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MY RESUME IS BETTER THAN YOURS


ChestBeater

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...and then you awake from your delusional daydream, find yourself at eave-level of your house standing on a rung of an extension ladder, and then, resume clawing wet decaying leaves from the gutter and dropping them into a little red plastic bucket.

 

You're kidding, right? Having my gutters cleaned for me IS MY DREAM.

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I spent the morning walking around putting electrical tape underneath computer mice in random offices, to block the optical sensors. I probably just single-handedly caused thousands of dollars in lost productivity.

 

Now I'm drinking beer and spraying online. And they're paying me for this. Plus, I have a fantastic cock.

 

Suck a vag, chuckleheads!

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Google will eventually consume the drone army that is Microsoft like a patient python eating a hobbled goat and shit out the useless bits, which is pretty much all of it at this point. So long, bloatware.

Google has already tasted the Koolaid.

It will be someone with different motivations that renders Microsoft obsolete.

 

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  • 2 years later...

Rainier is a funny mountain. As a triathlete, marathoner, climber myself, I have had great success on Rainier. I'm three for three so far on two different routes. Two of those were in very poor weather, and we were some of the only parties to summit. I attribute it to being damn stubborn and stronger than most.

The first two times I did it I trained like an animal and did great. The last time I did it off the couch and everyone was calling me an "animal" for being so strong. I chalk that up to a good base fitness and good genes.

I would not recommend getting on a two-man rope team with a novice that does not know crevasse rescue. Have I done it myself? Yes. Would I do it now? No.

There is some very good, hard earned advice from all the other guys. Take the time to earn Rainier. I think it is a good goal (one that I attained) to be able to do Rainier without help from other expert climbers- IE- not being dependent on other people for knowledge, expertise, or assistance short of emergency help). Too many people just eek by, just a simple mistake short of disaster. Do yourself and everyone else a favor and get the experience necessary. It bastardizes climbing when you go through the motions without getting the experience. I understand that you have time limitations and I respect that. But don't expect to slide on through without any problems when you try to wing it. Just this last trip we turned around 2 people who were scared, inexperienced, under-trained, and unprepared for the hazards and challenges that Rainier can bring about.

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I'd like to take this request for advise as an opportunity to talk about me.

 

I'm the product of a relatively secret eugenics program that was run out of the University of Oregon back in the late 80s by a cadre of professors of nordic ancestry. I'm basically the product of refined muscular strength, lovingly dabbed into test tubes with long legged nubile perfection. My superior lung capacity, mental fortitude, white blood cell regeneration capability, and handsome good looks result in a 100 percent success of all my alpine missions even if my climbing partners expire enroute I do not let them spoil my results data as i simply carry their carcasses to the summit and pose with them for summit photo ops. I attribute my successes to my dingus which is essentially a burmese python, my mind of a scientist, and my prefect hair which has no unsightly cowlick.

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