Dwayner

Moustaches can be a big thing in the Middle East. I once met a guy named "Abu Shanab"....father of moustache...and he had a big one too (moustache). In the Old City section of Jerusalem, there used to be (still is?) a popular restaurant called "Uncle Moustache". An American friend of mine with whom I worked with in Egypt had a funny command of the Arabic language. One of his contrived "ice-breakers" with the locals was to ask the question, "Eh loonoo shanabak?", which means, "what color is your moustache?" During the many times that I witnessed him asking the question, no one ever seemed to care if it was an odd thing to ask. They usually answered directly with a color, such as "brown", etc. or sometimes they would discuss it a bit before choosing the color they thought was most accurate. I was warned, though, that the question had to be pronounced properly because the change of a certain vowel makes it feminine (i.e. what color is the moustache of YOU (man) or YOU (female).....the latter which neither a man wants to hear NOR does a woman. Myself, the moustache I currently sport was obtained during my first scientific expedition to a remote desert area of Egypt in the summer of '81. I had a baby face and it was something I did to try to look older. It's coming off soon, though. - Dwayner

You only say that because you don't like Dwayner, you don't like "pope" and you don't like Trask.

Hi Guys! 'lookin' forward to meeting all of you tonight in T-Town! I'll be the one with the big smile on my face all decked out in North Face and a rack of quick-draws!!! P.S. I'm really, really excited!!!!

Trask....(and B-goat as well): if you went to the "pub-club" sessions, you'd know who these fine ladies are and you'd probably be buying them drinks. Fresh air and strenuous exercise tend to make one a bit rugged.

The man with The Great Mickey is none other than Robert Strauss, a fine actor whose specialty is making odd faces when startled, baffled or otherwise surprised. Here he is with the lovely Elizabeth Montgomery:

Here's your cc.com Calendar Gurl line-up: You figure out who's who. [Not pictured: Icegirl]

Some of the anticipated celebrities in Tacoma this evening include: The Mystery Sport-Climber: "pope": Amber: Donna Top-Step: and Rabbi Blazo: And I don't know what the situtation is for paying for beers in that place.

Everybody's who's anybody is gonna be there and we're gonna find out who's somebody by taking note who's there. THERE WILL BE SEVERAL GUEST APPEARANCES AND SPECIAL TREATS!!! Ladies get in free! And tonight only, sport-climbers will be eligible for a complimentary high-colonic in the back of pope's SUV! At the Swiss Tavern c. 7 PM or so. Those who have been to the Pube Club in Tacoma before, are well aware of the city's charm, hospitality and alpine excellence as the gateway to Mighty Tahoma, for which it is named. "The Swiss" is an excellent venue due to it's easy on/off freeway access (easier than removing your sweaty rainbow sport-climbing lycra body suit) and its nice selection of adult beverages. So drag yourselves to Tacoma and find out why it's called "The City of Destiny". Here be the directions: "The Swiss", 1904 S. Yakima Directions coming south on I-5: Take Tacoma City Center Exit, #133 This will take you on a little freeway veering right known as 705 N. Get left and take the S. 21st Street exit. Go through lights and cross Pacific. Go hill on 21st a couple or few blocks until Jefferson. Make a right on Jefferson. The Swiss is just about a block ahead on the left at the corner of Jefferson and 19th. It's really easy to get back to I-5 for the return to Seattlewards. Down Jefferson, left on 21st S., and the big signs will point you in the right direction. You kids comin' from parts south...I know you can figure it out!

