sorts would stay off the routes there if they knew that they would have to be self-sufficient....but then again, there's always the rescue dudes who would be risking their lives to save those who could have rapped...it's a dilemma. "Should there be a ban on bolts in the NFs, the Wilderness, anywhere? What about existing bolts? Should they be removed?" Ban on bolts? Not a bad idea. Existing bolts? Some will say the damage has been done. Perhaps there should be moratorium on all future bolts. Removal should be accomplished only if a means of removal or restoration is used that doesn't further damage the rock. "I recently tried to tease out this discussion with one of our most fervent anti-bolting posters, but was shut down in a most hostile manner." Teased???? If you are referring to me, Miss Allison, and you probably are as you have brought this topic up to me twice, and each time the conversation was INITIATED BY YOU in a hostile fashion and included irrelevant references and false analogies to trails vs. off-trail hiking, etc. Furthermore, I was in relaxation mode each time with little interest in being sucked into an aggressive and likely unsatisfying debate. ahoy. "Dwayner"

"we all clip those damn things with an expectation that they're virtually bomber." We? Speak for yourself. Numerous bolts are suspect.

"Hi! Anyone want to go sport-climbing?"

"Dana's Arch is still nailed occasionally, in spite of the bolts added to preserve what is left of the crack." Ain't that ironic! Bolt the face to preserve the crack! Makes me wanna puke. It seems to me to be an excuse to make it safer for free-climbing because that route is hard to protect free. Same thing with the catastrophe known as "Numbah Ten". on the Lower Wall. It seems to have been sport bolted because few have the nerve to protect the nearby crack while free-climbing. What's the controversy with chipping? It's foolish and destructive and just another way to bring the climb down to your level like the examples above. Don't do it! - Dwayner

This little news item looks like it might have some real applications for mountaineering. Maybe some clever fellow should make these out of poly-pro and sell them to REI. 6-DAY UNDERWEAR A BIG HIT IN JAPAN Tokyo-Dingbat fashion designers are peddling a nutty new brand of men's undershorts with three leg holes-so lazybones businessmen can wear the same drawers for six straight days! And incredibly, the nitwit skivvies are selling like hotcakes. "The idea is, you rotate the underwear 120 degrees every morning, so that each leg ends up in a different hole every day for three days," said a flabbergasted fashion critic. "Then, after three days, you turn them inside and rotate them for another three days." But what these idiots don't understand is that if you wear the same underpants for six days in a row, they're going to stink to the high heaven no matter how many leg holes they have or how many times you turn them inside out. The whole thing doesn't make a bit of sense, now does it? But the folks who make the bozo briefs say they're perfect for busy businessmen and other guys on the go who don't have time to don new drawers more then about once a week. (how much time does it take???) "These six day shorts could be the greatest time-saving invention since the microwave, gushed designer Hideo Hiroto. It goes on....The oddbal undies come with a six-month warranty and three superwide flies-so one is stragegically placed no matter what day of the week it is.

Here is a picture of the action at Tuesday night's Pube-Club. There was drinkin', and talkin' and dancin' and such and yes, it is possible to maintain a solid climbing conversation while dancing up a storm as the picture demonstrates. And as you can see, it was NOT a Sausage-Fest. (I think that's MattP. in the red shirt.)

And here's a computer-enhanced close-up of Trask's girl-in-the-crowd-in-the-Erden-photo: (cute, eh?)

Trask comments: "hey that chick on the left ain't half bad" It ain't a chick, dude. It's a shaved hippy with a good complexion.

Only YOU can prevent this evening's Pube-Club from becoming a vertiable Sausage-Fest. Would you like that on your conscience? That includes you Jules, ehmmic, V, lawgoddess, Allison, ICEGIRL!, Lisa, Holly Climber, the elusive "Dynamite" and all the numerous others. Make an appearance and help avoid the situation pictured below:

"Slide show? Anyone?.....Anyone?....."