Dwayner

By the way, believe it or not, it's Spire Rock's 25th birthday this summer - it was formally dedicated in 1976. Many thanks to Wayne Cook - the man behind the rock - and his numerous volunteers including the young Jimmy Yoder for building that rock that has given us hours of entertainment and a good workout once in awhile. Hey, I'm going out there this afternoon and slug a few Mickey's in Spire's honor. You wanna join me, I'll see you c. 5:30. You bring the cake and the snacks and I'll show you the best place to practice your "Aussie rapell" face-plants. aloha, Dwayner

I could write a book about all the goofy stuff I've seen at Spire Rock but lucky for you, I won't. Here's a sample: One night, me and a buddy were out climbing (the field lights illuminated the place). I pulled over the top of the tower section to confront a steaming pile of recently deposited human dung. I carefully avoided the mess but decided that my pal should have the pleasure of discovery himself. Indeed he did as he did some sort of dyno and slapped his hand smack in the middle. Needless to say, he chased me up and down the rock for the next five minutes trying to fling and wipe goo on me. On another occasion, I saw some G.I.'s take a brand new rope out of a plastic bag, tie one end to a fixed anchor on top of the rock, and the other to the bumber of their jeep. They told me they were setting up a "slide for life". They tightened the line and the jeeps wheels were actually spinning as their new 150 ft. rope stretched permanently to about 180. They spent the afternoon, "sliding for life", often grounding out in the process. At the end of the day, they had to cut the knot on the Spire anchor because it was practically melted tight. Just another typical day at Spire Rock....

RE: Brother Jardine: Does one need to accept and endorse the totality of someone's life and career to admire a part of it? What kind of sloppy thinking is that? I personally think Ray Jardine's chipping of the Nose was an utter atrocity. On the other hand, I am capable of admiring his revolutionary approach to light wilderness travel. Would most of you want to be judged for the rest of your life for your lamer moments? Or would you like to be known for your more positive accomplishments? I don't wholly endorse every aspect of "the Ray Way" (e.g. his corn pasta fanaticism) but he's taught me a lot of good things. Even the best people make mistakes from time to time, eh? Do you use "Friends" or similar devices? You can thank Ray or you can refuse to buy cams because "The Chipper" was the innovator. I'll gratefully use the dang "Friends" AND be disappointed in the eccentric genius for his more dubious activities. I've even got a couple of old pals who are masters of the bolt drill, but I still like them as friends even though I find their bolting behavior obscene. I can separate the two, although I encourage them to change their "evil" ways. So, carry those 50 pound packs if you want, you studs. I'm going to bag a series of peaks with my Camelback, adventure racing shoes, and a pair of collapsable Leki's. - Dwayner

Sir Toby: The short answers to your questions. 1) carefully 2) it's a writing style, much cuter than writing "I", "I", "I", "I" over and over again. Yes, I admit it's goofy, but I aim to entertain while I'm sharing what I hope to share. 3) No. By the way, my fake internet name is "Dwayner", not "Dwayne". "sincerely", "Dwayner"

No problem, Mr. Dru. Right now I'm typing this while in suspended hang-time; the computer key-board taped high above my "campus" board in the garage. I launched from a micro-pocket while in full clench and when I'm done with this message, I will slap a sloper and high-five myself with my opposite hand as I crash onto to my new down-filled sketch-pad with its special chalk-resistant fabric treatment guaranteed to keep the colors of its zany floral pattern bright and cheerful for many dyno's to come!!!! Thanks for the challenge, m'man! I'm going to try it again in an hour or two, although it takes me about 10 minutes to get "the clench" up to full-speed. (I'll have to work on that!). - ahoy, Dwayner

Me 'n pope? Whatcha talkin' about! I traded him last week for a pack of cigarettes!

Now why can't kids these days look up to a truly heroic figure like Armstrong instead of emulating sleaze-bag, foul-mouthed rap spewers or other lightweight pseudo-role-models? These guys on the Tour de France are riding full-speed for up to 120 miles often over brutal mountainous terrain for like 20 days in a row. I'm embarassed to admit it but they make most climbers and Ironman triathletes look like real wussies! If you aren't watching it, there is live coverage of it several times daily on the Outdoor Life Network and elsewhere. Grab some athletic inspiration while it lasts! - Dwayner...humbled by a bunch of skinny guys on bicycles.

