layton

Mr. Rodgers is dead, elmo is gay, marry popins was a crack whore, and Neco can say what he wants.

Back of Beyond Buttress! My favorite rockclimb ever. ****!

Got around the lake in my wheelchair yesterday and then i got drunk. Now it is today.

Sorry, I ran out of pain meds and was grumpy. Cheers, -Mike

Q:How do you make a woman cum twice? A:Who fucking cares.

Look in the summit register on the 9/11 tradgedy. You'll see my name. Also, look a few days or weeks before that. There is either a funny, or scary entry about a guy that came up there to kill himself, then the following entries of folks trying to find the jumper. Good drama on the mtn.

First of all your an arrogant idiot. It's not like we're doing 1st ascents on these routes! The more info the better chance of success. Fuck all that adventure bullshit for the approach. What you need for a successful climb are good directions to the climb, a good description of what the climb looks like and what features it follows, and a friggin' photo of the climb with a line drawn over it. No one ever said they needed a move by move description, but if you can't find the goddamn climb cuz the author has his head shoved up his ass, then that's not an adventure, that's bullshit. A lot of the complaints aren't b/c the climbers aren't using their heads, there's just nothing to go on. You need ESP to figure out where the hell some of the climbs are supposed to be. Red rocks isn't in the middle of nowhere where routes get seldom done like here in the PNW. The long "adventure climbs" are 1/2 hour from a major city with 1,000s of people climbing there every day! Also, there are millions of climbs in the world. Lets say you wanna do one so you go your way and wind up a loose rotten climb with only one good 10b pitch or something and the rest is all 5.2. With a good guide you can see this from the topo. Now you can pick a climb that has lots of good pitches and will wind up seeming like just as an adventure anways. There are too many climbs to waste time on with soo many good ones out there. With a good guide, you can pick you route much better. I lived in redrocks and climbed a shitload of long routes there, and a handfull of sport routes and get just as pissed as the one time visitors when the photo of their climb was taken from a hotel window, or no info at all is described as to what the start of climb looks like or where it is. Better yet, his descent info can get you killed since he is just dead WRONG sometimes. Instead of "descend down left" he'll fill in the description with shit like, "you'll be singing the blues on this one" or some dumb as comment. Swain blows. As for sport climb guidebooks...they gotta find their climbs too. They should be the most useful of all guidebooks since there are so many climbs packed into a small space. Obscure guidbooks: Yeah, Budro's WA pass guidebooks is really stupid, BUT it did have some climbs not listed elsewhere until recently. City of Rocks suck pretty bad (except for the tiny little classic climbs by chockstone).

I remember that traverse! I found a placement for the 2nd. As I recall it was way low near my feet on the traverse (a green jr?). Anyway that was 4 years ago and it caused a SHITLOAD of ropedrag. I was scared. Tell your buddy to come over and I'll open picklejars for him if he'll push my ass on the wheelchair.

So how many people have I got in trouble w/my Autosig? I prefer skim milf myself. A tall cool glass....w/ a hummer of course...under the bleachers during soccer practice breath still sweet from the Latte.

Since I have nothin' better to do than read the damn things, what are the Best and Worst guidebooks for a Major area (so we know what the hell your talkin about)? Absolute Best-winner Kevin Mclane or Joe Joe 3 way tie for Squamish and SW BC Select or Waterfall ice. Squamish is good b/c of the printing quality, photos instead of topos, and relevant beta. also squamish kicks ass. SW BC has the same going for it, but a little more innaccuracies but the amazing photos and routes make up for it. I like the approach sections w/photos too. Good work KEvin. But Joe Joe ties it also b/c of the shear enormity of his book and I haven't cursed him once while route finding or approaching. Something to be said for that. Awesome photos, could use more though. Worst: No questions, Red Rocks by Todd Swain. Horrid photos or lack thereof, something that is easily fixed. He has glaring misinformation or lack thereof. The worst part is after 3 or 4 revisions, he hasn't fixed any of his previous errors! Bound shit.

