ivan

hey now there, i was much more comfortable being compared to a slimey bear turd! it's only jibberish if you try to make sense of it kev - you gotta read it like you look at those 3d puzzles - i'm a sailboat!

tauntaunaphobia, that's why!

ha! says the man who briefly tried claiming "illness" until i browbeat him up goode (dude!)

that's a pretty suckass time of year for volcanoes - i imagine you could get up dog route on baker if you insisted then though - broaden your horizons though, check out shuksan, stuart, and other n cascade non-volcanic peaks!

some of seann's shots me on p4 (our 3rd) above plancks above the flake i nearly cast down at the penji over to the bivi tree funtastic steepness on pitch 6 at deja vu ledge (well, right next to it...) hey, free-climbing! me on p9/10 me just below our 3rd bivy looking back at me and our bivy site atop p10 enjoy the steepness of p12! me = pissed n' passed out

cc.com has turned into quite the soap opera these past few days

nooooo.....because then you would do yet another trip report. maybe not - the last tr for st peters set the bar a bit too high for my puerile tastes

not to mention boring as hell

still, you're unclear - are you looking for aid climbers to photograph? could be my excuse to finally go do st peters dome

seems like everything i do at beacon ends up turning into an aid climb where'd you have in mind to frame a worthy shot? i'd assume not ozone?

i find i spray best while drinking heavily i thought you ate spam?

maybe you too boys can bury the hatchet in this one here and get it all behind you?

i love having guys like this on my side of the line

fork yeah!

