Dwayner

Hel-lo, People....I detect some serious thread-drift!!!! Here's something to focus on:

Flash-man! That was a masterful description of last year's festivities. Now I know to whom to send the cleaning bill. And what....you got a camera in my house, too? Well, this year, we're going to have some real fans show up and everyone will be frisked for hors d'oeuvres before entering the vast auditorium. Lou-sen up, pal, and Happy Lou Year! P.S. Get your facts straight...I didn't ENJOY my first Mickey's until I was in college.

Hey Greg W., the guy Dwayner used to think was kinda of funny and cool: lighten up. And a Happy Lou Year to you too.

Last year, we declared 2002 "The Year of Big Lou". Needless to say, it wasn't taken very seriously and the festivities were lackluster and poorly attended. Big Lou ain't no quitter so I'm going to try this again. I will shortly declare this year, 2003, to be THE Year of BIG Lou! Ready? 5...4...3...2...1! Happy Lou Year, everybody! YOWSA!

And fresh out of the digital camera, we got "pope" treasuring the Christmas present he received from a former climbing partner. (You flirt!) I suppose he'll be carrying that thing with him from now on. The swami predicts an "accident" where the puppet falls into a trailhead outhouse or "gets stolen by gear thieves".

Hey pope! Where d'ya find that picture of me in "Iso" at the national bouldering "comps"? It took me two weeks to dig myself out and it ruined my spandex. By the way, there were three other dudes buried under there and after about fifteen minutes of mindless banter about "sick slopers" and "heinous Gaston's", I wished for my own pile.

Went looking through the archives today and found a couple of dramatic photos of my climbing buddy "pope" in action a couple of years ago: This is a picture of pope belaying me after I fell in a crevasse on the Nisqually Glacier. We were heading for Plummer Peak in the Tatoosh Range but someone gave us the wrong directions: This one shows pope later that day. I don't remember the context and I don't want to remember the context. Maybe he's looking in his pack for some Baby Wipes or something:

Dwayner's New Year's Resolutions: - buy a new bouldering pad....I want the kind with the El-Cap meadows printed on them with mighty free-soloing Johnny Bachar jumping for a handfull. - work on my sit-starts. I realize that this kind of thing is the future of mountaineering so if I wanna stay hip and contemporary, it's time to get down the gym and slide my butt in the gravel. I also hear that it's a great way to cure pinworms! - get a new drill for my Bosch. So many cliffs, so few bolts! - buy matching ski sweaters for me n' pope so that when we go climbing, people will think we are some sort of special team. - talk some more about Big Lou. - drink more Mickey's By the way, Dwayner's just returned from a couple of weeks in So. Cal., including "J-Tree". Can you say, Left Ski Track solo?* Can you say Equinox on top-rope?* Grit Roof?* and a couple dozen other classics?* - Dwayner * Yes, I'm sure you can say those things, but that didn't mean I climbed all that stuff....but then again....

Any of you deadguys got some beer-flavored ice cream around here?

I'll give you some woo-hoo! I like the kind of action you can get out of these adventure races and I've done a few myself. I'm not as keen on them anymore for a couple of reasons: a) some of these races charge HUGE fees...up to $250 for a team of three, for a 1 DAY EVENT! The organizers set these things up to make a bunch of money and then wait for the chest-thumping "heroes" to beat down their door to pay them for the honor. Some of them are in "series" so you can drop your large wad of cash to enter them all. b) a lot of these races feature "special challenges"; "challenges" that would make the average climber yawn such as rapelling (wuhoo!), jumaring (wuhoo!) and sliding across a tight line over a ravine (double wuhoo!) There was one race I found very attractive but decided not to enter. It was televised and when I watched the thing, it was ridiculous! One of their "special challenges" was to get your team over some slanted pieces of plywood covered with sheets of plastic and crisco. (What's the opposite of woohu? Oy-hu?) I was embarrassed for the participants and relieved that I hadn't spent my $$$. Haven't said that, there is a group in Oregon that puts on some really fun adventure races that are low-budget and really fun, and will kick your butt (and I have some large scars to prove it.) They're called the "Red Lizard" and I particularly recommend their summer "scrambles". Check them out: RED LIZARD So, go and "wuhoo" if you like....you might even see me there but I doubt it. If I want to crawl through mud and scale sheets of slippery plywood, I can do that in my backyard. On the other hand, it is fun to compete once in a while but at the same time, you can invent your own challenges and do them on your own or with your pals. Like, whatever! - Dwayner

It's 11:30 and my alarm clock just went off....before heading off to the 7-11 for some Moon Pies and Mickey's..... choss dog Matt say: "Favorite Pub Club thought: In trying to figure out why so many right wing political conservatives are also anti-bolt (see RETRO thread), we deduced that these "Greg W" types must see bolts as similar to welfare. Are bolts the same as welfare? ." Answer: many conservatives believe in traditional values. In other words: TRAD. Are bolts the same as welfare? To the extent that some people on welfare are lazy with no intention of working, one could extend the analogy as say that clipping bolts on a sport climb is lazy, at least lazier than having to think and put in your own gear. - Dwayner

Cheap drinks and a hip crowd you seek? Why don't you cool cats try drinkin' and what-not at this happenin' spot: Sylvester's - Dwayner

Yo, homies. After reading all of the above with the rappin' and such, Mack-Daddy Dwayner's gonna try to bust a rhyme for ya! Yo, yo, homies. yo, Big wall... uh....Big Lou uh....sport climbing is weak yo,yo, whatcha doing with them bolts, homey? uhh....phat sit-start in da house..uhhh uhhhhh.. Never mind. bad idea. Let's forget about the bustin' a rhyme thing. Maybe I'll try later when I'm done with Mickey's breakfast sixer.

Hey Sport-climbers! Look what's happenin' to our mountain-biking brothers! I 'spose the same thing can happen from hang-doggin' in your harness for a long time. GONAD DAMAGE Just worried about your pants! - Dwayner

Parking lot of the Tooth? see ya there.

Hey, beauties! Dwayner got a hot tub. and clothing is strictly optional. by the way, my buddy pope and I went hunting in the woods to retrieve some Christmas trees today.....we drank beer and he puked....twice. But tomorrow, we gonna climb The Tooth....any you gurlies gonna come with us?

Gee whiz"! Four climbing girlies on-line at the same time! The lovely icegirl, the vivacious Allison, the oh-so-charming sk and the enigmatic law gurl!!! Hotcha!!! aloha, Dwayner .

Now, really! Is Mr. Jackson all that more unusual than the rest of us? You over there...no one is talking about that unusual freckle on your schmeckle. Or you, sir, with the coffee cup...I heard your sister's left armpit served as a prop in the film "Gorillas in the Mist", and you, that's right, you, the guy who just thought about that new cam you're saving up for: would you want your friends to laugh at you and call you an unusual fellow because of that tattoo of the Hansen brothers you have across your back. I think not...by the way, this artichoke dip is yummy! Which one of you judgmental fellows has a bottle of the new beaujolais? It would be delicious with this scrumptious paté! - Sir Tom

Petey Puget...you're WAY off, brother. Dwayner is back.

Brother Beck....listen cool cat, leave me to lurk. I'm a busy guy, hanging out in Kona and so forth. Glad to see you've re-emerged and I look forward to sharing a Mickey's with you sometime in the months ahead. aloha, Dwayner

[ 10-06-2002, 12:19 PM: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

[ 10-06-2002, 12:19 PM: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

"What can I mix you, Dwayner?" [ 10-06-2002, 12:53 PM: Message edited by: Dwayner ]