Dwayner

Hey Iambone: Mr. Iambone: If you think you can make me jealous by showing someone else your new sit-start to a sick plastic sloper...you're right. I thought you were saving all of your indoor Gaston's and heinous backsteps for me!!! - pouting Dwayner By the way, that little piece of green tape on the left...it's off-route so don't go there, gurlfren!

RE: Penberthy Ice tools. Penberthy invented many an odd ice-tool. I had quite a collection at one time including an ice axe with a cotter pin in the shaft so you could shorten it for technical climbing. And who could forget his bright orange Thunderbird and blue Eagle axes. Anyway, he had these things called "Ice Hawks", that looked sort of like bent garden hoes with sharp points. You stood in aiders from the handles and your body weight pressed the devices into the ice. It wasn't around very long and it was for climbing steep stuff before people were "free" climbing it. (Some of the earliest big waterfalls were done with aiders suspended from Pterodactyl ice tools.) And here's a Friday morning pint of Mickey's in honor of the great Larry P.! - Dwayner

I spent a number of years in the guiding biz and we were often asked why anyone should pay the money to go with a professional when they can learn with their friends or join the Mountaineers or whatever. Our reply? With a guide service or climbing school, you can learn how to do things correctly THE FIRST TIME under careful supervision, and the things that are taught and the insights that are shared are based on years of experience. I don't like to use the word "short-cut" but I always felt that a student in a two to four day rock climbing seminar, for instance, would learn more, and gain more quality experience, than months in the Mountaineer's Basic Course (or at least the rock climbing aspects of it), the latter often being taught by recent graduates of the course. I always resented the Mountaineers and their "instructors" because it took me several years of serious climbing and teaching apprenticeships before I had the audacity to call myself a guide or instructor. When I started, I went to climbing schools myself so after having been on both ends of that scene, I recommend the climbing school. Do your homework and check out the guide first. Not all of them are equal, even if they've been through the APMGA program. There are plenty of outstanding climbers in this world, and a number of guides here and there, but they have to be able to climb well and safely AND be able to teach effectively. Dwayner's 2 cents.

Dream town? Hands down, no question: Spanaway, Washington. Nestled between Tacoma ("the city of destiny") and Graham, Spanaway is home to the world famous Spire Rock, training ground of many a world-class alpinist. The highway to Mt. Rainer passes right through it. Its many celebrity citizens have included the likes of Mr. Jimmy Yoder. The 30,000 year old channeled Atlantean warrior Ramtha can be found several miles away in Yelm. With any number of convenient strip malls available for your shopping convenience, Spanawy is THE place to be. Champagne wishes and caviar dreams from Dwayner.

Did me or pope happen to mention that we saw Big Lou near the Whittaker Bunkhouse last Friday? If you want the complete details, we'd be pleased to repost them here. - Dwayner

Hey Mr. Dru! I sent an unemployed actor to represent myself at that pub-thang in Tacoma last night cuz I had other things going on. pope apparently tried to do the same thing but his substitute flaked out on him. Around 8 PM, my actor called me on a cell phone and asked for more money because he felt he couldn't "continue the lie" and that some of the sport-climbing talk was causing him mental anguish. It took me a while but I was able to round up some matching clothes and we arranged to trade places in a clever passing maneuver involving a large wooden pillar. (Ehmmic: this was around the time I used Jules' Blistex as underarm deodorant because I had just run to The Swiss from my house.) Anyway, I changed the direction of the conversation constantly to avoid detection via vestiges of comments made by the actor and threw in the occasional exaggerated facial and hand gesture as I had taught the actor. Too bad I ran short of money because I would have hired an actress to pretend she was Donna Top-Step because at least one individual at the pub was still insisting she's fake! ya should have been there, amigo, because everyone was in FINE FORM, including pope, who I assume was wearing Pull-Ups and was on his best behavior with no sleeping bags in sight! - Dwayner.....that's just my side of the story. And many thanks to Beck, who like Cher, Prince, and many other celebrities, has but one name, and is indeed a genuine celebrity and excellent host in my book! And thanks for the groovin' nachos, my righteous alpine brother!!!

