fart machine

[lummox]

in my exhaustive research nothing brings on powerful and enjoyably cramp free farts like hummus.

[snugtop]

"exhaustive" research -- good one!

[iain]

If you want to go thermonuclear, try a big bowl of "Good Friends" cereal by Kashi, followed by a cup of coffee.

[lummox]

If you want to go thermonuclear, try a big bowl of "Good Friends" cereal by Kashi, followed by a cup of coffee.

no garlicky stench though.

[iain]

and eating "Good Friends" means you'll be shitting bonsai trees.

[ken4ord]

Roasted garlic cloves, now that's da shit, for extreme gassing.

[Greg_W]

cheese quesadillas with liberal amounts of Tabasco.

[bDubyaH]

that Fantastic hippy shit sloppy joe mix. small children will perish in the fumes!

[bunglehead]

A jar of KIM CHI

[Dru]

[wdietsch]

Many moons ago I did the Washington-Ellinor traverse with my brother and a friend of his (Ron)who was in a "non red meat" phase of his life. On our drive to the trailhead we stopped for breakfast and Ron orders up some "Clam Pancakes". Need I say more ..... best part was in the afternoon as the weather went to shit on us, Ron puts on his fancy new (at the time) Gore-Tex bibs (first generation)which didn't breath worth shit ... and Ron spent the rest of the day "smelling himself".

 

[ken4ord]

Oh yeah that shit will do it. Also TVP (texturized vegitable protein), that stuff packs a punch. It sort makes your asshole feel like a wind tunnel.

[Alpinfox]

TVP (texturized vegitable protein), that stuff packs a punch. It sort makes your asshole feel like a wind tunnel.

 

"MMMmmm.... that sure tasted good!" My two partners were cold, tired, and incredibly hungry after lugging tons of crap up a never-ending slope in the Alaska range, and a huge bowl of TVP chili seemed to be just the thing to rejuvenate us. And it was. Sitting under the clear blue sky and the intense sun with our bellies full of warm food, we were happy climbers. Over the next couple of hours however, building lenticular clouds and increasing winds belied a brewing storm while curious gurgles, twists, and bloating foretold an equally ferocious storm brewing in our bellies.

 

As the sun set, the temperature dropped 20 degrees almost immediately and the wind kicked up to 40-50 miles/hour forcing the three of us to cram into our undersized tent for shelter. It was then that the second storm struck, even more powerful and ominous than the first. The gusts of foul winds from this gastronomic maelstrom had an odd, almost corrosive smell and came with incredible frequency. While the storm outside shook our tent like a giant two year old guessing the contents of a birthday present, the other storm forced us to keep the tent door fully open to prevent asphyxiation and fistfights. Fortunately, after the first 18 hours of calls for mercy from the brown smog, our olfactory bulbs became seared to the point of relative insensitivity and we were able to zip up the tent, thereby saving us from the swirling, freezing winds outside and possible frostbite. However, for the next two and half days, the storm, both internal and external, raged, forcing us to endure an unexpected and particularly torturous hell. When the sky, and our stomachs, finally cleared, we continued on up the mountain, but not before discarding our remaining rations of TVP chili. We would be satisfied with our mac and cheese or cheese and mac or, for variety, cheese and cheese and mac for the rest of the trip.

 

Since returning from that trip, I read an article stating that the human body does not digest fats and proteins as well at altitude as it does at sea level. My personal research corroborates this. Vegetarian mountaineers are at a disadvantage when looking for protein-rich, lightweight, easy-to-prepare meals, but my advice is, for the love of all that is holy! DO NOT EAT TVP AT ALTITUDE!"

[Squid]

 

Friendship depends on a good fartsack.

[Mal_Con]

Worst was on a canoe trip when fish stopped biting. All that was left wad Falafel, Hummis and Tofu. The pain excruciating the only up side was to paddle to the middle of the lake in a full gale. It was truly a mighty wind.

[Double_E]

Trader Joe's frozen gyoza (a.k.a. potstickers)

trust me... you don't wanna go there.

[EWolfe]

Trader Joe's frozen gyoza (a.k.a. potstickers)

 

Bu they are SO good!