Tacoma Cascade Climbers Pub Night...didn't know what to expect...showed up at 7:40...no one there. Then these guys showed up. Some of the big celebrities from cascadeclimbers.com. And you know what? ALL OF YOU GUYS ROCK!!!! It was a pleasure to meet each and everyone of you!!! No posturing, no violence, and very little bad-mouthing...just a lot of beer and new pals and some great climbing babble. I hope it works out as nicely for future such events wherever you have them. Thanks, you guys, for the fun evening! aloha, "Dwayner"

Crazyjz!....must....climb....big....wall... ...can't....find....jumars....'nuf said! Iambone? Some day I'm gonna go into that gym of yours and show you a couple of sick, heinous bouldering sit starts that will make your head spin. They'll have to invent a whole new color of tape just to mark my new routes. And then I'll sit down on a bench (if you's got one there), pick the gravel out of my extra-tight lycra, and say: "Brother 'bone...now it's your turn. work your magic." aloha, Dwayner

Apology accepted, Mr. Special, but not needed. You can buy me a beer tonight at that "pub" function. Also, trust me, there ain't no rivalry between me and that Iambone feller in the gym. For there to be rivalry, there has to be some basis for competition. And when it comes to sport climbing, clipping bolts and setting fake handholds into a plywood wall to create clever challenges, he know doubt has me beat! Don't know the guy. It's all together possible he could be a terrific dude! It's hard to tell just by the nature of his postings. Hard to tell sometimes who's being playful in a smart-ass way, and who has deep-seated feelings of animosity. Yet...another unsolved technical mystery of the information highway. Special Ed? One word....Googook-kaju! - Dwayner

Special Ed,m'man. You be gettin feisty t'day! Your mocking attitude is beginning to sound like that li'l feller in the gym. Sorry, to disappoint you. The whole story is COMPLETELY true and if I added some of the other details (which are really bizarre!) I wouldn't blame you if you thought I was full of it. Now turn off the Brady Bunch and go out there....and...and do something exciting..go buy lunch or whatever. - Dwayner

Thank you, Mr. Iambone, for so splendidly re-emphasizing my original statement in your own words. You don't have to like my style, you don't have to like my stories, you don't have to like the fact that people "older" than you (which are probably most climbers with significant experience) and have something to share, even if anecdotes. (I suppose you avoid all the "big-shot" slide lectures, too?) You are welcome to consider and disregard what you choose. What a country! How about this for a solution to your irritation, "young-timer": When you see the name "Dwayner" on a posting here, don't read it! Avoid it because it will only sour your day. Same thing with anybody else whose style you just don't prefer! - Professor Dwayner

Shalom, my friends! So much violent talk! Where's the old aloha spirit? And keep me out of your psycho fantasy wrestling scenarios. I ain't interested in tussling with Mr. Caveman or any of my other righteous climbin' bru-thas. And as for incoherent babbling? There's more where that's coming from, especially if you're buying the next pitcher! If I can get my walker fixed I'll see if I's can shuffle downstairs to see if the Extreme Games are on TV yet...or is that in August! Dang! Better wait for the mailman to show up with my latest issue of Rock and Ice...it's the highlight of my month!!! - Dwayner (P.S. My walker? It's made from several 90cm WWII mountain division ice axes tied together with old hemp - learned how to do it from my other geezer age-mates in their early 40's - John Long, Lynn Hill and such - likewise way over the hill and seeking attention from anyone who will listen...bllbllblbl...Hey you kids....don't do anything dangerous...watch out for them dangling chock picks...they can snag ya in the gonads...just ask me! Way back in 1997....)

Uh...I looked at an earlier post from some other parallel string and it says: 7 o'clock on Tuesday. I assume that's P.M. although 7 AM is never too early for a mouth full o'Mickeys! [This message has been edited by Dwayner (edited 07-16-2001).]

So when's this big-ole beer-drinkin spray-fest in Tacoma tommorow? So who's the instigator buying the first round? It's at the Parkway, right? Some directions for the out-of-towners? Who's providing the "Hello! My name is________" name-tags? Do they got Mickey's on tap? Should we wear gaitors like the guy I saw show up at a Doug Scott slide-show at the U.W. a few years ago? So many questions! I'm so confused! The short version: what are the details, friendly organizer? - Thirsty Dwayner

Here's a story about "pope". (I don't think he'll mind....) Back when he was a single guy, I was traveling around in his rat-mobile and noticed that he had a wedding ring sitting in the ash-tray. I asks him what wid that? He told me that he'd put it on when he goes into a bar and he meets more women!!! Go figure!!! I've heard this from others, too, so I don't think he came up with this one on his own. Also: yah, he is kinda of goofy-lookin', but for some reason, he remains a babe-magnet! Maybe he's got special pheromones that are released only by climbing. I've always found climbing to have the almost opposite effect. Insights? - Dwayner. P.S. Me and Donna Top-Step?...purely platonic. Pope, on the other hand, had quite a history with that li'l vixen! (She moved to Boulder about a week ago.)

