boyfs and gfs who don't climb

[CuriousMe]

Anybody out there have a significant other who does NOT climb? Did you try to bring them "in" and they didn't quite like it that much? How do/did you handle this? What if my partner prefers bars to walls, and likes mac'ing on other people more than watching my ass while belaying me? Should I be concerned about this? Don't get me wrong, I like this person, but sometimes I wonder if this can really last. And don't worry, I'm not going really DO anything as a result of what's posted here, so save any lectures on getting this kind of advice from this forum for some other thread. I'm just curious if anyone else has gone through something similar.

[layton]

if it's your girlfriend she tell ask you if you like climbing more than her, if it's your boyfriend then he is obviously gay.

[swaterfall]

if it's your boyfriend then he is obviously gay.

 

true

 

[Greg_W]

won't last, they won't understand...dumpthatbitch...

[scott_harpell]

play together and stay together.

[wally]

I couldnt drag my girl up a mountain, but she is glad to let me go. She gets a little nervous when someone kicks it on a hill, but she knows it is what I like to do so she is cool with it.

[Dru]

sheep can climb?

[layton]

and they LOVE my urine!

[chelle]

I think it's funny you guys all assume that curiousme is a guy. The obvious lack of gender reference is interesting. A couple of us were just commenting the other day that it's about time for another "relationships suck thread."

 

And yep...they do. Way too much work. Fly solo. It's a lot less complicated.

[Dru]

I think it's funny you guys all assume that curiousme is a guy. The obvious lack of gender reference is interesting. A couple of us were just commenting the other day that it's about time for another "relationships suck thread."

 

And yep...they do. Way too much work. Fly solo. It's a lot less complicated.

 

i was assuming curiousme is a gal. the sheep comment was directed at layton.

[ivan]

SO who also climb can be a pain in the ass

+

SO who don't climb are a pain in the ass

=

SO are a pain in the ass regardless

 

pick your priorities and do what comes naturally...i advise drinking heavily whenever relationship arguments come up...tends to mellow everything out...blacktar heroin works well too

[CuriousMe]

Drinking is a good idea.

 

I think the biggest thing that sucks about this is we can't hang out on the weekends (except during bad weather - see bitch about the weather thread) and we're both probably eyeing people in our repsective playgrounds, especially my partner (easier in a bar). They've taken flirting to a sport level, fer shizzle. Their thought="could I bag that...hot shit?" & my thought="could I bag that...summit?"...or "look at that hottie on the other route, anyone got binocs?"

 

Oh wait, time for another drink...

 

I wouldn't mind hearing from more people who have partners who don't climb, and it all works, and how you make it work. I tend to agree with "play together stay together," but if there's a way you keep it together, I'd like to hear it.

[layton]

My girlfriend of 4 years didn't climb. I loved her and still do (sniff), but lets face it, to climb you gotta take advantage of weekends and weather. Then once, PNW t.v. and radio stations announced I was dead. Then I moved to vegas to climb more. Then I almost died and broke both feet all within three months. By the end of the 4th year, I felt so guilty that I dumped her for her own good. My friends had a nickname for my g-friend behind my back, "the saint." I just felt so bad leaving her in the dirt while I had fun climbing.

 

Flipside:

 

she could'a made some friends or done something she was passionate about too. most successful climber/non-climber relationship involve the non-climbing party (i.e. the girl) being way into something and having a social life outside of you.

 

That's why I started that thread in spray. Shit, I'd date a single climbing girl in a second to aviod that whole mess all over again. I think I don't ask girls out anymore b/c I know I'll just leave them for climbing. Lonely life though.

[ivan]

awww, mikey, dru loves you!

[sk]

Muffin's .02$

 

it realy doesn't matter if your SO climbs or not. If they do climb but are an ass HOLE than it still wont last. what counts is that you are with someone who adores you. EVEN if that means you spend every nice weekend not with them. relationships are challenging. and finding someone who is confident and stoked enough about there own life that they don't need you to fill it is hard, because then you have to MAKE time for one another. you get out of a relationship what you put into it and what you put into yourself. I guess from my perspective, the relationships that I have seen work are the ones where on person can say " I need" and the other person actualy wants to, and follows threw with doing that thing.

 

I know a cupple that I respect deeply, they are not a "normal" cupple but they have been making it work their way for 13 years... he says "Happy wife, Happy life", when she askes some thing of him, he sets out to do it in the best way he can and brings home results, and she has never once batted and eye at his goals and ambitions. she suports in any way she can. they are verry diffrent form oneanother, the do diffrent things have diffrent hobbies, but they are one of the two happiest cupples I know. as for the other side the people who enjoy similure hobbies side, go to the oregon cascades section and read some of timmys TR's

[chirp]

muffy

[Blakej]

Gotta agree my girl wouldn't get on a rope if I put a gun to her head(though I still have hopes of turning her) but she completely supports it and she's a kick ass skier so theres still hope for ski mountaineering and time togather in the mountains which makes for a mutual passion.

