Dr_Flash_Amazing

Mmmmmm ... small pockets and glue-in bolts ... rrrroooowwwwrrrrr!

Hmmm ... the soon-to-be Mrs. Flash Amazing shares the same sentiment. Must be something to it ...

-- Act I, scene I -- Trask and Dr. Flash Amazing are having it out over a joke that the Doctor has told. Trask, in his typical brash fashion, has hurt the poor Doctor's feelings, but DFA, anxious to preserve their lifelong friendship, hopes to smooth things out by explaining himself. Curtain DFA (sotto voce): "But trask, the joke is supposed to be stupid!" Trask (surprised): "I see! It all makes sense to me now. Come now, lad, I'll buy you a pint!" The Doctor and Trask head for the pub, exit stage right. Curtain -- End Act I -- [ 09-11-2002, 01:20 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

Just LUTEFISK! Lutefisk - Norwegian meal made of dried fish Take some fish, preferably cod. Hang it in the sun for a month. When it's rock hard, take it down. You now have "tørrfisk", which is dried fish. Smells awful. Tørrfisk can be kept for years. As long as it's kept dry. Whenever you are in the mood for lutefisk, just get the tørrfisk from wherever you have stored it. Submerge the hard, dead, dried, smelly fish in caustic soda and leave it for 24 hours. The smell doesn't improve, but at least it becomes soft. (What doesn't become soft after a day in caustic soda?) 'This must be wrong!' you might think. But no, this is how it is done. When the fish looks gooey, heat it in warm water. Do not boil it, mind you. Boiling makes it rubbery, and you don't want that, it's bad enough as it is. And that's it! You have made yourself lutefisk.

Damn! Operating on the "rest days are a waste of time" principle, eh?

quote: Originally posted by trask: I have a boa constrictor and a 5 cell mag. Read it and weap!! Bah. The Doctor wanted the five, but Fred Meyer had the 3 on sale, and it came with a 3 c-cell, too. A value pack, as they say. And snakes smell like snake shit.

Two chickens walk into a bar. The first one orders a can of beans, the second one orders a rum and coke. A few minutes later, a horse walks in, sits down at the bar, and orders a beer. The horse finishes his beer , looks over at the chickens, and says " ... [ 09-11-2002, 05:03 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

Ridge Rest? Ha! Foolish high-on-legal-marijuana Canadian! That's the beginnings of some sort of alien technology cryo-bio-hyper-suspension cocoon device. Ridge Rest ... puh-leeeeez!

This is not a double post. [ 09-10-2002, 12:41 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

quote: Originally posted by Dr. Ben Krazy: What a bozo. This from the man with the clown pic ...

quote: Originally posted by Dru: Who is this person and why is he unconscious? This person is clearly Fox Mulder. A cursory examination of the evidence in the picture reveals a small UFO in the foreground near Agent Mulder's right hand, which is a sure sign that something is afoot. Also evident is the weapon used to unconsciousify Mr. Mulder, which is the large stick seen just above his head. We can also tell he must have been clobbered fairly forcefully, as his boots have come off; one of which can be seen near his left elbow, the other of which may have landed somewhere out of the frame of this photo. The event must have taken place in the morning, as we can see a large plastic bag near Mulder's head, which is obviously for picking up canine excrements, an activity commonly associated with the walking of one's dog, which typically takes place in the morning.

"Can you name one substance or object that CANNOT kill you if used improperly or travelling at high enough velocity?" How about ? [ 09-11-2002, 05:01 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

It's true. Some bastards stole the Doctor's ride a few years ago, and sure enough, when the pigs finally turned it up a month later, the tape deck was still in it. About a hundred and fifty cassettes, however, were apparently fair game.

[ 09-10-2002, 03:19 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

quote: Originally posted by Greg W:

quote: Originally posted by Dru: i wonder how laughably bad Kurt's attempt to be a DJ ("Dj Highball" ) will be. word up Kurt! you still cool with the shit on the streetz these days? mad props to your crew? Of course, 99% of the DJ's plaguing the nation these days are middle-class white folks as well. Kurt's hardly blazing a new, crackeriffic trail into what was once the realm of black, inner-city hip hoppers. Of course, DFA isn't exactly looking forward to this DJ crap, either. Blasted repetetive, trendoid crap. There's no fucking reason for those songs to last more than about 30 seconds, at which poing you've already heard the beats and samples repeated about 10 times. You can't turn around in Portland anymore without bumping into some headphones-sporting chump with a crate of records. Were there this many wankers clamoring to start bands when they invented the electric guitar? Fuckin' ridiculous, mang. [ 09-10-2002, 02:13 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

quote: Originally posted by iain: Is that cotton candy by his head? Gah! Didn't you read Dr. Flash Amazing's preliminary forensic analysis of the photo? It's a bag of dog shit, man! Sheesh ...

