Monogamy?

[rob]

Do you think monogamy is a natural state of affairs for humans? I'm not so sure.

 

Has anybody here ever had an "open" relationship with someone? I know of a threesome (a woman and two men) that apparently are very happy.

 

Academically, I think monogamy is probably a cultural invention. But at the same time, it's hard to imagine it being any other way.

 

Food for thought.

[Blake]

Seems like kids always do best when raised by one dad and one mom in a stable exclusive relationship. I don't know the facts on kids raised by gay parents though... maybe if both parents are loving and committed the kid comes out ok.

 

 

Either way, monogamy seems the best, and most successful (ie natural).

[olyclimber]

What about origami? I know a couple involved in this, and they seem more sexually at ease. Perhaps that is the cause?

[rob]

origami + sex = back injury

[chucK]

There is a long violent history of differences of opinion on monogamy (i.e. murder of cheating lovers and/or or their partners).

 

Do you think such violence is inevitable due to us being hard-wired to expect/need monogamy? Or is it the result of people feeling justified by societal expectations of monogamy to respond violently?

 

 

[archenemy]

I don't think having a single partner is natural.

[ericb]

Do you think monogamy is a natural state of affairs for humans? I'm not so sure.

 

Has anybody here ever had an "open" relationship with someone? I know of a threesome (a woman and two men) that apparently are very happy.

 

Academically, I think monogamy is probably a cultural invention. But at the same time, it's hard to imagine it being any other way.

 

Food for thought.

 

FWIW - I doubt your wife is going to be swayed by any arguments on this topic you garnered from a climbing website.

[KaskadskyjKozak]

I don't think having a single partner is natural.

 

homewrecker!!

[archenemy]

I been called worse.

[lI1|1!]

if there are any groups of attractive women out there who would like to be my harem i'm certainly open to the idea.

[joblo7]

relationships are all about attachement. posession. deals. opportunity.agreements.

 

monogamy is automatic if when you find someone you truly love.(who is a great lover)

[dinomyte]

I agree with Archie. It's not natural.

 

Take any semi-attractive men and women, put them together for long enough, and you'll have some hook-ups.

 

If you don't believe me, just join my wife in watching MTV's the Real World, or countless other reality shows.

 

That said, I suppose we would need to distinguish between monogamy, serial monogamy, etc. Maybe a serial monogamist can have a different partner each day?

[ClimbingPanther]

are you calling for the abandonment of the so-called monogamous sexual relationship? just remember, a mine is a dangerous place to live.

[KaskadskyjKozak]

If you don't believe me, just join my wife in watching MTV's the Real World, or countless other reality shows.

 

yes, clearly we should turn to the RealWorld and MTV for case studies on sociology and answering the most profound questions of human nature.

[archenemy]

I'm more of a multi-tasker. But hey, whatever works.

[tvashtarkatena]

If you don't believe me, just join my wife in watching MTV's the Real World, or countless other reality shows.

 

yes, clearly we should turn to the RealWorld and MTV for case studies on sociology and answering the most profound questions of human nature.

 

Um, that was the joke, KKK. Looks like ya didn't get it.

[Stefan]

I don't find monogamy natural either. Just look at all the other mammals of this earth.

 

However, I have entered into a "contractual" basis for a monogamous relationship. I plan to honor that contract since I agreed to the contract.

[archenemy]

Cool thing about contracts is that sometimes they can be re-negotiated. Sometimes not.

[EWolfe]

I'll play a game of monogamy with you as long as I get the choo-choo train and I don't have to be banker

[tvashtarkatena]

What's 'natural' may be more of a philosophical rather than scientific discussion, but studies on long term relationships indicate that the most successful (i.e., long lasting and satisfying for both partners) relationships are built on a foundation of trust (among other things). They also indicate that having multiple partners erodes this trust, and thus the chances for the relationships longevity and satisfaction. It's certainly natural for people to be attracted to other outside their relationship, but it's also just as natural not to act on such impulses and instead choose loyalty to one's long term partner over an attractive outsider.

 

It seems as though people in this society who have multiple, simultaneous relationships tend to also have shorter term, less satisfying relationships. We evolved as tribal creatures, so it seems natural that we would prefer these longer term, more satisfying relationships over shorter term, less stable ones. Stable, satisfying relationships with more than two people may occur, but they are rare.

 

As for cultures that accept polygamy, they all seem to favor men over women. Saudi Arabia, hard core Mormons...I can't think of a culture that allows this practice that isn't male dominated. Perhaps the more egalitarian a culture is, the more monogamous it becomes, because this results in the greatest satisfaction of both of the sexes.

[archenemy]

Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship (Atwood & Schwartz, 2002 - Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy)

 

 

I think to put the expectation of fidelity/monogamy on a relationship is great in theory, but it doesn't reflect the reality.

[KaskadskyjKozak]

Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship (Atwood & Schwartz, 2002 - Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy)

 

 

I think to put the expectation of fidelity/monogamy on a relationship is great in theory, but it doesn't reflect the reality.

 

looks to me that it works about 1/2 of the time.

[archenemy]

That depends on the overlap, doesn't it?

[mythosgrl]

sometimes the thing you want most is not the best thing for you. ie: having sex with whomever you want when you are married. Our ego must control our id otherwise things get messy. So maybe it's natural to have those urges to sleep with multiple people, but is it beneficial or wise? Will you be hurting people around you, like your kids or people who love you?

 

I think the urge to sleep with whoever you'd like to is nautral, however the thing that separates us from animals is that we can weigh the consequences of that action and adjust our behavior accordingly.

 

 

Serial monogamy (having multipled partners during a lifespan but only one at a time) is practiced in our culture. It's interesting to think about- could that look like a polygamous life as a whole to others?

[dinomyte]

In a serious response to this subject, I was going to say pretty much what Mythos said, before I read her response.

 

It is our ability to reason that separates us.

 

Having sex is much like taking drugs - to maintain the same level of excitement or high, it takes more and more, or different drugs. Thus the urge to have sex with other partners.

 

I guess the key would be to do things in the monogamous relationship to maintain that excitement - helpful, but of course that doesn't eliminate the urges.

 

Still, there are plenty of repercussions to consider.