Pub Club Directions in Tacoma: "The Swiss", 1904 S. Yakima Directions coming south on I-5 Take Tacoma City Center Exit, #133 This will take you on a little freeway veering right known as 705 N. Get left and take the S. 21st Street exit. Go through lights and cross Pacific. Go hill on 21st a couple or few blocks until Jefferson. Make a right on Jefferson. The Swiss is just about a block ahead on the left at the corner of Jefferson and 19th. It's really easy to get back to I-5 for the return to Seattlewards. Down Jefferson, left on 21st S., and the big signs will point you in the right direction. You kids comin' from parts south...I know you can figure it out! The tavern is expecting us and has reserved a big table for us under the name, "Cascade Climbers". See ya...by the way, Mr. pope says he's going to be making an appearance for those of you who think me and he are one and the very same. - Dwayner

Hey Iambone, I'm not a member of your little fantasy Trad Klan, or anybody else's Klan so leave me out of the discussion. Me and a number of other civil people are just trying to have a nice time discussing things with other climbers. It's getting increasingly hard to do so, so I think I'm getting close to bailing out of this scene. Mr. Bone, grow up and.....ah forget it! - Dwayner

O.K. I found a good place in Tacoma that should be relatively easy to get to and with the right characteristics: nice but not too nice, plenty o' beer, open until 2 AM, good food, colorful, etc. It's a popular place called "The Swiss". It's in downtown Tacoma just a couple of blocks off of Pacific, the main drag. Address: 1904 S. Jefferson Ave., T-town. I'll provide some good written directions coming from the North tomorrow. (I tried the on-line directions thing and the route they offered gets you there but in a very convoluted fashion.) So, how's about c. 6:30/7:00 PM or there's about anytime thereafter? Look for your host, Beck. They're reserving a big table for us in the non-smoking beer area. - Dwayner

pope, etc. I ain't part of this discussion. - Dwayner

Matt P.: I believe you are referring to Mr. Bobby Floyd who used to play the organ at the Jive. And yes, he could play that Batman theme for hours and he did play it well. And Java and Jive were the names of the two monkeys in the aquarium. Yes, you are correct, the Java Jive is a bit hard to find for you fancy out-of-towners. The two easiest to locate are the Harmon Brewery right on Pacific Avenue in Downtown Tacoma, just a few blocks off the freeway, and the Swiss which is just a couple of blocks off of Pacific. Eric? You throw in your 2 cents. Dynamite? You come on down here. Carpool it with Jules and some of your other righteous alpine sisters in Seattle. and the rest of you? feel the alpenglow that only Tacoma can provide as the official gateway to Mt. Rainier because as you know, Tacoma was named after the mighty mountain itself. And those of you who think me and pope be the same, pope is going to try to show up for once to spray his wit and wisdom. - Dwayner

Listen to "Backcountry"...he knows! He's had the Big Lou experience! Ranger Mike: when there's trouble on The Mountain, who do you call? Big Lou, of course, on his supersonic snowboard, whooshing across the slopes of Rainier to lend a hand or save a life. And Dru? You're a punk. Get your butt down south here so you can buy some beer for both me AND pope. (Can't guarantee Donna will be there because she moved. And I know who Hemlock is, and he lives 3 hours away in eastern washington so I suppose he can't be me either!) Mr. Offwidth? There must have been some sort of serious mistake with the $1 book. Maybe it was really $100 but they hired a freshman for work-study in the bookstore and we all know the sort of mayhem that can ensue from that arrangement You got a bargain, my friend. aloha, Dwayner

By the way, some of you might think that we (pope and myself) are ridiculing Lou with our story above! Wrong! Both pope and myself have enjoyed the wit and wisdom of Lou for a long time. The Big Guy has a great sense of humor, a powerful personality, is a genuine physical role model for someone in his 70's and has done a lot with his life. In the past, pope has often made smart-alecky comments about Lou's colorful personality, so it was hilarious to see him turn into a quivering awe-struck school boy when he saw Lou for the first time in person. He apologized for his previous behavior several times later that day saying, "Lou is cool!!! I'm not going to make any more Big Lou jokes...Lou rocks!" And I could tell that he genuinely meant it and was touched that Lou had so gracefully signed his book and had a nice chat. Yes, we ARE big smart-asses, but we also can give and appreciate a kind word from time to time. So in short, although for humor's sake, we presented the above episode in dramatic prose (because we are big smart-asses) we want to give a big thanks to Big Lou, who's livin' a life that many of us will probably only dream of. sincerely, Dwayner P.S. Lou! If you be reading this (and I hope you got better things to do than play with the Internet...Steven's Peak was kind of tough. And as you probably could have warned us, drinkin' a sixer of snow-stashed beers on a super-hot day mid-climb is a BAD!!!! idea!