Nope. Climbing hasn't ruined my life, yet. I was already a climbing fanatic when I met my wife. Dated her for five years before getting married, all the while climbing like a maniac. Got married and was involved in the guiding business for some time while in graduate school and continued to climb thereafter. 21 years later, nothin's changed other than I don't do unroped solo climbs near my limit anymore since our little feller came into our lives 8 years ago. And I wear a helmet more often for the same reason. And I don't go on really long (e.g. 3 months) trips anymore (and that's because I don't want to.) And I might not get out quite as much because I'm trying to make the $$$ although I try to climb or doing something adventurous at least once a week. And the spousal unit? She kicks my butt out the door sometimes and tells me to get out and go climbing because I get dang frustrated if I don't. But I know that such is not always the case and might not be the norm. 'got newly-married friends who are getting the pressure to quit their beloved sport...stay home, mow the lawn, paint the trim and get the BBQ fired up...yah! well I do all of those things AND go climbing!!! So what wid dat???

Ahoy, Crag-Monkeys! Anybody lose their wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend because of your excessive devotion to mountaineering? I knew a few characters who started climbing well into their marriages, and it caused great distress. Too much new competition for time, money, plus new friends, danger-stress and so forth. The result: divorce, ultimatums, broken hearts, etc. Now if you're going to respond to this, the following do not count: a) you are by nature a jackass and the climbing was just an excuse to get rid of your miserable butt; b) your wife or whatever was a pain in the rear and you took up climbing to get the heck out of town once in awhile. The dissolution has to be the direct result of your climbing habits. Also, I've known some folks who have used the "I'm so dedicated to climbing that no one understands me" line to try to get sympathy from girls in bars. Gag!!!!! If I was a girl, I would get some free drinks, run and hide. On the other hand, there is the case of John Shaft: "no one understands him BUT his woman." ("They say that Shaft is one bad motha..." Shut yo mouth! "Jus talking about Shaft!) aloha, Dwayner, lookin' for a new topic.

Hey! You want some first class tips on how to move light in the outdoors? Check out the following book written by Ray Jardine, the climber who invented "Friends". He's done the PCT three times and his pack weighed less than 9 pounds on his third trip. He has a whole philosophical approach to long-distance lightweight hiking that's somewhat eccentric but well worth considering. A friend of mine followed "The Ray Way" and did the PCT completely across Oregon wearing tennis shoes, and with a pack made out of a large stuff bag that weighed nothing...no tent (just a tarp) and no sleeping bag. They were comfortable the whole time and made a lot of daily mileage. Here's the book (they should have it at REI): "Beyond Backpacking: Ray Jardine's guide to lightweight hiking." My copy was published in 2000 by AdventureLore Press. A lot of this stuff is transferable to mountaineering, too. - Dwayner

Ahoy, Jens...yes, it was an archaeology thang. It was supposed to be this massive burial cave. I was just going to see if it was relatively intact because I was concerned about possible commercial development in the area. Some of the old Hawaiian kahuna priests would put curses (kapu) on such places and I've heard those stories for years. People falling in and breaking legs, disappearing etc. Don't particularly believe in that stuff but it makes you think. (heck! I'd of been gone a long time ago if all that Egyptian mummy curse stuff was real!!!) Anyway, here's the epilogue: I go over there (Kona Coast on the Big Island) at least once a year. I tried to relocate that cave of doom two years in a row and finally found it again and took compass bearings. About a year ago, a manager at a nearby resort who is an amateru historian and myself revisited the place and the two of us did a fairly thorough exploration...with about a mile of small diameter cord on a spool, and a pack with 8 big flashlights, and a guy waiting at the entrance, etc. Found one of the gloves I'd dropped during my previous incident...the place where we got lost wasn't all that far from the main entrance tunnel, but if it's pitch black, and you don't know where you are, you're doomed anyway. We wore lei's made of ti leaves during our exploration and left them at the entrance. It's suppose to be the respectful thing to do. Glad I went back to do it the right way. It closed the circle...now if only I could get rid of these recurring nightmares!!! have a great weekend! - Dwayner

You know what Iambone...I decided a month ago or so that I wasn't going to respond any longer to your inane personal slights because I found you to be a very immature and unreasonable fellow. Now I'm here in this caving discussion sharing what I feel to be some very personal and important anecdotal information that I hope will cause people to think twice before making the same very serious mistakes that almost cost me my life on two occasions. And you come out of the woodwork to call me a "poser"? (By the way, ignoramus, if you choose to use such words, the proper spelling is "poseur"). There's a lot of posturing and funny schtick on this list but it's usually easy to sort out the mischief from the reality. I feel very blessed to have been able to lead (and continue to lead) a very adventurous life (and if you knew me personally, you might be very surprised). I have a lot of fun things to share and a lot of serious things as well. So if you're pleased that you finally got another response out of me by making light of some heartfelt advice, well it's yours pal. Congratulations. Ain't you the achiever! Grow up, buddy! And I hope others on this list will let you know likewise. Good luck and best wishes for a happy life. I mean that. - Dwayner

