archenemy Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 Seattle Barbie: This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a masters degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. Comes with Percocet prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing, baseball and is often working late?. Available at all Seattle-area Starbucks retailers. Bellevue Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstrom. She Comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Hummer H2 and a longhaired foreign lapdog named "Honey". Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation. Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche. Tacoma Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with cash- preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at many pawn shops. Everett Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a Pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer Gut Ken out of Monroe Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top. Purchase her Mustang convertible separately and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is in treatment. Available at Army Navy Surplus. Monroe Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans 2 sizes too small, steel-toed cowboy boots, a classic Metallica 'T' shirt & a Tweedy Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has fake fingernails, a six pack of Budweiser, and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over a distance of 6 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after another one of his "episodes" with his boss's daughter. Comes with Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at Wal-Mart. Sultan Barbie: Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller And bus pass. Also included is a G.E.D. and a completely filled out PFD form. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Caddy are optional. Available at Value Village. Vashon Island Barbie: This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic & tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no make-up, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not want, or need, a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker. Available at REI. Olympia Barbie: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work. Likes to "experiment", but will never commit. This model is being phased out and is only available from the manufacturer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olyclimber Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 how much for just the Percocet prescription? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted March 27, 2006 Author Share Posted March 27, 2006 I was thinking of a Ballard Barbie, but there isn't enough info for a paragraph. She just comes equipped with a fly rod, a beer, and second hand clothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kix Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 so where the hell is my porsche then? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterMo Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 Are the Gold Bar and Skyko X Barbies near release? Seems like you have most of the pieces. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
still_climbin Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 You missed Skagit Barbie. Her paternal and maternal grandfather are the same person and she married Ken in 7th grade. Ken comes with tar healed boots, a corn liquor still and a bango. Together they live in wait for the day the Skagits prevail in their long standing feud with the Darringtons Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RuMR Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 You missed Skagit Barbie. Her paternal and maternal grandfather are the same person and she married Ken in 7th grade. Ken comes with tar healed boots, a corn liquor still and a bango. Together they live in wait for the day the Skagits prevail in their long standing feud with the Darringtons what is a bango??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
still_climbin Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Certainly you know that a bango is the Skagit Valley derivative of the Banjo. Its due to inbreeding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted March 28, 2006 Author Share Posted March 28, 2006 It is also the Aurora Barbie: the Bang & Go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sk Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 God that was funny i don't even live in wa i think it made my whole day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RogerJ Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 SE Portland Barbie. Sporting blond dreadlocks, a tie-dyed shirt and skirt with jeans underneath, this flashback sweetheart comes complete with rusting Schwinn Typhoon with anti-war stickers on the fenders. Optional home brew\growlamp Ken comes with handblown glass bong. Available at Oregon Country Fair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillweasel Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I'm with Muffy (hey girl - ) this is the funniest ..... way to go Arch -hw Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashw_justin Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 What about the Leavenworth Barbie? Jeep, leads 5.11 trad, has a nice, well maintained rack that is always just the right size, microbrew seated safely in chalkbag, just got back from Patagonia, appearances in several climbing magazines. Hits on you until she's bored, then has to go because she has a date in Tahiti with millionaire sponsored climber and swimsuit photographer Ken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marylou Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Seattle Barbie: This modern day homemaker Barbie Seattle women aren't homemakers, they tend to have jobs. Maybe you are thinking of homemaker Ken. is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV Try a Prius. This ain't Issaquah. , a Prada handbag Surely you jest! In Seattle? Try and REI backpack that she uses as a purse/briefcase. It probably needs to be washed. and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. Yoga? Uh, try trail running with the family dog. She has a masters degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. You're sure this is Seattle Barbie, right? Even if she wanted to stay home, she works, because their Ballard bungalow was $600,000. Comes with Percocet prescription and Botox. Yeah, that's really Seattle. You see a lot of that Botox-and-Percocet thing in the city....NOT. Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry Starbucks is for tourists. The locals like Appassionato, Vivace, and might tote a mug from one of the Cafe Divas scattered around the city. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing, baseball and is often working late?. Sounds like he lives in the midwest. Wouldn't Ken be into mountain biking, organic gardening, and tele skiing? If he fishes, it's fly fishing, and he throws them back instead of killing them. Sounds like a generic Barbie to me. Nothing Seattle about this tiny plastic dame. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sk Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I'm with Muffy (hey girl - ) this is the funniest ..... way to go Arch -hw Hey stranger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cj001f Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Sounds like the Ballard Barbie comes without a sense of humor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-spotter Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Math is hard! I love shopping! Will we ever have enough clothes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary_Yngve Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 This theme has many variants: http://www.greenchair.net/funny/colorado-barbie.htm http://www.crunchland.com/ubbs/Forum4/HTML/000495.html http://www.floridadnb.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=318565&sid=f6f06a5bbf110bf36dc83ef160c98d19 http://domesticat.net/entry/1023 http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/21860816.html http://www.wralfm.com/Article.asp?PT=Bill+%26+Sheri+in+the+Morning&id=80687 http://daybreaker.counterpop.net/lilac/archives/000740.html ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marylou Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Sounds like the Ballard Barbie comes without a sense of humor. Actually, the Ballard Barbie has a refined sense of humor, rather than just lamely laughing at anything, even if it's not really funny, just stupid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayB Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Sounds like the Ballard Barbie comes without a sense of humor. Hahahaha. I was just thinking that the defensive point-by-point rebuttal, complete with the "Organic Gardening and Tele Skiing" Ken Doll had to be the only part of this thread that really, really screamed "Seattle." Hahahahahahaha. Good stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
underworld Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 seattle barbie is fat, but uses the "it's who a person is and not what they look like" defense to make herself feel better. belltown barbie is fat, but uses expensive clothes that are too small to make herself feel better aurora barbie is a hooker greenlake barbie is stopping traffic by crossing the street 100 yards from a crosswalk capitol hill barbie is ken Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayB Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 The "authentic" Ballard Barbie with the 600G bungalow might have to elbow Aurora Barbie off of the corner when the teaser period on the neg-am, i/o, payment-option loan ends and the LIBOR indexed rate kicks in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomtom Posted March 29, 2006 Share Posted March 29, 2006 cc.com Barbie is actually Dru. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marylou Posted March 29, 2006 Share Posted March 29, 2006 The "authentic" Ballard Barbie with the 600G bungalow might have to elbow Aurora Barbie off of the corner when the teaser period on the neg-am, i/o, payment-option loan ends and the LIBOR indexed rate kicks in. Those balloon payments can be a real PITA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlpineK Posted March 29, 2006 Share Posted March 29, 2006 Sounds like the Ballard Barbie comes without a sense of humor. Hahahaha. I was just thinking that the defensive point-by-point rebuttal, complete with the "Organic Gardening and Tele Skiing" Ken Doll had to be the only part of this thread that really, really screamed "Seattle." Hahahahahahaha. Good stuff. I'd say that both you and Marylou are wrong. I work for a lot of people who fit at least some aspects of the Seattle Barbie description. I know it's all stereotypes, but those are the stereotypes you'd see on TV. Besides this is Barbie we're talking about; they don't make too many ugly, poor, or disturbing dolls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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