So, who's going to pay 13 bucks for a quarterly magazine and read bunch of articles about climbs that Rock & Ice and Climbing covered months ago? Silly millionaire. He needs to resurrect Sport Climbing Connection, dammit!

The Doctor heard one like that monkey joke, but it was part of a humorous triad, told by a visiting Australian. Also included here is one bonus joke, which is not part of the triad, but makes fun of Australians. Okay, here we go: Q. Why did the koala fall out of the tree? A. Because he was dead. Q. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? A. Because he was holding on to the first one. Q. Why did the third koala fall out of the tree? A. Because he thought they were playing follow the leader! Q. Why do Australians call their beer Four-X? A. Because they can't spell "beer!"

quote: Originally posted by Figger Eight: What do you call a broken boomerang? A stick.

"Handouts do not work (not in the U.S., anyway). People need to EARN a living and invest in themselves. WHy should I GIVE my hard-earned money to some shmoe sitting on his ass? That is highly offensive to me. Peace, Dru. Greg W" What makes you think poor automatically = lazy? Poor people have to bust ass just so they can stay poor and not wind up homeless. That minimum wage shit sets people up for having to work all day at one lame-ass job, take the bus for an hour across town and pull another shift at some other lame-ass job. Lazy it ain't. Shit, even homeless people are always on the move, looking for cans, scrounging for food, sparing for change, trying to get in at shelters or the food line, trying to find a place to sleep.

quote: Originally posted by Fence Sitter: yeah bug...before unions bla bla bla...but now... all union leaders do is agitate otherwise content workers so that their pockets are lined with cash...true in the days of N. American sweatshops unions were necessary... but now they hinder our now stuggling economy... thanks proffesor, but i think you need to go back to school before you give lectures that you know nothing about... Yeah, it's unions that are really damaging to the economy. Dr. Flash Amazing has seen enough lazy fuckers using union membership as an excuse to do shabby work to not be a balls-out union supporter, but the fact that Joe Blow can get a job at corporation like UPS earning a near-living wage and getting pretty decent benefits points to their utility as well. But the Doctor digresses. The economy is pretty fucked, but DFA would guess that shitbrick companies like Enron and their little accounting shenanigans skewering of the public's already shaky trust in the stock market has been a lot more detrimental to our economy than the unions. And hey, just imagine if the millions (billions?) of dollars those oh-so-honorable CEO's had been swindling had wound up in workers' pockets! Any idea how far that kind of money would go toward getting the average check-to-check worker on their feet financially, and back to injecting money in the economy? You want a scapegoat? Try corporate greed, pal.

quote: Originally posted by Fence Sitter: 38 sucks Uh, DFA will take "Trask's daily work quota" for 400, Alex.

"allison turn off your TV and get your own opinion... why professor are they poor then? my dad was ppor...and he's not now cause he has ambition... i will never be poor nor will the majority of those who dare to work and work hard. you see the american dream is not to jerk off and get paid by the government for it...it is to work hard to make your dreams come true...i am doing it and if your dreams are to be poor then you will be poor...if you dream to be well off that too will be the case...you may not be a millionre, but you wont have to worry about food on the table..." Your example is definitely the exception to the rule, and your rhetoric about "dreams coming true" (gag the Doctor with a fucking tongue depressor ... puh-leez!) is about as After School Special as it gets. You think the hordes of people who can barely afford those 33-cent loaves of air bread at Safeway don't dream of getting out of their poverty shithole? Give DFA a fucking break. There's a hell of a lot more involved in whether someone is poor and stays poor than their ambition. Throw in a child or two, injuries or illness, addictions, etc., and your minimum wage job isn't going to be doing a whole lot for you.

Bollocks. Dr. Flash Amazing hasn't a garage to be ransacked. Try the basement next time, but watch out for spiders and a three D-cell Mag Lite on your skull.