Hey it's me, Mickey Rooney! I didn't say those things above, but I used to be in a lot of snappy movies with Judy Garland. The crowds loved us and I still sign autographs. Ever seen one of my films? Go and rent one tonight at Bockblusters. Hey! Howdya like that one? Did y'catch that? It's really supposed to be "Blockbusters" but I switched it around for some unexpected knee-slappin' comedy! Maestro! Play a few bars while I treat these folks to a little softshoe! Ta da! Keep 'em wantin' more, that's what I say!!! P.S. That's me on the right, yuckin' it up in one of my many film classics! Luvya, Mickey.

cc.com roving European boozing correspondent Dwayner has found this important news item as found in the British climbing magazine "High Mountain": "DRASTIC RESTRICTIONS ON LUXEMBOURG CLIMBING." "FLERA (Federation Luxembougeoise d'Escalade, de Randonee Sportive et d'Alpinisme)* has contacted High [Mountain] to alert British climbers to new rock-climbing regulations passed by the government of Luxembourg. Basically there is now a total and nationwide ban on rock-climbing with a single exception: the Wanterbach Rocks near Berdorf. New routeing is prohibited. A new two-tier permit system all but excludes non-regional climbers. Yearly permits are reserved for residents of the region, whilst daily permits will be limited to a maximum of 20 and are subject to a written demand two weeks in advance. Spontaneous visits will, therefore, be ruled out. FLERA is continuing to lobby against these new regulations and will keep foreign climbing clubs and assocations informed of any developments." Darn! And I was so looking forward to climbing there! I heard it was even better than Vantage! *[note from Dwayner: try saying that ten times quickly backwards! That's why acronyms were invented.]

"Unfortunately, it's a view down my colon." - Woody Allen

I was once nearly killed at Vantage by an exploding can of Green Giant Niblets. Whoever occupied the bon-fire pit before us left the can of corn buried in the ashes. When we lit our own fire, and were enjoying the warmth and comraderie, the can began to heat up. Around the 15th verse of Kumbaya (or was it the16th?), the can powerfully exploded, spraying us with "Niblets". Fortunately no one was blinded or otherwise permanently disabled though we picked bits of embedded corn from our clothes and foreheads. I still have the can. One end is intact but bloated out and the top is blasted out. Vantage....there's alot of things wrong about that place. - Dwayner

Dwayner back in town with a hangover. Dwayner would likely show up. Someone else be in charge like Erik or Fig.ate. Who's gonna offer Icegirl a ride south? - Dwayner

Back in the UK....still drunk. trying to gt out to Old Cloggy but can't get off floor and can't rmember where I left my gear. rumors of cheap cams abound....can of lager within arms reach...going climbing after I have a fewmore of these...if I can find my gear....could be locked up in Nigel's car....cheers, mate!...zzzzzzzzzzzz - Dwayner

This topic really jumps the shark.

Dwayner: cc.com European Boozin' Correspondent. 3-19-03 I'm in Oslo, Norway and I am drunk. - Dwayner

Report from the field: St. Patrick's Day 2003, London Correspondent: Dwayner I expected the whole city to be stoked and festive about what should be the biggest boozin' day of the year. Let's just say that the only sure signs were Guinness banners and promotionals in many pubs, with the usual crowds maybe ordering a Guinness after work before heading home to face the family. In the Irish pubs, however, things were HOPPIN'! Drunks, dancing, an occasional aging transvestites, some flashing for bar souvenirs, etc. The tragedy, though, is that in England, the pubs last call for drinks is at 11:00 and then they close at 11:30, just when everyone is lit. In the Irish pub I was in, we were all ordered to "get the hell out of here, c'mon now! get the hell out!" A fine Irish end to the formal drinkin! And another thing....every Englishman I talked to had never heard of the corn beef and cabbage dinner so common in America. When I told them it was one of my most favorite dishes, the noses were turned up and I got the "you commoner" look. So, have fun fighting over where you're going to drink beer tonight. I've got a dozen pubs to choose from within five minutes walk of where I stay. No fighting here....we just have a drink in each and move on. - Dwayner

I'm in London and I'm drunk. These English folk....they LOVE St. Patrick's Day and all things Irish. Another pint o' piss, guvna, and I promise I won't spill anymore drinks. - Dwayner

The fish are referring to themselves. THEIR end is near as they approach their inevitable doom as Passover approaches: they will be processed into delicious gefilte fish to be enjoyed by many. - Dwayner

That article says that the Roskelly boy would be the youngest feller to climb Everest Here's an article about a 15 year old Sherpa kid who did it in 2001: Youngest Everest Summit-Dude The article says that the previous record was a 17 year old back in 1974 and that the present record-holder lost 5 fingers during his first attempt in 2000.