[CuriousMe]

This person has followed me out into the mountains: rock, alpine, and skiing. Unfortunately there were "enjoyment problems" all around. They DO it, it's just not nearly as fun for them as it is for me, so I end up babysitting a bit. (suck!) Then I start to get frustrated with them and MYSELF for even getting frustrated - must remind myself how cool a person they are in "real" life (like mikey's "saint"). I guess I just need to forget about them even joining in and start making a bigger effort to get out on my own. I've been getting lazy, and that's the BIGGEST problem here. I'm soooooo much more motivated when my SO plays outside too.

[Matt_Anderson]

Married since 9/21/02, with her since 12/2/96. She used to climb, but is way risk adverse and really only did it b/c it was more time w/me and it made me happy. It rarely made her happy.

 

We went through a long period of figuring out priorities.

 

When I started the relationship I would have called you crazy if you told me how it would work out. Like everybody else, I faced the inevitable “Do you love climbing more than me?” Quite frankly, there were times where I did put it at a higher priority. I remember thinking that anyone who didn’t allow me to follow my passion for climbing in an unfettered way didn’t accept me as a person because it was such a big part of my life. The relationship grew and I figured out that our relationship is more important than climbing and have adjusted my schedule accordingly. I’m happier and better off because of it.

 

It is convenient to have a relationship where the SO wants to do everything that you want to do when you want to do it (and vice versa). IMHO, that may limit your growth in the long run. Having different priorities outside of each other allows you to examine exactly how important the relationship is to each other. I’ve seen a number of relationships where both parties were elated to find that they had the exact same passion. It enables a quick bond and wonderful synergy. That mutual passion can also be mistaken for a true commitment to each other.

 

Over time, everyone figures out if they share that commitment. Those that don’t, break up. Those that do, (and have the other skills need to keep the relationship,) last.

 

‘Course, if her passion was mac’in on others, that would drive me crazy. Doubly so if I was away climbing a lot. I can’t imagine anything that would make it harder to survive the inevitable hard times that will come in any relationship.

[layton]

How a girlfriend that climbs, but isn't into alpine. MFer.

 

Dude, that's just a given.

[arlen]

Having a SO that loves climbing is fantastic if your relationship is mostly about climbing. If not, it's not really all that important. IMHO it's a little more about finding someone who can enjoy themselves when you're out and about without them.

[minx]

My girlfriend of 4 years didn't climb. I loved her and still do (sniff), but lets face it, to climb you gotta take advantage of weekends and weather. Then once, PNW t.v. and radio stations announced I was dead. Then I moved to vegas to climb more. Then I almost died and broke both feet all within three months. By the end of the 4th year, I felt so guilty that I dumped her for her own good. My friends had a nickname for my g-friend behind my back, "the saint." I just felt so bad leaving her in the dirt while I had fun climbing.

 

Flipside:

 

she could'a made some friends or done something she was passionate about too. most successful climber/non-climber relationship involve the non-climbing party (i.e. the girl) being way into something and having a social life outside of you.

 

That's why I started that thread in spray. Shit, I'd date a single climbing girl in a second to aviod that whole mess all over again. I think I don't ask girls out anymore b/c I know I'll just leave them for climbing. Lonely life though.

 

michael makes the most important point here so far. s/he can find something else that they are passionate about. just b/c you're out climbing on the w/e doesn't spell doom for the relationship.

 

chelle may have a good point though

[fenderfour]

I'm no relationship therapist, but I don't think your problem is with a non-climbing SO. It sounds to me like your SO is more interested in playing the field than playing in your field. Even if you drop climbing all together, your SO will still be looking to "Bag that hottie".

 

Disclaimer: I'm not saying anyone is a bad person here. All I know is what you wrote in your posts, and you aren't really painting a pretty picture.

[buterFly]

there have been a few threads related to the topic of climbing and relationships lately. must be the season...

 

it seems that the men whine a lot about not having a girlfriend that enjoys climbing. i know many hot single women who love a long alpine multi-pitch. why do you guys keep asking the city girls out instead of asking one of us out?

[ryland_moore]

Just made my SO my fiance after 4 years of dating. She will climb at Smith and the Callahans, but would never catch her up in the alpine of on ice. This is fine. We share some interests but not all interests. We have things that bring us together, but most importantly we have things we do separately that allows us to have things we can put our own energy into without our SO. This really works well for us. I agree with Muffy though. If the guy is a Dick, then you can't help that. If he's serious then maybe he wouldn't need to stare at another girls ass at a bar so much.