Fairweather Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 The success of a marriage is inversely proportional to the square of wife's propensity to NAG. Quote
pink Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 i was three months away and i pulled the plug. we still hang out and i am still involved with her daughter, i will always be there fo her. the husband/wife thing sorta made the relationship sour. a house or a car comes with a piece of paper, i don't believe there should be ownership when it comes to relationships. unless of course i could sell her or trade her in for a new one. Quote
ericb Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Statistically speaking, I'm sporting one testicle, one ovary, and one C size breast. Will you marry me? Aggregate divorce statistics have little predictive value for the success or failure of a relationship. The more relevant question is: do couples in lasting relationships exhibit different behaviors than those in failed ones?  It should come as no surprise that the answer is yes. As to the 'whys'; the most long term (30+ years) and successful (in terms of it's predictive capability) work in this area has come from Dr. John and Julie Gottman. Pretty good stuff for anyone contemplating entering into a committed relationship.  Gottman is really good...took a prep for new baby class based on his material....and he's local to boot Quote
kevbone Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 My wife is the coolest chick there is…… Quote
pink Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 kevbone, there is no doubt about it that maggie is the shiz. it's just not for me, the whole marriage thing. Quote
JayB Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Statistically speaking, I'm sporting one testicle, one ovary, and one C size breast. Will you marry me? Aggregate divorce statistics have little predictive value for the success or failure of a relationship. The more relevant question is: do couples in lasting relationships exhibit different behaviors than those in failed ones?  It should come as no surprise that the answer is yes. As to the 'whys'; the most long term (30+ years) and successful (in terms of it's predictive capability) work in this area has come from Dr. John and Julie Gottman. Pretty good stuff for anyone contemplating entering into a committed relationship.  Gottman is really good...took a prep for new baby class based on his material....and he's local to boot   I've kind of dismissed this literature after reading about 4 pages of a book full of John Gray's inano-pablum, but this stuff looked like a substantial improvement.  As soon as I saw some validation for my passionate hatred of emotional microanalysis (once had a former girlfriend what I "really meant" when I asked her if she'd pass the salt) I figured it'd be worth shelling out $10 for an ounce of prevention. Quote
tvashtarkatena Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 (edited) The Phases of a Relationship, from Gottman and Gottman, et al:  Courting Phase: Male pretends to be nice to obtain sex and allay guilt from the way he treated last S.O. Female rewards male by losing weight, improving appearance, and wearing Catholic School Girl outfits on demand in an effort to prove to last S.O. what a schmuck he was for letting her go.  Consolidation Phase: Terrific blowjobs convince male that he must be irresistible to female, so he ignores her weird nipple bumps, snorting laugh, and other minor deformities. Desire on the part of male to occupy lowest energy state leads to an agreement to monogamy. Female begins planning how she will re-engineer male so he isn’t so much like her last S.O.  Commitment Phase: Male acquiesces to initial attempts by female to re-engineer him in exchange for terrific blowjobs and a sense of finally getting a relationship right for a change. Through this re-engineering process, female convinces male that he is highly flawed, and couldn’t do any better anyway, so he might as well stick with her. Male convinces female that he is infinitely re-programmable, unlike the last asshole she was with.  Honeymoon Phase: This can last from several seconds to a few months. When prolonged, it is an intensive period trying not to annoy the other person interspersed with slowly dwindling incidence of terrific blowjobs.  Insurgency Phase: Male’s jokes are no longer funny. Feminine odor becomes repellent. Both partners start an internal resistance movement, complete with clandestine operations, coded communication, and the occasional ambush. Male begins mobilizing his buddies against female. Female mobilizes her Book Group, Mother, and their couples counselor in retaliation.  Open Warfare Phase: Each partner now puts all of their resources towards total destruction of the other. No sacrifice is too great, no investment too daunting. Friends must duck to avoid the red jets of hate streaming from each partner’s eyeballs during social events. Eventually, friends are forced to choose sides or be eliminated. This continues until someone walks away with the home theater equipment.  Reset Phase: Start process over with a new S.O.  Edited October 10, 2007 by tvashtarkatena Quote