The term "sick" is another inane piece of climbing slang that was once considered clever but now is vastly overused. Actually, I thought it was kind of lame the first time I heard it and I wasn't sure if it meant something was good, bad, hard or otherwise. Like back in the day when the word "cool" was standard, then the term "hot" was coined to mean really good in a similar way. Polar opposites yet approximate. I personally put the term "sick" in the same rubbish bin as "take!" and other worn out shoes, but as long as we retain an inkling of what the users of such words mean, we can still communicate regardless. - Dwayner And by the way, Cocoa-Breath, I think it would be a real stretch to apply the word "sick" (as I understand it) to a boulder problem, unless you intend the word to mean "get a life".

1. What do you have? Fish Double-Whammy 2. What do you like? It's got "dorsal fins" you can raise in the center of the ledge to keep your buddy off 'ya. 3. Have you ever set up the fly? Is it worth it to buy one? I think you're nuts to do without one. It's a tent, dude! With my FISH ledge, the ledge can be actually suspended from the inside of the rainfly which itself is directly attached to the anchor. 4. What problems have you had? Practice first on the ground and then in a tree or off the ground. Don't try to figure it out the first time when you need it for real. Things can get awkward. 5. Sex on the ledge? Don't ask don't tell. Furthermore, if you're concentrating on the climbing instead of such distractions, it ain't even an issue. 6. Can you think of any good design to paint on the bottom of the ledge? Big Bottle of Mickey's. 7. How many of you have a ledge sitting in a corner of your garage that you never use? It ain't used alot. 8. What routes in Washington can you use a ledge on? Squamish? Anyone you want. The Tooth, for example. Upper Town wall at index is good if you get a late start and like to camp: climb a couple of pitches and enjoy the exposed camping. Probably not too many Washington climbs where it is a necessity, rather than a luxury. 9. Anything else? If you're prone to motion sickness, you can actually get sick if the thing starts jerkin' or spinnin' in the wind. Also, coated rainflys can develop funk-smell. If there are gaps in the corner of the ledge bed, you can pee though 'em rather than snakin' your unit out through a porthole (if you're fly's got some). Stay tied in in your bag so in case the ledge (or the camhook you hung it off) blows, you don't hit the dirt. 10. Anyone want to go aid climbing in Yosemite in September? What year?

I saw the picture of what went on at the Seattle Pube Club last night and it looks like you were having a pleasant time with the usual suspects. The BIG action, however, was in Tacoma, where we had a some real alpine celebrities including a climbing guide service owner/Everest summitteer and a chief climbing ranger from Mt. Rainier. Epic stories were shared (including surviving three lightning strikes) , the beta-swapping was intense, and the beer and snacks were excellent and inexpensive. Figger 8 gave a splendid demonstration of "gaper-fu" which will defeat any other version of "fu" on the rocks or off. Those who said they were coming but did not include the enigmatic Minx and Mr. Eric. Tacoma.....City of Destiny.....Ballard.....Little Exit 38. Hmmmmmmmmm.......where would I want to drink beer with climbing pals????? - Dwayner

Hey all you befuddled folks confused by the mystic cyber-psychic: Consider this....if it were really an example of telepathy, the little game with the adding and subtracting numbers wouldn't be necessary. There would only need to be a list of symbols (the more the better) on which you would concentrate and the computer would have to come up consistently with the correct symbol. The mumbo-jumbo with the initial equation is a sure clue that it is a patterned numerical phenomenon. - Swami Dwayner

At the Spar, brother Mike. Hopefully the Old Man will be there along with 5 or 6 Hooter girls.