Raindawg

Awesome! Probably the funniest thing I've ever seen out of this JayB guy. "Hey chicas! Could's you give this disaffectamatated 'Merican a big hug?...No?...Then how about a drink? We can talk politics!"...No?...uh, you got change for a dollar...I want to call home." "It's 2006 and my professor told me that the '60's were a Golden Age and that they did really cool stuff like get naked, play the tambourine and listen to Jim Morrison really loud! I will forever blame my parents that I missed out on all of the BIG FUN!" Cuz it must have been just like this....EVERY DAY!: You want to know how to get the pseudo-intellectual Euro-babes really excited? Sew a Canadian flag on your filthy backpack and then tell them that you're an American embarrassed of your own government. You'll have to fight to keep your clothes on! The true test of success? They'll let you shave their hairy armpits, while they're awake! Tell them it's part of an international protest campaign to fight government sponsored priapism. They won't know what it means but it sure sound im'potent! And don't forget to wear that goofy rasta-hat and a Che Guevara T-shirt while asking directions to the nearest organic free-trade rice co-op. It's a great icebreaker in Nordic countries!

Agreed.

Yah, and don't forget to look at his "Alpine News" page where you can find a prominently displayed link to that goofy 9/11 conspiracy site: 9-11 Alpine News!

Hey 'bone! Did you ever hire "Gri-Gri the Clown" to perform at the kids birthday parties in your gym? He's been sober now for three weeks and is looking for a little work. Gri-Gri has put on a little weight but he's sportin' a new look that ought to be a crowd-pleaser and he promises not to pee in the punch bowl or crap in the chalk-bucket ever again!

O.K.! Let's wrestle!

Oh? You read that book too?

I guided professionally for several years...I never asked for, expected or accepted monetary tips. I considered myself a professional, I wasn't working for minimum wage (although the money wasn't great), and I wouldn't tip my physician, professor or dentist either. The closest I'd come to a tip was accepting invitations to dinner and beers after the work was completed with satisfaction.

Post deleted by Off_White

I suspect that Mr. Corrigan's post is a "troll" to lure out "bolt nazis" such as myself as the reaction is predictable with such naive notions. However,just in case you might be actually serious, I'll exercise CONSIDERABLE restraint with the following BRIEF comments: They don't have to be done if no one is up for it. Leave it be until you're capable. Don't dumb it down to meet your standards. How about YOU taking a road trip outta town to other places that have already been defiled and more to your liking. It's a special place, don't ruin it. Keep it clean, keep it trad. There are numerous people who will not stand for sport-bolting at Snow Creek Wall. Such "creations" will predictably and joyously suffer the same fate as Dan's Dreadful Direct on Castle Rock. Unfamiliar with that? (some of the same arguments..."the route wasn't being climbed", "too dangerous", so we'll "fix it" so it can be enjoyed by the masses, etc. ...wah, wah, wah!) As Mr. Slothrop noted, there are lots of other good trad routes on Snow Creek Wall that see only a fraction of the traffic of those two great magnets: Orbit and Outer Space. Get your guide book out and explore the challenge and beauty of that great place. P.S. Note to moderators. I didn't invite or "hijack" this one.

And you don't return your phone calls forever either. Now go get me that pro-deal on the slightly peed-on sleeping bags you promised!

ODE TO BIG LOU Lou... Half man/half sasquatch denizen of Tacoma's great white monster. Human burro of the overloaded Jan-Sport. Sir Lou....half glacier/half moraine, master of Rainier's glassy tormented slopes, yet awed, nay, humbled by its grandeur... pressure-breathing giant of the Ingraham, you had me at "rest-step". A thousand blonde monotone guides fail in imitation. Lou.....you complete me.

News update: Rumor has it that negotiations are being held to invite a VERY SPECIAL GUEST to next year's Goodtime! Boulderin' Rodeo. (Notice that an explanation point has recently been added after "Goodtime" to enhance marketing excitement.) I'm not allowed to talk about it but here are some clues: Needless to say, security will probably be tight, and given the size of His Majesty's head, we might need to arrange for a second mattress.