After listin' to a strung out girl freakishly talk about jesus,satan,life,love,the earth, blah blah blah in some meth induced lunacy, I headed out from in front of Stuarts after my "morning" coffee. I rented a wheelchair since both feet are broken and I'm suck of only being able to crutch one or two blocks. I armed my chair with my anti-aircraft guns (stapped my cruches on the arm rests) in case I had to drag my chair behind me on crutches on rought trail like I did when I tried to do a loop around lake Padden, or when I flew out of controll onto the wet grass. Anyway I armed myself w/bike gloves after a short stop at Kulshun Cycle and took off down Chestnut/Roeder Dr. I tried to controll me speed as I zipped down the long slope towards G.P. My chair hit it's dissonant frequency and shuddered and shaked violently. Top speed around 5-7 mph before it starts to rumble. I visited the Coast Guard Station and the Marine Life Center after fighting with a very pesky bump in the middle of the sidewalk. I should sue! With my shirt off and shorts on I soaked up the sun and wind of the coast, watching boats, people, seagulls, and waves go by on my not-so 4wd shit box chair. An hour later I was at Zurmich Point, the historic site where our banished comprade Necronomicon was married in a Universal Church of Life ceremony as no holy sacrament would get near the fucker. A cool breeze dried the tears of that nostaligic moment and I did circles on the grass and read a little Lonesome Dove. Two hours and two sore arms later, I have raced to the B'ham Public Library to chestbeat and spray about my cliffhanger of a journey. All regail in my glory and conquest.

In addition, any of you who are coming, please bring me your unfinished vicodin, percocets, hydrocodine, etc. I haven't had a pain killier in 2 weeks (cept for alcohol and sleeping pills). I'm also up for hittin the bars everday of the week w/pretty much anyone. 360-756-6927

I'm back if anyone wants to get wasted. Someone who knows my #, give me a call as to when and where. I am free anytime due to my lack of mobility.

I may be back on tuesday evening. My surgery was a success I guess? I am in total constant pain and am now confined to a wheelchair. Fucking pins!

I need someone to drive me and my truck from Vegas to B'ham or within 5 hours of B'ham after the 13th. I'll go so far as to pay for gas the whole way. Need a ride? If not, please stay off I15, I84, I82, and I5 as I attempt to drive myself w/my trecking poles. Yeee fuckin haw!

Thanks for replyin'!!! That's good news, I'm icing at least 12+ hours a day and taking my prescribed 2400mg of IBU daily. Surgery in 5 days, and I'm bringing my camera. Can we webcast it?

Thanks for the support y'all. I've been watching a lot of TV and drinking lots o' . As soon as I get a ride to the library or bookstore, I'm gonna try and learn French and/or Spanish through a book or tape. Unfortunately my guitar is at Necro's house. No pool table, but we've got a weight room and a ping-pong table. Ping pong is way out, however. I gotta wait till I can exercise since my arm, neck, and back still hurt. Good call on the bad karma. A few weeks earlier Matt anderson and I were hiking in to climb the Fox and I looked up and saw it the first time. So I naturally said, "Sweet Jesus!" As it turns out, some dude up hiking nearby and asked me if I was looking for Jesus in a real brainwashed "I'm a big freak" sorta tone after he mistook my exclamation of awe for the rockclimb for some pathetic cry for salvation. Anyway...I told him, "No I'm not looking for Jesus, I found him in a bag of Orange Sunshine years ago." I broke my foot in almost the same spot I said that. Thanks Jesus.

50 feet into a moat on shucksun, unroped. Landed on my back. Hurt my knee, crawled and walked out. Fell 10' onto an icescrew that Gene Pires told me not to put in. 20 feet (not too far) with my 1st climb ever w/Necro about 4 years ago. Landed upsidedown on a #1 nut. Necro found his partner. 15' onto my back and feet friday. Broke both feet.

