Dwayner

Thank you, Dwayner, for contributing your excellent commentary about a fine climb. We were going to include you and The Chumstick Snag in that BIG BOOK OF BIG SHOTS AND THEIR FAVORITE BIG CLIMBS but we felt that your fame would detract from our policy of filling two-thirds of the book with a bunch of characters NOBODY HAS EVER HEARD OF except their local climbing gym. As consolation, you might take note that Big Lou, Hot Henry Barber, Sir Edmund Hillary and Reinhold Messner were likewise not included in this book. - you're welcome! - Dwayner

Cascade Climbers.com's very own suave, sophisticated, handsome and intelligent (did I mention suave?) Dwayner's favorite climb: the Chumstick Snag. Located in an obscure valley not far from the curious Bavarian theme-town of Leavenworth, "the Snag" almost defies geology and is visited by more birds than climbers. Those bold enough to attempt to locate this enigmatic chunk of decaying sandstone will not be disappointed. And who can forget their first pee-inducing far-off view of the Snag in its own li'l canyon, almost daring you to come on over and sample its crumbling surface, quarter-inch rusted bolts with homemade hangers, and a Fred Beckey necktie for a rappel sling. Speaking of rappelling, do note the small shrine at the base built by those who were grateful for arriving back to the ground safely. The way I's figures, there are two kinds of people in this world: those who have climbed The Chumstick Snag (a mere handful), and those who wish they had climbed The Chumstick Snag. Some compare it to the Eiger North Face (any route): the ascent provides a lifetime of memories but it's not something you might wish to try twice.

Speaking of "The North Face"...while driving west on Highway 10 from "J-Tree" last week, we wuz in the vicinity of Cabazon (where the two giant dinosaurs featured in Pee Wee's Big Adventure once ruled the landscape until they put that new Denny's in front, blocking their ancient gaze)and Banning where there is an IMMENSE destination outlet mall. Along with Gucci, the Gap, and hundreds of others, there was a North Face outlet store in the mix. Lots of overpriced ski jackets and such and loads of excited shoppers thinkin' they're getting something fancy for cheap. As my climbing buddy "Dennis Erectus" commented, once these items were drastically marked-down, they almost approached reasonable retail value. What next? Black Diamond back-to-school wear? Petzl brand cosmetics? My favorite item was a goofy-lookin' once-piece ski suit with a big zippered butt that reminded me of them dudes in Dumb and Dumber. Either the before or after price was well over $700! Oy! shalom, Dwayner

Anything by Andy Williams or The New Christie Minstrels. Also, any tune by Karen Carpenter during which she plays the drums. That really gets me up those ferocious trails!

Aloha fellow righteous alpine homeys! Me 'n the one who calls himself "pope" went to the doggone REI in Federal Way yesterday. He wanted to return an expensive parka a dog pee'd on or some such, plus there was some sort of sale going on. REI was putting on it's holiday face with a variety of changes to the store, lots of ski crap, etc. but noticeably, loads of cutey-pie knick-knacks to stuff any climbers stockings including hand-selected drilled out rocks with candles, "climber soap" and something similar just for that kayaker on your list, dogbone-shaped carabiners for your pooch, two part unbreakable wine glasses, juggling stuff, etc. "pope" can provide more examples I'm sure. On sale was a small blanket-like thing called a "throw". It was made of some sort of soft material and dyed with interesting patterns. It had been $40 and was now ONLY $25. I picked one up and threw it at pope's head. He didn't like this nor did he like it the next two times I did this. Several minutes later, while looking at headlamps, pope picked up some sort of Petzl device and asked me what it was. "It's a headlamp, moron!", I answered. "No, it's a "throw"!", he yelled as he heaved it at my head. Ouch! What's the point of all this? Seems to me way back around 1972 (when many of you were still peeing in your pull-ups), my dad drove me up to a big-city store in Seattle with the name of Eddie Bauer, international expedition outfitters. There one could find the best expedition gear one might need no matter where you'se wuz going. Rafts, ice-axes, Eddie Bauer brand goose-down Antarctica sleeping bags, and loads of other serious outdoor gear. Bought my first mountaineering book on that trip (Freedom o' Hills, 2nd ed.). We know the rest of the tragic story...Eddie Bauer has now descended into the realm of khaki pants and polo shirts, and has even lent it's name to custom SUV's. Is REI heading that way? Is the outdoor gear giving way to travel clothes, book bags and yuppy holiday knicknacks? - just wonderin' - Dwayner, who just came back from SUNNY and WARM So Cal where Joshua Trees sprout amongst numerous granite monoliths. P.S. Jules! Don't worry about the above comments re: your employer. I still think you rock!!!