RuMR Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 OMFG! I've seen that red shit eyeball stuff FOR REAL! Quote
joblo7 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 it's a thin line..........between love and hate........it's a thin line..... Quote
kevbone Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 it's a thin line..........between love and hate........it's a thin line..... Â For you maybe.... Quote
ivan Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 marriage is fun - my recent favorite moment: my wife calls a chick i work w/, who last year i spent a fair amoutn of time w/ since we were working on some shit together - anyway, she calls this chick after a year and lays into her, threatening her and shit in the finest of ghetto-fashion-style - then she wigs out on me like i've got a plan to cheat on her all this time and not believing i've ever been out climbing anytime i've said i was over the last year (like, given the choice between dealing w/ bitches and all their stupid shit and being in the great church of the alpine, i'd choose some fucking wierd pdx-creature?) anyhow, now all my bidness is the world's bidness and damn, it feels good!!! Â ha, ha - mah-whaj! creating adventure out of the clear blue sky for centuries!!! waht's not to love? Quote
JayB Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Just heard about a situation like yours about a friend from Portland from the wife, although in this story the dude *was* cheating and the marriage is a goner. Â The best part was getting some (half)-joking words of warning and admonitions as a result of some other guy's shenanigans. Â Not the cheating type, but even if I was I have to think that even a quick, back-of-the-envelope calculation concerning the cost and benefits of some out-of-wedlock action would keep me on the straight and narrow after I got married. Once you tally up the cost of all of the severed relationships, emotional keel-hauling, lawyer's bills, etc it'd be hard to conclude that any piece of ass in the world would justify even a 100th of the cost. Quote
Fairweather Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Like they say: Â The fuckin' you'd get aint worth the fuckin' you'd get. Quote
Fairweather Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Anyone's wife ever think the time spent on this site is suspect? My wife asked me if she could check this place out about a year ago. Lucky for me, Arch and Muffy weren't talking dirty that day! Quote
chirp Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I have to say its been a solid 16 years of good fun and no BS for us. Marriage is great, assuming you made the proper choice for the proper reasons. Friends for life is the best way to describe it. We had the benefit of starting out kinda "rocky" ( pun intended) and everything went uphill from there. Â Toni in the middle with all the face "paint", five days after the wedding. Facial reconstruction courtesy of Chair peak. Â Â Quote
dinomyte Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 (edited) marriage is fun - my recent favorite moment: my wife calls a chick i work w/, who last year i spent a fair amoutn of time w/ since we were working on some shit together - anyway, she calls this chick after a year and lays into her, threatening her and shit in the finest of ghetto-fashion-style - then she wigs out on me like i've got a plan to cheat on her all this time and not believing i've ever been out climbing anytime i've said i was over the last year (like, given the choice between dealing w/ bitches and all their stupid shit and being in the great church of the alpine, i'd choose some fucking wierd pdx-creature?) anyhow, now all my bidness is the world's bidness and damn, it feels good!!! ha, ha - mah-whaj! creating adventure out of the clear blue sky for centuries!!! waht's not to love?  Ha! My wife would definitely do that!  Fortunately (or unfortunately?) all of my climbing buddies are guys, so I just get accused of some "brokeback" action!  She suspects that all the pics I bring back are photoshopped.  And I think she's mentioned something about me meeting up and climbing with some hot mountain woman that none of my friends ever talk about. (We've been arguing over the actual existence of any "hot mountain woman, but I think I've seen that thread before.) Edited October 11, 2007 by dinomyte Quote
