Dwayner

Nacho! What! You gonna quit school to be some climbing bum? Are you gonna smoke weed and "party like a rock-star"? I don't think so. Get your miserable butt back into the library and do your homework. - Professor Dwayner P.S. I will personally take away your car keys if you try to hook up with this or any other similar "project".

Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that neither flinches nor punches (physically or verbally) when I accuse him of being Fred Beckey's bastard offspring. Luv ya, babe! Never change. - Dwayner

Icegirl! It would have been truly lovely to have met you. Really! But the big difference between me and you, my alpine flower, is that I NEVER SAID I WAS COMING THIS WEEK! So maybe you'll honor us NEXT Tuesday when the Pub Club is held in Tacoma. I will be there, and if you've never been to Tacoma, you will love it and not want to leave. I can't wait. Really! Have a nice day, aloha, - Dwayner P.S. Thanks for calling me a "hoser", my self-esteem needed the boost.

Thanks to "To The Top" for restoring a little dignity to this topic. As is not unusual on cc.com, some otherwise nice, fun or interesting topics degenerate into a bunch of mean-spirited, violence-spewing crap. By starting this topic, I was hoping to add some positive vibes and honor some or our friends. So, in that spirit, I'll give it another try: Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that when he goes to the zoo, he get's high-fived by the polar bears. go..Matt P...go

In the favorite climber's booze discussion, Matt P. comments as follows, thus once again demonstrating that he is effortlessly cool: "Personally, I prefer scotch, fifteen years old, with an icicle in it." Sho beats my Mickey's with the Vienna Sausage backwash! - Dwayner

Mickey's. There is no need for further discussion.Drink Up!

Don't believe Icegirlie. She didn't show up last time. Many of us were hoping to meet a new friend. Maybe she looked through the window at that Latona place, saw that plastic climbing wall game and split. Don't believe Icegirlie. She didn't show up last time. - Dwayner

Great Trad Route name I've ever encountered? Easy! "North Ridge of Mt. Stuart". It's witty, clever, and to the point.

As we all know, this web-site generates a real mix of ill and good will. In attempt to tip the balance a little more toward the latter, I think it would be nice once in awhile to add some appreciative comments about some of the good folk out there. Today, I would like to nominate Matt P. as this week’s Alpine Buddy.A few days ago, “pope” referred to Matt P. as “effortless cool”. I agree. For those of you who have been going to those Pub Club things, you will know that Matt P. is often the rare sober voice of reason and regularly offers excellent climbing advice. In honor of this fine gentleman, I would like to give a few examples of why I think Matt P. is cool: Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that he coaches Eskimos.Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that people “in the know” consider him the sixth member of the Rat Pack.Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that he’s been approached to be the national spokesman for Altoids.Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that the Cheetos Cheetah takes notes.Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that the hole in the ozone layer doesn’t form over his house.Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that Brad Pitt calls him for advice about babes.Matt P. is so effortlessly cool that many prominent rappers are changing their names accordingly, for example, “Vanilla Ice” is now “Vanilla Matt P.”; “Ice Cube” is now “Matt P. Cube”. Keep up the good work, amigo!. See you some Tuesday. - aloha, Dwayner

"Not like you get paid for it. Do you?Yah, I was...lot's of money, booze AND babes. Never mind. Trickey's a lot cuter than me anyway.- Dwayne [ 01-10-2002: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

"I think we should nominate Uncle Tricky as offical CC.com Pub Scribe. What! Mine weren't funny enough for you? Fine! Let "Uncle Tricky" do it while I go get my comedy transplant. - "Dwayne" (I'm only "Dwayner" when I'm funny.)

