Now this sounds embarrassing!

[Doug]

Phil,

What was that picture? Some sort of Rorsach test?

[admin]

LOL!!! dude that is freaking nasty, but so hilarious

Here's my poop story....I went on a hike down in yosemite and borowed one of my coworkers packs for my trip. The trip was great, but on the way back there was some major churnage going on downstairs. No TP was to be had, and i knew that this one was going to be way to sloopy to use the normal rock or leaf to clean up after so I sacrificed my bandana to cleanse the remnants... Isn't this story great?

Anyhow, I placed the shatty bandana in one of the exterior water bottle holder pockets at the base of the pack, and finished my hike out. Unpacked my 'shit', PUN, and gave back the pack.

So a few weeks later I was getting ready for another trip, and for the life of me I couldn't find my trusty bandana. Thats because it was still in the pocket of brutha mans pack.

The covert op to recovery the rag was quite nasty, but not as nasty as the rag itself. Poop just makes trips that much more epic you know!

[philfort]

quote:

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Originally posted by Doug:

Phil,

What was that picture? Some sort of Rorsach test?

---

The link is still there for you to click on.

King of Freshies: great shit story!

Here's another. It was probably two or three summers ago, I went up alone to climb the south gully on Guye Peak. All the previous week I'd been having intestinal problems. I thought they'd cleared up. Guess not.

On the descent, as I was scrambling down a 3rd class section, suddenly, I needed to go - NOW! So I made a big pile of mush in the middle of the gully. There wasn't any place to hide it, nor any convenient rocks to cover, so I just left it there.

I guess it's not that good a story, but that's a popular scramble, I wonder if anyone saw my mess in the days that followed.

[admin]

i'll try to find some pics of my story, stay tuned

[Dwayner]

Hey pope! Was the J-Tree pants-crapper that uncircumcized guy from Ellensburg? Just wonderin'.

[ 01-18-2002: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

[rbw1966]

And you know the status of his foreskin how?

You guys are a fascinating study.

Rob

[Dru]

What about constipation stories? The turtles head comes out to look around but the turtle will not leave the shell... the turtle is encouraged, first with a little poke from a TP-clad finger - then a few fingers... then a whole hand - then the Leatherman pliers come out, and the poor victim tries to remember what he saw in "Savage Love" about methods of relaxing the sphincter to allow large objects to pass through

My story is about "flaming ring". One time up in Northern BC I made some chili for dinner and dumped in a whole jar of cayenne by mistake. The next day I was hiking around and pinched a loaf. Damn it burned like hellfire! Wiped, continued hiking, still burned .... getting hotter... got some more bush tickets, wiped again, still burning, TP caught on fire so I took off my pants and ginch and waded into a nearby river.... that helped a bit but then the river started to dry up from the heat, so I ended up going for a pants-off butt glissade ona handy snowbank to freeze the ring into numbness. AAAAHHHH! at last relief!

[ 01-18-2002: Message edited by: Dru ]

[erik]

we were backpacking like 7 or 8 yrs ago and i am with these two cousins....(i know i know) but one guy is eating sunflower seeds and swallowing the shells....later that night after dinner he goes for the grump and he starts whining, he calls his cousin over and explains the situation....some of the sunflower shells have caught in his p-ass-age and seem to be cutting things up a bit....at this point i go to bed and his cousin spends part of the nite with swiss army tweezers playing operation, trying to remove pieces of shell from the neither region....ouch!

[Heinouscling]

You're one strange dude, Dru. No wonder Lisa moved out.

-Heinous

[Dru]

Lisa had to go home to her husband

[Heinouscling]

quote:

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Originally posted by Dru:

Lisa had to go home to her husband

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Dang husbands. They are always getting in the way.

-Heinous

[fern]

two things to avoid:

1) all you can eat buffet at Circus-Circus2) chimney on the 3rd pitch of Jubilant Song

[erik]

okay okay i got another one, but it is a bit worse....so the squeemish should not read further

i've been to canada

[Bronco]

quote:

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Originally posted by W:

Here's a another gem:my old friend Ken Davies tells of climbing up the Emmons one night. A woman in his large group has to do #2 in the middle of the climb. She goes off to the side in the darkness and everyone respectfully looks away. Two climbing teams approach side by side. Ken says to them "hey everyone, there's a lady going to the bathroom over here so be polite and don't shine your headlamps over there please". Ken tells it like this: "(laughing)..So of course what do they do? All seven or eight of them look over simultaneously and their headlamp beams converge right on her ass, and here's this nine inch banana comin' out !" The woman was of course mortified.

---

OH MAN. I just had everybody in my office look in my door to see what I was howling about.

I was on a RMI climb a couple of years ago on Rainier while trying to sleep in the shack when everbody was farting away. I was not wanting to appear immature I kept my giggles stiffled. But, the next early AM a lady on a rope team had to crap shortly after leaving Muir so our anonomous guide who has a reputation for being stern. "sarge" solemly orders everybody to turn away. this lady drops her drawers and rips a nasty blaster which was too much for me to handle. I give a muffeled laugh and pretty soon everybody else is yucking it up with the loudest being the guide. Har har har.

[Matt_Anderson]

Friend-0-Mine was camping on the Olympic Peninsula when a couple of local dogs came over. Friendly and Kissy as can be. He and his wife hung out with the animals all evening.

Next morning he got up for the morning constitutional, walked to the woods, dropped Trau and bent over. Quickly noticed that nothing that left his rear was hitting the ground.

He hates those dogs now.

[ScottP]

quote:

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Originally posted by Matt Anderson:

Friend-0-Mine was camping on the Olympic Peninsula when a couple of local dogs came over. Friendly and Kissy as can be. He and his wife hung out with the animals all evening. Next morning he got up for the morning constitutional, walked to the woods, dropped Trau and bent over. Quickly noticed that nothing that left his rear was hitting the ground. He hates those dogs now.