kevbone Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 marriage is fun - my recent favorite moment: my wife calls a chick i work w/, who last year i spent a fair amoutn of time w/ since we were working on some shit together - anyway, she calls this chick after a year and lays into her, threatening her and shit in the finest of ghetto-fashion-style - then she wigs out on me like i've got a plan to cheat on her all this time and not believing i've ever been out climbing anytime i've said i was over the last year (like, given the choice between dealing w/ bitches and all their stupid shit and being in the great church of the alpine, i'd choose some fucking wierd pdx-creature?) anyhow, now all my bidness is the world's bidness and damn, it feels good!!! ha, ha - mah-whaj! creating adventure out of the clear blue sky for centuries!!! waht's not to love?  Ha! My wife would definitely do that!  Fortunately (or unfortunately?) all of my climbing buddies are guys, so I just get accused of some "brokeback" action!  She suspects that all the pics I bring back are photoshopped.  And I think she's mentioned something about me meeting up and climbing with some hot mountain woman that none of my friends ever talk about. (We've been arguing over the actual existence of any "hot mountain woman, but I think I've seen that thread before.)    My wife would never pull that crap…..the trust between us is impeccable……not to mention she is an outstanding rock climber. I could go for a week to smith with another girl and she would not think twice about it. Matter of fact one of my regular climbing partners is a girl…..where have you been Pink_chalk?  Quote
lI1|1! Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 all of my climbing buddies are guys, so I just get accused of some "brokeback" action!  gf did this to me. what's with crazy bishes anyway?   Quote
lizard_brain Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Man, I was gonna go off on dinomite's post, but I got to thinkin' about some of my married freinds - my married climbing buddies, and it isn't so bad with all of them. I have one couple that I go on trips with, and they are great. Crude humor (both of them and me), and I don't have to watch what I say around them... Another that climbs but his wife doesn't, but she likes having him out of the house now and then. But there are others that I could swear they have to say "Yes ma'am" and "No ma'am" when they ask permission to climb, and when I'm around her, he keeps looking at me out of the corner of his eye like I'm going to say something wrong, so I don't say a word, so this heavey silence naturally makes the atmosphere more suspicious. From the viewpoint of a guy that's been single for life so far, it seems that some marriages work great, some don't, and there ain't no magic formula. I decided long ago that I don't like living with other people (not that I don't like other people, but I like living alone), and that I'm way too irrisponsible to be married and/or have kids. Ironic, because that was quite a responsible decision. But I gotta say, I really like being able to just walk out the door, and come back when I want. And my previous post was an example of what my relationship with many of my married friends is like: Â "Let's go ride bikes!" Â "I gotta go ask my wife first." Â Quote
dinomyte Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I guess I should point out that my wife does all of the above shit in jest. She just jokes with me about it. Â She's doesn't really think I'm meeting up with some hot mountain woman. Â Probably in good part because I'm pretty much oblivious to what other women are doing - a gal would have to pretty much strip and unzip me before i noticed she was flirting! Â I was a bit quicker on the uptake when I was single! Quote
lizard_brain Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I guess I should point out that my wife does all of the above shit in jest. She just jokes with me about it. Â She's doesn't really think I'm meeting up with some hot mountain woman. Â Probably in good part because I'm pretty much oblivious to what other women are doing - a gal would have to pretty much strip and unzip me before i noticed she was flirting! Â I was a bit quicker on the uptake when I was single! Â Heh! I read your last post and was about to respond - "Are you saying your wife's not hot?" Quote
lizard_brain Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Is she aware of the teams of climbing nymphs hunting the Cascades for unsuspecting men to ravage? Â Quote
chucK Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Great thread! A couple of responses to various topics herein: Â 1. Living in sin -> more breakups. I'd bet one reason this may be true is a bit of the "boil the frog" syndrome. When they first get involved a lot of people don't realize how committing living together can get, especially if it goes on a while, dwelling gets consolidated, stuff gets bought with common money, etc. So some people may think, "it's just a tryout phase" with the misperception that it will be easy to back away if one becomes disenchanted. But it ain't. And it's harder to back out of the eventual marriage deal. Â People who start their commitment by living together many times have not agonized adequately over the decision. Â 2. wood nymphs and gay climbing partners: I can see how wives could start getting uneasy feelings like this. For the wife/husband of a committed climber they probably feel a lot of the negative parts of being the "other woman" due to all the attention and time climbing takes away from the relationship. But how it's different from someone being, say, a "football widow", is that the climber is often far away, incommunicado for days (and night!) at a time, instead of being kept tabs on, comatose on the couch. Â Â Quote
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