Hey Dudes! Listen to Dwayner who knows about this one...Just cuz you might be big stud alpinists doesn't mean you know from: a) caving, b) river rafting. I've had a lot of close calls in my life but the closest I ever came to getting killed was being lost in a complex system of lava tubes in Hawaii. I used to think caving was a wus sport. And had done all kinds of them. Limestone, lava, fissure caves. Then I got over-confident and all of my mistakes caught up to me. We got lost in a very remote area with an extremely difficult to locate cave entrance and nobody knew we were even out there. We were down to one light and I thought it was all over. It would have been a slow, painful demise even after I would have eaten my buddy. (He had a heart condition so I know he'd have gone first.) We were miraculously saved by following a tiny stream of cold air which we could only feel due to the fact that we were sweating profusely from panic and humidity. The details are even weirder and more horrifying but I learned my lesson. (By the way, when I came out of that cave, cut up and beaten, I was white as a ghost and white hair started to appear in my moustache.) I can still have nightmares about this if I think about it too much. The lesson? Know what you're doing and tell someone responsible exactly where and which cave you're going into. (It sounds like the Mountaineer's gave me this advice, but in this case I believe it!) Yes, there are caves on Cave Ridge. They're hard to find but descriptions (and topos?) can be had in an also hard to find book called Caves of Washington. I heard rumors that some of the entrances were gated, the keys being held by local spelunking clubs or "Grottos" as they call themselves. Also some good caves down by Mt. St. Helens. Again, be damn careful. Go with a real caver or at least read a book telling you what to wear and bring, etc. I also thought that river rafting was a king-size wussy sport. (I still sort of do.) So one day many years ago, during icy cold spring meltoff, I had my climbing gear dumped off at the Peshastin Pinnicles while me and my buddy launched ourselves into the mighty Wenatchee in a two-man inflatable kayak. We were going to float down the river to Peshastin and go climbing for the day. We were no more than a quarter mile out of downtown Leavenworth when we were swimming for our lives in the icy cold river. Barely made it out. Puked water the rest of the day and wasn't sure if I was really still alive for a while. Very traumatic. Yup, I think many of us think because we have at least some sort of technical mastery in mountain pursuits that everything else is a pushover. Wrong! Dwayner didn't know from caving or rafting. So...be careful out there! - Dwayner P.S. I should tell you some of my paragliding stories sometime!!!

Hey! The hell with the fat girl talk (someone out there loves them!)...who brought the Mickey's? Listen here. Having just returned from Spain where I was a special guest at a beauty pageant (that's not why I was there) I got to see some mighty strange things.... It seems to be the trend there that the females squeeze into anything they can fit one leg into and after that I suppose they need help or a shoehorn to get in the rest of the way. The same goes for their tops, some of them which are so tight they look painted on. THIS GOES FOR ALL YOUNG (mostly unmarried) WOMEN REGARDLESS OF SIZE, including the hefty ones, who seem to be completely unabashed with their mighty rolls of flesh held back by the slimmest of fabric. Worse than that, are some of the teenage girls who do their best to look like burned-out 30 year old American crack whores. I've seen some of that happening here too and Dwayner don't like it. First the Frenchies bring sport-climbing...now the Euro's are are exporting another warped notion of trendiness: the cheap hooker look...just wait, it will be the latest fashion trend at "The Comps". Have a nice day. - DWAYNER, who must be as bored as the rest of you to even comment on this subject. P.S. I know the son of the guy who invented Spandex. The family name is "Spanel", thus the trademark. A huge fortune was made but I think my friend didn't get a lot because he didn't get along with his Dad.

I spent years in school, etc. to get a Ph.D. in the one of the world's coolest subjects and also one of the most worthless!!! Basically, I'm qualified to be an over-educated ditch-digger. On the other hand, I can wake up most mornings laughing my butt off that I actually make a decent living doing this stuff, and on a good year, which is most years these days, I grab more action and adventure than the average Joe will get in a lifetime! And I can climb basically whenever I feel like it! Yee haw! You don't want to know the details because it's too bizarre and everyone thinks I'm making it up when I tell them. Hey! What's for dinner? I'm thirsty! - Dwayner P.S. My dress for the office is a Hawaiian shirt and no shoes. P.P.S.S. Haireball! You rule! You made it happen, my brother, and I respect that!!! I'll be drinkin' one for you at the Engine House tonight!!

"Mickey's big mouths now and a just plain big mouth later!" or better yet, "IF THERE'S AN OUNCE OF LOSER IN YOU, THE MOUNTAIN'S GONNA FIND IT!!!" (I don't do the Capt Morgan (no mo).