pope Posted February 19, 2002 Share Posted February 19, 2002 With temperatures climbing back into the 50's and with March just around the corner, I'm reminded of a little ritual I used to go through every year about this time: after area-skiing with a girl all winter, I knew it was about time to quit fooling around and concentrate on mountaineering excellence for the coming season. In short, it was time to say to the ski bunny, "Jumbo go away!" Pope 'n Dwayner recognize that this is a difficult time in a boy's life, and so in the interest of facilitating an incisive termination to your current relationship, we wish to offer some situationally specific ideas on how to release the ski bunny. First approach: tell the truth! "Your curvy body still inspires me, but the rack of my dreams has been hanging in my closet all winter." Second approach: try the gay thing! "My brief flirtation with sport climbing has left me sexually confused. Ever since I saw Christian Griffith shaving in that Verve add, women don't interest me." Third approach: try the gay thing a different way! "My climbing partner isn't just my climbing partner. He's my partner." Fourth approach: you're concentrating on your new job! "I'm pursuing a demanding career as a cake model at the Erotic Bakery." Fifth approach: movin' on up! "My old girlfriend wants me back and she's moved up to a double-wide." Sixth approach: she's put on weight! "Girl, I've outgrown this relationship...and you've outgrown that ski suit!" Seventh approach: she's getting old! "Honey, I can't afford you anymore because next ski season I'll have to buy you an adult lift ticket." There you have it. Gentlemen, you have no excuses this spring. There should be no distractions. Now, Dwayner and I, in our strive to be gender-inclusive, will offer this to all the ladies who need to dump their ski partners before spring climbing season: "My needs are not being met in this relationship. I'm going to call Dwayner or Pope" (take your pick). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeadam Posted February 19, 2002 Share Posted February 19, 2002 I don't understand how in the middle of February you can begin to imply that the ski season is anywhere near to being over. You gotta get off that crack habit and get addicted to year round powder and corn. I saw some alpine trekkers for sale somewhere brother...but what do I know? I'm in the Fontainbleu of the US right now....ahhh sandstone is gut ja? [ 02-19-2002: Message edited by: mikeadam ] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattp Posted February 19, 2002 Share Posted February 19, 2002 quote: Originally posted by mikeadam: I don't understand how in the middle of February you can begin to imply that the ski season is anywhere near to being over Right on, Mike. The peak snowpack usually comes some time about March and the ski areas all shut down just when the real ski season really gets going. But I think Pope was talking about those worthless lazy uncool commercialized lemmings who ride the lifts. Anybody who'd do that - well, you just know they have no brains and you have to question their sexual identification. They are the same type you will find out chasing bolts, eh Pope? [ 02-19-2002: Message edited by: mattp ] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doug Posted February 19, 2002 Share Posted February 19, 2002 "Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but my drug habit has gotten out of control. I've stolen money and things from you to feed my habit. I'm not worthy of you any more". Hopefully she'll be so disgusted that she'll leave you. Plus she'll fell like shit for leaving you when you obviously need her the most! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pope Posted February 19, 2002 Author Share Posted February 19, 2002 Yes, the "real" ski season goes on for months in the high mountains, and if you are hardy enough to skin-up all day to get in one run, you might not want to put the boards away just yet. Are you going to talk your ski bunny into this kind of adventure? If so, then ignore Pope and Dwayner's advice. Area-skiing is an enormous amount of fun, Matt. In fact, I went area-skiing on my honeymoon and not once did I become sexually confused in the way that I did after seeing the Verve add. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeadam Posted February 19, 2002 Share Posted February 19, 2002 Pope, you are missing out on something called "tele chix". You gotta get one. The ski bunny thing is fine for lounging around the lodge, but when you wanna get some lovin' in the backcountry a "tele chick" can't be matched. It's all about rolling with the seasons. [ 02-19-2002: Message edited by: mikeadam ] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt.Caveman Posted February 19, 2002 Share Posted February 19, 2002 Rolling in the snow with Tele Chix ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialed Posted February 19, 2002 Share Posted February 19, 2002 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambone Posted February 19, 2002 Share Posted February 19, 2002 quote: Originally posted by pope: Area-skiing is an enormous amount of fun, Matt. Your such a fuckin hypocrite pope. All you do is talk shit on this site about how bad sport climbers and the bolts they use are, yet you support environmentaly unfriendly institutions such as ski areas... What makes a bolt bad, and a ski lift good? Which one causes more damage? Not to mention the resources a ski area eats up, ie. energy, water, habitat, etc... Not that I don't enjoy skiing on the lifts, cause I do...shit I've even got a seasons pass. But pope's double standard sucks my ass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt.Caveman Posted February 19, 2002 Share Posted February 19, 2002 Pope Rocks and I plan on nominating him for alpine buddy next week! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattp Posted February 19, 2002 Share Posted February 19, 2002 Pope, You've been taken over by the dark side. You are missing an opportunity to spiritually connect with the essential wildness of the mountains. I feel for you, my man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottP Posted February 19, 2002 Share Posted February 19, 2002 There are three things that smell like fish... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gregm Posted February 19, 2002 Share Posted February 19, 2002 quote: Originally posted by ScottP: There are three things that smell like fish... what's the third? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottP Posted February 19, 2002 Share Posted February 19, 2002 quote: Originally posted by gregm: what's the third? One of them is fish. The other two are growing on you. (The last lines from the Zappa tune "Jumbo Go Away.") Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottP Posted February 19, 2002 Share Posted February 19, 2002 quote: Originally posted by mikeadam: Man Greg you walked right into that one I was trolling with stink bait. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allthumbs Posted February 19, 2002 Share Posted February 19, 2002 "you still here?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pope Posted February 19, 2002 Author Share Posted February 19, 2002 quote: Originally posted by Lambone: Your such a fuckin hypocrite pope. All you do is talk shit on this site about how bad sport climbers and the bolts they use are, yet you support environmentaly unfriendly institutions such as ski areas... What makes a bolt bad, and a ski lift good? Which one causes more damage? Not to mention the resources a ski area eats up, ie. energy, water, habitat, etc... Not that I don't enjoy skiing on the lifts, cause I do...shit I've even got a seasons pass. But pope's double standard sucks my ass. Support it? I suppose I've purchased a few lift tickets. Lift skiing is a perverted synthesis of mountain beauty with amusement-park elements. It's an activity I can enjoy with people who aren't into the traditional, hardy challenges of mountain climbing. Do I support expansion of lift skiing to new areas of the Cascades? Not really. Do I want mountain climbing to resemble area skiing (with espresso stands, heated gondolas and pizzerias)? HELL NO! But I get the impression that you might think such additions would improve on crag climbing at Index; otherwise, why attack me for suggesting that rock climbing should be a little more special and natural than lift-skiing? I pick my battles, and I certainly don't want to tell lift-skiing enthusiasts how to live their lives. But I see a big difference: mountain climbing is about wilderness, and it's about going up. Therefore, when mountain climbing, one should start at the bottom and do their best to leave only footprints. This thread has become such a pain in the ass. What started out as a couple of wisecracks turns into a bunch of whining. WTF? Lambone, Dwayner and I were just discussing how we thought you'd turned the corner, how you'd put one foot onto the bridge to civility and manhood. I personally invited you into my home, next time you and your lovely bride are on your way to ski at Crystal....and I get this? Lighten up. Have a laugh. If you're not careful, you're going to wind up with irritable bowel syndrome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwayner Posted February 19, 2002 Share Posted February 19, 2002 Mr. Lambert/Lambone or whatever: I'm really disappointed. Crude discourse such as: "Your such a fuckin hypocrite pope. All you do is talk shit on this site...", in my opinion, is way out of line. Yesterday it was raining and after bailing from Index, me and pope gave your gym a call. (Some other guy named Matt answered and said you weren't in). We were looking forward to finally meeting you and sharing a few laughs. After reading the above, I'm not