This whole topic is unworthy of debate. The answer lies here....if you dare! Who's Winning? And don't forget to push "play". You won't be disappointed. P.S. It's Admiral Akbar approved!

Hey Portland Ice Festival guy...do you think you can make your poster a little bigger? It only takes up 150% of my screen. Do we really get to mingle with climbers or are you just teasing us????

Anybody seens my Grigri?

Everyone is Not a winner????? au contraire!.....

FYI It's not "Pope and Dwayner's Rotten Mattressfest", it's called "Dwayner and Pope's Goodtime Boulderin' Rodeo" and it was held once again this past summer (for the third time) as an alternative event to the Leavenworth "Rockfest". The pee-stained mattress about which you speak with implied derision remains servicable and we expect that it will make another welcome appearance at next year's event. Some candid photo's from recent rodeo's: Our bouldering pad, "Mr. Plopper" (it's the mattress furthest away in the picture). A small sample of the ladies paryting at our evening event at the campground ("Dwayner and Pope's Big Wall Boogaloo"): (from left to right: Candy, Helga, Margo, Wendy ....and Lisa!) Some of the happy winners at the gear raffle. Each won a case of Skittles and a "Sport Climbing Is Neither" bumpersticker. (from left to right: Cindy, Lisa #2, Stephanie, Rachel (with her tongue out) and the elusive Donna Top-Step seen in the shadows. Previous special guests at the event included Sushi-dog: This guy, who showed up and delighted us all with random semi-philosophical stream-of-consciousness babble: (He would not tell us his name!) And "Old Ricky", who was pioneering routes in the Cascades when Fred Beckey was still peeing in his Pull-Ups! Next year's Goodtime Rodeo promises to be even BIGGER and better! Mr. T say: "Fall Rope-Up? I pity d'fool!"

Back in the day ('04), when MervGriffin was still allowed to post here, he offered the following satirical commentary about the MODERN! climber, particularly directed at self-important tough-guy blow-hards: "...Yah, man. Almost forget. WE'RE CLIMBERS! and we're wild and crazy and reckless, hard-drinking, wild-partyin', don't-mess-with-me-and-you-can-shove-your-opinion-up-your-butt-tough-talkin', hippie-van drivin', hanging out with a bone-in-the-nose girlfriend with hairy armpits, Whillians/Burgess Brothers/Vulgarian emulating, spit-in-the-face-of-the-reaper, buccaneers of the vertical frontier, matadors of the quick draw, desperados of the bouldering pad, Yee ha! and we don't care 'bout nothin cuz WE'RE CLIMBERS! So don't even suggest that what I have to say might be weak because...I'M A CLIMBER, and I'm wild and crazy and reckless, hard-drinking, wild-partyin'...." "...cuz I'm a climber!"

Nobody does that anymore. Instead, nice looking girls jump over The Burger King's head.