You want poetry? William Shatner hosts Iron Chef tonight for the first time. There will be eloquent verbage, arrogant costumes and more drama than 3 rope teams of Mountaineers heading up the Nisqually Icefall at 4 in the afternoon on a warm July day!

The Poli. Sci. guy in me is doing flip-flops as I flashback to an earlier age.... "WarWhat is it good forAbsolutely nothingWarWhat is it good forAbsolutely nothingWar is something that I despiseFor it means destruction of innocent livesFor it means tears in thousands of mothers' eyesWhen their sons go out to fight to give their lives WarWhat is it good forAbsolutely nothingSay it againWarWhat is it good forAbsolutely nothing WarIt's nothing but a heartbreakerWarFriend only to the undertakerWar is the enemy of all mankindThe thought of war blows my mindHanded down from generation to generationInduction destructionWho wants to die WarWhat is it good forAbsolutely nothingSay it againWarWhat is it good forAbsolutely nothing War has shattered many young men's dreamsMade them disabled bitter and meanLife is too precious to be fighting warseach dayWar can't give life it can only take it away WarIt's nothing but a heartbreakerWarFriend only to the undertakerPeace love and understandingThere must be some place for these things todayThey say we must fight to keep our freedomBut Lord there's gotta be a better wayThat's better thanWar WarWhat is it good forAbsolutely nothingSay it againWarWhat is it good forAbsolutely nothing" Dwayner say: this all be true, but sometimes you gotta defend yourself against those who strive to destroy you. shalom, Dwayner

Hey groovy guys and groovy gals! You wanna see the most handsomest picture of our hero to be found on the Internet? You do? How about you, Charlie? If you had the super-deluxe Big Lou mug, you'd have this smilin' face gawking at you EVERY morning as you jive that java! web pageEnjoy!- Dwayner [ 11-14-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

I've been reading all this armchair quarterbacking, policy speculatin' and so forth on this "climbing" list. As one who has spent the last 20 years as a scholar involved in Near Eastern studies, as one who has spent much time in the Arab world and Israel, and has taught Middle Eastern history at the college level(especially the Arab/Israeli conflict), I can say that the whole situation and possible "solutions" are far more complex than has been suggested on this list although I am impressed with some of the insights. Here's just a couple of things from my perspective: This little operation we're involved in now will ultimately be effective and is perhaps the most justifiable military response since WWII (and the peacenik's - which I tend to be - can ask our pal Nelson Mandela who agrees). Our offense in this case is certainly in our long-term defensive interest. It is also refreshingly different in its multiple approaches to the problem, and its many nods to cultural sensitivities is downright surprising and admirable. This operation is not like anything before (and comparisons to Vietnam are ridiculous). In its aftermath, the world will be readjusted in interesting ways with new relationships (it's already happening now with China, Russia and probably Iran) and although we will probably be compromising some of our values in terms of who we allow to be our "friends", the world will probably be a safer place due to mutual concerns and increased cooperation. And too, moves are being made to get at the root of some of the issues, with both Tony Blair and Dubbya recently and publicly mentioning the need for the establishment of a Palestinian state which would recognize the right of Israel to safely exist. And we can probably protect Saudi Arabia without having troops or airplanes based there. (We can keep them at the ready off-shore on carriers).Some cultural insights: a) hitting back is a reasonable option because these terrorists groups are seeking our weaknesses and they may very well hit again if they are capable and such weaknesses are exposed. b) don't be too intimidated by the "we will kill all Americans and Jews" business. In many cultures in that region of the world, speech is considered a form of action, so there are routine examples of guys spewing out scary threats day after day. Having spoken, they feel as if they are doing something about it. (And such threats have been blatted out for dozens of years; it's nothing new). A good many of these threat-making, effigy-burning protestors can't afford a bus ticket to the next village, nonetheless come over here, knock on your door and do something horrible to you. But there are a several (probably several thousand) capable of "acting out" and they have to be stopped.So sit back and watch the show. There's not a lot you can do about it at the moment and it gets more interesting every day. I'm sure we all agree that we hope this operation is successfully carried out with a minimal loss of innocent lives.So how 'bout some more happy, inane climbing blather? (actually, I prefer the climbing spray because I'm "bombarded" with the international situation for much of the day.)shalom, "Dwayner" P.S. Anybody think of the obvious yet to get this thing over with fast?: SEND IN BIG LOU!!! [ 11-14-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