"Man Dwayner I think Jules likes you ooh baby Cave-dude! Why wouldn't she?You should be so lucky! [ 01-10-2002: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

And did my new pal, Trickey, stoke your ego by suggesting that any of you were accompanied by Keanu Reeves, Michelle Pfeiffer or Brad Pitt? No he did not. Did I ever save you the embarrassment of not mentioning which of you (and there are several) show up wearing gaitors and with quickdraws hanging from your belt, in your desperation to attract the ladies? Yes I did. Brother Trickey's description of the spirited, yet feeble, attempt to hit on the three nearby Betty's by three excited cc.com boys, however, was, in my opinion, a very well-written and accurate description of that amusing event (amusing to those watching, that is.) - Dwayne

Back in the day...they used to call the Mountaineers, "The Hardy Queers", but I 'spose that ain't so nice. I've got a number of stories about encounters with them characters but I'll only bore you with a couple. Dwayner used to do quite a bit of unroped solo climbing. Once I did a little alpine ridge route and I paused on a ledge a couple hundred feet up to have a snack and enjoy the view. Meanwhile down below, I watched as a group of Mountaineers were organizing something. It turned out that they were going to send two of their best up there to rescue me! It took them a good while to reach me and then they informed me how everything was going to be O.K. and that climbing without a rope wasn't a smart thing to do. I packed up, continued my climb, and told them to piss off AND have a nice day. On another occasion, I had soloed a rock route and had returned to my pack. A stern looking Mountaineer with a red cross on his helmet approached me: "I'm on the Mountaineers First Aid Committee and for a minute there we thought we were going to have a little practice." I told him to piss off AND have a nice day. And speaking of "reserving the glacier", I've had Mountaineers "instructors" in Leavenworth tell me on a Saturday morning that we couldn't climb in a particular area because they were "using it for the entire weekend." Needless to say, I appeared on the site an hour earlier the next morning with my ropes and students while the Mounties paced nervously waiting for us to finish. "They're on our rock!" I heard one of them cry in anguish. Apparently they had spent Saturday rehearsing their short 5.2 lead and there wouldn't be enough time for all of them to get their little rock lead requirement checked off if they didn't start early. We used the rock until we were finished and then packed up to leave. Before our ropes even hit the ground, 50 Mounties ran out of the bushes with harnesses on and ropes ready to go. Now that's desperation! Gee whiz! makes me wanna drink! - Dwayner

Calling all alpine females! HELP AVOID A VERITABLE SAUSAGE-FEST at tonight's Pub-Club. With "ehmmic" off on a climbing trip, odds are 10 to one that this will be another testosterone-infested Dude Ranch if ICEGIRL doesn't show up. So HOLLY CLIMBER ...where are you? DYNAMITE...haven't seen you around in some time. And JULES...what gives? LISA G....it's a long drive but we miss you. And what about you lurkers over there, sitting at that desk reading this...add some class to pub-night and show up. Otherwise, it will be some of the same old crew, which ain't bad, but arm-wrasslin' and bad girlfriend stories be gettin' old.

Pope said: "I'm thinking Oprah would make a pretty good bouldering pad, and a guy would only look half as goofy carrying her around on his back." pope: What I see with that ignorant comment is a recipe for a back injury! How about Richard Simmons? He'd be a lot lighter and if you're lucky, he'll tickle you on the way out to the boulders and leave your beer alone. - Dwayner P.S. Anyone got Richard's phone number?

Erik! Dude! Call Dwayner re: Tacoma car pool to pub club. Check your PM and/or E-mail. Dude! - Dwayner

