Dwayner

"FRESHIES" is THE GOOFIEST!!! It's pathetic and I wish it would go away.

The year known as Suck2001 has fortunately come to a close. It is once again time to reflect and comment on the successes and failures of the previous twelve months. Here is your opportunity to present your opinion of the best and worst of alpine arena or cc.com. Here is a sample: Worst: being introduced to the word "freshies" which I am now confident is the wussiest word in the alpine vocabulary. Best: Big Lou haiku. - go with it. aloha, Dwayner

Ahoy fellow Crag-monkeys!I just came up with a great idea which I think you'll all want to endorse. Let's declare 2002 the "Year of Big Lou"! I would like to initiate the festivities by presenting here an inspirational poem submitted by myself to this site back in the year Suck2001. Lou...Half man/half sasquatch denizen of Tacoma's great white monster.Human burro of the overloaded Jan-Sport.Sir Lou....half glacier/half moraine,master of Rainier's glassy tormented slopes, yet awed, nay, humbled by its grandeur... pressure-breathing giant of the Ingraham, you had me at "rest-step". A thousand blonde monotone guides fail in imitation.Lou.....you complete me. Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the Year of Big Lou.

Brother Trask wrote: "You're becoming way bizarre Pope; your post dosen't even make sense ..." Dude, it's all true, except for the sweaty-man stuff which I don't know anything about. Sow-na Sauoosage will make you a tougher, leaner and more focused alpinist...no doubt. By the way, a stiff dip into Lake Washington this time of year ain't so bad, but I don't recommend staying in for very long, and it's better if you do so after exiting a sauna and then returning followed by beer and sausage. - Dwayner P.S. WE ARE THE PROUD AND HARDY SONS OF THE GENERATION THAT DEFEATED THE NAZIS.

Great report, Matt! By the way, that chute you climbed is known as "Lover's Lane". It's the steepest and narrowest of the three north face chutes. At it's top you do that exposed traverse into the larger chute which is known as the Zipper. After that traverse, if you look up to the right on the walls of the Zipper, there are two more steep and fairly short chutes leading up toward the summit itself. I can't remember the names for these, although I've climbed them both a long time ago and remember that they were a bit sketchy for reasons I don't recall. Lane Peak and its brothers in the Tatoosh Range rule! - Dwayner

Pope writes about the beauty of his climbing experiences: "Getting out, feeling the wind, wrestling with a steep crack, appreciating the way the evening sun illuminates the snowy summits, coming home with sunburn and sore muscles..."and trying to talk Dwayner into wearing a wig and stuffing his shirt..."all affirmations that I had an adventure"

Will, my brother...some clarifications are in order. RE: the hippie chicks: you forgot one of the most prominent traits that should appear at the top of your list: FLAKEY! They'll pack up their stuff and leave at any moment of "inspiration" including seeing a guy with a bigger guitar (or even a smaller one like them portable backpack jobbers) or with a couple of more Arlo Guthrie's in his repertoire. They can also be verbally embarassing around your more sophisticated friends. I do agree with you on them little apron shirt things....hotcha! The matted reggae hair...are you kidding me? Not only does it look like small animals live in there, but it looks like hell and makes me sad that someone would do that to their beautiful hair. But if you can put up with the babbling, etc., it really comes down to hygiene which tends to be seriously lacking. If you've got a venue for regularly skinny-dipping nearby (not very reasonable in an urban setting), you might have a solution, but it has to be regular. Perhaps a hot tub could be a possible subsitute. Hey pope! Tell Will about what you think of that pachouli oil! And tell him how you scored all them girls when you were single by putting on that wedding ring before you went into a bar. I recall pope's attempts to find his identity. It must of been about 10 years ago. (The guy's only about 35 now so he wasn't old enough to do the 60's nonsense.) In fact, I'm really surprised that he's coming clean about his "experiment" in a public forum such as this because I used to tease him about it and he didn't seem to like it. Yes, he temporarily appeared here and there with a black beret, a pipe, the wool knickers and the books. It seemed to have limited effect. He was just another face in the mob of zombies at the Tacoma Mall and Starbuck's. It was a "nice try", however. RE: not appreciating music. You're right, I had the years of piano lessons. Ten years of classical training to be exact and I continue to play such music along with jazz and lounge and a variety of other styles. (And I was even in a sarcastic little punk rock band back in 78/79 called "Rotten Fruit" in which I played keyboards and wrote a few utterly worthless songs including "Don't Pull that Crap on Me" and "Take a trip on the Goon-Balloon"). And my buddy pope is far from musically illiterate and has long been a fan of Jazz well before his beret experience although it might have inspired his experiment. So, now that your car is fixed, you can now go out, find a pleasant setting where pedestrians roam (like near the water in Portland), whip out that guitar and wait for them hippie chicks who are probably all bundled up in many layers of warmth...which is probably a good thing. aloha! - Dwayner p.s. Thanks for calling me and pope a couple of "cats". Hep-cats we are.