Hey Lou-o-philes:Check out this hot item! web page

Holly! I'm right there with you, babe! Talk to me without the megaphone. Yo hablo ingles y espanol! What? Where you goin'? Holly! Come back! Dwayner be jokin'! Holly! Speak to me....ah, dang! did it again....my head is low and I'm headin' for the bottle. Holly! Come back! aloha, Dwayner. P.S. I'm on pitch 23.

I ain't the fightin' type although I'm well trained to do so. I've seen some crazy action in Leavenworth. Once I saw a guy tossed out the backdoor of the Post Office Tavern in full horizontal mode. He looked like Superman in flight. He hit the pavement hard but got up and strolled away. Probably didn't feel a thing in his drunken stupor but was hurtin' the next day. Another time I be drinking with a scrappy little Himalayan celebrity who shall remain nameless. He liked to pound down beers, start fights, and often leave the scene for others to finish. Once he went into the men's room at the Post Office and finding all the facilities full, he pissed in the sink much to the ire of several big local brutes. He challenged them to a fight in the alley and then took off. I went out the back and two behemoths were waiting for the Sink-Pisser and recognizing me as one of his associates, they decided that I was a reasonable replacement. Fortunately, they were quite intoxicated so all I had to do was duck and run between them and down the street to where I found sink-pisser in another bar gearing up to start another fight. He was in the process of making advances to some other dude's wife. And it was gettin' ugly again! And than there was the back section of the old Icicle Tavern on Front Street which was essentially anything goes as long as they didn't need to call an ambulance. Lots of jumping up and down on tables as the Jukebox played "Another Brick in the Wall", and many plastic pitchers of cheap beer were flung across the room at fellow climbers. Alas, it has been turned into trinket shops or what not as has the neighboring Ski Tavern which was quiet but full of atmosphere.

Hey Texexplorer! Come on over here and sit on Uncle Dwayner's lap and let him edumacate you about Big Lou. First of all, pardner, let me ask you a couple of questions: number one: you don't know why Big Lou is a legend? Question number two : you telling me that you don't know why Big Lou be a legend, huh? Alright, get the hell off my lap, it would take way too much splainin'. Go read the book by His Lou-ness that describes everything from high altitude escapes to nude antics involving a trampoline. In the meantime, we'll just have to saddle on up to the bar here, consume a few cold ones , and talk a bit about Fred Beckey until the babes arrive. After which, I'll start up the Lou stories which inevitably has the effect of utterly enchanting the ladies. When things start getting a little frisky, I'll tip my hat to y'all, walk slowly to the door thinking nothing but thoughts of alpine excellence, and leave you to manage the situation. And oh yah, you'll be thankin' Lou later for the inspiration! ciao, Dwayner

Dude! I had a dream once where Big Lou appeared to me and told me to mark my carabiners. All of them. And not with black or yellow tape like everyone else. My predictions: if His Lou-ness ever decides to post to this site, a lot of cocky big-talkin' small fries are gonna run for cover; their attitudes forever humbled. I suggest that we organize a vigil around this web-site, 24/7 in the event that B.L. chooses to post. We will take turns staring at the screen. We will need a phone tree set up so that the word can go out as soon as possible whenever it happens. Some of you may be awakened in the middle of the night with joyous news. I nominate pope for the first screen watch. He can monitor the action from now until the first of the year between the hours of 12:01 AM and midnight. I suggest a pee bucket near his computer. Actually, I suggest a pee bucket near all of your computers because you might not be able to hold back when the big event happens! - Dwayner just gettin' ready to bust into my breakfast sixer of Mickey's. five more to go!

