Dwayner

I think that Outer Space was first climbed in the winter back in the mid-60's and was reported in either Off Belay, Summit or possibly in some early primitive version of Climbing Magazine. If I find the article, I'll post it. I tried a winter ascent back around 1982. It was spooky and we fixed rope. There was a big threatening waterfall way up on the right hand side of the wall that threatened the first pitch and the traverse to Two Tree ledge. We were very nervous about the sparsely protected slabby chicken head pitch that follows the crux traverse. We didn't finish the climb. My college roommate, Will Greenough, along with an alpine wildman I haven't heard of in years: Rick Powell, climbed Orbit during January '79. It took them a couple of weekends and they left fixed ropes in between. Will told me some bold stories of using a broom to sweep off the knobs on the upper wall. It sounded horrifying. - Dwayner

A week ago, we had the opportunity to extend a big mountain high-five to our excellent pal, Matt P., who exemplifies effortless coolness. And in the spirit of the Year of Big Lou, I am pleased to announce this week's Alpine Buddy of the Week. (I am now pulling a slip of paper out of a ratty old stuff sack.) The Alpine Buddy is..............................ERIK! Congratulations, young man. You were nominated and have been selected not only for your excellent climbing skills and dedication, but also for your thoughtful and honorable efforts to continually evolve in good directions. I don't know you that well but I've read a lot of your posts, and we've shared a number of beers together, and I think this week's selection is very deserving. Thanks for the inspiration, my alpine brother, and we'll see you at the crags, if not at the pub nights.

pope! You so right on! Especially the second paragraph! No wonders you's my buddy! Those of you who be skeptics, think about what Brother Pope just stated....really....honestly....think about it. By the way: My name is "Dwayner", and I'm an unashamed trad-monkey.

Hey pope! Was the J-Tree pants-crapper that uncircumcized guy from Ellensburg? Just wonderin'. [ 01-18-2002: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

I took a buddy up "The Tooth" last summer. It was a good time and there were about a dozen Mountaineers in the vicinity. We got trapped in the rappel cluster but they were nice enough to let us slide down their rope. Anyway, there were a few of those characters behind us on the way out and they were asking each other who their Mountaineers Mentor was, a concept I found to be hilarious. I didn't get the whole story but from what I could piece together, there might be some deal where a Basic Student is paired up with an Intermediate Student or some such for the purpose of sharing alpine wisdom and guidance. Hmmmmmm.....sounds like the blind leading the blind given that many of the "instructors" of the Basic Course seem to be graduates from the previous year, and given that most of Intermediate "graduates" I've encountered have been utterly incompetent. Anybody know about a Mountaineers "mentoring" program?

Nacho! What! You gonna quit school to be some climbing bum? Are you gonna smoke weed and "party like a rock-star"? I don't think so. Get your miserable butt back into the library and do your homework. - Professor Dwayner P.S. I will personally take away your car keys if you try to hook up with this or any other similar "project".

Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that neither flinches nor punches (physically or verbally) when I accuse him of being Fred Beckey's bastard offspring. Luv ya, babe! Never change. - Dwayner

Icegirl! It would have been truly lovely to have met you. Really! But the big difference between me and you, my alpine flower, is that I NEVER SAID I WAS COMING THIS WEEK! So maybe you'll honor us NEXT Tuesday when the Pub Club is held in Tacoma. I will be there, and if you've never been to Tacoma, you will love it and not want to leave. I can't wait. Really! Have a nice day, aloha, - Dwayner P.S. Thanks for calling me a "hoser", my self-esteem needed the boost.

Thanks to "To The Top" for restoring a little dignity to this topic. As is not unusual on cc.com, some otherwise nice, fun or interesting topics degenerate into a bunch of mean-spirited, violence-spewing crap. By starting this topic, I was hoping to add some positive vibes and honor some or our friends. So, in that spirit, I'll give it another try: Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that when he goes to the zoo, he get's high-fived by the polar bears. go..Matt P...go

In the favorite climber's booze discussion, Matt P. comments as follows, thus once again demonstrating that he is effortlessly cool: "Personally, I prefer scotch, fifteen years old, with an icicle in it." Sho beats my Mickey's with the Vienna Sausage backwash! - Dwayner

Mickey's. There is no need for further discussion.Drink Up!

