Tourists

[dberdinka]

Another quote

 

Tourists -

 

They climb mountains like animals, stupid and sweating; one has forgotten to tell them that there are beautiful views on the way up.

 

- ?????

[cj001f]

I personally like the question I was asked this Sunday at the Timberline parking lot, from an elderly couple in a minivan, in all earnestness "Where's Mt. Hood?"

[iain]

Word is, someone got out of the car in the Timberline Lodge parking lot and was wondering why they built the lodge so far from the mountain, as they gazed off at Mt. Jefferson.

[dberdinka]

One more that seems climbing related from the same source

 

 

From the Practice of Wise Men -

 

To become wise, on must WISH to have certain experiences and run, as it were, into their gaping jaws. This, of course, is very dangerous. Many a wise guy has been swallowed.

[iain]

or the time I was passed out after a long climb at the Glacier View snopark down west of Govy (kindof a run-down pulloff, not well-marked) and a couple of tourists drove in there and asked me where the glaciers were and how long was the walk to view them.

[chirp]

Classic tourist baiting: Working at Devils Tower in 1987, approaching routes on the tower trail with obvious gear created opportunity for a myriad of questions about what was on top. With a serious face one could get away with some amazing stories, but typically I just told em there was a lake on top with good fishing.

[skykilo]

Walking off a big volcano in July, August, or September with ski gear draws some really stupid questions. In full view of Mt Baker, for instance, one asks, "Is there skiing up there?" It's really not worth responding.

[JoshK]

I always love the "did you go where the snow is?" from the tourons on the concrete trail above paradise.

[erik]

"son you got more never then a bad tooth"

 

i like tourists and all their silly questions. it is the only time in my climbing life that i feel superior to another humans being!! and my fragile ego requires that time to time.

 

the only time i get outta control is either after shots or when i see them feeding the animals. i almost want to put dirt and twigs and shit in their mouths..........

 

you humans make me laugh!

 

[Dan_Harris]

Here in the Sierra's a lady heading south on the PCT (carrying only a small water bottle) stopped and asked if this was the right way to Sonora Peak. I turned her around and pointed north to the peak a few miles from us and set her straight. At least I didn't hear about a SAR. It doesn't even have to be questions either. Some of the comments parents give to their kids as you pass are priceless. I was also amazed last week at the number of people headed up, slipping and sliding on, the Muir snowfield in tennis shoes saying they are heading for Camp Muir.

[RobBob]

Saw a busload of Mennonite kids arriving at the Muir Hut on a sunny day, not a one wearing sunglasses (or with any other gear). I said to one girl 'you're gonna have a headache' and she just smiled and said 'I know!'

[iain]

sounds like when we were doing a search for a missing climber (still missing today) in the Three Sisters Wilderness a few years back, and we started tracking ANOTHER person who was lost in the snow doing a through-hike on the PCT. He was trying to figure out which way to go with an Oregon state highway map. The incident commander told us to give him a good map and make sure he made his way out of the county.

[erik]

iain said:

The incident commander told us to give him a good map and make sure he made his way out of the county.

 

and he has been in your basement ever since.

 

 

[iain]

correction: crawlspace

[cj001f]

iain said:

Word is, someone got out of the car in the Timberline Lodge parking lot and was wondering why they built the lodge so far from the mountain, as they gazed off at Mt. Jefferson.

 

Given that the couple in the minvan repeatedly asked "whats the closest we can drive to Mt. Hood?" It wouldn't surprise me at all.

[RobBob]

met a guy in TX that swore he had driven to the summit of Rainier

[Rodchester]

Japanese Tourists (family) in Jellystone in good english with a heavy accent.

 

Husband: Will you take a picture of my family next to the buffalo?

 

ME: Sure.

 

Lots of Japanese language directing the family nearer and nearer to a very large solitary Bufflo. With thier backs to the buffalo about 12 feet away, I was about to take a picture. Then there was an exchange between the husband and wife.

 

Wife: Please wait, my husband wants to put our child on the Buffalo.

 

ME: Sure....maam....um....can I keep the camera?

 

(Husband looks at me funny.)

 

Husband: What?

 

ME: Can I keep the camera?

 

Husband: What do you mean?