Technical question again...A friend of mine, a certain notorious Miss Donna Top-Step, sent a picture to me of pope's sleeping bag which he crapped on. I think list members would enjoy seeing this delightful image. Is there a way to just paste the dang deal into a message? Or does it have to be FTP'd to someone with a web-site URL first and then reference the URL? Don't know how to do it and don't want the folks to miss out on a piece (so to speak) of history. - thanks for the beta, - Dwayner

Hey, like I climb with this cool cat named "Dwayner", and he's over 40, and he really kicks ass....Hey, wait a minute....that's me. But seriously folks, if you're marveling that someone over the age of 40 is capable of doing great physical feats, you're thinking like an 18 year old. Face it. Lots of people are living longer and stronger. My "boss" is a famous explorer who just turned 88 years old and is in great physical (and mental) shape. Go to a few big triathlons if you want to see some people in their 40's and beyond excelling physically. And if you look at the statistics, "older" people tend to do better on the huge peaks. Also, if they've been around longer, they've experienced and survived alot so they often have a lot of wisdom that will save your miserable butt from making the same mistakes. You know what's scary? A twenty-something who's been climbing for a couple of years, has a rack of quick-draws, and is under the illusion that he's a master alpinist; the latter is only achievable after a good many years of experience and commitment. Half of age is in your head. Lots of people buy into that ageing crap and retire when they're 65, check out of life and die bored and weak when they're 70. It doesn't have to be that way. And if you think I'm full of crap, keep these folks in mind: Jim Donini, still certainly one of the world's best alpinists and I think he's around 57. He can climb circles around a group of most of us. Fred Beckey: in his '70's, no introduction needed. Cascade local Jarl Secher-Jensen, in his '70's, and up for a 10 mile run, a century bike ride, or a romp up Rainier any day of the week; Stimson Bullitt(?), don't know the guy personally but I've seen him crank some rock; Bronka and her Swedish husband (late 70's) who hike or ski in Rainier park over 100 days each year, Bronka logging up to 50 trips up to Camp Muir in a summer; The list could go on and on. So age critics: wise up. Forty is nothing and age is no big deal these days unless you think it is. When I bitched about turning 40 to the late great Rabbi Rosenthal he had these two wise comments: "There are some things you can't do anything about." and "What's your problem? I have kids older than you!" He's right. You can't do anything about the number, but you can grab onto life with gusto for as long as you're able. aloha, Dwayner

Ahoy, Spray-meisters. I just read Professor Adam's historical tale with its sad report of diminishing worthless blabber on this site of late. My name was cited as one who had previously contributed a lot about nothing but has since cut back. So was my "buddy", "pope". I suspect that all the nasty crap of the last couple of months is enough to beat the humor out of many folks but one way of fighting back is not letting the jackass spoilers of the world kill our joy. So, I'm taking the initiate of reinstituting one of the classics of cc.com spray, "pope's confessional". "pope" himself has been informed that I am doing this; he won't get off his lazy butt to do it himself but I'm sure he'll be reading and responding to your wanton tales of drilling evil bolts, borrowing your girlfriend's jog bra to wear sport-climbing, or crapping on your own sleeping bag. (more on that later.) So, here follows the original invitation to confess. Now make yourself feel better and let's hear about your latest guilt trip. The confessional is now open. - Dwayner "GOOD SUNDAY MORNING. SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU? DID YOU STEP ON A PITON WHEN YOUR BUDDIES WEREN'T LOOKING? WHEN YOU RELATED YOUR LATEST FREE CLIMBING ACCOMPLISHMENT TO THE BOYS IN THE BAR, DID YOU OMIT THE PART ABOUT SNEAKING A REST FROM THAT FIXED SLING? DID YOU REHEARSE THE HELL OUT OF THAT BOULDER PROBLEM, ONLY TO LATER CLIMB IT IN FRONT OF STRANGERS WHO HAD NO IDEA HOW YOU COULD BE SO SMOOTH? HAVE YOU BEEN THINKING UNCLEAN THOUGHTS ABOUT KATIE BROWN? WERE YOU TEMPTED TO PINCH YOUR PARTNER'S LYCRA-CLAD BUTT AT THE BELAY STATION? DID YOU TALK YOUR GIRLFRIEND INTO LEADING YOU UP THAT SPOOKY PITCH THEY HAVEN'T RETRO-BOLTED YET?"

