Gyrene chestbeat

[RobBob]

One of my buds who's an ex-marine sent me this:

 

From a Marine in Bosnia. Note the signature

 

A funny thing happened to me yesterday at Camp Bondsteel (Bosnia): A French

army officer walked up to me in the PX, and told me he thought we

(Americans) were a bunch of cowboys and were going to provoke a war. He said

if such a thing happens, we wouldn't be able to count on the support of

France.

 

I told him that it didn't surprise me. Since we had come to France's rescue

in World War I, World War II, Vietnam, and the Cold War, their ingratitude

and jealousy was due to surface at some point in the near future anyway.

That is why France is a third-rate military power with a socialist economy

and a bunch of faggots for soldiers.

 

I additionally told him that America, being a nation of deeds and action,

not words, would do whatever it had to do, and France's support was only for

show anyway. Just like in ALL NATO exercises, the US would shoulder 85% of

the burden, as evidenced by the fact that the French officer was shopping in

the American PX, and not the other way around.

 

He began to get belligerent at that point, and I told him if he would like

to, I would meet him outside in front of the Burger King and beat his ass in

front of the entire Multinational Brigade East, thus demonstrating that even

the smallest American had more fight in him than the average Frenchman. He

called me a barbarian cowboy and walked away in a huff.

 

With friends like these, who needs enemies?

 

Mary Beth Johnson LtCol, USMC

 

 

 

[Greg_W]

Post-of-the-Day, in my book. Fucking French.

[allthumbs]

The following advice for American travelers going to France was compiled from information provided by the US State Department, the CIA, the US Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug Administration, the Centers for Disease Control and some very expensive spy satellites that the French don't know about. It is intended as a guide for American travelers only.

 

General Overview:

 

France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of. It is an important member of the world community, though not nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular importance and with not very good shopping.

 

France is a very old country with many treasures, such as the Louvre and Euro-Disney. Among its contributions to western civilization are champagne,Camembert cheese and the guillotine. Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible for Americans to get decent Mexican food. One

continuing exasperation for American visitors is that local people insist on speaking in French, though many will speak English if shouted at. Watch your money at all times.

 

The People

 

France has a population of 57 million people. 52 million of these drink and smoke (the other 5 million are small children). All French people drive like lunatics, are dangerously oversexed, and have no concept of standing patiently in a queue.

The French people are in general gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof and undisciplined; those are their good points. Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, though you would hardly guess it from their behavior. Many people are communists.

 

Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie or Michel, and they kiss each other when they meet. American travelers are advised to travel in groups and wear baseball caps and colorful trousers for easier recognition.

 

Safety:

 

In general, France is a safe destination, although travelers must be aware that from time to time it is invaded by Germany. Traditionally, the French surrender immediately and, apart from a temporary shortage of Scotch whiskey and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life for the American visitor generally goes on much as before. A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the French government to flee to London during future German invasions.

 

History

France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport.

 

Government

The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held more or less continuously and always result in a draw. The French love administration so for government purposes the country is divided into regions, departments, districts, municipalities, towns, communes, villages,cafés, and telephone kiosks. Each of these has its own government

and elections.

 

Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower, though confusingly, they are both on the ground floor, and whose members are either Gaullists or Communists, neither of whom should be trusted by the traveler. Parliament's principal occupation is setting off atomic bombs in the south Pacific and acting indignant and surprised when other countries complain. According to the most current American state department intelligence, the President is now someone named Jacques. Further information is not available at this time.

 

Culture

 

The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not easy to see why. All their music sounds the same and they have never made a movie that you would want to watch for anything but the nude scenes.

 

Cuisine

 

Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants on the other hand, are excellent, although it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word.

In general, travelers are advised to stick to cheeseburgers.

 

Economy

 

France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's in Europe, which is surprising because the French hardly work at all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons,

perfume, guided missiles, champagne, guns, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese.

 

Public Holidays:

France has more holidays than any other nation in the world. Among its 361 national holidays are: 197 Saints' days, 37 National Liberation Days, 16 Declaration of Republic Days, 54 Return of Charles de Gaulle in triumph as if he won the war single-handed Days, 18 Napoleon sent into Exile Days,17 Napoleon Called Back from Exile Days, and 2 "France is Great and the Rest of the World is Rubbish" Days.

 

Conclusion

France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape, and a temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if it was not inhabited by French people.

 

[freeclimb9]

Why France Sucks in 1000 words:

[Greg_W]

[Dru]

[wdietsch]

I told him that it didn't surprise me. Since we had come to France's rescue in World War I, World War II, Vietnam, and the Cold War, their ingratitude and jealousy was due to surface at some point in the near future anyway.

That is why France is a third-rate military power with a socialist economy and a bunch of faggots for soldiers.

 

thanks pretty funny ... but it is a great place to climb and I always found "the common folk" to great .... I was southern France in 1994 on the 50th anniversary of the liberation of Paris ... man I could not buy myself a drink if I wanted to

[snoboy]

And y'all wonder why the rest of the world doesn't like you...

[RobBob]

I got a good look at Mont Blanc while flying into Zurich last spring...there it was, popping out right through the clouds...gave me the shivers. Thinking that I gotta try to climb it (the std route, of course ). Can anybody offer advice...thinking abt next September.

[thelawgoddess]

more on why france rocks: seared foie gras with some armagnac

 

[specialed]

Don't overlook France's major contribution to society in the area of male fashion: pink lycra climbing tights.

[forrest_m]

where would we be without french toast, french fries and french kissing? vive la france, i say.

[allthumbs]

...or my girlfriends' fav., the french tickler

[Greg_W]

Not to mention the fact that someone else would have to invent a race that Lance Armstrong could dominate for four years running (it is 4, isn't it?).

[Dru]

If it wasnt for the French we'd all be abseiling. Petzl Charlet makes more inventive gear than BD I will say that much. Crazy French designers. Bending ice tools and inventing Tikkas and Tiblocs and whatnot.

[Dr_Flash_Amazing]

And let's not fawking forget the almighty:

 

 

Can the Docta get a "hell yeah!"?

[Off_White]

more on why france rocks: seared foie gras with some armagnac

 

Arm in yak? What are you now, some kind of Tibetan veterinarian?

[specialed]

How bout that GRIzzle GRIzzle so bumblies can belay too and so you can burn down and drink beer while belaying.

[freeclimb9]

[sexual_chocolate]

Is it not true that only France could provide us with a Derrida? Cutting apart our sacred cows while smiling and winking the whole time, no? Forcing us to laugh at ourselves, despite opurselves, oui? Why can't we all be simple in smile, yet affected in thought, like....

 

Oh by the way, another reason to love the French: An Affair Of Love. Be patient with it, coddle your initial aversions, see what it gives you in return. Quoi tristesse!

[Dru]

QUELLE tristesse you pseudo frog. Leave the language to us bilingual types.

[sexual_chocolate]

SOUTHERN France.

[Dru]

italian or spanish accent?

[sk]

maybe sexy spells as poorly in french as I do in english

[thelawgoddess]

j'aime la neige.