Trip: Yosylum - Mideast Crisis V 5.7 A2 Date: 5/25/2009 Trip Report: my valley cherry! after many hibernal hijinx i fancied meself fit to duck down to the Big Ditch (which i dug, bitch!) the tale contained forewith, to borrow from the Bard, is that told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing - you have been warned- it features the misanthropic machinations of your friend and humble narrator, the wise ivan, and his godless, guilless, heathenishly pidgin-tongued coolie, seann (moof) - it may be summarized into the following chapters: acte 1 - thursday: - spastic stuporous 12 hour drive from p-town ends at 5 a.m. at harden flat, just outside the yosylum gate, where we sleep for 3 hours until the sun demands we get going - we climb the first 3 pitches of washington column's mideast crisis (actually it was only 2 pitches - we skipped the bullshit, sloughing 2&3 original pitches in favor of the surreal option: planck's constant roof) - fix 2 ropes to above the PC roof - descend and immediately hump up 160 lbs of bullshit to the base of the route, including 90 some odd pounds of water and gatorade - miss pizza due to the late hour (bitches!) and drive back to harden in a dejected state to sleep in the dirt w/ the ants acte 2 - friday: - sleep later than wished due to being sleep-stupid as a result of the last 36 hours - stash food in curry village, where a demented 'coon is frightening the tourists and feverishly try to get himself locked into a bear-box - eat canuckistani bacon at the yos-village store - somehow manage to still have to hike up a shit-ton of weight to the base, our 3rd trip up the trail which we contrive to do a different way each time - jug to the top of pitch 3 - nightmare haul takes forever, even w/ the help of some kind folks down on the ground (fraternity of smokers rawks!) - i climb pitch 4, highlighted by almost squashing myself w/ a 1000 lb pillar that shifted an inch when i tried putting a cam behind it - portaledge bivy by a tree at the top of pitch 4, getting into camp just as it gets dark acte 3 – saturday: - moof climbs pitch 5 - i climb pitch 6, my first seriously steep lead of the route which also features a fun bit of rottenness - moof epics on pitch 7 – we’d hoped to complete it and get out of harnesses at déjà vu ledge, but “terrible aid” fucks him hard and puts him away wet – he ends up having to lower down in the dark and we do an unplanned p’ledge bivy at the top of pitch 6, a slightly odd location acte 4 – sunday: - seann finishes his awful pitch - i free-climb most of pitch 8 - nightmare hauling on the rough slab - i link pitches 9 & 10, insane ground, to a hanging portaledge bivy inside a truly immense cave acte 5 – memorial day: - seann climbs pitch 11 (wild!) and replaces a mank bolt at the belay below 12 - i climb an equally ludicrously steep pitch 12 - seann climbs the original finish to mideast crisis (instead of last pitch of astroman as the supertaco showed) - i follow as it gets dark - total epic nightmare of hauling on low angle, loose horseshit in the dark, ending at the summit at 2 a.m. - pimptacular fire and party down at the top until the sun threatened acte 6 – tuesday: - wake late, hide in haul-bag shade, drinking wine n’ guinness - pimp and pack till near noon - leave 18 goddamn liters of water at the summit! - attempt a single haul down the trail, but only get about a 100 yards before it becomes obvious we’re dangerously overloaded for terrain that will require some care on if we’re to not become the objects of sweet, sweet snuff porn - resort and descend w/ about 70 lbs each – still have to lower bags in one spot up high and do the rap (I nearly snap my wrist in half hauling my bag over to the anchor when it starts rolling) - storm and half each of a gaint everythign pizza preclude a return trip to the summit to get the rest of our shit - pimp and primp in el cap meadow and sneer (“dude, i GOT that”), then ghetto-euro-bathe in a rainy, ‘skeeter infested swath of the river - early turn-in at harden flat acte 7 – wednesday: - 420 a.m. wakeup (gotta be home in time for work at 630 a.m. tomorrow beyotch!) - hike back up to the summit and retrieve our gear and an unclaimed guiness - on the descent, on the final move shuffling down the huge boulders above the shitter and the hardtop trail, i have to do a final rockmove – as I go to take my right hand off the rock at the bottom, an intense feeling of sadness comes over me, and my fingers linger on the cool, smooth granite – i wonder just how long it will be again until i feel this remarkable yosemite stone again? - sort gear and play endless “who the fuck’s wire-gate is this?” games in el cap meadow - the looooooooong return (punctuated by a fine dining experience near the or/ca border) personal lessons: - seann an awesome partner and good person to learn a lot from - wall harness essential (but can i please find one not 6 sizes too big?) - adjustable daisies w/ giant buckles are worth their weight in crack whores! - how to tie a munter mule hitch - alpine butterfly instructions (with appropriate hand-gestures!): “dude, it’s just like violating a 12 year old: first you get her all twisted around, then you bend her over, then you poke her through the hole” - belay seat’s absolutely essential for this sorta nightmare - single portaledges = much kewler than double - use separate hanging cords for ledges/belay seat to the master connection - old coke bottles make good rope protectors - haul w/ giant pulley and basic petzl ascender on a 6 inch runner – each climber gets a 4 foot draw and a cordellette - FAH Q $3 walmart hat and “crip-blue” bandanna under helmet = pimptacular - routes