Dru

lol

You're looking in the wrong places. I think NOLSe means you should be looking at the PDX men. Some of them know a lot about windshirts.

Perth, Australia

The AAland Islands. Also the home of

b/c he gets to spoon with Necro and he enjoys that.

Theres supposed to be awesome bouldering on these granite islands in the Baltic. I saw a film on it a year or two ago but can't remember what the name of the place was. Highs to +20C most of the summer and 20 hour daylight in June and July.

exoskeletons are aid

All this TR needs is baboon masturbation like in the John Sherman story about Kenya.

They should have started running when the tide started going way, way, out.

That last long one is either Isodorth or Belmore

I don't think that is the Tube. It might be Duffy's Delight

Nowhere near me Where is the "whew" graemlin?

The world is full of desperate women

its gonna snow on monday.

Considering how bug ridden and prone to attacks Msoftware is I dont know if I'd want the Gates designing my immune system?

Water exports are not covered under NAFTA. This means we can charge them $$$$ for the current storms

Q) How many guides does it take to change the shit barrel at Bow Hut? A) Nobody knows, it's never been done. Q)What do ski guides and surgeons have in common. A) They both bury thier mistakes. Q) What is the difference between investment bonds and a mountain guide. A) The bonds will eventually mature and earn money. Q) What happens when a mountain guide takes Viagra? A) He gets Taller. Q) Do you know how copper wire was invented? A) Two mountain guides found a penny at the same time. Q)How do you make a small fortune guiding? A) Start with a large one. Q)What's the difference between a mountain guide and a 14" pizza? A) The pizza can feed a family of four. Q)What do you call a guide with out a girlfriend? A) Homeless It is late in the season and it has been a busy year. Two guides meet up at a local pub and chat over a beer. "the other day I took this guy up the East Ridge of Temple. He was so stoked by the climb all that evening I found myself up to my knees in beer" say's the young guide. The old guide takes a big swallow of beer and witha sly smile say's "I know what you mean I took this 43 year old housewife up the Cardiac Arret on the Grand Sentinal. She was so thrilled that evening I found myself up to my balls in cider" Q: What's the difference between God and a Mountain Guide? A) God doesn't think he's a Mountain Guide. So I was driving home the other day in my baby blue 1975 Hillman Hunter sedan and I look out the window. There's this Kiwi Mountain Guide out in a field doing the deed to this sheep! Disgusting! So I stop, roll down the window and yell to him "Hey! In Canada we shear sheep!" He looks up at me and without disturbing his rhythm yells back "Mate, I'm not shearing this sheep with anybody!" Q) How many Mountain Guides does it take to Change a light bulb? A) Three. One to change the bulb , one get the chair and fix the rope and rigging and another to find the client to pay for the bulb and the beer. Q) What do Mountain Guides use for birth control? A) Their personalities. So this mountain guide bites it in a climbing accident. Of course for all his sin's he goes to Hell. As he is Rappelling down through Hell with the Devil to his appointed station he sees this other guide whom he knows that also just cashed in his bingo chips. However he is in the arms of this gorgeous naked babe. He turns to the Devil and asks " what's up with this , how come this scumbag has this beautiful woman in his arms." The Devil turns to him and say's "Never you mind that woman's punishment is my concern". Q) What do mountain guides and cow pies have in common. A) The older they get the easier they are to pick up Here's one that just came in:(hey , I don't write em, I just pass them on.) : Q) What's the worst thing about sleeping with a mountain guide. A) when he jumps up, tye's off the bed post and screams off belay. You know why less than 10% of the mountain guides go to heaven. A) any more than that and it would be Hell! You know what the diffrence is between a smart mountain guide and a Yeti? A) At least there are reported sightings of a Yeti. Client hires a guide for a multi-day rock climbing adventure. He has one bad day after another. Bad weather, lack of skill keep him from getting to the top of anything until the last day, when he finally is able to complete a route. At the end of the last day, the guide says, "great working with you, that will be $1000." "Man, the client says, $1000 for one lousy route." Yeh, says the guide, "but think how much it would have been if you'd climbed them all." Here's one that just came in:(hey , I don't write em, I just pass them on.) : A mountain guide is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm, and runs into a guide buddy. "What'd ya get the case of beer for," his buddy asks. "My girlfriend," the guide replied. "Oh. Good trade." Q) You know what mountain guides and parking spaces have in common? A) The best ones are taken and the rest are just handicaps. Q) You know what mountain guides and tile floors have in common? A) Lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them the rest of your life. I Q) What the diffrence between a mountain guide and a rooster. A) The Rooster clucks defiance. This had to be explained to me after several months. "The mountain guide fucks declients" New: A Glossary of Common Climbing Terms and Phrases: A Solo Climber: One man falling alone. A Roped Party: Several men falling simultaneously. A Novice: Someone (often dead) who should be kept off the mountains at all costs. A Mountain Guide: Someone who can provide Novices with a cost. An Experienced Climber: Someone whose death was unavoidable. An Alpine Club Member: Someone who never dies but slowly fades away. An Alpine Veteran: Someone who has been to the Alps. A Careful Climber: A slow climber. A Cautious Climber: A very slow climber. A Climbing Nut: A reckless climber. Excerpt from ONE MAN'S MOUNTAINS by Tom Patey (except the Guide part,which is mine.) Three Guides die and are at the pearly gates of Heaven.St. Peter tells them they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first German Guide, "What is Easter?" The Guide replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and is thankful." "Wrong!," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the French Guide the same question, "What is Easter?" The French Guide replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus. "St. Peter looks at the second Guide, shakes his head in disgust,tells him he's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the Canadian Guide. He asks, "What is Easter?" The Canadian Guide smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes,"I know what Easter is.""Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously."Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. The third Guide continues: "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out...and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter." Three mountain guides are sitting around a campfire deciding to hold up below treeline, out on the lonesome, each with the bravado for which guides are famous. A night of tall tales begins... The first guide says, "I must be the meanest, toughest guide there is. Why, just the other day, an ornery bull elk got loose in Banff and gored six tourists before I wrestled him to the ground by the horns with my bare hands." The second guide, not to be outdone, boasted: "Why that's nothin'. I was climbing in Skaha walking the trail yesterday and a 15 foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that varmint with my bare hands, bit it's head off, and sucked the poison right out of my arm. And I'm still here today." The third guide remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

keeping it real

i fail to see how you will be contributing money to the show about Brad. They don't pay the filmmakers to show these movies.... the film makers enter them for the chance to win a prize. The rest of the lineup that evening sounds awesome, Tim Oneills new film and a bunch of other good stuff.

Maybe R&I can feature an Ask The Experts column on trolling to go along with their advice columns on bouldering, sport, trad, ice and alpine.

I can't imagine anyone ever taking anything posted on one of these climbing Internent bulletin boards seriously. Why, next you will be telling me people might go climbing with or buy something from someone they had never previously met in person!

mt lemmon

Soviet Republic of Chillwackstan

5 days - that's almost as long as someone taking 8 days on Slesse!