In another topic, the enigmatic RURP came up with a spendid idea: "I would like to take Oprah on a Big Wall. This would require an extra large haul bag for her food but it would be good exercise. Maybe if she was kept busy jugging and belaying she would not talk so much. She is a smart woman so I think she could learn some of the things, BUT I WILL NOT TEACH HER HOW TO USE THE PVC POO-PIPE AND I WILL NOT SHARE MY PORTALEDGE! I think maybe this could be something for all of the new climbers who have run out of things to distinguish themselves. So now they can try to do the "First Oprah Ascent" of the Tooth, or the "First Oprah Ascent" of The Nose or whatever fancy climb they think that will make them famous. (I would share my portaledge with Sally Raphael. She is not unattractive for an older woman.)" Dang! That's brilliant! First I'd take her out to Index and let her do a few laps on City Park, then to the Upper Wall to do the Town Crier (we'd pause at Big Honker Ledge for some doughnuts and twinkies), and then who knows...maybe Nameless Tower up in the Karakorum! Heck yah! I'd teach her how to use "the tube" (although I'd need a custom 12 inch by 36 inch) and set up two double-ledges side by side secured with duct tape. My only concern would be that she would start spewing out unsolicited advice on subjects she knows nothing about....like climbing. On second thought...RURP's right...that Sally Raphael ain't too shabby. Get rid of them goofy red glasses, do a little something with that hair, give me a 12-pack of Mickey's and we're off to the Muir Wall! - Dwayner

It's all a tradeoff: you like to go climbing and you're wife likes to sit around eating bon-bons and watching Oprah. She will bitch if you're having some fun and she ain't. So to make her happy, you go buy her some of those General Mills International Coffee's for those special moments and then you sit down with her for a few minutes and tell her that you really are interested in her scrapbooking hobby. And then one day when it's raining (and you can pretend that you're bailing on climbing because you want to be with her), you help her with the damn scrapbook, but by then, you got her convinced to make a CLIMBING SCRAPBOOK featuring you and all your buddies and your favorite climbs. And they lived happily ever after. (The directions above require lots of drinking in the garage before you sit down to do the scrapbook.) - Dwayner, the love counselor.

Cavedude wrote:"This is one of RURPs buddies above hhehehhehe. Or maybe Dwayner is RURP. I don't know RURP and he ain't my buddy.Maybe he's Caveman's pal.- Dwayner [ 01-04-2002: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

"FRESHIES" is THE GOOFIEST!!! It's pathetic and I wish it would go away.

The year known as Suck2001 has fortunately come to a close. It is once again time to reflect and comment on the successes and failures of the previous twelve months. Here is your opportunity to present your opinion of the best and worst of alpine arena or cc.com. Here is a sample: Worst: being introduced to the word "freshies" which I am now confident is the wussiest word in the alpine vocabulary. Best: Big Lou haiku. - go with it. aloha, Dwayner

Ahoy fellow Crag-monkeys!I just came up with a great idea which I think you'll all want to endorse. Let's declare 2002 the "Year of Big Lou"! I would like to initiate the festivities by presenting here an inspirational poem submitted by myself to this site back in the year Suck2001. Lou...Half man/half sasquatch denizen of Tacoma's great white monster.Human burro of the overloaded Jan-Sport.Sir Lou....half glacier/half moraine,master of Rainier's glassy tormented slopes, yet awed, nay, humbled by its grandeur... pressure-breathing giant of the Ingraham, you had me at "rest-step". A thousand blonde monotone guides fail in imitation.Lou.....you complete me. Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the Year of Big Lou.

Brother Trask wrote: "You're becoming way bizarre Pope; your post dosen't even make sense ..." Dude, it's all true, except for the sweaty-man stuff which I don't know anything about. Sow-na Sauoosage will make you a tougher, leaner and more focused alpinist...no doubt. By the way, a stiff dip into Lake Washington this time of year ain't so bad, but I don't recommend staying in for very long, and it's better if you do so after exiting a sauna and then returning followed by beer and sausage. - Dwayner P.S. WE ARE THE PROUD AND HARDY SONS OF THE GENERATION THAT DEFEATED THE NAZIS.

Great report, Matt! By the way, that chute you climbed is known as "Lover's Lane". It's the steepest and narrowest of the three north face chutes. At it's top you do that exposed traverse into the larger chute which is known as the Zipper. After that traverse, if you look up to the right on the walls of the Zipper, there are two more steep and fairly short chutes leading up toward the summit itself. I can't remember the names for these, although I've climbed them both a long time ago and remember that they were a bit sketchy for reasons I don't recall. Lane Peak and its brothers in the Tatoosh Range rule! - Dwayner