mostly in the shade demand wearing pants not shorts! fuck, never thought i was gonna be cold so much! - 1 anchor for hauling, 1 for jugging - etrier loops work great for flaking ropes through - be careful not to pass the haul line through an etrier loop! kinda makes it hard to recover the etrier once the bag’s weighted - shitting on a portaledge – it can be done! doublebag it! sorta helps to not crap for 2 days prior - $10 exterior speakers for your mp3 player ! and now, having skipped all the above prose b/c you’re actually a latent homosexual, the climbing pRon (and maybe seann will make some contributions too?) annoyingly, the route is hard to appreciate from any decent distant vantage (though sitting on half dome w/ a telephoto would work well ) - the sweetest part of the route is visible here though, busting through the giantist cave in center frame top of pitch 1 – totally fucked meself here by daisying to a brassie in a pin scar, pulling the desperate grassy, slimy, shitacular move, then discovering i couldn’t for the life of me unclip the daisy! seann shuffling over to planck’s constant roof starting up planck’s holy shit, a place you can actually use not 1, but 2 6 inch cams?!? still going, and going, and going… following this pitch is more fun than leading it, since you have to re-aid the giant traverse, but can enjoy a potential fall that will be wildly exhilarating instead of mortally wounding 2 giant goddamn haulbags fixed lines on the first 2 pitches – note the tree 1 pitch above that which we slept at on night 1 we enjoyed perfect weather on all days except on day 6, but purple clouds seemed to threaten nearly every day lookign down mid-pitch 3 – note the large orange pillar marked as loose in the topo – my red camalot budged it half an inch from the wall, whereupon I made lemonade in my pants and leaped off before it could go screaming down the wall, taking my ropes with it camp 1 on the tree at the top of p3 starting up p4 in the morning me hauling from the top of pitch 5 while seann cleans seann smiling, ignorant of the fact that a giant monkey-cock is about to be crammed in his delicate derrière as he moves past me and leads out on pitch 7 The start of pitch 7 – innocently overhanging, it moves right of the wide crack into a deathly 5.8 flare that worked, worked, worked my boy – both of us think in hindsight that staying on the crack left would probably have saved a world of heart-ache and actually allowed us to reach the déjà vu ledge before dark twilight on half dome as the implications of a full-on epic settle in the bottom of pitch 7 wasn’t the easiest of places to p-ledge it, but we made it work Midway up the free climbing on pitch 8, the g-fucking-normous cave above revealing where we’d bivy (just below the smaller roof, center frame) after linking 9/10 - outrageous climbing on p9/10, as well as pitchs 11/12, which exit the bivy by traversing under the dark roof, turning the corner, then zig-zag upside down to the v-notch on the skyline seann following on pitch 8 – full on hauling nightmare below – probably woulda been better if we’d hauled to/from the bivy site at déjà vu ledge, but seann says the anchors there sucked (i didn’t notice) the 3rd morning – seann traverses out on the heady 11th pitch – he’ll go around the corner in the background, then perform community service on the bad bolt there – one of only a handful of lead bolts on this route is right at the corner turning the corner just before the p11 anchor – a bolt it right by his left knee lowering out the bags while hauling from the top of p11 – why did we use a clear dry-bag for the shit again? early on lead on pitch 12 – seann’s newly updated anchor below, but on very poor ground for ledges or hanging out – many fixed pins w/ loops for lowering out on on this pitch – i placed no pins despite the topo, but you might need some if they disappeared – a large lowe-ball or a black alien was critical for getting past the crux here – a wild pitch! Near the top is the ancient belay chair left by the good folks of “quantum mechanic” fame back to the wall, slowly spinning in space would you believe this hat was brand new a week ago? seann starting up p13, the original finish – not a bad belay here if you have a belay seat as another epic announced itself, the sun went down on half dome, backlighting brewing clouds behind it when you know you’re haul’s going shitty…. pimpstation 4 – note the sweet fire pit I built a giant fire in after becoming despondent during the 2 a.m. hauling session, as well as the wealth of extra water we lugged up! back in the land of grandmas, boy-scouts, and titties! just another phreak in the phreak kingdom having told donny to shut the fuck up time w/o count, i thought it only proper to let him stop at the in'n'out on the way home fucking animal style! Gear Notes: if you see anything still in your garage after packing, you've probably fucked up some essential items: - 2 #6 and #5 cams for planck's constant (you can leave both 6's and 1 5 on the ground afterwards) - a handful of long-dong lost arrows for the bitter pill of pitch 7 - 2 fat birdbeaks - bolt kit (we used it once, but all other anchors appear in great shape and there are practically no lead bolts on route to even worry about) - 4 cams total in the 3 to 4 inch range - 4-5 cams each from blue alien to #2 - 1 black alien or large loweball critical - 1 set of offset aliens useful the topo called for, but we never needed: - hooks - heads (nor were there any fixed on route to worry about having to replace) Approach Notes: luckily my north cascade hardman skills had acclimatized myself for this brutal bastard of a 1 hour walk