 

ME: Well when you try to put that kid on the Buffalo it is going to trample all over you and your family. And seeing as how it weighs over 1000 lbs. and can run 30 mph, I think it'll kill you pretty quickly. So what I want to know is, after it kills you, Can I have the camera?

 

(wife blurts something out distressful sounding in Japanese as the Buffalo snorts and shift its position now facing head first at them)

 

Husband: We do not require a picture at this time. (taking the camera back from me) Thank you.

 

[sobo]

Rodchester said:

...very humorous story of Japanese tourists in Yellowstone...

 

Husband: We do not require a picture at this time. (taking the camera back from me) Thank you.

 

Did that really happen? Fuckin' hilarious!

[Bug]

The first time someone tried to sue the government for the actions of a wild animal was in jellystone. A french guy wanted a pic of a buffalo bull and set up his camera very close. When he was ready, the buffalo turned it's head away. After a few futile attempts to get the buffalo to look at him, he walked up to it, grabbed it by the horns, and yanked on it's head. In full view of his wifem the naughty animal ripped him a new asshole big enough to store a minibike. He died a few hours later. If only it would have been a running video camera.

[Bug]

Indian Canyon 1982. Ricki and I are parked near Newspaper Rock sorting gear in his van when a nice lady in a Winnebago pulls up. She gets out with her Poodle Fifi and walks up to the van. She nicely asked Ricki, "Are you rock climbers?" I smiled while Ricki politely replied "Yes". "Are you headed for Colorado?" I snickered. Ricki looked at me and smiled at her and said "No We are climbing here." She was a little put off with my snicker and announced "There is no rock climbing here?" I rolled on the floor of the van howling. She quickly added "The rock is too unstable." Ricki is now loosing it. She proudly announces "My son rappells. He knows." We were in stitches for about fifteen minutes.

Lady, wherever you are, Thank you very much. The world would be a duller place without you. And I hope your dog isn't constipated anymore.

[Dru]

First time ever to Red Rocks. No guidebook so we figure we wil lwing it. Drive to Calico Basin. Get out of car at Red Spring. Look for routes. Split up. I hike upwards towards the Fox. See the fox. OOOOH!!!

 

Hike back down & meet climbing partners who had gone to look at stuff over towards where "Moderate Mecca" is now. They point at some dude who has told them there are climbs on the loop road at the pullouts. I think they are saying this guy is a climber and has told them where the good climbing is, when in fact he is just a picnicer who has seen climberrs from his car. But anyways I go over to ask him what the name and grade of the fox is.

 

ME: Hi

Him: Hi

Me: What's that climb up there.

Him: There is no climb up there.

Me: No, that route up there.

Him: There is no route up there.

Me: That crack up there...with all the chalk on it?

Him: That isn't a climb...it's just a product of geological erosion and weathering.

Me:

Him: Are you are climber?

Me: Oh, yeah

Him: Are you good?

Me: Um, yeah.

Him; how good are ya?

My buddy: "Oh we're good"

Him: How good?

My buddy: REEEEEEAL good (holds hands up about two feet apart like he just caught a fish)

Him: Well. Ya better be real good ya hear. Cause if you fall off those rocks you can squash your head like a dropped watermelon!

US: YES SIR!

[eric8]

The best is when the japenesse tourist in the canadian rockies ask to take your picture.

[catbirdseat]

I'm so boring. I usually just give them a straight answer.

[EWolfe]

dberdinka said:

Another quote

 

Tourists -

 

They climb mountains like animals, stupid and sweating; one has forgotten to tell them that there are beautiful views on the way up.

 

- ?????

 

Sounds like some climbers who only see the routes, as well...

[carolyn]

Dan_Harris said:

Some of the comments parents give to their kids as you pass are priceless.

 

Agree! Makes me smile.

I recently had a father and 3? 4? yr old girl walking by as I was setting up some anchors. Dad eventually walked away, expecting her to follow behind. By the time he realized she was missing I had her dressed up in my helmet and a mini-sized rack hanging from her shoulders. She was ready to go!

 

One of the best (so far, which I have already shared a while back)...sitting on top of a climb with two guys, just about to rappel. A family is above us asking questions (but never really waiting for the answer), when one of the youngsters asks, "but how is the girl going to get down?" His parents werent too thrilled when I said I would jump and asked if he wanted to watch.