billcoe Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 http://www.assholeclimbers.com/ Funny and clever stuff. It gives all of us guys something to aspire to. Sample: Pieces of Shkit, part 2: Bionic 8 Bionic 8, Mammut I-beam construction on a figure 8 is like putting lettuce on your bacon cheeseburger to make it healthier: you're missing the point. Figure 8s have almost entirely been replaced by more versatile gear, and as such were already obsolete by the time Germany invaded Poland. The first time. The last thing still going for them is that the thick, round body with which they are normally made yields a smooth rappel. So Mammut killed that too. [img:right]http://www.extremegear.com/images/gear/Mammut-Bionic-8-Belay-Device-Large.jpg[/img] There are three types of people who still use figure 8s: 1) rescue teams, 2) arborists, and 3) gumbies. Search and rescue teams tend to need things made of heavy steel, which serves for strength, durability, and the occasional need to bludgeon yuppies who activate SPOT beacons because their water was too salty. As for the treefolk, is there some kind of fetish that's like furries but for wood? Barkies? Ent-ertainers? Treestiality? Splinterphilia??? Pandering to the ultralight sport rappelling crowd has made a device that is useless to the those with actual need for figure 8s and pointless for everyone else. Mammut did, however, solve one important problem. The Bionic 8 officially ends the era in which the figure 8 was the only piece of climbing hardware incapable of opening a beer bottle, a feature that will be handy writing my next post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denalidave Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Where do you find all these gems Bill? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sobo Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Just spent a few minutes there. That site could be entertaining for a while... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mountainmatt Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Awesome. I love the belay test rant... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sobo Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 the belay test rant... Yeah, that one was pretty funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B Deleted_Beck Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 "Some of the greatest alpinists in the world got their start on this god forsaken stash of granite. The reason why is mathematically simple. By latitude and longitude, QQ is somewhere around 42,-71. If you were to follow the longitudinal line, starting from QQ, all the way to the exact opposite side of the world, you'd roughly reach the Karakorums, home of K2, at roughly 36, 76. If you spent your early years climbing at QQ, you'd want to get as far away as possible too." Excellent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRoth Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 I love's my mamut 8. I am an arborist and was rescue... so I guess Im ok by the list. But ive even used it in a 5:1 when I had no other biners. I clipped it, fed the rope and had my last switch back for the 5:1 also, if you dip it in soap, you can blow bubbles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoo Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 also, if you dip it in soap, you can blow bubbles Ha! I take it all back and buying a fig. 8 immediately. Glad y'all are enjoying the site, as we're enjoying making it. Any feedback is helpful if you have it. What kinds of posts do you like, what kinds not so much? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sobo Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 Glad y'all are enjoying the site, as we're enjoying making it. Any feedback is helpful if you have it. What kinds of posts do you like, what kinds not so much? Hey, shoo, loved the PASSGAS piece! Anytime someone farts in a sleeping bag or in a tent, it's always good for a laugh. You should do a rant on dogs at the crags. And ghettoblasters, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoo Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 Glad at least one person liked it! Was certainly fun doing a collab w/ pegatron illustrating. Speaking of which, worth noting that pegatron, illustrator of the Masterbelayting, Asshole blogging, and PASSGAS posts, has never done comics nor had any of her drawings in public before AC.com. She's kicking ass so far, no? Also helps us out a TON if people leave comments on the site, whether you love it, hate it, love to hate it, whatever. The more feedback we get, the better posts we put up. And to sobo, have no doubt that both dogs and ghettoblasters will both be hated on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZimZam Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 "But I'm totally gonna snag her rope." 8D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denalidave Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 Masterbelayting. Not to be done whilst clucking... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julian Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 "Look at this asshole climber" (LATAC) is a great variation on "Look at this fucking hipster" (LATFH). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoo Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 Gonna shamelessly bump here. Took a bit of a break, and now we're back. W00t. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gertlush Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Hey you bump this all you want, I'd been searching back through the forum to try and find the original link, good stuff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plaidman Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Adam Ondra is technically a reanimated demon muppet freed from the bonds of his master's hand. Technically. This is the bit about starting a blog and being a really amazing climber rant. When talking about Adam Ondra he must be referring to the screaming and other noises that kid makes. Funny stuff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoo Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 When talking about Adam Ondra he must be referring to the screaming and other noises that kid makes. That, and the fact that he's a muppet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denalidave Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 Bump A Hole Climbers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Off_White Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 That girl with the lulu lemon tights and the boyfriend you are ignoring is being flocked by a gaggle of beta-honking man-geese. There's some pure poetry on that blog, I love a well turned phrase. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glassgowkiss Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Love that kickstarter about climbing/filming Denali. What a fucking joke!! a few east coast clueless fucks! looking forward to seeing the finished film- NOT! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tvashtarkatena Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Wow. You're really promoting your latest public shaming effort. The noobs already failed to raise any cash. Not enough for ya, I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glassgowkiss Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 If you are promoting something, at least have some legitimacy behind you. The problem is that a fantastic tool like kickstarter gets tharshed by shitheads like that. I think there is HUGE difference between trying to get cash for a legit venture, and a couple of assholes trying to get free vacations. I guess you are too stoned to see it that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pink Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 If you are promoting something, at least have some legitimacy behind you. The problem is that a fantastic tool like kickstarter gets tharshed by shitheads like that. I think there is HUGE difference between trying to get cash for a legit venture, and a couple of assholes trying to get free vacations. I guess you are too stoned to see it that way. man dude! have you not ejaculated in awhile? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denalidave Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 If you are promoting something, at least have some legitimacy behind you. The problem is that a fantastic tool like kickstarter gets tharshed by shitheads like that. I think there is HUGE difference between trying to get cash for a legit venture, and a couple of assholes trying to get free vacations. I guess you are too stoned to see it that way. man dude! have you not ejaculated in awhile? Hey, don't dis on someone who's dis'n on someone who's has a "Trustoclimbafarian" dream... Pure fraud, I tell ya, FRAUDULENT! Back in the ole days, a fore all these interweb free beg for funds gizmos, we had to beg from our employer's and/or family/friends to fund our vacations cause for humanity , fame and perhaps a dash of fortune thrown in. Worked for me. Well, cept the fame and fortune part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denalidave Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Wow. You're really promoting your latest public shaming effort. The noobs already failed to raise any cash. Not enough for ya, I guess. As usual, I beg to differ, the cash is rolling in... FORTY FIVE DOLLARS! FORTY FIVE DOLLARS! AND. COUNTING!!! (almost) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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