uh, wtf?

sounds like you are in good enough shape to take on r'n'd now!

got home at 3 a.m. this morning - fucking awesome time - climbed mideast crisis on wa column w/ moof (seann) - spent 7 days in total fixing, humping shit up n' down, etc. 3 nihgts on portaledges and a 4th at the summit - every day climbing till dark - spectaculary steep route - 7/13 pitches are severely overhanging - oceans of granite - wow! the only thing that really sucked was hauling on the 3 non-vertical pitches. reckon i'll do a tr after i catch up w/ the fam and sort through my pix how was jim's move though? everything at the new place? wtf is he now?

sweeeeet

my genius is rarely recognized

I have some pictures I can contribute, maybe someone can type the Ivanesque style literary masterpiece which such doings deserve? I'll start...."It was the best of times...it was the worst of times.... so where's the new bat cave? got in at 3 a.m. last night but still made it to work - the valley....hooooooly faaaawk!

maybe i should just file my icetools down and dry-tool it?

ah, yes, i did miss that - the meat of the entry then in the ANAM was this i suppose: 8. Narrative Description of Accident: This high profile accident received national media coverage for more than a week. It utilized high technology search tools such as airborne thermal imaging, unmanned drones, and cell phone localization. The writer has attempted to limit conclusions on facts and observations obtained through interviews and correspondence with on-scene rescuers. However, until more clues are uncovered with the melting snowpack, some uncertainty remains. Presented here are the most probable scenarios consistent with all known facts. On December 7 three experienced climbers (Kelly James, 48, Brian Hall, 37, Jerry Cooke, 36) drove to the Cooper Spur winter trailhead and hiked the ski trail to a planned high bivouac but changed their plans, enjoying the comforts of the warming hut at Tilly Jane campground that night . Other visitors at the hut described the group as well equipped for their climb (stove, fuel, bivy gear, shovel). On the way from Hood River they left a note at a USFS ranger station with their plans to climb the North face Gully and descend the southside route.. On Friday, December 8 the group continued from the hut, caching bivouac equipment on the spur or lower Eliot glacier, and summiting late in the day. From the summit faint tracks led down the upper portion of the Wy'east route (ridge above Steel Cliff) several hundred yards before turning East down the fall line. About 500 feet below the crest the party constructed a 3-person snow cave, providing shelter and rest while waiting for better visibility before continuing their descent the next day (Saturday). After travelling approximately 300 yards from the snow cave the party reached the upper couloir of the Cooper Spur route ( north face couloir route merges here also). At this point , they may have recognized their previous climb and thus the starting point for the descent of the Cooper Spur route. At this exposed 50 degree slope, they placed a snow anchor (two pickets and webbing) and dug a belay/rappel platform adjacent to a rock outcropping. It appears that a falling accident(s) involved two climbers (Hall and Cooke). The searchers found two ice tools, two short pieces of 7.5 mm climbing rope (about 40 ft) , a single glove, and a foam pad on the belay platform. On Sunday December 10 the party failed to meet friends waiting at Timberline Lodge and the Hood River county sheriff was notified. Later at 3:45 PM James placed a four minute cell phone call to his wife in Texas indicating that he was in a snow cave near the summit while his two companions were descending the mountain to seek assistance. The call ended abruptly (possible battery failure?) causing concern. Sensing distress, James' wife called authorities to report the incident. The content of the call was described as "disorganized" and was "not good information" according to a sheriff's deputy. Eight days later James was found deceased, lightly clothed in the large snow with minimal equipment (no sleeping bag, no bivy sack, no insulating pad, nor stove). The cave did contain his backpack, cell phone, ice tool, crampons, harness and belay/rappel device. A subsequent medical examiner report stated that he died of hypothermia, but no other injuries were discovered. The other two climbers were not found and are presumed dead. 9. Analysis of Accident: What knowledge and techniques will help prevent future accidents? Photographs retrieved from a camera found in the snow cave suggest that the party was on the face late in the day due to the longer approach caused by the lower, comfortable hut stay. The pictures also indicate that the party was travelling light, suggesting an equipment cache below the start of the gully. The absence of a summit photo also suggests summit arrival after dark. From footprints found on the summit area, it appears that the party could not find the start of the southside descent route (rimed rock formations known as the "pearly gates") due to poor visibility (snow spindrift or ground /fog) or the loss of daylight They ended up descending the upper Wy'east route. After several hundred yards, the group decided to descend the Cooper Spur route instead. This decision was likely prompted by the milder winds experienced on the easterly (leeward) exposure. After leaving the windy crest, they dug a large snow cave, seeking shelter and awaiting a break in the storm. Faint tracks suggest that at least one climber explored the area below the cave (top of black Spider couloir system) probably looking for a safe descent route. Winds did not drop significantly until about 5 PM, so it is likely they remained in the cave until Sunday morming. They probably left the cave about 7 AM Sunday to continue their traverse/descent via the Cooper Spur route. At the anchor site, two pieces of cut rope, ice tools, one glove, and steep terrain all suggest a catastrophic falling accident. A small avalanche could also produce the same effect. The initial scenario carried by the media involves the intentional separation of the party at the snow cave. James, presumably in a weaker state was left behind while Hall and Cooke descended to get assistance. This corresponds with the message James gave his wife. However, it is difficult