I don't give a rat's butt what all you climbers got for Christmas. Santa hasn't like me for years, but the fact still remains: LANCE ARMSTRONG STILL MAKES MOST CLIMBERS LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF WEENIES!!! pope: them coupon's to Fox's expired years ago. Have you ever heard of a $2 couch dance? Check the date, dude. They're circa 1978. You can thank me later for saving you a slap in the face and a mighty boot-kick out the front door. Also that hot li'l number "checking you out at at the REI". Her name is Cynthia, and I paid her $25 to stalk you as a goof. Too bad you didn't strike up a conversation because I would have really gotten my money's worth cuz she nasty! Brother Will: come over here and share them brews with your buddy Dwayner. Thanks for clarifying your bolt objectives and a big old congratulations for getting rid of that damn guitar. Sure, strummin' a few chords by yourself in a campground at JT or the Smith Rocks might attract a few females...if you enjoy the unwashed hippy type or the sensitive romantics who will follow you around like lost puppies. Trust me, you did a beautiful thing when you unloaded that device. And it sounds like the grand and parental units are on the ball. Tell your dad that your internet buddies need new computers too so as to further your social life. (Dude! get your dad to buy you a new van so you can stop wasting your time on the repairs and get out. Tell him that you've spent more time on that master cylinder than the abstract monetary value of the more fulfilling climbing you could have been doing instead. And consider this while you're fighting under the van: why do you think they call it a "master" cylinder? Who's the boss, amigo? It ain't gonna give up without a struggle!) You guys..rock on. - Dwayner P.S. I don't know what a "dank nugget" is but I'm not sure I want to know. (isn't that what pope left on his sleeping bag?) pope: beware of the "Central Scrutinizer." And there was no need to give Cynthia your phone number. She's got it and will be calling you a lot at home. If you're not home, she will leave many messages and you can expect her to call at 11:59 PM on New year's eve.

Happy Ho-LOU-days from Dwayner, pope and their buddies. We remain accepting of the knowledge that whatever Big Lou is doing to celebrate, our New Year's Party will never be as rockin', but that doesn't mean we won't try! I've got a hot tub and pope is going out to find a trampoline. Now all we'll need are the hot babes, some struttin' big shot mountain guides, the snacks, a few equipment rep.'s eager to distribute pro-deals, some beer and a lot of snappy alpine chatter to keep the festivities rolling. (Sorry, but we won't be able to accomodate sport climbers until we get a separate hot-tub...it gums up the filters.) Maybe next year. Oh yah, it goin' be one wild fiesta. And maybe someday, when we feel worthy...we might even invite His Lou-ness himself..maybe the year after next. I don't think we're quite ready yet..but we will be, someday! aloha, Dwayner

Brother Will! I can understand why you got rid of those videos! After a while, one overhanging sport climb begins to look like another and the screaching no-talent soundtrack begins to wear very thin. Those videos were made to be purchased by someone else and to be viewed at someone else's house, preferably at a party where there are lots of other distractions. That having been said, the only decent thing I've ever seen on those things was Dan Osman's crazy jumping stunts and him climbing solo through a rushing waterfall. And also, some guy dropping a haul bag down an A-5 pitch to demonstrate a ground fall when all the pro zips. Apart from that... Congratulations on selling those things, Will, and Matt...congratulations for purchasing some party stimuli which can also be used to drive away unwanted guests from your home. aloha, Dwayner