Don't believe Icegirlie. She didn't show up last time. Many of us were hoping to meet a new friend. Maybe she looked through the window at that Latona place, saw that plastic climbing wall game and split. Don't believe Icegirlie. She didn't show up last time. - Dwayner

Great Trad Route name I've ever encountered? Easy! "North Ridge of Mt. Stuart". It's witty, clever, and to the point.

As we all know, this web-site generates a real mix of ill and good will. In attempt to tip the balance a little more toward the latter, I think it would be nice once in awhile to add some appreciative comments about some of the good folk out there. Today, I would like to nominate Matt P. as this week’s Alpine Buddy.A few days ago, “pope” referred to Matt P. as “effortless cool”. I agree. For those of you who have been going to those Pub Club things, you will know that Matt P. is often the rare sober voice of reason and regularly offers excellent climbing advice. In honor of this fine gentleman, I would like to give a few examples of why I think Matt P. is cool: Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that he coaches Eskimos.Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that people “in the know” consider him the sixth member of the Rat Pack.Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that he’s been approached to be the national spokesman for Altoids.Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that the Cheetos Cheetah takes notes.Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that the hole in the ozone layer doesn’t form over his house.Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that Brad Pitt calls him for advice about babes.Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that many prominent rappers are changing their names accordingly, for example, “Vanilla Ice” is now “Vanilla Matt P.”; “Ice Cube” is now “Matt P. Cube”. Keep up the good work, amigo!. See you some Tuesday. - aloha, Dwayner

"Not like you get paid for it. Do you?Yah, I was...lot's of money, booze AND babes. Never mind. Trickey's a lot cuter than me anyway.- Dwayne [ 01-10-2002: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

"I think we should nominate Uncle Tricky as offical CC.com Pub Scribe. What! Mine weren't funny enough for you? Fine! Let "Uncle Tricky" do it while I go get my comedy transplant. - "Dwayne" (I'm only "Dwayner" when I'm funny.)

"Man Dwayner I think Jules likes you ooh baby Cave-dude! Why wouldn't she?You should be so lucky! [ 01-10-2002: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

And did my new pal, Trickey, stoke your ego by suggesting that any of you were accompanied by Keanu Reeves, Michelle Pfeiffer or Brad Pitt? No he did not. Did I ever save you the embarrassment of not mentioning which of you (and there are several) show up wearing gaitors and with quickdraws hanging from your belt, in your desperation to attract the ladies? Yes I did. Brother Trickey's description of the spirited, yet feeble, attempt to hit on the three nearby Betty's by three excited cc.com boys, however, was, in my opinion, a very well-written and accurate description of that amusing event (amusing to those watching, that is.) - Dwayne

Back in the day...they used to call the Mountaineers, "The Hardy Queers", but I 'spose that ain't so nice. I've got a number of stories about encounters with them characters but I'll only bore you with a couple. Dwayner used to do quite a bit of unroped solo climbing. Once I did a little alpine ridge route and I paused on a ledge a couple hundred feet up to have a snack and enjoy the view. Meanwhile down below, I watched as a group of Mountaineers were organizing something. It turned out that they were going to send two of their best up there to rescue me! It took them a good while to reach me and then they informed me how everything was going to be O.K. and that climbing without a rope wasn't a smart thing to do. I packed up, continued my climb, and told them to piss off AND have a nice day. On another occasion, I had soloed a rock route and had returned to my pack. A stern looking Mountaineer with a red cross on his helmet approached me: "I'm on the Mountaineers First Aid Committee and for a minute there we thought we were going to have a little practice." I told him to piss off AND have a nice day. And speaking of "reserving the glacier", I've had Mountaineers "instructors" in Leavenworth tell me on a Saturday morning that we couldn't climb in a particular area because they were "using it for the entire weekend." Needless to say, I appeared on the site an hour earlier the next morning with my ropes and students while the Mounties paced nervously waiting for us to finish. "They're on our rock!" I heard one of them cry in anguish. Apparently they had spent Saturday rehearsing their short 5.2 lead and there wouldn't be enough time for all of them to get their little rock lead requirement checked off if they didn't start early. We used the rock until we were finished and then packed up to leave. Before our ropes even hit the ground, 50 Mounties ran out of the bushes with harnesses on and ropes ready to go. Now that's desperation! Gee whiz! makes me wanna drink! - Dwayner