disappointed and I'm not particularly interested. Good luck! - Dwayner And by the way....that kind of language doesn't cut it in the real world, so I hope you know when to shut it off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambone Posted February 20, 2002 Share Posted February 20, 2002 quote: Originally posted by pope: WTF? Lambone, Dwayner and I were just discussing how we thought you'd turned the corner, how you'd put one foot onto the bridge to civility and manhood. I personally invited you into my home, next time you and your lovely bride are on your way to ski at Crystal....and I get this? Lighten up. Have a laugh. If you're not careful, you're going to wind up with irritable bowel syndrome. Easy there fellas, no need to get the tag team defense working again.I just had to throw in another cheap shot for old times sake. Saw an opportunity and took it, sorry if I got a little too personal there. Shouldn't have called you a fuckin anything... But I still think I have a point; your comment about ski areas seems to contradict the mantra that you so faithfully preach day in and day out on this site. I think you old timers are all right too, just gotta flip you shit once and a while to keep the spray alive. This is SPRAY isn't it???? Peace Pal! [ 02-19-2002: Message edited by: Lambone ] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeadam Posted February 20, 2002 Share Posted February 20, 2002 Man Greg you walked right into that one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pope Posted February 21, 2002 Author Share Posted February 21, 2002 MattP and Mike, I'm sure you're right. Tell you what: you teach me to tele-ski, I'll teach you how to swing a side-dish! Lambone, no harm done. But if you want to stop by my pad on the way to Crystal, you've got to clean up the potty mouth. My wife has never heard a foul word come out of my mug, and I don't let Dwayner carry on with his usual locker-room talk around her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattp Posted February 21, 2002 Share Posted February 21, 2002 Tele skiing is just a dying fad, Pope. If you take that one up too, all the while eschewing bolts, you will truly peg yourself as some kind of historic artifact. I'd suggest you go for the split board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pope Posted February 21, 2002 Author Share Posted February 21, 2002 quote: Originally posted by mattp: Tele skiing is just a dying fad, Pope. If you take that one up too, all the while eschewing bolts, you will truly peg yourself as some kind of historic artifact. I'd suggest you go for the split board. Mentioning historic artifacts, Dwayner and I got rained out of Index Monday and decided to check out the gym scene. We stopped by the Stone Gardens to check out this finger crack that my friend Brian had created in the bouldering pit (anybody know how hard that thing is?), then we sampled some of the other excellent crack climbs to be found there. Anyway, Dwayner noticed that a number of climbers just stopped what they were doing and gaped at the spectacle of these two old guys climbing cracks; we speculated that we must have looked like some kind of robotic museum pieces to these youngsters. BTW, hats off to KJ, to the saucy girl who loaned us the chalk bag, and to all of the Stone Gardens staff: they made us feel most welcome in what must have been our first trip to a gym in three years! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus_Engley Posted February 21, 2002 Share Posted February 21, 2002 quote: Originally posted by pope: Mentioning historic artifacts, Dwayner and I got rained out of Index Monday and decided to check out the gym scene. We stopped by the Stone Gardens to check out this finger crack that my friend Brian had created in the bouldering pit (anybody know how hard that thing is?), then we sampled some of the other excellent crack climbs to be found there. Anyway, Dwayner noticed that a number of climbers just stopped what they were doing and gaped at the spectacle of these two old guys climbing cracks; we speculated that we must have looked like some kind of robotic museum pieces to these youngsters. BTW, hats off to KJ, to the saucy girl who loaned us the chalk bag, and to all of the Stone Gardens staff: they made us feel most welcome in what must have been our first trip to a gym in three years! I think that crack that Brian (he built the whole gym, didn't he?) (aha! unless you mean the younger Brian, not the carpenter) put up in the bouldering area is hard 12, maybe 13 something. Pretty gruesome affair. The cracks in there don't get a lot of mileage. I'm not surprised that you felt "observed". Glad you had a good experience with the SG staff-- a bunch of them are good friends of mine. m [ 02-21-2002: Message edited by: Marcus Engley ] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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