A fine fellow in the fitness forum poses quite the problem: His solution: buy a heavy chain and wear it as a belt to simulate weight. How about just wearing a pack? After much thought, here are my suggestions for improving your alpine excellence in the gym: Dude...carry a full rack in the gym...the babes will love the tinkling noise and the extra sweat produced will release pheremones. Don't forget the gaitors (they'll keep the gravel out of your shoes) and for added effect, wear one of those big quilted-looking down jackets, BIG LOU style. Wear one of these and make sure you the hood is firmly in place: SCENARIO: Location: Rock Starz Climbing Gym and Smoothie Bar Two sweet thangs are lacing up their li'l rock shoes on the bench near the stack of tattered climbing magazines. The Babes: Hot Babe #1: What's that tinkling noise? Are you tinkling? Hot Babe #2: I'm not tinkling, are you? Hot Babe #1: Hey! Look at that guy over there...wearing a BIG LOU style down jacket! He's climbing that route and making it look SO easy! Hot Babe #2: And what's all that stuff dangling off of him? Hot Babe #1: (giggling) Jennifer!!! I can't believe you just said that! Hot Babe #2: Eeeeeeeeee! I mean, look at that metal stuff! He's got to be either an engineer, an eccentric artist, or some sort of PROFESSIONAL! [Having finished lacing up their shoes, adjusting their jog bras and checking their make-up with a tiny little mirror, the ladies stand up to get a closer look.] Hot Babe #1: What's that smell...it's kind of like semi-cooked hamburger...but for some reason I really like it! Hot Babe #2: Oh yeah!!! I think it's coming from him!!! [the girls approach closer as you initiate a low-level traverse] Hot Babe #1: Hello! I'm Stacy! Me and Jennifer have been watching you and you're really good and we've got a few questions! YOU: Listen sweetheart...as you can see, I'm in the middle of a very important and authentic workout. Why don't you two get back to me in about an hour from now and we'll continue this fascinating conversation. [The two young ladies take a seat back on the bench, play with their cell-phones, page impatiently through some of the magazines while keeping an eye on YOU as you bust out your best moves: a sit-start to the hold shaped like a squirrel, a shorts-stretching stem between two shallow corners, and the obligatory dyno for the mono-doight. Exactly one hour later, you leave the wall, approach the seated ladies and make hand motions that indicate that you'd like them to scoot apart. As you squeeze between the two, you rip open the down parka, releasing a rush of warm stench that in the wild, would cause an entire herd of elk to rut! The entire gym looks your way. The two babes nearly fall backwards...but they're smiling and they don't know why! A group of womens next to the short free-standing bouldering pillar start fussing with their hair and moving a bit closer. Then there's those two skinny guys in the tank tops.....never mind about those guys.] Those two skinny guys as depicted in a vacation photo: A group of womens move a bit closer to check YOU out! YOU: I suppose you want to know what all this hardware is all about. Would you like me to tell you about my hardware? [The girls squeal as you give them a tour of cams, hexes, and that #6 stopper you always carry "for good luck". Both babes are clinging to your wet, sticky shoulders and are hanging on every technical description.] Hot Babe #2: I told you he was professional! Eventually, you look at your watch, stand up, and announce that you've got IMPORTANT things to do. Cryptically and ambiguously, you indicate that you might be back...maybe....in a week or so. Don't worry...they'll be there. "Can you wear that big jacket again?" one of them pleads as you walk toward the door? You pretend not to hear them. Word will get out...there will be even more...next time!

ONE MOMENT, DWAYNER WAS THERE.... THEN... DWAYNER WAS GONE!

Finally, some tangible benefits from billions of dollars of foreign aid money! That wacked-out kid reminds of the monster in the Japanese film, "Frankenstein Conquers the World": BIG LOU says: "Sign that boy up for the guide service! We could use him up on The Hill!"

Interesting notions about cleaning up the Vantage crags of "graffiti". How about cleaning up the permanently installed closely-spaced metallic graffiti found on top-ropable or clean-climable basalt columns everwhere in the vicinity? Got any solvents that will dissolve some of these?: That's all I'll say about that for the moment because they might kick me off of here for expressing such an OUTRAGEOUS viewpoint. Something else to think about: when does graffiti become vandalism vs. art or history? For example, there's some graffiti carved in the rock at the base of Air Guitar at Vantage in memory of Goran Kropp. Some might think it's a special case; others might think it's especially egregious because it is incised into the rock, and thereby not even removable with solvents or what not. Why do you assume it's the concert-goers? It could be anyone, including wayward climbers.

What's missing from this whole "discussion" is BIG LOU. Had he been there, he would have soloed the route up to the slow party, attached their rope to his sturdy belt loops, and hauled their sorry butts to the top. And for you nervous folks who got stuck behind all of this...BIG LOU would have safely guided you back to the parking lot where you could pose for pictures and have a hearty handshake. All would walk away with feeling good about themselves with a few lessons learned. Some of the lessons learned: * First come, first served. "Late start" on a weekend on Outer Space? Please.... *Carry one of those little Petzl headlamps in your pocket or wherever and you'll probably have an easier time getting down in the dark. *Lots of routes on a big piece of stone like Snow Creek..if you smell an epic looming above, there are a dozen interesting routes nearby that would enjoy your company. Question: "BIG LOU...where were you when they needed you?" Probable answer: "Bigger fish to fry on bigger mountains." The Fact Remains: BIG LOU GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN RESCUE YOU! Don't make him come and get you! 'xactly!