Dwayner's version: Yes, pope speaks the truth. It started out as a simple mission to retrieve some Whittaker's Bunkhouse Coffee Mugs and turned into a super-Lou-charged day of high-powered alpinism built on the intense magnetic afterglow of an upfront, close encounter with BIG 'OLE LOU himself! I was trying to act as nonchalant as possible as I guided pope into the Bunkhouse coffeeshop located in beautiful downtown Ashford. Even as I pointed out the veritable museum of old climbing gear and Lou memorabilia, there was an intangible sense of electricity in the air. pope bought 3 mugs for $4 each, including one for his buddy Dwayner, and incredulous to the fact that he didn't own his own copy of Lou's book, we verbally wrestled until I carried a copy to the counter and insisted on purchasing it so pope would quit borrowing my now much-used hardbound copy. The pretty girl behind the counter said we could fill our mugs with anything we wanted. Both pope and I would have requested a mug-full of her lovely smile but had to settle for something more tangible. I said, "How's about making pope, here, one of them $5 coffee drinks and then we'll more than break even on the mugs. By the way, are there free refills whenever we be driving by?" Acting like a big-shot, I inquired if Lou had been around lately. Pope, nudged me as if to reprimand me for being so forward. The young beauty giggled out of politeness and gave us some free pop and coffee. A young, self-confident RMI feller walked in, saw Lou's book and said, "Hey, that's a great book. You'll learn alot about climbing in there. Big Lou is outside. You should see if he'll give you an autograph." The young lady concurred, "It is true. He whom you seek walketh among us and was but here narry one quarter of an hour from the present." pope looked at me, his hands visibly shaking as I said, "Come, young pilgrim, we shall find the one whom they call Lou." I could tell that pope's mind was on fire. Everything was happening too fast: the coffee mugs, the free soda and coffee, the soft-spoken blonde beauty, Lou's book and the affirmation of its quality from the RMI feller...and now, the reality that "The Big Guy" was nearby. Lou was not hard to find as we saw immediately upon opening the door to leave the snack bar. Head and shoulders above a group posing for photographs, he stood out with his well-tanned face and gregarious smile. "Get up there!", I commanded pope as I gave him a firm shove in the proper direction. As the group broke up and Lou began walking away, I gave pope one last push. He turned around, said "wish me luck, Dwayner" and he took off running in the direction of The Mighty One of Rainier. I chatted with an old RMI pal for a few minutes and when pope returned, he had a noticeable bounce in his step as he fumbled for words. He opened the front cover of the Lou book and showed me a lavish inscription and signature, far more than he ever expected. pope smiled from ear to ear the rest of the day and spoke of little else during the course of our all-day difficult mountain adventure. "He even asked what we were going to do today! And I told him", effused pope. "He could tell we were climbers even in our "civilian clothes"." Trying to be cool myself, I suggested that Lou was tipped off by the sporty striped shirt that pope was wearing. Anyway, that's my official version of the story just in case this turns into another CascadeClimbers.com controversy in which the credibility of Friday's Lou sighting might be questioned. - Dwayner, who was there. P.S. I've got more details about this whole incident if anyone's interested. Trust me, the above is just a summary and barely captures all of the subtleties of ambience, dialogue (both verbal and internal) and the sheer emotion of this experience. Congratulations again, pope! [This message has been edited by Dwayner (edited 08-12-2001).]

There's been talk about Tuesday Beer night in Tacoma. Sounds good to me; we had fun last time it was here but since Beck has become the unofficial host of these sessions, he can make the call, I spose. It ain't such a bad drive from Seattle and if anybody is a routine drunk, you can get your sober buddy to drive you back home or catch a ride on Beck's handlebars. The Harmon Brewery was mentioned...and excellent choice as it the nearby and sometimes rowdier Swiss Tavern. There is also Bob's Java Jive which being shaped like a giant T-pot, has its own cult following. (Back in the day, they used to have LIVE MONKEYS in a kind of giant aquarium near the pool tables. They'd hide when they thought you were coming to look at them and then jump out and slapped the glass really hard while making a scary face...GOODTIMES!...don't know what happened to them monkeys!) So come to Tacoma and gain some real culture. What say, Brother Eric? Them places be easier to get to then the Parkway where the last session down here was held. - Dwayner P.S. By the way, the guy(s) makin' fun of Beck somewhere up above this here message...Dude! Beck rules, makin' even the lowliest first-day-out-of-the-gym proto-climber feel like a world-class alpinist and very welcome at these pub things! Gee whiz!

I went to Kiebler's bachelor party...me and Hemlock were the only ones who showed up although several "yahoo!-parday!-high-five!" guys said they would be there. Yup, we ate a lot of pizza and drank a lot of beer...don't remember too much of the rest, but I seem to recall some sort of incident involving the changing of underwear in a parking lot. I think Kiebler changed his underwear with a drunk outside of some sort of "club" called "The I've Got The Feeling I've Been Here Before" or something like that. And if I recall, my share of the extravangza was about $120. Or was that Satchmo's bachelor party...???? [This message has been edited by Dwayner (edited 08-09-2001).]

All of this talk about REI brings to mind the fact that alot of their gear has a name or logo attached. Sponsored climbers get the gear free and/or are paid to display the name-brand. So WHY ARE WE PAYING to advertise for REI or any other company? Unless you are absolutely in love with a particular company or brand, perhaps you might want to consider cutting or concealing the manufacturer's tag off your clothing. Permanent markers and duct tape also work in certain situations. Or wear their gear and ask for a pro-deal. I'm tired of being a passive walking billboard for "the corporate man"! (Not that anyone is interested in what "Dwayner", himself, is wearing...it's the principle.) aloha, Dwayner P.S. In anticipation of the angrier spray-mongers: a) I don't have the time, talent or interest to learn how to sew or otherwise manufacture my own gear to my liking. b) It ain't the gear itself that I'm complaining about, it's the passive advertising. c) You don't like my opinion? There is no requirement to do so. Have a nice day.

quote: Originally posted by mattp: ...I must agree with those who are disturbed by the tone of some of the discussion here: insulting, abusive, and violent rhetoric do not belong on this site (or on the crag). I say this because they discourage or even prevent real communication and the exchange of information and, worse, this kind of conduct reflects poorly on the climbing community. I agree with Brother Matt for the most part: And I certainly draw the line at the violence-threatening rhetoric. Some of you guys might be joking with your "bring it on, I know who you are" verbage, but it takes on a more serious and scary tone when expressed in the written work on the Internet. I ain't much into suppressing discourse, but gee whiz, show some civility! There's very little in the climbing world worthy of threats and a punch-out, even if someone see's your girlfriend peeing in the bushes or whatever! As has been said, this list is a mix of good information, variable attempts at entertainment, and occasional good-natured joshing. The truly mean stuff has got to go. And I'm not the only one who feels this way. There are a number of us who have been nearly driven away from participating with this group due to the juvenile expressions of violence. So, relax and have a good time and keep in mind that your mean talk can easily be misinterpreted by those who don't know you personally. shalom, Dwayner

Lisa, you be correct. Females can be approximately as nutty and they can wreck a lot of your stuff and make you nervous. As a college professor, one can sometimes attract those infected with "ski instructor syndrome", that is, since you know more than they do, even if you're ugly, there's just something special and magnetic. There was once a very strange gal who attended my class but wouldn't register and after a number of bizarre confrontations, she left a crudely scrawled note in my faculty mailbox, something to the effect of meeting her someplace on a Saturday morning for coffee to discuss "our relationship". It was tucked into a book with the title, "Soul Mates". I did the only sensible thing one could do in such a situation: I took the book and note and stuck it into a neighboring colleague's mailbox and let him worry about it. Maybe they hooked up.....don't know, but I never saw the psycho-whatever again. - Dwayner [This message has been edited by Dwayner (edited 08-09-2001).]