---

Used to have a dog named Gracie. Good, smart dog.On a hike up to the Upper Wall at Index, I took a detour to do some logging. Being a good boy scout, I buried the slash. Back on the trail Gracie did her usual bush-wacking. Stopping for a drink of water, I called Gracie. She came bounding up the trail and gave me her customary lick on the hand as a greeting. Bringing the water bottle up to my lips, I got a hefty whiff of the scrunch I had just left in a hole a couple hundred yards back.I lost some respect for the bitch that day.

[allthumbs]

quote:

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Originally posted by Dru:

What about constipation stories? The turtles head comes out to look around but the turtle will not leave the shell... the turtle is encouraged, first with a little poke from a TP-clad finger - then a few fingers... then a whole hand - then the Leatherman pliers come out, and the poor victim tries to remember what he saw in "Savage Love" about methods of relaxing the sphincter to allow large objects to pass through

[ 01-18-2002: Message edited by: Dru ]

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...this is a Canadian turd (turtlehead). They like to double-up on everything. Dru, the color and texture are very good; see you've been getting plenty of fiber. hehehe

[ 01-20-2002: Message edited by: trask ]

[freeclimb9]

One of the first years I lived in Tucson, I was at a friends house helping to roast Farmer John chiles and can Jalapenos. I'd been handling a lot of the 'penos when the beer drinking caught up to me. I washed my hands with dish-soap first, but apparently didn't get all the hot-stuff off. A few minutes after peeing, a mild tingling sensation began. It soon grew to full-on burning, and had me running to the pool for some relief. I had welts on my pecker. Never a good sign.

[pope]

While some of the stories from the Cirque Expedition are pregnant with unverified "facts" and anecdotes that border on fantasy, other episodes are based entirely in reality. I worked several summers for a community college climbing school that had a Rainier class, which culminated in a summit attempt for the students. I brought along a friend to help with the rope work one weekend, in what was to be his first Rainier climb. Apparently I forgot to explain to him how the blue bags work, and that shitting out in the elements, regardless of what sort of storm is brewing, is par for the course. While I was out gathering snow to melt for drinking water, I heard an alarming, "Oh no!" from inside the tent. Turns out my buddy had tried to crap into a blue bag by straddling it....and missed! The elusive turd had splashed down on my sleeping pad.

I kicked his butt out of the tent and made him thoroughly clean it in the snow. Then he moved into our neighbor's tent, and our neighbor (Donna Top-Step) moved in with me. And you guys thought the Cirque stories were just a bunch of crap!

[Dan_Harris]

Once while backpacking, my brother in law and I stopped for lunch and I went over to some rocks to void my bladder. As the pressure was being relieved I heard the heart stopping sound of a rattler. I looked down to see that I was peeing on it. I jumped back, now having lost all bladder control, pee going everywhere Once I was now safely away from the snake, my bladder was empty, my manhood hanging out for all to see, and my brother in law was rolling on the ground with laughter. It is said that it is better to be pissed off than pissed on. Well that ole rattler was both.

[Charlie]

Last winter, while in jtree- I was belaying a friend when I was overwelmed with the urge. I clenched my cheeks waiting for him to reach the belay. Finally, I ran around the corner, dropped my harness and pants, and began to let loose from both ends. Relieved, I pulled myself together and tied in. I got about 1/4 up the pitch when I reached around to chalk up- to my horror, my chalk bag was filled to the rim with urine!

[RURP]

This is RURP!

Is this discussion only about people crapping while climbing? Or is it all about climbers crapping, because if the latter is true, then I know lots of people who have probably moved their bowels in the last 24 hours and they can offer some detailed descriptions. And now I see that "peeing" has joined this wonderful topic. O.K.! Now I can talk! My name is RURP, I am a climber, and I pee'd several times today. Clear and copius because I drink so much water today! And yes, I have even pee'd outdoors while climbing! Anybody else got some more of this good stuff?

RURP has spoken.

[W]

Oh, come on RURP, give us one of the many big wall dump stories we know you are withholding. We really care!

[Dru]

quote:

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Originally posted by trask:

...this is a Canadian turd (turtlehead). They like to double-up on everything. Dru, the color and texture are very good; see you've been getting plenty of fiber. hehehe

[ 01-20-2002: Message edited by: trask ]

---

it wasnt me. im not gonna name names and say who it was. he did throw his leatherman away afterwards though, and walked bow-legged for two weeks.

[pope]

This has nothing to do with climbing.....well, I suppose I'm a climber, and it's an episode from my experiences. Last summer, after depriving myself of adequate sleep for several nights, I walked over to lecture one morning after a visit to the coffee bar. I usually entered the building from the main/west entrance, but this day I entered the lecture hall by the back/east entrance. After entering, I immediately recognized that I was in the hall where the first-floor restrooms are found. Having just patronized the coffee bar, I felt the urge to tap a kidney, and I entered the first of the two restrooms (the men's room, as I recalled, was the first door you would come to). The doors were propped open for ventilation since the custodian had just cleaned the floor, and so I didn't see any door signs that might have prevented what happened next.

I remember the custodian looking at me kind of funny as I walked in, but I didn't think anything of it. I kicked out the door stop, closed the door, and entered the first stall. Soon I heard a lady say, "Oh, good morning Professor So-and-So." Then the door opened and I heard the unmistakable sound of high heels noisily clacking across the tile floor. Then the door of the stall next to mine opened, then shut, and I saw the shoes, and I smelled the perfume, and then the sound of ....was it woman or a horse pissing in that stall?

I was horrified. But, she departed, and I made my move for the door. Fortunately, nobody saw me exit. That event woke me up the way a cup of Java never could!