Monogamy?

[lI1|1!]

 

[XXX]

 

Two parents a male and female is the best option for raising kids. If you do not like monogamy then I suggest you do not have children. Otherwise it is the best option of society and for raising kids.

 

I already am married (with children), and am quite happy in a monogamous relationship, as is my wife. However, we both know (and know of) several "couples" of three people. They seem happy and the children seem happy. It occurs to my wife and I that perhaps it is possible to love more than one person. Why not?

 

I also disagree with your comment that a male and female parent are the best option. I know two young children who are being raised by a lesbian couple. They are doing a great job, better than many male/female couples I know.

 

Why are three parents automatically bad, if everybody loves each other?

 

I thought it was an interesting thing to ponder. Don't you?

 

You want an example of where marriage has falledn apart and has contributed to a break down of morality? Then I would point you to many of our inner cities, where nearly 3/4 of children are born outside of wedlock. Where many males have numerous multiple partners. Now you can argue this point till your blue in the face, but the lack of fathers in many of these communities has contributed to crime, sex, drugs, and gangs. Most of these young kids are being raised by women. You need both a man and woman to properly raise a child.

 

It is better to encourage marriage, then to discourage it.

 

Is marraige perfect? By no means!! Are there a few outlyers who will defy the odds? Of course! But overall marraige is a good thing for society. Two parents are ideal. I'm sure some lesbians make great parents. But the number of homosexuals who want to have families I doubt is very large.

 

 

Edited October 26, 2007 by XXX

[G-spotter]

Is monogamy expensive? It seems like sewing those initials onto all your handerkchiefs would take a long time.

[ClimbingPanther]

agronomy is all about husbandry, really

[olyclimber]

Macrame

Misogyny

Gynephobia

 

all await your acerbic wit

[lizard_brain]

Don't you get mono from kissing anyway?

[ClimbingPanther]

Macrame

Misogyny

Gynephobia

 

all await your acerbic wit

 

enough of your hegemony

[Dechristo]

8 of 10 of my past love interests were married.

 

3 brothers wives,best friend's wife,boss's wife.2 wife's sisters. women go for what they need , when they want it.multitaskers.they all are still married.

 

Just saving this for his three brothers, best friend, boss, and two ex-wives.

 

 

[KaskadskyjKozak]

 

v7 be pimpin'!

[Dechristo]

I could say his juice comes in a box, but I won't. It's just too much, even for me.

[KaskadskyjKozak]

I could say his juice comes in a box, but I won't. It's just too much, even for me.

 

more like it comes in an 8-pack... not quite a half-rack, yet.

 

[sobo]

agronomy is all about husbandry, really

When I was in college, I studied animal husbandry. At least, until I got caught at it.

[Dechristo]

too much time doing "lab work", eh?

[sk]

sometimes the thing you want most is not the best thing for you. ie: having sex with whomever you want when you are married. Our ego must control our id otherwise things get messy. So maybe it's natural to have those urges to sleep with multiple people, but is it beneficial or wise? Will you be hurting people around you, like your kids or people who love you?

 

I think the urge to sleep with whoever you'd like to is nautral, however the thing that separates us from animals is that we can weigh the consequences of that action and adjust our behavior accordingly.

 

 

Serial monogamy (having multipled partners during a lifespan but only one at a time) is practiced in our culture. It's interesting to think about- could that look like a polygamous life as a whole to others?

 

I am pretty sure there are species of animals (wolfs for instance) who are better at monogamy than we humans are.

 

it may be culturally how our society is set up, but it apparently works less than half of the time. so why lie? if our culture were different then we would function differently. marriage and monogamy are primarily an institution of the church.

[ClimbingPanther]

NOT THE FLDS CHURCH BABY!!!! WE GOTS BRIDES ALL UP IN THE HizOUSE!!!

[ClimbingPanther]

I'M UR HUZBAND-MASTER, COURTIN' UR DISTANT RELATIVE

[selkirk]

I am pretty sure there are species of animals (wolfs for instance) who are better at monogamy than we humans are.