I was downclimbing the last bit of the Fox in Redrocks since my ropes didn't quite reach after toprope-soloing it and slipped. I fell 15 feet, bounced off my back (which is slightly fucked) and landed on my lovely unpadded rockshoes. I broke my right foot (4 metatarsals) and could see the bones pushing up under the skin. (puke). My left foot hurt too and I couldn't put much weight on it either (1 broken metatarsal). I crawled out on my hands and knees down the rocky slope for about 90-120 minutes through the quickest way (through cactuses and scrub oak) and cut the shit out of my arms and legs. Then I dragged myself down the trail for another hour until someone spotted me about 75 yds from the car and called in the rescue which I yelled at him not to do. Instead of giving me a walking stick, 20 SARS backboared me to an ambulance after waving off the helicopter that landed next to me. Then in the ambulance a newbie got to put in my I.V. for the 1st time and magaged to get it in, but the he turned around and walked into the hose going from my vein to the bag. The needle didn't rip out cuz I grabbed him by the shirt and told him not to make another fucking move. They rushed me to the wrong hospital (there's one 3 blocks from my house) far far away from home and there were no beds so they stuck me in the hallway for 3 hours still on the backboard to stare at the ceiling. Oh, did I mention they forgot to pad the backboard? Ok, so after 3 hours on an unpadded backboard, your broken feet strapped tightly to the board start to hurt just a bit more, and the occipital protruberance on your skull kinda aches. You smashed back cramps up just a wee bit. Finally some off duty doc saw my agony and cleared my spine so I could get of the board. Oh wait, before all this. I had to take a piss really bad. So the paramedic who had to wait for me to be admitted gets a pee bottle and holds up a sheet to hide me pissing. Pissing into a bottle on your back strapped in really good is not easy so I grabbed some excess blanked she was holding and used it to collect all the spillage going on. When I was done she split and left me with a urine soaked blanked to keep me warm. I had to use it cuz I was shivering from cold and shock. I finally got moved to a bed and was left there for 3 more hours. Until the x-ray guys wheeled me in and took photos. They said I was, "fucked". 2 hours later a nurse came by and gave me 2 codine tablets. My 1st painkiller since my fall. I wanted more. My feet were puffing up like a sausage left on some forgotten tube-stuffer set on extra-plump. Finally Andrew (the guy whose foot got smashed on the Cloud Tower TR-ironic) and Jason Martin show up with sodas and burritos. Jason, the intellectaul writter, brings me Newsweek. Maxim and Weekly World News wan't coming. Andrew stays a bit longer to witness a true scream as the RN pulls quick hard traction on my toes. It's now midnight, some dude wraps my feet in an ace wrap and puts a splint on my right foot. He tells me my metatarsals are broken....really, no shit I think. Another hours passes and I get my I.V. pulled and am told to go home. I get a the number of a surgeon. This was friday. The surgeon can be reached on Monday (today). I get a prescrition for codine and ibu. The hospital pharmacy closed for an hour right after I got there. Fuck. I never saw a doctor, and no one ever once gave me ICE for my feet (which were never elevated). Even after I asked, and Andrew asked...no fucking ice. I got let go from my job today, but I saw the surgeon. My feet were too puffy to get surgery today, so I gotta wait a week from tuesday (tomorrow) for surgery on both feet. Relocation, reductions, and pins pins pins. I wonder if they are B.D. or Charlet pins? Maybe Ushba? I got a bag of frozen peas on my left, and a bag of frozen corn on my right. I guess when this is over, I can have some fuckin kick-ass succulant suckitash, assuming I progress to lima-beans and carrots. I'm going up to Bellingham when I can drive. Hopefully in two weeks. Nobody climb shit till I get better, although I already got about 300 pitches in since the 1st of the year. I've been skippin' the codine and taking my ibu, ice, and lots and lots and lots of See you guys soon hopefully.

Just broke 4 metarsals on my right foot and one on my left. I'm getting surgery to have them reset and pins put in next week. Anyone broken these bones before? All I wanna know is how fucked am I, or when can I put on my rockshoes and climb some shit besides the tooth. also, any estimates on driving abitilty? How long before I can leave this shitty town Las Vegas and get back to B'ham in my manual truck?

What's up w/N.Face of N.Peak of Index in winter being overrated? Just curious.

No avy danger here, but the hottub whore party danger is exteme. I've already got two dead ones stuffed under the mattress!

The 1st crux is definitely 12- w/no loose blocks (you don't rap the route), and the 2nd crux is 11+ (maybe solid 11). End of discussion. The whole point was the story about Andrew's foot epic. Bug's story is better anyways.

Last Year's TR