I got's a couple of pee-funnel stories. Pee Device Story #1: Several years ago, I was foolish enough to volunteer for a mountain rescue unit. (That's another story...but for the curious, it was an basically an impenetrable clique of people who couldn't climb). A group of us were hiking through Glacier Basin on Mt. Rainier when it was time for a piss-stop. A couple of us dudes went to some bushes to uncoil our mighty fire hoses and we were soon joined by the lone Betty in the group (and in the rescue club as well). She unzipped her fly and pee'd right next us. Needless to say, it left us dazed and confused. She thought our reactions were hilarious and displayed for us a device called a "Wizmo" (a brand of pee-funnel) which she recommends to all female outdoor participants. Pee Device Story #2: I used to teach a month long expedition class in the Winter and I invited Princess Wizmo to come to my class and give the gals a speech. She urged them to "practice in the shower" and each purchased a device. A week later, while hiking near our snowy campsite, I heard some giggling around the corner. All five females were trying to write their names in a snowbank. That alone, it seems, would be worth the price of the tool. - Dwayner

Dude! Why don't you just drive to Bellingham! shalom, Dwayner

Nacho: Back to the library. Now! - Prof. Dwayner

Nacho...are you so desperate that you turn to an internet climbing bulletin board for advice on your religion term-paper? Isn't this finals week? It is? Well get your miserable butt into the library and start studying rather than hanging out reading climbing blather! To answer your question, try MartinLuther.com. (Warning: stay away from the spray page if you're Catholic.)If you think you're going to find your answer here, me bucko, you're dreaming. Ask three theologians to address this question, and if they can come up with a conclusion, you'll get four different answers.shalom, Professor Dwayner P.S. Even Jesus got pissed off on occasion. Note the story of driving the moneychangers from the temple. And there were many occasions of strong verbal rebuke. And in the Old Testament/Hebrew Bible, God had lots of harsh ways of dealing with "evildoers". [ 12-19-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ] [ 12-19-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ] [ 12-19-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

Tuesday night...just the night after Monday for most folks. But for those who choose to make the effort, a few hours of enchanting social discourse await along with a chance to meet climbing friends old and new, while partaking of adult beverages and tasty bar snacks. The initiated know of which I speak: cc.com Pub Night, and last night's event surely met the description above. I was pleased to learn that it would this time be held in the delightful city of Tacoma, whose underappreciated charm is even represented in the choice of venue: "the Swiss", a cavernous food and beverage establishment not far from Tacoma's magnifent new downtown attractions (which include an Art Museum, the Washington State History Museum, and the new Museum of Glass, plus a UW branch campus). I arrived a bit late and was surprised to see no one after making two passes through the building. Some squeals next to the pool tables convinced me that I was looking in the wrong place: the versatile and talented cc.com Pub-Clubbers were playing pool! The whole bunch of them were lined up against the wall, beers in hand watching some rather weak attempts at billiards. It looked like a veritable alpine line-up of the usual suspects: Dr. J, Fast Eddie, Ehmmic, Wallschtein, Jazzbone Erik, Wallstein's brother Roofstein and the one and only mtnrgr. I didn't like the set-up: a bunch of people standing around. Fortunately, the world famous Russ Chandler and Matt P. soon appeared with pitchers of ale in hand and I called a party foul on the pool scene. Setting an example conducive to quality mountaineering discussion, we migrated to a nearby table and soon the rest followed. A dozen scintillating conversations ensued thereafter. Routes new and old were discussed, world crises were solved and although there were some minor but friendly disputes, we all agreed on one question: where were all the other cc.com participants? Caveman and hikerwa: you guys were talking like big-shots as if you were going to show up but you didn't! Pope and Dru and Rurp: you guys too cool for Tacoma? The lovely Holly Climber and the delightful Dynamite: are we not worthy anymore? And how about you, Alpine K? Lisa: it's been awhile. And what about that guy over there eating the doughnut? What's your lame excuse? And what about you? That's right, you! The guy with the papertowel rack mounted on his computer desk: Where were you? "Working late at the office"? 'nuf said other than that these pub-club things offer an opportunity to make progress in your alpine life, meet some new buddies (and maybe find out first-hand that many of the spray-lords aren't really all that viscious in person), plan new adventures and it's an excuse to get out of the house or forget your job for a few hours. Too much fun! - faithfully reported by Dwayner. P.S. Message to Fast Eddie who ate a large plate of fried cheese: you feeling O.K buddy? Or should I ask you that a couple of weeks from now?