Saturday morning..early..carpool with "pope". Our mission was twofold: To visit the Leavenworth region on what might be the last rock climbable weekend of the season, and see if Big Lou might have the same idea (but not necessarily in that order). As we cruised over the passes, our conversation centered on one thing and one thing only: the word "freshies", a term neither of us had ever heard until a a couple of weeks ago on this very bulletin board; a word that somehow made us laugh our heads off for the entire outbound trip. (We're still not sure what that word means!) Upon reaching Highway 2, "pope" insisted on heading into 11-worth for some dang expensive coffee drink. (He made two such purchases that day, and on the second occasion, he got verbally frisky with the "barrista", by insisting that his drink be called a "grande Americano" instead of an "Americano grande". Expecting a flirtatious backlash, he received nothing more than rolled eyes and a sneer.) "Genug"! I yelled in German, the lingua franca of faux Bavaria. "Do you want to go climbing today or what!" "pre-bailing", it's called; setting oneself up for backing out. "Don't the cheerleaders around here practice on Saturday?" asked pope. I grabbed "pope" by the collars and pushed him against the brick wall of a trinket shop. "Get a hold of yourself, laddy! The crags be calling!" Thinking he was part of the local color, some tourists stood next to the disheveled "pope" and took pictures, just enough to add a little sobriety to his day. The word "freshie" was not uttered again for a good while, even when we took the dirty back road to the Peshastin Pinnacles which to my dismay, and pope's delight, were closed for the season. Had we taken the main highway, we would have noticed the sign. Back to Leavenworth for more stalling and then to Castle Rock, whose parking lot was empty except for one car with a group of three, experimenting on Midway and later Saber. pope led some face on Jello Tower and then the notorious "Dan's Dreadful Direct" was top-roped, a reasonable alternative to the bolt fiasco of earlier this year. We then moved up the Icicle Canyon, likewise devoid of climbers even on the most popular stuff. We did a fast trip up to "Gibler's" dome and then it started getting dark. A big question: where were the dang climbers? Not that we missed them, but it was a real surprise. Two possibilities: they were at home scribbling on this web-site, or they were all out at Vantage, lining up to fulfill their bolt-clipping fantasies. These are just preliminary hypotheses. We don't know the truth in this matter and we really don't care. It was great out there. Cool breezes, spectacular fall colors, etc. At the end of the day, pope dropped his usual cocky demeanor and says, "this is what climbing's all about". "I thought Big Lou was what climbing's all about?", I countered. "That, too!" he honestly replied. By the way, Big Lou was not sighted that day, not even in the Mexican Restaurant in Sultan where the word "hotcha!" was exclaimed by our party on many occasions. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it for the moment. aloha, Dwayner.

Hey pope: I see you neglected to mention your X-girlie-friend "Donna Top-Step" (who will be in Leavenworth this weekend in case you care); relieving yourself on sleeping bags (was it yours or hers, I forget); asking me to wear a wig during a bivouac; and living in your mom's basement. THESE are a few of your favorite things. These ARE a few of your favorite things. These are A few of your favorite things. These are a FEW of your favorite things. These are a few OF your favorite things. These are a few of YOUR favorite things. These are a few of your FAVORITE things. These are a few or your favorite THINGS.

I want to try this moondancing thing...while ice climbing on a big wall. By the way...bro/sis chock-o-lot. Ice climbing be getting kinda of mechanical these days with all the specialized gear and such, but don't compare it with aid climbing, which in its more difficult modes can scare the @#$% out nearly anyone. Anyway, how about posting some detailed instructions about the rapid foot movements, soundtrack, etc. as I'm sure that there are many of us who would like to add this moondancing scenario to our aspirations. - Dwayner

Eddie: get your facts straight. It's crapping ON, not IN, your sleeping bag, in the manner of pope and Donna Top-step on their infamous "Cirque Expedition". Also, Lance Armstrong makes the Mariners look like a bunch of sissies.

Are you guys talking about that game where those guys hit the ball with a stick? Croquet? I got hit with a stick once....an ugly stick! And it still hurts! - Dwayner

Here be the directions, amigos y amigas! Pub Club Directions in Tacoma: "The Swiss", 1904 S. Yakima Directions coming south on I-5 Take Tacoma City Center Exit, #133 This will take you on a little freeway veering right known as 705 N. Get left and take the S. 21st Street exit. Go through lights and cross Pacific. Go hill on 21st a couple or few blocks until Jefferson. Make a right on Jefferson. The Swiss is just about a block ahead on the left at the corner of Jefferson and 19th. It's really easy to get back to I-5 for the return to Seattlewards. Down Jefferson, left on 21st S., and the big signs will point you in the right direction. You kids comin' from parts south...I know you can figure it out!

I don't know nothin 'bout bezball, but I do know this: Lance Armstrong makes most climbers look like a bunch of wieners....uhhh...it the Tour de France still going on? What month is this?

Kulia i ka nu'u Translation: Strive for the summit.