Calling all alpine females! HELP AVOID A VERITABLE SAUSAGE-FEST at tonight's Pub-Club. With "ehmmic" off on a climbing trip, odds are 10 to one that this will be another testosterone-infested Dude Ranch if ICEGIRL doesn't show up. So HOLLY CLIMBER ...where are you? DYNAMITE...haven't seen you around in some time. And JULES...what gives? LISA G....it's a long drive but we miss you. And what about you lurkers over there, sitting at that desk reading this...add some class to pub-night and show up. Otherwise, it will be some of the same old crew, which ain't bad, but arm-wrasslin' and bad girlfriend stories be gettin' old.

Pope said: "I'm thinking Oprah would make a pretty good bouldering pad, and a guy would only look half as goofy carrying her around on his back." pope: What I see with that ignorant comment is a recipe for a back injury! How about Richard Simmons? He'd be a lot lighter and if you're lucky, he'll tickle you on the way out to the boulders and leave your beer alone. - Dwayner P.S. Anyone got Richard's phone number?

Erik! Dude! Call Dwayner re: Tacoma car pool to pub club. Check your PM and/or E-mail. Dude! - Dwayner

In another topic, the enigmatic RURP came up with a spendid idea: "I would like to take Oprah on a Big Wall. This would require an extra large haul bag for her food but it would be good exercise. Maybe if she was kept busy jugging and belaying she would not talk so much. She is a smart woman so I think she could learn some of the things, BUT I WILL NOT TEACH HER HOW TO USE THE PVC POO-PIPE AND I WILL NOT SHARE MY PORTALEDGE! I think maybe this could be something for all of the new climbers who have run out of things to distinguish themselves. So now they can try to do the "First Oprah Ascent" of the Tooth, or the "First Oprah Ascent" of The Nose or whatever fancy climb they think that will make them famous. (I would share my portaledge with Sally Raphael. She is not unattractive for an older woman.)" Dang! That's brilliant! First I'd take her out to Index and let her do a few laps on City Park, then to the Upper Wall to do the Town Crier (we'd pause at Big Honker Ledge for some doughnuts and twinkies), and then who knows...maybe Nameless Tower up in the Karakorum! Heck yah! I'd teach her how to use "the tube" (although I'd need a custom 12 inch by 36 inch) and set up two double-ledges side by side secured with duct tape. My only concern would be that she would start spewing out unsolicited advice on subjects she knows nothing about....like climbing. On second thought...RURP's right...that Sally Raphael ain't too shabby. Get rid of them goofy red glasses, do a little something with that hair, give me a 12-pack of Mickey's and we're off to the Muir Wall! - Dwayner

It's all a tradeoff: you like to go climbing and you're wife likes to sit around eating bon-bons and watching Oprah. She will bitch if you're having some fun and she ain't. So to make her happy, you go buy her some of those General Mills International Coffee's for those special moments and then you sit down with her for a few minutes and tell her that you really are interested in her scrapbooking hobby. And then one day when it's raining (and you can pretend that you're bailing on climbing because you want to be with her), you help her with the damn scrapbook, but by then, you got her convinced to make a CLIMBING SCRAPBOOK featuring you and all your buddies and your favorite climbs. And they lived happily ever after. (The directions above require lots of drinking in the garage before you sit down to do the scrapbook.) - Dwayner, the love counselor.

Cavedude wrote:"This is one of RURPs buddies above hhehehhehe. Or maybe Dwayner is RURP. I don't know RURP and he ain't my buddy.Maybe he's Caveman's pal.- Dwayner [ 01-04-2002: Message edited by: Dwayner ]