'Twas on the good ship Venus,
*By gad! You should have seen us,
*The figure-head was a whore in bed,
*And the mast a rampant penis.
They called the Captain Slugger,
He was a dirty bugger,
He wasn't fit to shovel shit,
On any bugger's lugger.
His given name was Cooper,
By god he was a trooper,
He jerked and jerked until he worked
Himself into a stupor.
The Captain's daughter Mabel,
Whenever she was able,
She gave the crew their daily screw
Upon the mess-room table.
His daughter wasn't fussy,
She was a brazen hussy,
She'd spread her legs on the brandy kegs,
And show the men her pussy.
His wife was baptized Charlotte,
Who was born and bred a harlot
Her legs at night were lily-white,
But in the morning they were scarlet.
While crossing the equator,
The crew did elevate her,
She bared her ass on the topmost mast,
And dared the crew to mate her.
The first mate's name was Paul
He only had one ball,
But with that cracker he rolled tobacco,
Around the cabin wall.
The second mate's name was Lester,
A virgin hymen tester.
Through hymens thick he shoved his prick
And left it there to fester.
That third mate known as Morgan,
The homosexual Gorgon.
A dozen crows, sat in a row,
Could pose upon his organ.
The lookout's name was Andy,
His legs were long and bandy,
They filled his arse with molten brass,
For pissing in the brandy.
The Captain's randy daughter,
Was swimming in the water,
Delighted squeals came as the eels,
Entered her sexual quarter.
The engineer, McTavish,
The women he did ravish,
His missing tool's at Istambul
He was a trifle lavish.
The cabin boy, the cabin boy,
A dirty little nipper,
He filled his bum with bubble gum,
And vulcanized the skipper.
One sailor's name was Higgins,
And Higgins had a big 'un,
Once round the deck, twice up the mast,
And the rest was used for rigging.
The helmsman's name was Sam,
He liked to roger rams,
It trapped his bollocks during his frolics,
And turned his yard-arm into spam.
The cook whose name was Freeman,
A dirty bloody demon,
He fed the crew on menstrual stew
*And foreskins fried in semen.
Another cook was O Malley,
He didn't dilly-dally.
He shot his bolt with a hell of a jolt,
And whitewashed half the galley.
The ship's dog's name was Rover,
The whole crew did him over.
They ground and ground that faithful hound
From Singapore to Dover.
The Fifth Mate's name was Slater,
He was a masturbator.
He'd pump and pump his massive stump,
And clean the mess up later.
There was Able Seaman Jenkin,
By buggering demented,
He stuffed cement up his fundament,
And relationships cemented.
They saw a Spanish Galleon,
Its figurehead a stallion,
And when they saw it was full of whores,
There wasn't any dallyin'.
On every foot of rigging,
There were sailors frigging,
In the lookout's nest, they'd take a rest,
From their poking and their digging.
'Twas in the Adriatic,
Where the water's almost static,
The rise and fall of cock and ball,
Was almost automatic.
We sailed to the Canaries,
To screw the local fairies;
We got the syph in Tenerife
And the clap in Buenos Aires.
We sailed to the Bahamas,
Where the girls all wear pyjamas;
They wouldn't screw our motley crew -
They much preferred bananas.
While sailing on the ocean,
We'd often get a notion,
In cold and heat to beat our meat,
With a peculiar motion.
Each sailor lad's a brother,
To each and one another,
We'd take great pains at our daisy chains,
Whilst writing home to mother.
Then in search of new sensation,
In the forms of recreation,
The ship was sunk in a wave of gunk
From mutual masturbation.
So now we end this serial,
Through sheer lack of material,
I wish you luck and freedom from,
Diseases venereal.
