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Don't despair, the iceman will cometh!


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"A Call to the Iceman and His Goddess"

I bring to you a tale of woeOf freezing levels none too lowThe angst of climber's will have its wayManifesting in the form of spray

The rain fell down, the rock was dampThere was a spray war 'bout smokin dope at Muir CampWay before five it was dark out-of-doorJust as Caveman made post seventeen-O-four

Oh please, oh please let the cold wind blowAnd end this boring tale of sorrowFor it is true that climbing in November sucks'Cept maybe for a few of those far-north Canucks

Weekend after weekend you'll sadly find usOn the Muir Snowfield, though it's quite tediousWe ski the crud, the crust, and the chunder"Isn't there something better?", I certainly do wonder

So pray with me now to the Goddess of Weather AlmightyTo make the ground cold, pretty, and whiteyAnd deliver unto to me with no further delayThe new ice-climbing boots I ordered Sunday

And deliver us all to the kingdom of iceAnd spare us from huge wingers, oh-so un-niceLet my ice screws and specters and screamers remain still untested;Let my ice-leading skills not by the conditions be bested

May Oregon Jack this winter stay blueLet no more red stains mar that color so trueAnd for Dan let Drury not be the site of lapsAnd in Lillooet let me meet more cascadeclimbers chaps

Let the powers that be keep the Phair Creek road open'Cause "A Phairwell to Arms" just looks totally dopin!And bring Carl's Berg in, just huge, blue, and fatSo I can test my mettle against that

Let this year's Lillooet Ice Climber's FestBe by far and forever one of the bestAnd deliver by mail the long-promised map by Lyle and othersWho've been playing all summer, enjoying their druthers

Please protect me from evil in the Reynolds BarI don't want no trouble from the bad-asses in tharOh, and I'd like to meet Fred, living legend that he beAnd have him lead some heinous ice route for me

Or perhaps show me his little black bookAnd tell me the tales of routes that he tookBetter yet let me in on his secret attracting-babe-charms'Cause it seems that he always has one on each of his arms

Please don't bury Mike and Ray in the snowRight beneath that crappy old Alpental flowLet Phil and his buds work first ski descent magicBring us more snow than last year, it was really quite tragic

Let Alex and friends finish the Washington Ice guideCause the few routes I know are tired and triedFreeze up Alpental, Vantage and Tumwater Canyon, along with the Gorge (what the hell?)Yes that's what I'm after: A real long, real cold spell

And for me, just for me, let Silk Degrees touch the groundI don't want to climb the rock again, monkeying aroundI pray that my leaders head really does jiveAnd by seasons end I lead water ice five

So here I sit on my ass making rhymeJust wasting and whiling away my timeMr. Parker says, "Soon the iceman will cometh.""And we'll all go out and get us someth."


[ 11-15-2001: Message edited by: CascadeClimber ]

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Originally posted by Dwayner:
You want poetry? William Shatner hosts Iron Chef tonight for the first time. There will be eloquent verbage, arrogant costumes and more drama than 3 rope teams of Mountaineers heading up the Nisqually Icefall at 4 in the afternoon on a warm July day!

Maybe his hairpeice will fall in the souffle rolleyes.gif" border="0

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