Hey Loki! Nice girlfriend! Met her at that pub thang! Heard the scary Teton story! Keep that delightful young lady away from that Nietzsche stuff! - Also Sprach Dwayner

Hey Funny Guys! I think Lisa is being serious here. Lighten up with the cartoons for a moment and show a little respect. We had a very serious incident at my university (PLU) this past May where one of our professors was shot and killed on campus by a maniac who had been stalking a female faculty member with whom he had gone on a few dates 30 years before!!! He stalked her for years, even moved from Hawaii to Tacoma to do so. His stalkee was in Europe so he went to the campus and killed a professor at random and then himself. The fellow she killed, Jim Halloway, just happened to be a member of her department who was walking across campus at the time. It could have been me, it could have been any number of others on campus. And this isn't meant to scare you, Lisa, but to let the others know it's not a funny subject. Perhaps this could be a separate topic so it doesn't get mixed in with all of the yuckin' it up from the pub-night stuff. So Lisa, I sympathize. Hang tough and don't get too scared or he will continue to control you indirectly. aloha, "Dwayner"

What did I do? I'm busy rakin' in about half of my year's income for only about five weeks of work, that's what I did this weekend! Yahoo! Gonna climb the remote Steven's Peak in the Tatoosh Range on Friday, though, and drink beer with m'righteous alpine homeys at the commie-bar in Ballard mañana. ahoy!!! - Dwayner

quote: Originally posted by willstrickland: Hey, so I was born on the same day as Jack London, does that mean anything Dwayner? No. quote: I read Nietzsche too, anything? No. quote: Anything at all?Probably not. quote: Holly? Impressed? Didn't think so, sigh... - Will (searching for meaning in this meaningless existential world) Keep searching, my friend, but don't waste too much time with that artifact Nietzsche. He had some great one-liners and a few worthy concepts that could have had staying power if he weren't so negative and twisted, but overall, Jack London is far more enobling. Holly..rock on. aloha, Dwayner [This message has been edited by Dwayner (edited 08-06-2001).] [This message has been edited by Dwayner (edited 08-06-2001).]

RE: Holly Climber: Many of us saw the picture of Miss Holly posing next to her pooch and I think we can all agree that she's PRETTY DARN CUTE!! (Holly, that is, although the dog ain't bad either.) However, I'm quite impressed with the titles on her bookshelf: "The Illustrated Jack London", "Nietzsche", and "The Call of the Wild". Nice selection there, Holly, but don't read too much of that Nietzsche stuff before you go to bed or you might wake up the next morning as an Übermädchen in a khaki-colored nightie. Climb on, you perky alpine existentialist you! aloha, Dwayner

I recall a particularly sordid story where a formerly well-known local Cascade climber (he don't climb no mo) had a spontaneous amorous encounter IN A DUMPSTER in the alley behind the Icicle Tavern in Leavenworth. It was apparently a set-up with the town tramp who was paid to pretend that she was interested in his big manly mountaineering exploits. He ended up WALKING back to 8-mile Campground. For years he told the tale with pride; that some young woman he just met in a bar was so thoroughly in awe that she couldn't control herself. I told the guy more than once that he was full of nonsense and didn't believe his tale at all until I met the fellow who actually paid the girl. To this day, the formerly well-known Cascade climber probably doesn't know the truth. By the way, the Icicle Tavern no longer exists. It used to be a few doors down from Der Sportsmann but has been subdivided into a bunch of trinket shops. It was a great place where just about anything went as long as weapons weren't used. I remember more than once heaving a full pitcher of beer across the room at some climbing pal who just walked in (the pitchers were plastic so nobody got hurt, just wet.) Me and another climbing dude named "Sal" used to do Judo rolls out on the sidewalk in front of the Tavern and if tourists were impressed, they could leave a quarter in his hat to help us pay for beer. To see the famous dumpster, or one of its descendants, walk down the alley between the (now defunct?) Edelweiss Restaurant and the Post Office Tavern. It's the first dumpster on the right. It features prominently in Dwayner's nightlife tour of Leavenworth. I got a lot of crazy stories about that town, having spent some serious summers climbing and guiding out of there. Crazy stories!!! - Dwayner