Caveman say: "I made it to the bar after Dwayner. Oh well. I tried. You act if I am alien. I was even bringin a newcomer." Dwayner say: me 'n Matt-P left around 11:00 so I don't know what you boys were up to! Get some sleep, man!

Excellent!

Sorry, amigo. It's English to German to English. The clue: "hot tip" - "heisse Spitze" - "am called tip". Translation program confused "heisse" meaning hot, with the a form of the verb "heissen"- "to be called." Good try, though. I'll give you a kewpie doll as a prize anyway. As you probably know, most of those translation programs suck. You really need to have a good working knowledge of the language of interest to be able to tweak the crude translations they create. I have to deal with several different languages in my work and I occasionally scan an obnoxious text with OCR, and dump it into the translation program to catch vocabulary that I don't know, and then spend just as much time cleaning it up, often with a dictionary. shalom!- "Dwayner"

Brother Dru: I wouldn't usually bark in on a discussion like this, but I'm tired of hearing the wage disparity argument. I worked in Egypt for a good long time and hired lots of local people from the villages as labor. They made the equivalent of about $3 per day. It was the going rate and they were grateful. When we hired people, there were far more people willing and wanting to work than we needed or could afford on our budget. The fact is, it's a heck of a lot cheaper to live there, although nowhere close to American standards. If I paid them even American minimum wage it would have disrupted their local economy; I would have only been able to afford to hire only a fraction of the number who wanted to work; and it would have made it difficult for those who followed in my path who probably wouldn't be able to hire more than a few. The fact is, it is cheaper to make many things abroad. If you want to support often extorniate union wages to have your stuff made here, you can pay $200 for your pair of shoes. I prefer American-made if it's affordable and well-made, otherwise, I say share the wealth because there are lots of people in this world who appreciate the money. I am, however, concerned how those people treat their employees or citizens. But, when you boycott China, you very well might be putting a lot of good people out of work who are just trying to make a living. ("But it's for their own good!" - B.S. - tell that to someone with a large family to feed.) (And I ain't interested in a pissing match about unions.)

Hey,pope! Tell 'em all that story about how you met Big Lou at the Whittaker bunkhouse last year. That was a good one; tell it again! IT DON'T GET ANY MORE FAMOUS THAN THAT!!!

Those who have been to the Pub Club in Tacoma before, are well aware of the city's charm, hospitality and alpine excellence as the gateway to Mighty Tahoma, for which it is named. "The Swiss" is an excellent venue due to it's easy on/off freeway access (easier than removing your sweaty rainbow sport-climbing lycra body suit) and its nice selection of adult beverages. So drag yourselves to Tacoma and find out why it's called "The City of Destiny". Here be the directions, amigos y amigas! Pub Club Directions in Tacoma: "The Swiss", 1904 S. Yakima Directions coming south on I-5 Take Tacoma City Center Exit, #133 This will take you on a little freeway veering right known as 705 N. Get left and take the S. 21st Street exit. Go through lights and cross Pacific. Go hill on 21st a couple or few blocks until Jefferson. Make a right on Jefferson. The Swiss is just about a block ahead on the left at the corner of Jefferson and 19th. It's really easy to get back to I-5 for the return to Seattlewards. Down Jefferson, left on 21st S., and the big signs will point you in the right direction. You kids comin' from parts south...I know you can figure it out!

Dru: 1) This is spray. 2) I do not want your "am called tip" nowhere beside my body. Figure out the language, smart-alec. your pal, Dwayner

Hi Wallstein!Why don't you move the location to Jazzbones, my friend? Because it gonna get noisy, and they probably gonna charge $8 cover charge for the band which in my opinion is better spent on a pitcher of suds if the object is to sit around and kibitz with the alpine-homeys. Besides, Beck spent a couple of hours driving around Tacoma last week trying to find the elusive Engine House 9 which is right around the corner from Jazzbone, and he knows how to get around. The easy on/easy off freeway access to the Swiss is a convenient treat not only for Beck, but for all others coming from abroad such as the Caveman and those who have yet to venture south. aloha, Dwayner [ 12-18-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

Sorry, Dru, I forgot about all them Canadian drug smugglers with the higher morals. Canada: the land whose most famous citizen, Alex Trebek, defected to the U.S.

Dru: The small trick with the translation software gets old , if not stale. You/They are very cleverer than this. Just one hot tip of somebody , which would find usually your commentaries often humorously.