Dwayner

Bob Hope stopped being funny about 15 years ago but he was pretty good back in his prime. Here you go, Bob.....pour one back with Dwayner. Here's to a few more good years and a new joke writer!

Dude....here's a tip from the pro's: If you're the type that drinks and then gets whiny and sentimental, make sure you leave the cell phone and Rolodex at home. And by the way, Miss Jenny? She's cute and all but I used to date Suzy "Chapstick" Chaffee. Go ahead....next time you're drunk, give her a call and ask her. - Dwayner P.S. In case you be wondering, I left her.

Alpine K say: "Bush is an idiot, a fascist. He's appointed an attorney general who is a member of the Nazi party and the KKK. Bush is not capable of doing anything good." Uh...under ordinary circumstances, your first statement would be libelous. I also suggest that you ask Condaleeza Rice and Colin Powell (black), along with Ari Fleischer (Jewish) and a few other prominent folk if the KKK and Nazism are part of the program. I don't think so. Furthermore, regarding the second comment, a smart guy like you should have a more open mind. - your pal, Dwayner

The official word is "disputed".

Seriously....the hockey puck ain't gonna phase them and it's mean. The super-soaker with just plain water works well as does a bucket of water or a hose. Hose 'em down just like you do when you catch your buddy hittin' on your girlfriend. Or grab them by the scruff of the neck, look firmly into their eyes and in a clear and unwavering voice say, "SHUT YOUR LITTLE PIE HOLE!" I have found both of these methods to be quite effective. - Dwayner

Seems to me like some of you folks won't like Bush no matter what he does, even when he agrees with you.

big jim....also can be known by the title that typically follow his name in the media: FACME: "first American to climb Mt. Everest". Big deal, I say. This guy did no pioneering, following in the footsteps of Tenzing and Hillary TEN YEARS LATER. This guy has been made a "hero" as a result, and for forty years. But who hears of his fellow American buddies who followed a few days later: Barry Bishop and Lute Jerstad or those two cool cats who at the same time pulled off one of the boldest climbs in mountaineering history: Tom Hornbein and Willy Unsoeld on the West Ridge of Everest? Not so many. If you ask me, it should have been BIG LOU on the summit! - Dwayner

Mr. Erik says: "i doubt it is dawyner or pope as it appears to be a bit more then just some scrambling." Hey wise-ass! Whatdidwe/everdotoyoo, dude, to deserve such ignorant treatment. You don't know from Dwayner and pope! Fact is, it is Dwayner and pope in "Name the CCers, Part I", on April Fools Tower on Saturday (and a hard route at that), which we followed up with the relatively boring Easter Tower. The other climb is Hyperspace on Snow Creek Wall, visually familiar to those who spend time up there. We was gonna write a humorous account of our climbs up there last weekend but .....ah, never mind. - Dwayner

Could that be Dwayner and pope? Just wonderin! - Dwayner

Hey Sphinx/Sexy-Cocoa/Patch Jr.: Keep me out of your freakish fantasies. Those sort of comments are crass, boorish and lack class. You're much more interesting when you stick to climbing...but not much more. - Dwayner

It was a night to remember. I heard that Grady’s was popular but I wasn’t prepared to push my way through the assembled throng of paparazzi, autograph-seekers and promiscuous groupies to reach the huge bouncer who looked like Mr. T. It was like Studio 54 in its heyday with lines of desperate contenders hoping for an entrance ticket. One young lady wore a T-shirt that read, “You can Alpine my K!" and a nearby skinny fellow wearing lycra held a handful of quickdraws with the intent to bribe. “Hold on, buddy!” insisted the bouncer. “Are you on the list?” “cc.com,” I answered, “Dwayner.” “You got some i.d. to prove it?” requested the giant wearing nothing more than khaki shorts over polypro long-johns and lots of gold jewelry. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a handful of lint. The bouncer carefully examined the fuzz. “You’re legit!” he pronounced, “Come on in!” I shook three groupies off my leg and one of them stuffed a bra into my sock. It had her phone number on it. Waiting inside was one of the most star-studded gatherings I have ever encountered. It was like the Oscar’s, the Emmy’s and the Peoples’ Choice Awards (as hosted by Rosie O’Donnell) all in one! The roster included the likes of the “effortlessly-cool” Matt P, Pube-Club Meister Dave, Szyjakowski the Olympian, our tricky uncle: Uncle Tricky, Thinker, who was thoughtful and bought me a beer, ToTheTop who was on top of the situation, that kool-kitten Ehmmic, a groovy guy she knows at the end of the table, and a nice senorita showed up with a name like “climbed that already” or some such, and then there was Lisa: looking tan, rested and ready for adventure. Alpine K was wearing this huge polypro shirt which was actually lent to him by the bouncer after a groupie mauled him at the entrance. He thanked me when I handed him the bra from my sock and said “I’ll add it to my collection.” as he tossed it into the corner. As if this weren’t enough....my knees shook like a nervous schoolboy when I noticed a rare but familiar face. It was ICEGIRL! Too anxious to say much, the best I could blat out was an offer to wax her car. As if this weren’t enough....both Jon and GaperTimmy: King of Plab showed up! You know them as the premier facilitators of your favorite work-distracting diversion and the enablers at the center of many Northwest climbers’ social lives. And they were in good form! I could write pages about the witty banter, insider beta-exchanges, high-fives, meat-gazing, and other acts of Plabness that took place but I won’t. Although everyone knows that the classiest venue in Seattle can’t even compare to the cheapest gin-joint in Tacoma, it’s the quality of the people that makes the occasion and it’s going to be hard to beat this one! And apologies to any folks I might have missed in the above review...I was overwhelmed by the sheer celebrity power! - Dwayner ILLUSTRATIONS: Icegirl waiting for her drink. The bouncer resembled Mr. T. Henry Kissinger was there as usual but sat at the bar and didn’t say much this time.