That's not saying a whole much.

 

it may be culturally how our society is set up, but it apparently works less than half of the time. so why lie? if our culture were different then we would function differently. marriage and monogamy are primarily an institution of the church.

I've kind of wonder if couplehood (slightly different from monogamy) isn't a result more of human well, for lack of better terms, laziness and jealousy. Does it represent a lowest energy state with regard to long term stability and raising a family.

 

For trying to raise a family I think everyone agrees it's much better to share the burden of hunting/gathering/rearing and it's a whole lot for just one adult, but it seems like there would be a cost benefit for adding more committed adults to the mix, where you start to have to fight increased emotional demands and innate jealousy/selfishness. If it's brothers/sisters/mothers/fathers only that's one thing as the jealousy thing may be tempered, but with more well what amount to husbands/wives/parts of the "couple" it starts to seem like a delicate line to tread. Not that it doesn't or can't work, it just requires more effort to maintain.

 

As for the marriage / infidelity thing, I came across an interesting article that indicated that the importance we place on fidelity in the US and the hurt/divorce that we experience when it occurs are tied to the expectations that we bring into marriage. That for some reason people in US tend to hang onto the romantic myth of the "perfect spouse" who is capable of meeting every last one of our needs and who will never screw up. Also indicated that infidelity doesn't really happen more or less in Europe, and isn't approved of or good, but also isn't perceived as a death blow to the relationship.

 

So maybe monogamy is a good option, but it should be tempered with the knowledge that people are naturally flawed, and prone to making selfish mistakes.

[tvashtarkatena]

Some interesting points here.

 

I think an explicit commitment to monogamy creates a framework for the kind of ongoing conflict resolution that relationships continuously require. It's a discipline, a daily decision, and, as such, isn't always fun, nor is it that lovin' feelin' that gushes from the heart. Still, we tend to idealize new love interests outside a relationship, when, in most cases, they represent just a different, if undiscovered, set of problems. A commitment to 'stay on the scene' like a lovin' machine forces partners to develop better ways to resolve issues, rather than just hitting the escape button.

 

This is not to say that infidelity should either be accepted or spell the death blow to any individual relationship. No society wide prescription is possible in such a personal arena.

 

I have noticed that, in the healthiest long term relationships I've observed, both partners have passions that go beyond the bounds of that relationship. I've also noticed that such successful couples work at it, it lots of little ways, every single day.

[ClimbingPanther]

tvash, you've always come across so anti-establishment wrt institutions of this pseudo-Christian first world! that must be one snappy whip your wife has

[tvashtarkatena]

I suspect the pseudo Christian world may have invented monotony, and I know they invented Monopoly, but I suspect monogamy came beforehand.

 

I suck at romantic relationships, but that doesn't give me an excuse for not trying.

[selkirk]

I suck at romantic relationships, but that doesn't give me an excuse for not trying.

 

we pretty much all do some of just suck worse than others!

I've only been married for 5 years, but it seems to be a continual work in progress, ever day it's a decision to keep working.

[archenemy]

tvash, you've always come across so anti-establishment wrt institutions of this pseudo-Christian first world! that must be one snappy whip your wife has

I know this is tongue in cheek, but it always bothers me that men who are obviously in love with a woman and states it clearly in many different ways is usually called "pussy-whipped" or "hen-pecked" in one way or another before long. It is a sad comment on our society--the same society that continually enforces monogamy. I think it puts men in an unfair, sexist, and harmful double-bind.

[JayB]

You can be in love without being a doormat. Pussy-whipped equals a doormat in love.

[archenemy]

I am sure you didn't miss my point. We all know the difference, but the "joke" is always made. It's just sad. And tiresome. And unfair to really good men.

[selkirk]

You can be in love without being a doormat. Pussy-whipped equals a doormat in love.

 

You can also be single and spineless. The two have nothing to do with each other.