to explain why a 911 call was not placed since there were at least two phones in the party. Leaving a fellow climber behind is a desperate act, and an obvious admission that a self-rescue was not possible. The snow cave was later shown to be cell phone friendly, at least for James' phone. Another inconsistency is the foam pad found at the belay/rappel anchor site. It seems unlikely that both Hall and Cooke would intentionaly leave James lying on a snow cave floor without the very important insulating pad. The absence of any physical injury of James also does not support the "injured climber left behind" assumption, although he could have suffering more than the others from exhaustion, hypothermia, or altitude sickness. A different scenario which may better fit the facts supposes that the entire party left the snowcave seeking the Cooper Spur descent. At this point, the climbers may have optimistically expected self-rescue, so no 911 call was placed. A belaying or rappelling accident, avalanche, or perhaps an unroped fall by Cooke and Hall could have left James stranded at the belay/rappel anchor. High winds, hard ice surface conditions, or unstable snow may have caused such an accident. As the sole survivor, James would be emotionally distraught, perhaps irrational, and may have forgotten his insulating pad as he returned to the snow cave. The weather experienced by the party was predicted. During the approach, the party enjoyed fair weather. While on the North face on Friday the climbers experienced cold temperatures (as low as 15 degree F) and no solar heating for the entire ascent. Winds were estimated at 10-20 mph. Very early Saturday morning brought colder temperatures, several inches of snow, and higher winds. Later in the day summit wind estimates picked up to 35 mph sustained. On Sunday morning the temperatures increased to about 20 degree F and the winds abated to about 20 mph. However, the arrival of a second storm front in the afternoon raised summit winds to about 45 mph sustained. Since the arrival of the first storm on Friday night, it is likely that the summit was engulfed in ground fog with very limited visibility. On late Sunday a severe storm system hit the mountain preventing searchers from approaching the summit for a full week. The route conditions during this climb are believed to be good. Aerial photographs taken one week later (after the major storm) suggest that there was adequate consolidated snowcover and sustained sub-freezing temperatures needed to cement the volcanic rock and provide purchase for crampon points and ice tools. By succumbing to the comfort of the low hut, the party burdened themselves with an additional two hours of approach on their technical climbing day. This put them late on route and should have caused them to re-evaluate their situation, possibly deciding to abort the summit. Retreating from high on this route would be difficult and would involve many roped pitches of downclimbing or rappelling, which is slow even for a party of two. Once committed, proceeding to the summit was likely viewed as the fastest way off the route. The fault in this logic is that getting off the mountain can be much harder than completing the ascent route. While experienced climbers are capable of surviving weeks in snow caves if they have appropriate equipment (extra food, stoves, bivouac gear), such equipment may slow the speed of approach ascent and retreat. This may cause an increase in overall risk to the climbers when timing or a time limitations are necessary to safely complete a climb. Winter climbing conditions can be particularly difficult due to the short days, low temperatures, frequent and long duration storms. For this particular accident, it appears that all of the bivy gear was cached below the technical route and did not contribute to the survivabilty of the party. "Travel light" practicioners assume the risk associated with delaying action of injuries or storms. It appears that James was only able to survive in the snow cave for 3-4 days with his minimal equipment. Climbers carrying cell phones are not always capable of reporting distress situations, especially in wilderness environments lacking urban cell coverage. In this case, the cell phone message appeared to be too late and non-specific to be useful. Also, radio-location of cell phone signals was not precise enough to be helpful. For those climbers who feel the need to rely on high technology, a Personal Locating Beacon (PLB) will provide fast and accurate location information to relevant authorites. Alternatively, a GPSassisted cell phone (called Enhanced E911) could also help in situations where only a single cell tower is accessible. 10. Additional Comments: As a direct consequence of this high profile search, the Oregon state legislature is proposing bills whcich mandate electronic signalling devices (Personal Locator Beacons, Mountain Locator Beacon, GPS receiver with cell phone/ two-way radio) for all climbs above 10,000 on Mt Hood. Most local rescue personal and climbers encourage the use of such equipment, but do not believe its use should be required. For this particular accident, the stormy weather delayed reaching even know locations in the summit area, so electronic signalling would have not likely affected the outcome. Note: Local weather data was provided by the Northwest Weather and Avalanche Center Late Note: Several organized searches were conducted the following summer. A very large equipment cache containing sleeping bags, bivy sacks, stoves, extra clothes, a shovel, a backpack, and other equipment was found in the hut where the party stayed. Effectively all of their survival equipment was left behind early on the approach. The upper sections of the Newton-Clark and Eliot glaciers were searched by air and ground teams but no additional clues to the fate of the two missing climbers were found.

dunno zeta, i feel as if the group-brain has pretty properly already processed this one - that said, i've never seen the ANAM write up and would like to peruse it if some one would purty please post it

so..um...it occured to me y-day - dude, i don't even have a bat hook - confused bathooks w/ my talon - duh do they still make bathooks? i've never seen one. bathook holes would be just the ticket for finishing beacon's "crack to nowhere" w/o pissing off the native unduly!