So Petey Puget....was it all you thought it would be??? I heard that Buffy changed herself into a bouldering pad when approached by several supernatural creatures who in turned hauled her out to the Wonderland of Rocks where she now lives a life of austerity and contemplation. Here is a rare recent photo of Buffy in her present state. Sphinx/Sexy Cocoa/Patch Jr.......just in case you didn't get the message.....sport-climbing sucks. Patch don't do no sport-climbin'!

Mr. Rodchester: "Bring a 60 meter rope FOR SURE." Why you tellin' folks stuff like that? A 50 meter/165 foot rope has sufficed for decades and reaches all the pitches. I don't even own one of them fancy long and heavy ropes and won't buy one until the other sorts are phased out.

Hey Sphinx/Sexy Cocoa/Patch Jr. plus your other avatars: I get fan mail for my sport-climbing quips. Now set your VCR for the big show because I hear that Buffy is going to be clipping up a sick and heinous crimp-fest from a sit-start! Must-see TV! Und Rot-punkt!

Your buddies be lucky to be alive. A lot of people don't think enough about that sort of thing. I fell through the ice in Snow Lake several years ago on my way up to do a one-day solo traverse of the Enchantments in early May (up via Snow Lakes and down Aasgard). I was following snowshoe tracks along the very edge of the Lake (thus avoiding the logs in the woods). The tracks stayed straight and crossed a little bay and I continued to follow them. That's when the ice broke. The water was about 8 feet deep and I felt like I shot out of there like a cork and I busted my way toward shore. Soaking wet from icy water, I ran back to a campsite, awoke some sleeping hikers and demanded some hot food and drinks which they made and then I ran the 7 miles or so back to the parking lot to keep warm. Icy lakes.....don't trust them! - Dwayner

Petey Puget.....we disagree once again. I thought "Buffy" fans were primarily 15 year old girls, overgrown Dungeons and Dragons players in their mom's basement, and sport-climbers. I saw one episode once just to see what the fuss was all about and it basically was a cute blonde girl and her stupid witch friends kicking some ridiculous monster's butt. Please....rename this thread: "Don't forget to get a life", and maybe some people will do so after that ridiculous show is mercifully put out of its misery. Just my opinion. - Dwayner

Hey "sphinx"/sexy cocoa/patch jr. a) I don't know what you're talking about; b) I was climbing while you were still peeing in your pull-ups, if not a good while before; c) I don't live in a hole nor do I cry there. Patch Sr. would tell you to mind your manners.

Leonard Cohen is Canadian. The best American folk singers, without debate were (are?): Mitch and Mickey The Folksmen The New Main Street Singers

This is a troll for Dwayner and pope. I ain't takin' the bait....yet! What 'bout you, pope?

Hey Eco-friendly Waynker......don't expect this little drinking club to be consistently convenient for your personal scenario.

Who is this Disco Diva and how would her name appear in the phone book?

Seattle is passé and has been ever since Eddie Bauer went the way of the polo shirt. It might have been fun at one time but it's now as run down as the Seattle Center. It's vastly overpriced and a traffic nightmare. Tacoma is really looking good these days.

Yes, Icegirl, you be. Last time in Tacoma....March 11th featuring Ranger Mike Gauthier and other celebrities. A few people may have met informally in Tacoma on March 25th but that probably wasn't even a staged pube-club. An attempt was made to bring things south on April 29th but it was hijacked. I posted thereafter a bogus pub-club report saying how much fun we had in Tacoma but in fact the event did not take place. The effort initiated by myself yesterday has already been hijacked. For whatever it's worth, that's the recent history. I've lost my interest in the futile notion of promoting a rotating venue so have it where you like. And enjoy the weekly cat-fight.

Hijacking of the Pube Club it is. Tacoma has been patiently in line for a long-time. Erik of Tacoma....shame on you. And you, Icegirl.....ah, never mind. Why don't we end the charade right now. A good many of you "explorers" have no interest in moving the venue outside of the Seattle compound. It ain't a matter of fairness for you, it's a matter of convenience, and the closer to your own home, the better, so some of the drunks can stagger a few blocks back to their shack in Ballard. I've tried to get some excitement for Tacoma going for a little while here and I think I've done my bit. If someone else down here wants to make the effort, go for it. In the meantime, maybe you guys should just carry on with your weekly Seattle cat-fight and I won't remind you about the good times we've had in Tacoma at places like the Spar or at the weird Celtic place in Redmond which was pretty darn fun. "Ballard! It's closer to my house!" "No! U-District! I'm working that evening!" "If it ain't in Ballard, I'm not going to show you my new quick-draws I got off of EBAY!" "If it ain't in the U-District, I'll punish you all by arriving late and leaving early! That'll teachya!"

It's awfully quiet around here. "Pube-Club Dave", usually anxious and alert early Monday morning to plan his Tuesday night has been uncharacteristically absent this morning. The reason is obvious. It's Tacoma's turn this week. Take it away, Eric, Off White and others. How about some of you big explorers in Seattle come south and visit the City of Destiny. And Dave.....if you hopped on your bike now, you just might make it in time or get a ride on Beck's handlebars. This will get ya interested: